The secret Addictions nobody mentions

When you think of the word addiction what comes to mind?

Do you automatically think of those who are drug addicts, alcoholics, smokers, gamblers or even sex addicts?

But what about those more..subtle addictions, which gnaw away your life the same way, yet unnoticed and untreated…not recognised… no support..because you can’t be the same as them. 

 

We like to separate us and them whether that is to make us feel better or just to trick ourselves into denial…that there is nothing wrong with…

Playing too many video games…the game addict…

Taking multiple selfies a day and posting it on social media..facebook..instagram..snap chat…social media addict

Doing nothing but study everyday and all day….the study addict

Working non-stop for weeks on end without a single break in between… the workaholic

There is so many addictions out there..I can’t even think of the name of it?

 

What we fail to realise is that these unrecognised addictions can slowly ebb and destroy our lives…our careers..our health…our friendships and our sanity.

Those who stay cooped up in their rooms all day may not have many friends…poor hygiene…most likely low vitamin d levels from staying indoors all days…back problems..eye problems…Life is more than a game. Open your eyes and see the real world around you that you have neglected.

Those who are ‘addicted’ to their phones…they don’t realise there are people in front of them. Everything is about taking the perfect photos…the selfies…they don’t care about living in the moment, but just how the moment  looks in a photo. It gives them a false sense of security..that I have friends..that I look pretty…that I need to show the world that I am happy, successful and beautiful. But inside we are empty and alone. It stems from our insecurity and it can become an addiction hard to break…as peers pressure peers to join them in their addiction. How many of us can resist not looking at our phone multiple times a day? It’s hard to imagine how life was like before we all got mobile phones…

Those who do nothing but study all day are similar..people think that this is okay..this is better than then playing games all day~ but they never develop any social skills..they cannot fare well in the real world…when they finally realise that they need to work with others..they do not know how… social life? What’s that? Then those in Asia who have been pressured by tiger parents to do well…school..cram school..home work…wake up and repeat. Is that living? Life is more than just study and the pressure that has mounted to kids have led many students to take their lives in Japan and China.

Then there are those who grow up and then become addicted to working. That can’t be bad right? What is so bad about being hard-working? Isn’t that what we strive for? If you look at countries like Japan, the working population are working 12 hour days, 6 or 7 days a week. This has led to a decrease in in birth rates and the population is growing smaller and smaller as who has time to look after kids, have babies when working such long hours? It seems like no one even has time to date! People aren’t happier when they are stressed. Over working comes at a price, the animator for the popular series Naruto Kazunori Mizuno was found to have died from over work.  The Japanese even have a name for deaths from overwork, it’s just that common, this word is karoshi and it characterises death that is from stress, heart attack and a starvation diet. 

 

 Have a think about what you could be addicted to and not even realise… 

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The definition of things- What does it mean to cheat ? (in a relationship)

This is a new series of posts that I will be starting on that I will focus on defining the undefined…There are so many murky  grey areas of life, where it is not black and white…

And the first one being..

“What does it mean to cheat in a relationship?”

So in a random (slightly biased) ask of a few of my friends who hopefully won’t judge me..I poised to them this question and the answers I got were far and wide..

There was no consensus that was reached..but the most common answers I got were:

-When you hide the fact that you are talking/meeting to someone else behind your partners back, i.e. you lie about it.

-You have other intentions with people that you are not in a relationship with.

-You talk to that person more than you significant other (SO)

-Kissing, holding hands or sex with someone other than your SO

Where it became kinda grey :

Is thinking about someone else sexually..tempted??

What about porn? Sex workers? Actors? Who do stuff you normally wouldn’t do with others?

Coz it’s ur job, does it not count?

Emotional or physical cheating?

Where does the line begin and the other end?

Is it blurred?

What are your thoughts?

The difficulties and barriers in disclosing a mental illness to others

Hey I am finally back,

sorry for the long hiatus.. I’ll be a bit more freer for the next two months, until the exam results come out and then which I will start the cycle all over again and prepare for the next exam in March 2019. Persistence and resilience or is it stupidity and foolishness? It’s not clear any more.

Anyways, hope you guys have been well.

Today I would like to discuss why it is so hard to discuss Mental Health…There is more “awareness” of it, but I feel very much so, people are still hiding it and are still afraid. Just like how the homosexuals are more welcome, many still hide their sexual preferences for fear of stigma. People with mental health issues want to pretend that they are normal, they fear people will treat them differently if they disclose…or that they will be afraid/mean or spread rumours.

People can be so mean and cruel, by the things they say intentionally or unintentionally.

To be honest, things like “Mental Health Awareness Month” or “RU OK” days…to me its just “Going through the actions” …no one is going to disclose to you their hidden secret of 10 years of struggling with suicidal thoughts, just coz u asked them if they “R OKAY?”

I suspect the real answer they would give. “Yeah I am fine.” – Hiding, because it takes a lot of courage and strength to admit to someone you are struggling and even more to admit you need  help.

 

I believe through developing our existing relationships better to facilitate more open relationships will instead help build a more caring environment around us so that less people will feel so isolated and alone.

 

From experience, once someone opens up to you or you to them, you will realise that so many of the things you fear, experience and have gone through, is more common than you think. Your brain tells you, YOU are the only one going through this trial and that NOONE else understands, BUT the truth is, if you reach out, you will find others who DO understand. …

 

So why not give it a try?

 

If it’s hard to open up in person to those around you, I see no harm in posting in trusted mental health websites like Beyond Blue or Black Dog Institute. Even on the Mighty websites I have read so many articles that describe situations just like mine, I believe if you start realising that others have gone through, and managed things before you, their wealth of knowledge and experience can be a very valuable thing to have.

 

Take care ,

 

Love and Joy

#22 How to understand how someone feels like to be depressed

A common question I suppose that people that do not have mental illnesses may ask, is..
“How could someone be so stupid to hurt themselves?”

“Don’t be silly, you wouldn’t do that to yourself!”

“How can you be so selfish…thinking about yourself all the time?”.

“Don’t you know by trying to kill yourself, you will make us be sad?”

People who don’t understand mock and make fun of vulnerable people…and yet people wonder why there are so many people that are hurting inside and are afraid to show it…suicidal and people who self-harm are scared..often they don’t want to bring attention to themselves.

Well meaning people that love someone suicidal…make them say ..

“Promise me you will never do that again?”

Do you know what I think that means to me?

If I get suicidal thoughts, I won’t tell you …because I can see how sad it makes you and how upset it makes you…

People who want to end their lives, don’t do it because they want to hurt those who love them around them…they want to lessen the burden that those around them feel..

Often they know they are worried about them…and want to remove that  burden from them

Sometimes perhaps no one cares about them and no one would care that they died.

Each case it is different…but most often or not…they just want an end to their suffering…

When getting up each day is a struggle…why would you get up at all? When each day feels meaningless, bleak , hopeless and painful…Why would you want to face the day?

When a simple task like brushing your teeth takes you an hours to get the energy for it…why even bother?

Showering…SO HARD

Eating…SO MUCH EFFORT

I know to some this sounds like “laziness” but this can also be called “depression”.

Before you judge someone else for being “lazy”…why don’t you ask them “How are you doing…honestly?”

 

The world is full of judgmental people…where are all the nice people gone?

Sometimes…we are hurting so much inside…wearing that mask all the time..no one knows how you feel..

Others only notice that you aren’t talking to them as much..

But they don’t really want to know how you are…they just talk to you so that they can talk about themselves. I am sure we are all guilty of it at some stage…but like when it’s like that all the time…the time and energy that we already don’t have…is expended on you…it sucks all energy that is remaining.

So sorry, if I don’t seem like I care about your problems…however, trivial or serious they may be. I need my cup to be full before I can fill yours. I feel like I am lying through my teeth when I try to cheer you up, when I am so down myself.

I care, I just need to care about my self too.

Sorry #notsorry

#21 How to understand how someone with a Mental illness feels going to work

I believe most people don’t like going to work…getting up early when its cold outside? No thanks! But, for those with mental illnesses, it can be torture and takes all their strength and energy to get out of bed. A typical day for me in the past in a retail pharmacy job would be something like this…before I decided to finally get help…

The thought of making small talk with people you might not really like or know is tortuous. Thinking of who will be in the lunchroom with you during lunch time is daunting too. What if your boss asks to speak to you?

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The struggle to leave the bed

Maybe you should just stay home today?? But, we can’t do that! That means explaining to your boss that you don’t feel week and that’s lying and what if they fire you? You can’t tell them you have a mental illness, they won’t care, they won’t understand, they will judge you and label you as crazy, they will think you are faking a sickie. No one is going to hire you. You worked so hard to find this job. You thought that you could join a place that is ‘against discrimination’, but we all know that the stigma still exists. It is safer to be quiet, to be silent and to fight the battle alone …for as long as you can.

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You count the seconds that you can get home

But today, it’s different, the depression comes back…it’s always been there…but you have been fighting it. You are barely able to muster enough strength to go to work. You’ve done it before, you can do it again. Counting down the hours, minutes and seconds till you are back in the comfort of your bed. Where you are safe, where no one can harm you, bully you and make you feel like you are nothing. You don’t know if you are overreacting or if it’s the depression.

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Lying that you are Fine

On the off chance, someone might ask you how you are. “I am fine thanks. Just tired” That’s the best you can come with. If they ask “Why are you tired?” …”Oh, couldn’t sleep”…Due to my racing thoughts of suicide and anxiety. But you can’t say that, can you? They are being ‘nice’, but hey I am not going to unload to some stranger…Work really isn’t the place for that. I think. Please don’t look at me. I don’t want people to notice my sadness. I don’t want to be noticed, I just want to pretend everything is okay. I don’t think you really care.

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You are not productive at work

You are surprised you haven’t broken down on the floor crying. You hold back the tears. You feel guilty…There are sicker people who come to get medicine for all sorts of terrible diseases, yet they are still smiling. Yet you, faking that smile, feel like you are dying inside. So many people are on anti-depressants, but I don’t want to get help…what is work finds out? I work full-time…there’s no time to go see a doctor or a psychologist. These things are bloody expensive as well! No one can help me. It’s just a phase…I will get better on my own. I can’t wait for the weekend so I can sleep through it.

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I can’t deal with small issues

When something small doesn’t go to plan, I just can’t problem solve anymore. I feel like there’s no alternative, there is no way. I am going to get fired for not being able to solve this. I am afraid to ask someone for help, they are going to judge me and look at me like I am stupid. It’s all my fault…I don’t know how to fix this! Why am I so useless and dumb?

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My memory becomes like mush

My brain is constantly fighting with itself, flight or fight. My heart is racing and I am sweating. So nervous… I forget things easily, wait how many boxes of Sertraline do I need to order again? Was it 2 or 4? What was the password again? Oh, I left my keys in the car again. Oh, I also left my phone at home…Why I am so forgetful? Why am I stupid…repeat above. Why do I feel like I am going to cry over this small thing?

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I feel ugly and I hate my reflection

I can barely wake up in time to get to work, let alone care about how shi* I look. My hair is a mess, it’s too long, but I can’t bring myself to get a haircut. It’s too much effort. Who cares anyway? The makeup doesn’t even hide the eye bags due to the constant lack of sleep. I feel like I’ve grown older. I stare at the mirror… Who is that soulless person that stares back at me? I don’t even know her? Why does she look so sad? Why is she so ugly?

No one is going to like her.


I feel apathetic

The normal me, before I became severely depressed, was happy, outgoing and chatty. But when I started at this toxic workplace, I lost it all. I became someone who I didn’t know. I didn’t care about the patients that walked through the door, I couldn’t handle the rudeness with a smile anymore. I just froze and fought back tears. My resilience was gone. The terror of the increasing number of mistakes made the anxiety worse. It made me even slower and made people doubt my abilities even more. I get taunted by the bully, “You are too slow! Why are you so useless?” You don’t need to tell me, I already know.

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The depression makes you stay where you are because it feels even scarier to change

Familiar is not always good. When you stay in a toxic situation, it’s like being in a room full of Carbon Monoxide, it will slowly kill you. The depression lies to you, the bullies lie to you, you can move. You are more than their taunts, you are more than what you think you are. But you don’t know this. You only find out when you leave the toxic place and realise, that a good workplace might exist.

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Well, that’s all the blabber from me today.

I am sure there are benefits from working, income, kill time, learn things and make friends…That can be another post.

Sorry for the emo post! Sorry not sorry.

Joy to the World

#20 How to isolate yourself from social media

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I took part in an experiment which measured the use of social media in a week, my randomised action was that I had to delete the Instagram app on my phone and not use it for a week. Though I was tempted a few times, I quickly asked my self, is it necessary to show the world where you are? What you are eating? Who you are with?

After some deliberation, I think not. So why do people like to post so many selfies of their face on Instagram?

I found the answer on this wonderful article on Loneliness here 26 Things People Don’t Realize You’re Doing Because You’re Feeling Lonely: *Recommend you to read!*. This is also a link to some ‘brutally  honest’ statuses on facebook…35 Brutally Honest Facebook Statuses

I have to admit, I didn’t realise that I was so lonely, until I deleted a lot of my apps, Facebook, Whatsapp, Youtube, Instagram and realised this is the way we ‘communicate’ with some many people. It is what connects us? Yet, also tears us apart. Is there going to be anyone who wants to meet up with me to catch up instead of sending a message? Truly, I am not sure if the world is closer than before or even further away.

So many people are isolated and lonely…and they can sit in front of a computer or phone screen scrolling through the ‘happy’ snaps that their ‘friends’ are posting of their ‘family’, their ‘holiday’ or their latest ‘home’ that they bought. While I am not saying these things are bad, but do you know what you are doing? Are you trying to rub it into everyone else’s faces that you have it better than them? Are you even genuinely happy or do you just want attention?

As I said, I am full guilty of this…I am insecure, I want attention, I want to fool my self that my life is happier, more interesting and better than it is. I don’t want people to see me down, to see me sad or lonely, I feel like people would criticise me…belittle me.

Recently, I have realised that well-meaning ‘friends’ have offended me greatly.  I read a quote today,

It is easier to forgive an enemy than forgive a friend.

William Blake

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It is true though…because we actually care what our friends say and when they make us feel like shit without knowing it, you ask yourself are they even your real friend? They don’t know the struggles you are doing through and are insensitive bitches. This is why I boycotted pretty much all social media. I feel like I am dead, like hardly anyone talks to me now, except family and a few selected friends overseas through Line and Wechat. When did our world become so involved in facebook? Instagram? Snap Chat? When we leave it, it’s like we are dead and forgotten in the world. When we meet someone new, we don’t ask for phone numbers or emails anymore, no we ask for Facebook accounts. SO what if I don’t have one? Are we not going to keep in touch?

It feels weird sending someone a text and them not replying and you not knowing if they have ‘seen it’…but what can we do?

Man, I am getting so hyped up typing this.

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So…. back on topic…how do you isolate yourself from social media? Just delete your apps, log out, delete and deactivate your accounts. Hopefully, those that you are actually close to, will call your phone or send you a text.

Addiction to social media is draining, stupid, harmful and time-consuming. It can definitely lead to FOMO and low self-esteem. Live life how you want to live it and stop looking at what everyone else is doingwhat happened to human interaction? When did we become part robots with phones attached to our hands?

Joy to the World-

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Article Recommendation!

Hi,

I just read an article which helped put into words some of the things that I really want to say. Though it is not written by someone in Australia, some of the things the author experienced, I too experienced myself while trying to navigate my way in the mental health sector in Australia. If you have about 10-15 minutes, please read this article! It is quite long, but very detailed, personal and emotionally interesting. She details how (and I am also guilty of it), how mental illness has became somewhat ‘mainstream’ as in people are talking about it, but the thing is the mental health sector isn’t keeping up. There are massive waiting lists for help, the costs involved are great and the medications are expensive. When we tell someone that there is a lot of help available, is there really? I feel like we have come a lonnnng way from a 10 years ago, but there is still A LOT that can be done.

‘It’s nothing like a broken leg’: why I’m done with the mental health conversation –Hannah Jane Parkinson

Here’s so quotes from the article to bait you in!

“It’s never been easier to open up – but hashtag healthcare doesn’t help people like me…”

“Throwing a ball of wool to one another in a circle might be helpful for some people, but it absolutely wasn’t for me…”

“Amy Winehouse, voice of a goddamn goddess. We’ll allow. Kathy, 54, works at Morrisons. Not so much..”

“Enough awareness has been raised. We – the public, health professionals, politicians – need to make our actions count”

Let me know what you thought of the article in the comments! (if you want)..!

Take care,

 

Be- Joy-Filled

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#18 How to be yourself

This is one of the most used statements I have heard recently, what does it actually even mean to be yourself? What if you don’t even know who you truly are?  That’s a scary thought and I think it is one that many ask themselves privately.

I grew up being a little odd and my mother often called me stubborn. Other girls made fun of my hair and people at church talked about me and my obsession with black clothes and fingernails. But, back when I was younger, I didn’t really care what others thought, I just wanted to be left alone and do things that I wanted to.

It is funny how, as I grew up, I became less of myself and more like those around me. I really look up to my sister and sometimes my mum…I always thought, why can’t I be more like them? They have lot’s of friends, they are always going out to parties and social gatherings, they know how to do makeup and style their hair etc…I don’t know how to do anything and I hate going out with people… So eventually, I tried to change my style, I tried being outgoing, I tried paying more attention to the way I looked and talked…

I kind of lost my self along the way, but then again did I even know who I was? When I liked black…okay obsessed with the colour black, was I trying to copy my favourite gothic Jrock band members and back then emo was cool..But who was I really? I didn’t have any knowledge of who I am. The reality is, that the concept of ‘ourselves’ is always changing and it should change as we grow wiser with age). 

I am sure your parents have taught you not to do this and not to do that so that you fit in. At the same time, some parents (not mine), would also want their child to stand out from the crowd! In terms of grades, music and other achievements, they want their child to be the best and also fit in with their peers. It sounds like a recipe for conflicting values…Growing up sounds hard, can I stay a kid forever? 

The purpose of this post is to help you realise (and myself) who you really are by identifying some morals and values that you stand by…

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1. Take some to learn more about yourself 
It sounds weird, but sometimes you might not know yourself as well as you think you do! Sometimes those closest around us are able to see us for who we are, better than we can. We may have distorted representations of ourselves, like an inflated ego or have low-esteem and see ourselves as we really aren’t. It definitely helps to have people around you to remind you of who you are and what you stand for. Maybe start with listing out the morals and values that you stand for and believe in, you can find these out by examining what you do in a week or day and get to know yourself.

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2. Don’t compare yourself to other people
I believe the only time you should compare yourself to someone else, is when you are inspired to be more like them. You also shouldn’t compare yourself to others to feel good about yourself, what good does it make? Do you remember that quote by someone that said, “The only time you should look down on others is when you are helping them up?” …be that person who uplifts and encourages instead of pushing them down. Life is already hard enough, why make other people’s lives harder?

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3. Don’t try to be friends with everyone
I know this sounds like it goes against the bible and such, but just because you aren’t friends, it doesn’t mean you hate them. You just don’t need to be friends with everyone! They can be acquaintances or people you know, no one said you had to be best friends. There are bound to be people in this world that just hate you or you just have this vibe that they are not good people…and it’s okay NOT to try to be friends them. I don’t know about you, but I’ve been trying not to be fake just to get along with people. I don’t think the effort is worth trying to be friends with everyone, coz no matter what I do, as Taylor Swift said…haters gonna hate. Let’s get Swifty!!!!!

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4. Learn to say No
Does this instruction sound familiar? I wrote a whole blog about this here and I will just reinforce a few points. If you feel like you are being forced to do something you don’t agree with, because everyone is- then you are not being true to your own morals and beliefs. You aren’t being true to yourself! Ask yourself, do these people really respect your autonomy to make a decision? You should remember you have a free-will and are able to say NO to things you don’t want to do, within reason of course…unfortunately we still have to pay tax and our bills *Tear*.

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5. Don’t let being worried about what people will think to stop you from doing the things you are passionate about!
That was a long sentence…! Well, what I mean is, if you really want to learn hip-hop dancing classes, but everyone else if not interested and thinks it’s stupid and would rather do something else instead. DO you A. back out because you don’t want to be alone and do the other thing that they wanted instead. or B. Don’t give a sheet and just go to those hip-hop classes anyways!#SoloYOLO. I like that quote 😀 I used to feel like I needed people to do new things and go to places with me, now I just prefer it. I am still quite awkward when going to new places myself, no doubt…but I have been doing that and I have found it quite rewarding because I force myself to make new friends that I may not have it I had stuck to my own friends. So, don’t let fear stop you from doing those things you really want to! Take a step of faith and be all you can be! (Much easier said than done I know)…

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Anyways,

 

That’s all from me, I hope you guys can work on knowing yourself more and being truer to yourself. No one likes fake people and no one should have to put on an act all the time, it is tiring and eventually, hat mask may slip. So why not be yourself today?

Till next time,

 

Be Joyful~

 

 

#17 How to deal with controlling people

Hi All,

Hope you have been keeping warm in this insanely cold winter ( in Adelaide :(). I am currently wearing 4 layers of clothing and a scarf to keep myself warm…!
Anyways, a topic came up among some of my friends in regards to “Controlling behaviours” in their relationships with their parents in particular, but I know it can also happen in relationships between significant others or even friends. It can lead to you feel entrapped in a snare of someone else and it doesn’t feel good at all 😦

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It could also be a controlling boss, parent or kid that is messing your life up…and it IS hard to deal with because they mean something to you and you have to somehow deal with their behaviour.  So basically, from what I have read on the internets, we cannot control the way they behave, BUT they believe they are able to control the way we behave. No one has full control over someone else, so it is like this, even if you point a gun to someone’s head and tell them to “SAY THEY LOVE YOU”, they don’t have to, they have a choice to die instead, but most of the time I guess they would just listen..maybe..

So, often for the person being controlled, I don’t want to call them a victim, but I guess they might feel that way? Which is not good! You are allowing other people to walk all over you. I’ve been bullied in high school and in the workplace and I know how bad it can be and how hard it is to stand up to bullies…I wish I was an expert at dealing with bullies and controlling people, but I am not… I have also been guilty of being somewhat a bully/controlling person to my younger brother, in primary school, and in some relationships. I guess what goes around comes around?

But anyways, no point living in the past, that is in the past and now is a new future which we shall build for ourselves, to not be controlling and not be controlled!

So, I have mentioned before that we need to realise:

1. We belong to no one in particular and it is important to develop our own self-worth.

While being in relationships are great and all, you also need to know who you are and what you like. Don’t feel peer-pressured to doing what everyone else is doing just because you want to fit in all the time. Know that it is okay to do things that you like alone-hey it is even better to make new friends this way.-Forcing yourself out of your comfort zone.

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2. Know that dependent on one person is not good-Strive for Independence

If someone forces you to rely on them for everything, that is not a good position to be FOR YOU. What happens if that person dies the next day? You won’t know how to do anything, because they NEVER taught you, because they wanted you to depend on them. IT’S BAD! Even if that person never teaches you, LEARN TO TEACH YOURSELF! YouTube, ask others for help and advice and if its a workplace, probably best to move workplace. They might think they are doing you a favor by doing everything and not teaching you anything, but they are not, they are sabotaging your future as someone that is independent and CAPABLE. They are looking down on you and not helping you up. Sometimes parents may do this unknowingly, but your child is not going to grow up properly, they might be a child for the rest of their lives 😦

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3. Make some plans to improve your position in this controlling relationship

This may mean that you may need a break from that relationship for awhile until you get stronger or think if this relationship is worth it. This can be particularly hard for significant others or Parent-Child relationships…This is why it is important to start planning early, if you lack the funds to move out from your parent’s home, look for a job and start saving up and plan to move out! Ask friends about places to rent and start looking at properties etc. Sometimes distance from that controlling person, helps you realise how suffocated you actually are and how sweet freedom tastes.

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4. Be the bigger person-Age is just a number and experience is subjective

I have been in the situation where I was belittled for being young and inexperienced. I think this is particularly a big thing for people from Asia, they believe that wisdom always comes with age. Some are stubborn and refuse to accept that maybe young people may be right and they aren’t always right…Sigh…It’s hard to communicate with Asian people with their traditional ways of doing things…sure as a kid I didn’t know any better and also believed that Tiger balm heals everything! But, now having completed my 5 year program to become a Registered Pharmacist, I know many things that can help a migraine instead of rubbing Tiger Balm on my head…though maybe the placebo effect is still important… ANYWAY, back on topic. It is good to still be respectful in the way you act towards controlling people, be the bigger person. This doesn’t mean you have to agree with everything they say, but you don’t need to escalate and fight back with spiteful words, you don’t want to sink to their level. Good guys always win in the end right?

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5. Do your best to negotiate and bring in a mediator/therapist if needed! 

If all else fails, you might need to get someone to help you communicate! An emotionally intelligent individual/close friend may be able to help. If not, a good therapist may help to restore or help resolve certain issues between two people. Looking back at my experiences of being bullied, I can see people who were insecure about themselves and wanted to bully those they felt they were better to feel better about themselves. They projected their own insecurities onto someone else and hence felt some sort of enjoyment in that.  A psychologist could help them come to terms with their own problems and that hence stops the bullying or controlling nature- in an ideal world.

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Like I said, I don’t think I am an expert in this area, but this article was quite helpful in helping me get ideas for this post: Wiki-How to cope with a controlling parent. A really good anime movie I would recommend would be “A silent voice”-which touches on the bullying behaviours of high school kids, a really good watch!

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Anyways, if you guys have any experiences you would like to share, please comment below!

Take care and good luck!

xoxo

Joy

#16 How to have more control over your life

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Well, recently I have been thinking more and reflecting on what it means to be an “adult”. As Wong Fu’s video on adulting put it as it is about having control over your life and not letting life control you basically. Life is like a game, you need to have control over your player (i.e. you).

I thought that makes sense! But I hadn’t really thought about it much deeper than that…What does it mean to actually have control over your life? I mean, isn’t there a bigger person up there who does all that for us anyway?

I have had a bit of brainstorm and have been reflecting on a few habits that I have picked up lately in my quest to become a proper adult.

1. Control over the use of my time

Putting this first because lately, I have started realising how much time I ‘waste’ on staring at my phone and laptop. More so phone… I think I have an addiction to my phone 😦 While there is no drug or cure for this condition yet, so I have had to take matters into my own hands and decide to set limits on how much I am allowed to use my phone, especially when I am in my bed…

Rules that I have set for myself include, timing how long I spend each night or day using my phone in my bed and recording it on a piece of paper. I have also deleted certain apps and accounts for some social media sites in an attempt to curve my addiction, this includes saying goodbye to my original facebook account and my YouTube mobile app… Not to mention they also kill my data ..R.I.P

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2. Set limits to what time you want to be out of bed and in bed each night…and stick to it as much as you can!

For me, as I am pretty lenient on myself. I usually am up around 7 or 8 am, but I stay in bed for half-an-hour and a half longer…using my phone ..yup so bad. So I have decided to stick a limit of 9am being the latest I can lie in my bed! The latest I want to be in bed is by 1 am… !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hopefully, I can make my sleeping time earlier…It helps setting alarms to not only wake you up but also to remind you to sleep.

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3. Record your spending

I have touched on spending and saving more in another post about “How to Save Money when you don’t have any” and one of the things I had mentioned was that I like to keep a log of everything that I spent money on. So petrol for the car, groceries, gym membership fees, phone bills and everything else. The cool thing about the app (I use Pocket Expense-which is free), is that is has a budget you can set on certain things. However, I do often go over my budgets, but its all a learning process!

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4. Record what you eat

 I only recently downloaded an app that lets you record down your meals, it is pretty cool! I haven’t been logging everything as of yet, but I think it is a good idea to have an idea of what you are eating every day and see what sort of nutrition you are lacking or bad food that you can cut out or reduce to enable you to have a healthier life.

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5. Keep a health diary or a diary at least…

I love diaries and I love blogs! These things enable us to look back in time and remember what things caused what. You can use it to record how many times a month you had a headache, record when your period is (or get an app like I do) and just other stuff…you know emotional stuff too. When you see things for what it really is, it helps you know yourself and the way your body and mind work better.

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6. Have a plan and goal for each day

Do you ever feel like you achieved nothing in a day? Well, head over to the other blog post about how to stop procrastination at it’s worst. Having a clear goal or sense of what you want to achieve in a day, leaves you feeling satisfied and will help you towards your bigger goal in the long run, it also helps you be more disciplined and feel more in control.

7. Make time for the things yourself, the things you love and the people you love

When you are trying to achieve presidency or trying to reach Mars, it can be easy to forget those that are around you or those still on Earth. Don’t forget to schedule in quality time with your loved ones and for doing the things you love. It is not the best feeling in the world to get to Mars and realise that you have no one to share that incredible news with. Don’t forget to #LOVE YOURSELF

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8. Make time to look after your body to do EXERCISE 

Exercise is super important and you shouldn’t neglect its valuableness as a natural anti-depressant and mood lifter! It is important for your physical and mental health that you do exercise regularly. Apple watches, Fitbits, and other fitness apps are making it easier to do and plan workouts! They also make it more fun by making it more interactive and competitive (who did the most steps this week?)

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9. Know who your true friends and fake friends are

Who is there when you are not at your best or at your peak? Who calls you for help and then when you need them, they don’t pick up? Take time to develop and cultivate close connections with those that you treasure. A good friend is really hard to find and is more precious than a pearl…I think I requoted a bible verse here =s?

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10. Allow yourself to be random and uncontrolled…once in a blue moon!

It is okay to have one day where you sleep into like 5pm or a cheat day every now and then. Life isn’t meant to be all serious and adult. When we embrace our inner child, it is a beautiful thing…But as an adult, we can’t be like that all the time…At some stage, we have to put back on our adult mask and trudge on with our healthy food and those squats.

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I am sure there are many other ways we can have more control over our lives….so if you have any suggestions, leave your comments below! 

 

Other than that, take care and I will see you next time!

 

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#15 How to be a humble person

I am not sure about you, but I dislike arrogant people… I mean true they may have done some great things, but by boasting about it- that does not leave a great impression of you on me as a person… Do you really need to boast about what you do? That makes me think you only did those things to boast about it. #rant

So I went to a volunteer induction day to become a First Aid Volunteer for events around my town, Adelaide…So a group of about 20 people, some students, some workers and some health professionals who were interested in volunteering with this not-for-profit organization were there. But there was one lady that kept interrupting the speaker with not one, not two, not even five, but like 10+ questions. It honestly felt like she was having a private conversation with the facilitator, making all of us wait in boredom. Okay, so some of the questions were fair enough, but then she started to make them super-personal about Herself… Plus she felt the need to tell us all about her life like we cared. I found out that she is an Enrolled Nurse (la-di-da I am sure there were Registered nurses, doctors and pharmacists (me!) in that room too that didn’t bother to tell everyone else…so shut up, please! She had to make a comment about everything single thing that guy showed us…He showed us the green whistle in the kit (like portable happy gas) and she was like “Whats that?” =.= because she wasn’t listening…then he was like…it’s the green whistle…and she’s like “OH THAT”… I highly doubt she knew what it was, I’ve dispensed it quite often for the medical centre doctor bags, so I knew but I pretended I didn’t because no one likes know-it-alls. GAWDDDDDDS that woman was super annoying…

I am sorry I am so angry at her for boring me tonight …anyways…It has inspired me to make this post on how to be HUMBLE. Show you are awesome and don’t just spray it. TENKS.

  1. Don’t think of yourself as better than anyone else. Everyone has a unique and special contribution that only they can make. You have probably heard that quote, “Don’t look down on anyone unless you are helping them up”. A good person and team player will see others as equals.
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  4. Good leaders will lead by example and not by dictatorship. A good leader is someone that is approachable and is also open to correction. No one is ALWAYS right and I think if someone cared to point out an error to you, thank them for being so honest and try to rectify that situation!
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  7. A humble person that is having a conversation with someone else doesn’t just talk about themselves the whole time, they are also super interested in the other person. I am not sure about you, but I’ve had friends who love talking about themselves and yeah I can spend a whole night/day learning everything about them, but they won’t ever find out anything about me, because they are too busy talking about themselves. It makes for a boring company when you spend time with them (unless you hate talking about yourself then its fine).
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  10. When talking to people in person, respect them! Give them eye contact, be interested in what they say and don’t play with your phone or cut them off.
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  13. Be early or try your best time to not be late when meeting people! I am still working on this…I think it’s time to get a new watch…Respect that their time is as valuable as yours!!
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  16. Always be open to learning and be a learner for life! Things are constantly changing and you have to keep up to date to stay in the game. If someone shows you a better way than yours to do something that makes it more efficient, safe or whatever, be humble and don’t just discount immediately what they have said, just because they are younger or a junior. Look to learn from others, whether those older or younger, they all have something to offer.
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  19. Admit that you are not perfect! None of us have never NOT messed up at one point. We all have! It is OKAY to make mistakes… as long as we learn from them and work on ways that we can be better…It takes humility to admit that we were WRONG and they were RIGHT…
  20. Give compliments and encouragement to others! Just because you are super good at something, doesn’t mean that you cannot encourage others to do the same…! You never know how much your kind words can make the day of someone else :)! #sharethelove
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  23. Be in nature, appreciate animals and small children! Isn’t that flower so intricately beautiful and perfect? Who created the corgi? Such cuteness in that fluffy butt! SO FLUFFFFFFFFFYY!! That kid’s smile is so adorable! Nature, kids, and animals can teach us so much if we are willing to learn from them.
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  26. Don’t compare yourself to others. There is always going to be someone else that is more beautiful, more talented at something that you are. Just be the best…YOU that you can be. Compare yourself to you from 5/10 years ago! You might not be where you want to be, but at least you aren’t where you were before.

Let’s all try to be a little more humble (myself included)! It’s a lifetime journey thing, so don’t feel bad if you aren’t there yet! At least we are on our way~!

Take care and stay humble bumble bees~!

#14 How to make hard big decisions

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I don’t know about you, but I personally think I am a very indecisive person. I take a longggggg time to make a decision and even after I think I have made it, doubts come to my mind and I start to question myself.

I think this all comes down to me thinking life is black and white and that opportunities only once and that this might be it. This kind of thinking doesn’t help in my opinion, you never know when a door that you weren’t expecting to be opened is opened…

Anyway, enough rambling about my indecisiveness and let’s go through what sort of steps and questions you should be asking yourself when faced with a major (or minor decision). Would you like chocolate on top of your ice cream? 

  1. If someone asks you to make a big decision, ask if you can have some time to think about it before giving them an answer. This could be things like “WILL YOU MARRY ME?”,  “We would like to offer you this opportunity to work for us”, or even “Buy this limited edition BTS sweater and only pay for the shipping!”. Asking or taking time to think over a decision allows you to weigh up the pros and cons about that thing.
  2. So as mentioned, make a list of pros and cons of each thing you are deciding and really wrack your brains ( and someone else’s-if you have friends) about all the different pros and cons. Usually, you will have one list that has more pros and cons and that might be the best option for you.
  3. If you have someone that you are close to, share with them and discuss your options with you. Having some fresh insight from someone you respect can give you the perspective that you might not have thought of or having them be behind you can make you more confident in your decisions.
  4. Think about you end goals or the vision or place you want to get to at the end. What is going to help you get there and what might make it harder to get there? Sometimes, this might mean giving up something you really want, just because right now might not be the right timing. It’s like that experiment where children were given one marshmellow in front of them, they were told, “You can choose to have one marshmellow now, OR you can wait 10 minutes (or however long) and you can 10 marshmellows but you can’t eat the one in front of you now. If you put it like that, it will help you make that tough decision of doing something that benefits you in the long wrong but it is painful at the moment. YOU JUST WANT TO EAT THAT MARSHMELLOW THAT IS in front you-but no, you be patient and just wait for something that is coming.
  5. Live a life of no regrets! It is better to have tried, rather than not have tried. try not to stereotype every situation into something you have experienced before. For example, if you worked in a really bad environment in the past- you might take that experience into every other job that feels similar. Let go, learn and remember to keep trying new things and never stop.

    Anyways, time to write out my pros and cons for the big decision I need to make this week.

If you are in Australia, keep warm and dry!

The question of the day: Is there a big decision that you need to make soon?

Take care,

 

Joy

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#13 How to get a JOB and ace an interview

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So, for those who know me, I’ve recently been applying for jobs…I really want to work now-to travel overseas *drools* #Traveltheworldgoals!!!!!But yes, I can’t go without having money…So this week I was fortunate enough to have not ONE but TWO interviews…and I am no expert at interviews, but I have been to a fair few and all some of the different types.So I’ve decided to put together some tips of mine to help search for a job and how to ace an interview! (Or at least get hired). They are in no particular order.

  1. Get a haircut…and some new smart casual clothes. I mean it has been said that it’s not the clothes that make a person, but the clothes DO HELP. You need to dress appropriately for job interviews, you want to look good and if you look good, you will feel more confident. Black and white is usually a nice formal colour. Make sure your shoes are clean and match your clothes too!

2. Places that you can search for a job! I went to an information session which talked about how 80% of people got their job through non-conventional ways…i.e. Through people they know or in the “hidden” job market. Not all companies choose to advertise through websites like “Seek.COM” or “Career ONE”- though to be fair, a fair few of my jobs were found through there. Thinking about how I got some of my jobs, was through resume dropping at pharmacies or emailing companies who weren’t advertising and expressing my interest in working there with them. I also found a list of pharmacies (when searching for a part-time internship) and just called all of them and asked if they were hiring. It costs a lot of money to post job ads and I think most smaller companies cannot afford to do that or have the time to interview a large number of people.

3. I cannot stress how important it is to have experience– this not only includes working in a paid job but also in non-paid work. This can be work experience, internships or volunteer work. You got to put yourself out there, I mean most people don’t want to hire someone who has never worked a day in their life for a professional role right? Even if that job may not at first be completely related to what you studied you can gain useful skills such as communication, empathy, teamwork or just learning to work independently. It also shows that you care about your career and also you give back to the community-BONUS POINTS.

4. Okay, so you managed to find a job that you are interested in and you apply with your updated and polished resume- you have also checked that all your referees know that you are job hunting (just out of ourtesty)!  You have been asked to attend an interview! Unless the person hiring you has told you do not need to bring your resume, bring one…just in case. Always try to get there at least 15 minutes early! It’s better to have time to sit there, then have anxiety at being late. It shows that you are punctual, organised and an ADULT.

5. Have a nice professional black/brown bag, or borrow one for the interview. Don’t have like bells or anime key rings around it. You want to look professional and like a proper adult!

6. SHAKE the hand of the person who comes to get you for the interview. If you have been introduced to other people in the panel-shake all their hands and greet them one by one. This is super awkward for me, as I normally don’t shake people’s hands…but it means that you acknowledge their presence?

7. If they offer you a glass of water, take it! Because by sipping the water, it calms you down and gives you additional time to think about a question before they expect an answer.

8. Don’t try to be overconfident, while no one wants to hire someone that is a blubbering mess but an overconfident person just radiates out cockiness. BUT also don’t talk yourself down due to your insecurities … You want to have a balance of both, but most of all, I think it is good to be yourself (your professional self) since if they work with you, they will eventually see it anyway.

9. Really do prepare beforehand for interviews, it helps prepare for unexpected questions and just shows that you did your research.  Know the related past experiences you had and think of attributes or qualities that would make YOU an ideal person for the job.

10. If you have a friend PRACTICE interview questions with them,  or you can practice even by yourself…For me, I like to type out possible questions they might ask and write down exactly what I would say…I don’t remember the text word for word, but it helps jog my memory when asked something similar.

11. SLEEP EARLY the night before the interview!!! Eat breakfast, meditate, watch funny videos…just try to relax...No one likes interviews! It IS stressful, make sure you reward yourself with a treat for going something so stressful and making it out alive and hopefully not making a fool of yourself…BUT even if you did, learn from your mistakes!

12. Learning from past interview failures by reflection and some rumination can help you develop better strategies and tips and tricks for the next interview you have! Where you promise yourself not to blabber on about your dog for five minutes when asked about where you see yourself in five years. Wait, what was the question again? Really remember to focus on answering their unasked questions, it is sneaky-but this is how you can learn to expect it and SHINE!

13. Finally, don’t lose hope, if you didn’t get a job, it is OKAY. It might not have been right for you anyway and there is always something better on the horizon that is yet to come! If everyone got the job they interviewed for, then no one would ever face rejection…but some jobs have 100s or 1000s of people who apply for them and they may be only interview 10 out of those people. Just be grateful and thankful that you made it to an interview! It means that they liked what they saw on paper and wanted to know more about you as a person! GOOD JOB and STAY POSITIVE!

Thanks for reading and hope this helps!

A question for you:

How did you get your current/last job?

I hope for all those job seekers out there that you will be able to find that ideal job for you <3!

Remember, to remember why you want to work and keep that as your focus and end goal!
Good luck and see you next post!

LOVE,

Joy

 

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#12. How NOT to procrastinate

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Hey there!

Well as the blog title says, this post is about how NOT to procrastinate…I think everyone here already knows how to procrastinate without me teaching them. It’s like an ingrain human attribute that we are unfortunately all born with. 😦

Have you ever had some dreams, goals or big plans in your life…that you kind of…go..oh maybe next year? …Hmm, I don’t think now is the best time right now…Maybe in a few years…etc etc..

I mean, yes sometimes things are beyond our control and we can’t reach our goals..but SOMETIMES okay maybe OFTEN it’s because we are too ‘busy’ procrastinating… Hopefully this post will help give you some tips to stop that procrastination..whether that be the ‘diet you will start tomorrow (since the New Year…it’s only JUNE NOW), the much needed study for the upcoming exams (exam time in Adelaide this month for uni students) or just that goal of becoming a Youtuber which you have procrastinated on (for years).

Well, let’s stop procrastinating with this intro and get into it!

 

  1. Write lists. Literally, to do lists help me not fall apart and it feels SO GOOD TO tick something off the list (after you have done it of course). I have many things that I need to do and sometimes I do forget…BUT if I have a list on my wall, diary or phone, it is wayyy more likely to get done. But the thing is here that you need to remember to check that list to see what you need to do. Set alarms or reminders to help you if you always forget to check. Google Calendar is a great app that you can download for free to help remind you about appointments and etc!
  2. HAVE A DIARY/CALENDER or BOTH. Well, not everyone has a photographic memory and can remember every single event, birthday and things they need to do. Well, my memory is like a goldfish..heh…so yeah I definitely depend on my diary to remind me of catch up with friends, bills to pay or important special days (like exams). It just helps you be a better person! Instead of that bad friend who forgets about your lunch date that you planned 1 year ago…
  3. Have motivational posters around your room! This helps get you motivated and makes you remember WHY you are doing what you are. Be it exams…Remind yourself you want to become a DOCTOR or DENTIST and that’s why you have locked yourself in your room for 12 hours a day studying… Or if your goal is to get fit…maybe photos of your favourite athletes can help inspire you to get fitter. I think what we see often enough, will inspire us to be like that, especially when we feel like we aren’t getting anywhere and demotivated.
  4. Think and remember your goals and learn how to break down the goals into small chunks! You can write this on a piece of paper and stick it on your wall, to remind yourself what you want to achieve in your lifetime. I like to have three types of goals: short, medium and long-term, which helps break down BIG goals into smaller and more achievable goals.

    These goal types are pretty self-explanatory, short-term goals are like small steps to get started of things that I can do NOW to get to the next step..i..e. I want to become part of a hip-hop dance crew, but I don’t know how to dance…So I can either watch and learn from YouTube or sign up for a beginners hip hop class.

    Medium goals are those that you can work on in the near future as a result of the short-term goals. I.e. I have finished and completed the beginners class for hip-hop and now I am in the intermediate class! I am not more confidence in showing off my dancing skills on YouTube or to friends… and I don’t look like a fool! You might even form an amateur dance crew for fun!

    Long-term goals are those that might be in a few weeks, months or years. These are not achievable straightaway and involve an investment of lots of time, money and practice! So a long-term goal for this dancing thing is that you could audition and get accepted into a professional dance crew and perform in competitions and do performances professionally.

  5. Use watches and alarms! It is important to try sleep and wake up at the same time each day. Efficient people never sleep in (on purpose)… They wake up each day EARLY and make the most of all the time they have while they are awake. They usually have a set morning routine each day to get them ready…they don’t lie in bed for two hours playing with their phone and then when they wake up to spend another two hours in bed watching Youtube (guilty as charged..). If you are tempted to use your phone in bed, time yourself so that you know exactly how much time you are wasting and feel guilty .. hahaha… it’s always good to be mindful of the time so that you can waste less time procrastinating and actually get things done son!
  6. I am going to chuck in meditating in here …Just because…I am not sure about you, for me, it is really hard to sit there and do nothing and just breathe…It becomes easier as your practice it more…but yeah when I meditate I get reminded of all the stuff I NEED to do. So I make a mental note of everything I need to do post-meditation…usually, unless it’s super urgent like a tablet I forgot I needed to take. meditation is good for calming your mind and your anxiety levels. Definitely, recommend.
  7. Have friends or family keep you accountable for the goals that you set out to do and help keep you on track. I am pretty guilty of trying to do too much or trying to run away from the important goals in my life… Sometimes I get put off by how big the mountain or hurdle is, that I want to run away and go down a slippery slope instead of climbing the mountain. But, I am lucky to have friends who remind me and encourage me not to give up and to keep climbing, because I have already climbed halfway. Thank you, friends!
  8. Last but not least, take time to reward yourself and to reflect! Rewards could be anything! For example, you could study for 45 minutes and then give yourself 15 minutes break to do anything (timed of course). Or you could reward yourself with a healthy snack (or unhealthy). If you complete a bigger goal, like passing an exam, you might be able to reward yourself with new clothes or something you wanted to buy for ages…This is like almost bribing yourself to get off your ass and to stop procrastinating!  It is also very important to reflect on how far you have come at regular intervals and I don’t think it is a bad thing to feel content and proud of how you far you have come! You might not be there, but at least you are going somewhere!

    I hope that this post motivates you to think about something that you have been putting off…There is no better day than today to start!

    SO what are you waiting for?

    Stop procrastinating and ‘FOLLOW’ My blog for email updates for when I post!

    Question: What is one goal in like that you have been procrastinating to do?

    Take care and see you next post!

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#11. How to lose yourself in the moment

I’ve recently become more interested in becoming more mindful and aware of what I am doing through meditation and attending yoga classes. This post is sort of a follow on from my previous post about finding your ‘purpose’ in life. One of those purposes I listed was experiencing certain sensations or feelings which make you feel ‘alive’.

Sometimes, you can feel like life is going by, day after day, week after week, month after month and you feel like you haven’t been present at all. If someone asked you what you ate for breakfast, you can’t even remember anymore! Probably the same thing you always do… Weet bix crunch or wait did I even eat breakfast today?

Anyways, a lot of people say they feel like they live when they go on holidays or when they go away to some beach and relax. For people suffering from mental or physical illnesses, it is sometimes good to try ‘distract’ yourself to forgetting your problems.

Everyone does this to certain extents I believe. I’ve had a brain storm of different ways I believe people distract themselves from reality.

1. Living in denial, just pretending everything is okay. Having false hope is better than no hope? Having temporary amnesia…problems? What problems?

2. Moving their body! This can encapsulate (just wanted to use this long word) things like dancing, exercising, jogging or other forms of exercises and sports. For me personally, when I am doing Zumba or hip-hop I feel like I can forget myself for the moment and just focus on trying to not look like a flapping bird flamingo.

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3. The wonderful world of art and music! Whether they lose them-self in an art gallery or artistic indie film, art was formed to represent a world that might not exist. This also includes animation, movies and dramas. If I don’t like where I am, I rather lose myself by imagining that I am someone else and live someone else’s life. Some songs also can take me away to another place, whether to a particular memory or specific time when I heard that song. Beautiful music is like dessert for the soul. When you attend the concert, it feels like you are in another world, staring at your favourite idols on stage!

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4. Similar to the arts, literature is also a great way to escape. Whether you are a reader, writer or both, this is an excellent way to escape from reality and to lose yourself in another world. You can be instantly transported into the realm of Harry Potter or into the majestic land of Frodo. You can spin stories of alternate universes that can only exist in your vivid imagination and creativity.

5. Pleasure and self-gratification. I guess pleasant experiences belong in this category, maybe you have eaten a delicious cake, got a sensual massage or had sex. Anything that pleases you and helps you forget the pain, or maybe you are addicted to the number of ‘LIKES’ you got on your latest Instagram photo.

6. *I just want to put it out there, I don’t support the use of illicit substances and their abuse of alcohol. I am just stating that this may be some people’s coping methods with stress and their ‘escape’ from reality.* Substances such as alcohol or drugs  to numb the pain (*cue Linking Park-I’ve become so numb song here*). Sometimes when you can’t sleep at night or feel like you can’t escape from all the feelings, people turn to medications-sleeping tablets, tranquilizers or alcohol to be able to sleep and to relax and to help them sleep.

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7. Sleep and the dreaming. I only recently learn more about Lucid Dreaming, basically this is basically where you teach yourself to realise that you are in a dream and then you can basically control what happens in your dream, instead of letting the control to you. I don’t know much about this topic YET, but when I do I will make another post on how to try have these lucid dreams. I believe it is a way that you can learn more about your sub-consciousness and to redo things in the past.

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8. Charity and the addiction to doing good. People tend to forget themselves when they are so busy doing good to others. For example, if you have a gout in your toe, but you suddenly find yourself in a war-torn country, are you more likely to care about those dying around your or focus on your pain? I guess this can extend to the career driver people aswell, who are just so busy with work, they forget themselves.

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9. Relationships-unhealthy and healthy ones. Sometimes people live for their relationships, whether mother and child, son and father or love etc. People live for the sake of pleasing or being with other people. A hug with the right person, dog or pillow could erase the troubles of the day. Or even a healthy relationship with you bed can help too!

10. Have you seen the free sky show in the evening each day? it is more beautiful and grander than anything that we could recreate by humans. Nature is beautiful, perfect and designed by a master. It often takes my breath away, when I give it a chance to!

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Question:

What recently took your breath away?

 

Take care,

Joy

#10 How to find meaning in your life

Having a reason to get up each morning is important, having a reason to eat healthily and to exercise is important…Having a reason to breathe and continue living despite all that happens is important…I hope you see my point?

So, what happens if you realise you don’t know why you are on this earth? What if you are still lost and confused and not sure why you do the things you do?

Hopefully, this post will explore some common reasons why people live and why it should be based on many things and always be evolving and changing… 🙂

1. Some people live for their children or their future children.

They want to leave their legacy and invest the rest of their lives investing in the lives of their children, to help bring them up to be good and successful adults.

2. Some people live for their career. Career driven people may forsake other loves and interests in turn to pursue being the “best” or the “top” of their profession. These people could be astronauts, prime ministers, the wife of a Prince, an actor or someone who devotes their life solely on their work. People like Einstein…

3. Some people live to do good essentially. Similar to those who live for their career, these people however live their lives spreading love and goodness to those who need it. People who come into mind is Mother Theresa or Gandhi.

4. People who live to enjoy their lives . I guess they just live to please them self? They may have lots of money and like to spend it on lavish holidays, newest handbags or latest fashion. If you live to get the newest iPhone or apple watch, that’s cool and that is totally up to you!

5. Living for a spiritual reason. Some people find solace and find peace that they were put on this earth for a reason. This could be those who devote their life to serving in their church, temple or other religious place of gathering. Some may even be called to be evangelists to spread the gospel throughout the world, I guess this could be their calling.

6. Those who live for their hobbies! Some people in their spare time or hobbies, feel like they live to do them. For example, I have many friends who are obsessed with a certain sport such as badminton, volleyball or table tennis. This is the highlight of their week, this is where most of their friends are and where they spend a majority of their time at after work or school. There is nothing wrong to want to live to do these fun things. It is a healthy way to maintain your fitness and also to make new friends.

7. Some people live to look after their pets/animals. I thought I would add this one, in case you don’t see yourself having kids, but you might have 10 cats who depend on you to look after them, that is one important reason to live.

8. Live for those who matter to you, i.e. Friends, family and those who may look up to you. Our circle of influence is wider than we think! If people heard that you did something awesome like volunteer to help kids in 3rd world countries, that story can be passed to some family friends kids nephews cousin and they may be inspired to do the same! There is nothing wrong for living to see your friends and as it has been said before, life is all about the relationships you have. Whether you have a special someone or not, really good friends you can share with make life so much more colourful and meaningful. So take care to develop and care for your friends :)!

9. Live to make a positive difference in the world. This one is quite broad and encapsulates a few points that have already been mentioned. Whether you make an invention, discover a new drug or were the first to fly to Mars, I hope you aim high! Whether it’s small or big, all of us have left our imprint on this earth in some way or other. Whether you are a mother who gave birth to child who continued the line of the human race, or you were the important garbage collector who dutifully did their job to the gratefulness of others….everyone is important, big or small, recognised or unrecognised. Can I just put a note here, that a really good book I recommend you to read is ‘The Five people you meet in Heaven’, that explains this concept well.

10.  To travel and experience different life experiences, like Sky Diving or eating delicious foods!! I personally love traveling around the world and learning about other people’s cultures and learning new languages. I hope I can go to every country before I die! It’s just so exciting and thrilling to leave on a holiday to a whole another world. Some people live to eat yummy foods around the world, just remember to check your cholesterol regularly!

These are some of the suggestions that I can think of to live a meaningful life, I am sure there are many more other reasons!

As I said, we can have more than one reason and I think it is better to have many reasons to live.

A great link that I found on this topic is this article:

Question for you guys:

What do you feel your purpose in life is? 

 

Take care and see you next time!

 

Joy

 

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#9 How to Be Happy

As winter hits Australia, the weather has turned gloomy and dreary and the incidence of depression and sadness seems to be abounding everywhere.

But, it doesn’t have to be that way! There are a few ways that you might be able to keep that fire burning through this cold season and still get a bit of a laugh and cheer back into your system! These are not fool-proof ways to lift your mood, but it has worked for me and a few others! So, let me tell you how you can lift your mood in 10 quick ways.

  1. Put some colour around you! There was a Ted talk I watched that showed by painting workplaces and classrooms with colour, lifted the mood of the children and workers and also increased productivity (for the workers) and decreased vandals (at the school!). Why do we throw confetti of multiple colours rather than one confetti? Because it makes us happy! Rainbows and colourful things tend to brighten up the room and atmosphere, whilst grey, black and white often dampen it.
  2. Cuddle something cute! Whether that’s a dog, cat, hamster or a baby! Their smile and cuteness will lift your spirit! Their playful innocence will sure turn every frown upside down! ( *only if you like kids and animals*) 
  3. Listen to your favourite music! Have an upbeat and funky or inspiring music to get you lifted out of that depressed mood! No emo or sad breakup songs here, please!
  4. Watch some funny YouTubers! The great thing about YouTube is that it is free and there is some great content out there! Some recommended comedy acts/people that I personally follow are good include Lilly Singh ( she is the best! ), Domics, NigaHiga and The Wonderful world of Wengie! That laugh is priceless and healthy for your soul.. 🙂
  5. If you have access to Netflix or some other way to watch shows, watch a comedy show! Netflix I know has Ricky and Morty (SO FUNNY!!), Simpsons, I dunno what other shows… hmm Big Bang Theory!! No sad or crazy crime shows though please! No 13 reasons why!
  6. Go for a jog or some other exercise! It has been proven that inactivity can spur on depressed mood and by exercising increases your endorphins and acts like a natural anti-depressant for your mood! Give it a go! It’s free anyways!
  7. Spend time with people you love and cherish and form real connections with them…You will be so surprised, that the burden of those hidden feelings of sadness, struggles, and mental health illness that you don’t want anyone to know about, is lessened when you are open to sharing. You will be surprised at just about how many people have been in the same boat as you and that they also want someone to confide in. The above-mentioned YouTubers, Lilly, Ryan and Wengie, all had struggled in their teens and in childhood through bullying or depression. But, they overcame and you can overcome too.
  8. Do something good for someone else. This may seem counterproductive, but when you stop focusing on yourself and start focusing on someone else’s needs, you realise, oh maybe I am not the only one with problems. By helping others, you essentially are helping yourself too. The appreciation for YOU .. I can’t explain, is a feeling that you cannot buy. But, it is freely given, when you go out of the way to help someone that you do not need to. By volunteering, or helping an elderly neighbour pull in the bin, you are like that friendly neighbourhood superhero.  
  9. Go to the mirror and just laugh at yourself for a good minute or two then do a silly dance up and down, and do it like no one’s watching.  Then think of a happy memory and just bask in those happy memories and remember you have been happy and that you WILL be happy again. If you can’t remember a happy moment, go Youtube a funny cat video or read the cartoon section of the newspaper!!!!!! Remember this is just an off day or a small phase in your life that you WILL get over.. Positivity!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! + + +
  10. Hang out with positive people and try to avoid those who known to be quite negative and cynical about life. If you can’t meet them up, give them a call or a text.  If you don’t have many friends like that, just hang out watching positive Youtube stars and idols and write down the attributes that you want to have eventually, you will get there too.

 

I hope that you can sincerely find some moments of happiness in your life, things may be looking bleak now, but the future will be brighter. I promise!

If you feel this depression has persistently lasted more than a day or two, please consider seeking professional medical advice and help. Remember, it is okay not to be okay and the strong have often become that way through overcoming their weaknesses.

Practice your Smile :)!

Question for you

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:What do you do that makes you smile?

See you next post!

*Video now up*

#8 How to Love Yourself

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Howdy! Hope you guys have been well? If not, I hope this post will cheer you up!

I have been getting lots of inspiration for future posts lately! From friends, family and from watching or reading other people’s works…some of the upcoming posts will be about…how to be happy, how to not procrastinate and also one about things we wish we were taught in high school.

But, before I do these other subjects, one subject that hits close to home and that’s about learning to Love Yourself. 

Before we can learn to try love others, I think an important thing to do is to learn to love yourself, in my opinion, I don’t think you can’t truly love someone else, without first loving yourself first. I think so many girls and boys crave a relationship because they feel unloved, unfulfilled and they believe that by finding someone to love and to be loved, that they will become more loveable?

But this is not true…finding that significant other does not mean that all your troubles, insecurities and bad habits disappear…far from it if you ask me…more insecurities, troubles, and problems come than go…

Anyways! Here are my top tips for learning and taking the step to loving yourself today!

#1. Reflect on your past and give yourself a clap on the back in how far you have come.

You might not be there yet, but you have come so far and I am so proud of you *clap clap*. You may think you have not achieved anything, but did you graduate primary school? High school? Uni? Get your license? Get your own car or house? A part-time job? You’ve done more than you thought!

#2. Look at yourself in the mirror and appreciate how you look right now!

You won’t ever look this young or old again! You are you and people will see the real beauty if they get to know you more.

#3. Be grateful for the things you have.

It is easy to get jealous or unhappy that you do not have the latest Michael Khor handbag or can’t afford that awesome cute mini cooper that girl at work has…but hey you have your little trusty grey 2012 Toyota Yaris and it still works! Hurrah!

#4. Take care of the wonderful beautiful body you have been gifted with!

Take care of what you put in your mouth ( make sure its nutritious!), exercise, do meditation or yoga to look after your mental and stress levels…and remember to laugh each day! 🙂

#5. Notice and realise when you are having negative thoughts about yourself or if you start to compare yourself to other people.

You can write in a blog or diary to help clear your mind of negative thoughts. Negative thoughts don’t need to be killed, you can acknowledge them and then choose not to act upon them, they are just THOUGHTS…they will not control what you do, UNLESS you act upon them.

#6. Remember, you are YOU and you are a work of art, you are a masterpiece.

People like you for who YOU are…not who they “THINK” you are.  Find people who think like you and have similar interests, who don’t put you down for being YOU. They don’t deserve you! Coz you are awesome!

#7. Don’t take yourself so seriously!

So, you failed…so you screwed up? It is not the end of the world! Lot’s of successful people screwed up when they first started doing something, the reason why they are successful is not that they gave up or had it easy, it is because they did not give up when the going got tough…the tough get going!

#8. It is never too late to start again or to start something new.

The only regret you can have is not trying at all. It is easy to make all sorts of excuses that it is too late, I am too old, I can’t do it…These are negative self-talk to stop us from leaving our comfort zones! This stops us from making progress to things and goals that matter to us, it is never too late…okay! Unless you are dead. Then its too late.

#9. Try smile once a day!

You look beautiful with that smile! And you will also make friends too 😉 [Read my How To make friends post ]

#10. Remember, you are awesome!

If you can’t think of one reason why you are awesome, I will tell you now…You are reading this post from some random person you may have never met and you are going to share this with one friend who you think needs to love themselves!

#loveyourself

Thanks for reading and please remember that in order to love others more effectively, yo have to LOVE YOURSELF FIRST!

See you next post!

LOVE YOU! ❤

Video to be up soon!! (When I am feeling better zzZ)

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#7 How to Say NO and to say YES to yourself

sayingno.pngAn important part of being an adult is the ability to manage your own affairs and your schedule.

Not being able to say NO to people or things may actually lead to a lot of mental health issues, such as stress, anxiety, and depression. By not putting yourself, your family or the values you stand by first can open that door to mental illnesses. You are essentially allowing other people or things to control your schedule, finances and your maybe even your sanity.

You may feel guilty or selfish if you say NO to someone who asks you to do something. But in fact, they can easily ask someone else, do it themselves or find a way around it. BUT if they know that you always say YES to everything and seem like the person that won’t refuse, they won’t make the effort themselves to ask other people….

And hence, that’s why you shouldn’t always say YES to everything, because some people in this world are actually ‘selfish’, lazy and may just be using you or taking you for granted.

The truth is, if you say NO to them, it is not the end of the world…if they make you feel guilty or coerce you into doing something you don’t want to…are they even worthy to be your friend? Are they a loving family member? Or are they a good employer?

To be able to ask these questions though, you need quite a good sense of security in who you are. Often, it is due to our insecurities that we don’t say NO to people. We fear that we will get left out, people will hate us… What if when we need help, other people won’t help us?
( Of course, if we can help, we are free and we feel we aren’t being used, there’s nothing wrong with that…)


But if someone is constantly asking you to do their dirty work for them, because they know you will, it’s time to read this post and start doing something positive for yourself from today!

  1. Know yourself and feel secure

This is much harder than it sounds…being secure means essentially that you accept the way you are and who you are. By being yourself, and not pretending to be someone else you are able to essentially relax and not be on your guard all the time, in case someone finds out who you truly are. Take some time to know what you like, what you dislike and how people make you feel when you are around them. Do you feel like you always have to pretend to like what others do, when you rather do something else? But because you have that “

As Dr. Seuss said, “Those who matter don’t mind and those who mind don’t matter”

Well said, sir!

  1. You always have a choice

When things go wrong, is it easy to blame others for “telling or making you do it” -but by looking back at the situation objectively, most of us had a choice and some choose to let themselves be controlled. Maybe it was by their own desire for money, fame or fortune…but honestly, if it is important to you do it– but if you are only doing it because you are afraid of what will happen if you don’t and about someone being upset if you don’t- then think again why you are doing what you are doing. Remember, you always have a choice and others may not have as much control over as your mind tells you it does.

  1. It is perfectly fine to not be fine

    I think this is an important point, you don’t have to pretend to be okay all the time. If your friend is feeling sick and suddenly cancels on you, do you:
    A-Immediately think they are lying and get angry at them for bailing on you at the last minute
    B-Reassure them that their health is more important than going out when they are sick and ask if there is anything you can help them to get better?

    If you chose A…would you want someone to think that about you?

    If you chose B…I think you are a good friend and sometimes… you need to be able to be a good friend to yourself. However, most of us are harder on ourselves than with other people…Many treat themselves quite brutally, myself included.

    If you take yourself outside of your current situation and look at it objectively and pretend to see yourself in third person for, you may find it is easier to think clearer, “Are my actions really that bad?”

    Everyone gets sick, everyone gets depressed or anxious at some stage in their life…and it is up to us to be more understanding and more empathetic towards them…Because we probably want them to do the same when we are in the same situation.

A lot of people, myself included, have never realised we have such a bad habit of saying YES to everything and not being able to say NO…this leads us to have overcrowded and often stressful schedules, lending money and possessions, time and doing a whole lot of stuff we didn’t really want to do. We forget that we have been “asked” and not “requested” to do a lot of these things. A real friend isn’t going to unfriend you because you said no to a coffee date because you had an assignment due the next day or because you didn’t have any sleep yesterday. I think a lot of times people think they are more important than they actually are…but to be honest, people are always somewhat replaceable.

I hope this post will inspire you to think twice the next time you are asked to do something you don’t really want to.

Two posts in one week!! *Procrastination to the max*

See you next post 😉

Take care! -Video is up!

#6 How to get rich or die trying

I have a confession to make, when I see someone I knew from high school or primary school that is now rolling in $$ and success…I do feel a tinge of jealousy and a teeny weeny bit of envy! How did they have the idea to create that website or app?? How did they know to invest in Bitcoin 10 years ago?! Why didn’t I think of that!

I am not sure how many people are like me..? But anyways…I have examined some of the common ways that I know people have become successful and how you (maybe) can try and mimic them! Just a disclaimer* These ideas are not full proof! I can’t promise you that it will get you $$, famous or successful…nothing in life is easy! It will require a sacrifice of time, money and is risky and it will take a lot of hard work!

  1. Make yourself internet famous! This is a popular way to get popular these days! Maybe you could start making videos on youtube and maybe one day they will go viral (or not)! There are some famous singers, such as Justin Bieber who were discovered on Youtube! It is like an online virtual stage! You can either be judged as really bad and get boo’ed off that stage..or it could doors being open to you…! Other notable famous Youtubers include Pewdie Pie, Niga Higa, and Wengie! Many of these YouTubers have branched outside Youtube, some have started singing (Wengie) and Niga Higa has gone on to star in some movies! It is also a useful way to sell merchandise or other side projects which can help make you $$. Also, I want to mention on Youtube, not only can you get money from the ads which viewers may interact with on your site, but you can also get it from sponsors who want you to feature products on your videos.
  2. Know how to invest in shares in the stock market, into foreign exchange or into Cyber Currency! I do none of the above, but I do have some friends who are pretty good at this! I have friends who regularly monitor the Stock exchange and do lots of research into different companies which are up and rising and have the potential to be worth a lot in a few years! Apparently, some of my friends say this is like gambling though…There is a risk that your investment may lose you  money in the long run, however a friend who has done quite well has been able to buy a house @_@. Apparently health is a good industry to invest in, especially hospitals -because this is something that is always going to be in demand. My great grandmother that used to live in Hong Kong but is now deceased (RIP) was known to be really good at checking the exchange rates for different currencies and purchasing money when it was at a good low price then selling it when the demand for it went higher! She was able to live comfortably in a nice apartment in HK by doing this and sustaining herself and her children. Pretty smart! I have a few internet geek friends who are good with cyber currency…They know what to invest in and how to make a lot of money from crypto currency…While I do possess a milli-bitcoin my friend gave to me as a gift..aside from that I have been too scared to invest in any online currency myself…It is quite risky, but that’s why people are able to get rich! Because they were willing to take the risk. All I can say is that I don’t advise you to put your life savings into it..have a backup plan and make sure you have done your research thoroughly before investing. The last thing you want to do is accidentally give all your money to a fake dealer and get nothing..! Also, this way requires a lot of time too, daily you probably will have to regularly check the way your currency is doing, to find good times to buy and sell.
  3. Write a good book- we all have heard of J.K Rowling and how she shot to fame with her Harry Potter series!!! This one requires some skills in writing and having creative ideas or topics to write about! I am not an author myself, so I am not sure how you get started… I assume you send your book or manuscript to prospective publishers who you then have to convince to publish your book. I have read that, depending on how much you Publisher thinks you will succeed is the amount of money and time they will put in promoting your book…so Yeah this may require a lot of self-promoting yourself through your own social media sites or other platforms…maybe through your FB group or Podcasts?
  4. Become a Radio Host or Podcaster! Not sure how to do this either..but we have heard of really popular radio hosts, such as Hamish and Andy in Australia! They are just so funny! They have decided to stop being on the radio now and have moved to Podcasts! But yeah they are just so funny, creative and original – so much so the fans of their show will follow them no matter where they go. Comedy Podcasts aren’t the only successful one, another Podcast I follow is ‘No Such Thing as a Fish’ -which is a weekly podcast that discusses four facts that the hosts have thought was interesting throughout the week. Not only is it educational, it is also funny and entertaining. This avenue requires you to be witty, quick on your feet and have an interesting or unique voice! No one likes a monotone voice (usually)!
  5. Start a useful niche application or website! Names that come to mind is the PayPal Website, eBay,  Facebook, Instagram, Google, Amazon or Spotify.  The creators of these websites are really really well off…They are successful for filling a niche or creating something unique that others haven’t done yet. Other people that have been successful with phone apps, is Kayla Itsines ( we went to the same primary school apparently ) who started a fitness app that people could subscribe to. This app includes fitness workouts people can do at the gym. It was a niche at that time and now she is making millions (apparently).
  6. Create a successful drink or restaurant! Has anyone heard of Boost Juice? It actually started off in King William Street in Adelaide, South Australia! Now I’ve seen it around the world in Singapore and Malaysia! It all started with the creator, Janine Ellis doing something that others hadn’t done….making health(ier) option for drinks asides from soft drinks and beers. So yeah! She’s a good example of a drink entrepreneur. Who hasn’t heard of KFC? Some may know the story of how Colonel Sanders first established his now well-known fast-food chain. It is actually a really inspiring type of story of someone going from rags to riches. In a nutshell, after numerous failed attempts at making a successful living, at an old age- he finally found his pot of gold at the end of the rainbow…or should I say the pot of Kentucky Fried Chicken?
  7. Discover a life-saving or create a blockbuster drug! This is no easy process and not all of us are scientists or pharmacists. Well, I can say, those who created the best selling drug- a cholesterol-lowering drug is very very rich. It is used all over the word to lower cholesterol and has lead to people living longer. Discovering new antibiotics is a good way to make money, the only problem is that it takes a very long time from discovery to actually being able to legally sell the drug and hence it takes a very long time for you to finally make money. A lot of money is also needed to invest in clinical trials and drug trials before it can even be marketed to humans. If you want to know a bit more about the process, feel free to email me.
  8. Invent something that everyone needs or everyone uses. I.e. The toilet! The sink! Sanitary tampons or pads! These are just some household things that most people in the first world country use and that each girl may have. Just think of things you can’t live without, laptop, Microsoft, pens, pencils, bras, underwears, toilet paper mirrors ! Etc..and then you have something that people will continue to buy and you will forever make money off until some other new invention removes the need for it.
  9. Study a course that leads to a really high paying and stable job. Some that come to mind are doctors, dentists, optometrists, engineers and university professors. This is probably a very Asian way of thinking…while this may lead to a good income, if you don’t personally like the occupation, I wouldn’t recommend it. In my opinion, it is better for you and your clients/patients to do something you are passionate about.
  10. Get married into a royal family! This one is very hard to do….I mean it’s not every day that Prince Charming is sitting at the bar that you frequently go to… But yeah, If you are lucky enough to marry a Prince, I am pretty sure you are set for life! As long as the monarchy doesn’t die or go bankrupt or you get a divorce…then you are set for life and can have more corgis than the current queen!

    Those are my 10 tips for getting famous and rich! 

    Do you have anything to add?

    Leave your comments below and I will add them to the list!

    Thanks for reading and see you next week!

 

#5 How to understand someone with Autism -The Myths and Misconceptions about someone with Autism

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*update*

Here is the Video if you prefer listening to reading!

There are many misconceptions about autism, as many people may only know about it from movies and tv shows…but what is it really? Is everyone autistic good at chess, have supernatural savant abilities or are they all non-verbal? Hopefully, this post will help dispells some common myths and misconceptions about autism.

Myth #1: Autism is like how that movie or TV show portrayed autism is for everyone!

When I say the word Autism, what immediately comes to mind? Is it Raymond the autistic savant in Rain man? Or the equally autistic savant surgeon Dr Shaun Murphy in the Good doctor? Or perhaps it is Sheldon from the Big Bang theory who displays autistic traits?

If TV shows and movies are not your thing… Maybe you have experienced a personal encounter with autism in your childhood. Perhaps, you remember that “special kid” in your class that had trouble communicating with the rest of the class or was often disruptive and non-verbal.

Those with autism are often labelled as strange, weird or quirky and often feel ostracised and often become the victims of bullying at school and also in the workplace.

Myth #2: Only boys get autism! Girls don’t!
It was believed previously that there is that there is a 3:1 ratio of diagnosis of autism in boys in comparison to girls. But, current research and efforts to improve the sensitivity of diagnostic testing for autism has revealed that the number of girls is actually higher than they initially thought. The ratio is most likely to be closer to 2:1 ratio autism in boys to girls.

Why is this the case?

This could be from a multitude of factors, but one particular factor is the difference in the way boys and girls tend to act and also the greater understanding of the different signs and symptoms of autism.

In my opinion, girls tend to live a more sheltered life with a lot of them having their behaviour modified at a young age by their mother or father. Girls tend to be better at mimicking and almost like a chameleon trying to blend in with other girls their age. They may have also grown up with ‘neurotypical’ females around them who they copy, either a sister or a close friend/relative, who then teach and mentor them to act like they are “supposed to”. Boy’s don’t tend to do that as much and hence autistic boys are more likely to be diagnosed at an earlier age and if at all in comparison to girls.

These boys are able to get the help they need to help modify their abnormal behaviours and mindsets at an earlier age. Many girls unfortunately who have pretended to be ‘normal’, seep through the cracks in getting diagnosed and thus grow up struggling to understand why they never seem to fit in with others.

Some questions they may ask themselves:

  • Why do I never know what to say or do in certain social circumstances?
  • How come everyone else knows naturally what to do or say?
  • How can I know if this person is my friend or not? Do they like me or not?
  • How does body language work and why does it matter?
  • What does my tone of voice have to do with anything?

These are only some of the questions autistic people may ask themselves…

Myth# 3: You don’t look like you are autistic! You don’t have to look autistic, to be autistic

Often people misconceptions about people with autism may say, “You can’t be autistic, you don’t look like it!” This can make us who may have autistic feel upset, angry or guilty…are you accusing us of lying and fabricating our diagnosis? You haven’t ever lived in or walked in our shoes before.

Let me ask you, “Does someone have to look like they have high blood pressure to have it? Or does someone have to look like they have kidney cancer to have kidney cancer?”

Physical appearance and attributes are not the only diagnostic markers of people with diseases and if at all for autism.

It’s like judging a book by its cover, you can assume ANYTHING about the book, but unless you open it t and read it, you will not know what is inside.

Myth #4: All autistic people are the same

Autism manifests uniquely differently in each individual and one size does not fit all. Autism has actually been redefined as the ‘Autistic Spectrum Disorder’: It could mean you could be on the more severe ‘Low functioning’ side of the ‘spectrum’ here you may not be even able to speak or communicate with others. On the other hand, you could be ‘ High functioning’ side and live a relatively ‘normal life’, like holding down a steady job, get married and even have kids.

Does that mean that some suffer more than the other? Or does high functioning autistic people not count as having autism? No… they are still autistic and they deserve the help and support that anyone struggling with autism needs.

#Myth #5: Autistic can’t communicate at all and don’t understand other people

I’ve had friends say, when I disclosed my potential for having autism, “You communicate so well and I ‘ve known you so long, surely you can’t have autism”. As Myth number 4 says, autism manifests differently in everyone and everyone is at a different place in the spectrum. Some people on the spectrum are better at copying ‘social norms’ better than others and hence they are able to imitate how to act. This may fool others and maybe even themselves that they are ‘normal’.

Myth #6 You can only get autism as a kid and then you grow out of it

Unfortunately, this is not the case, autism is a lifelong condition. It is a neurodevelopmental disorder that happens from birth and at current, there is no known ‘cure’ for it, there is also evidence that it is a genetically passed on disorder from generation to generation, so it can run in families. The only treatment at the moment is behaviour modification from a young age and education for those who may know someone who is affected by autism to be more understanding. However, despite not having a cure for autism, you can still live quite a fulfilling and full life with the appropriate help and support from others.

Fact #7 People with Autism cannot be diagnosed as an adult

As I said, many people, especially females slip through the cracks and can go undiagnosed for many years by acting out their charade. However, when they get found out or if the charade goes wrong, it can lead to mental breakdowns, health problems or relationship breakdowns which may lead them to see a psychologist, doctor or psychiatrist about their mental issues…which they could eventually lead to a diagnosis of autism and this can be as an adult.

Myth #8: Autistic people do not have any emotions and they can never love anyone else or anything

Definitely not true! It’s just that autistic people may show their love and affection in different ways to the way ‘neurotypical’ people may perceive as normal. They definitely are able to love animals and pets, and pets for young kids with autism is a good way to teach them nurturing habits and pets also decrease anxiety in both adults and children. Autistic people can also get married and have kids, they may be at more risk of communication issues in their relationships, but with some work and help from others, they can make it work.

Myth #9 Autistic people can’t be successful or useful people in society

This definitely is the biggest myth of all in my opinion! There are many people in history who are suspected to have had autism or have displayed common autistic traits that may indicate they have autism. Famous people such as Mozart, Albert Einstein, and Isaac Newton have all demonstrated autistic-like traits. Well, known people of today that are suspected to be on the spectrum, (but not officially confirmed) are Bill Gates, Elon Musk, Mark Zuckerberg and Tim Burton. Some well-known people who have come out as saying they are on the autism spectrum is the singer and winner of Britain’s Got Talent; Susan Boyle, the creator of Pokemon, Satoshi Tajiri and Temple Grandit, a famous animal behaviour expert.

Myth #10 People with autism either have intellectual disabilities or have savant Abilities

As you should be well aware by now, not everyone has a special ability such as a photographic memory, and everyone with autism doesn’t have a learning disorder. Autistic Savants are actually quite rare and please do not assume all autistic people have difficulty learning, yes they may have some difficulties understanding abstract concepts and some learning methods, but their IQ is often normal or above average. In saying that, it is possible for someone with autism to also concurrently have learning disabilities.

I hope this post has been helpful in dispelling some of the myths in regards to autism! If you noticed anything incorrect or you want to add something, feel free to leave a comment below! Like always, follow, subscribe and like if you enjoyed or found this post useful! As this is an important issue for me-I am going to post a video with the same information too…

See you next week!

Joy

“How to” Make Friends- Video is up!

Hi! I ‘ve finally made my first “How to Video” and this is on a topic that is close to me, how to avoid or reduce Social Isolation caused by feeling lonely.

 

You can be living with your spouse, family or friends but still feel lonely…

These are some tips and tricks from friends, family and from my own experiences in making new friends.

Hopefully, you will be able to make some new friends this way!

A new blog post will be up soon!

It’s never too late to make new friends 🙂

Be sure to leave a comment below if you have tips on making new friends!

Catch you next time!

#4 How to save money when you have no money!

How to save money when you have no money! These are tips that I use myself, plan to use and that my friends are already using!

How to save money on food as Uni Student (not recommended for those trying to lose weight or be healthy)  Have instant noodles for dinner or other instant foods or frozen meals. For those who find cooking two-minute noodles too hard, buying one take away meal a day and eating it over three meals ( or two if you skip breakfast). Save those discount food coupons on the backs of receipts or ask your friends for vouchers they don’t want. Also be the bold one that asks if anyone wants to take away the rest of the food, if no one else wants it, take it-it is basically free food for your next meal. Learn to cook yourself and meal plan! This is more healthy and also stops you from being tempted to eat out after a long day at work or Uni..

Do Volunteer at events… you don’t get paid.. but usually, some sort of food or free stuff is given! I got free Weetbix, banana and a pretty awesome shirt for volunteering once. ⁃ Help people out ( out of love), sometimes they might shout you, but don’t expect it though Also learn to grow your own vegetables and fruits, there are plenty of videos on Youtube that teach you to grow food from the groceries you buy ⁃ Grow your own meat!! Jokes.. but yeah chickens do lay eggs and goldfish die..

Save money on the non-essentials! Find free parks in the city no matter how far you have to walk! Its good exercise and saves $$$ and pressure from finding short parks nearby and decreases the risk of getting a parking ticket.

On the topic of exercise…If you like doing classes like Zumba then join a gym! It actually works out cheaper ( if you go regularly) and most gyms now offer 24/7 access to members. It is basically it is like a second house you can access anytime… My gym is conveniently located in the middle of the city and has showers, toilet, and a small kitchen area. So you can basically live there if u want! They also provide free breakfast.. if cereal is your thing… You can also fill your bottle and get free wifi!\  The gym is also a good place to practice dance moves because there are a lot of mirrors around  ..It is handy for checking yourself out if you don’t have a full-length mirror at home.

Bulk buy stuff and compare prices before buying stuff you know you will use! For example, toothbrushes, buy big bottles of conditioner and shampoo, toothpaste or contact solutions etc. If you have a Costco membership, or even better you piggyback someone else who is going there anyway and had membership.. buy heaps of things you know you will use eventually! If you don’t have a friend with Costco membership, before going groceries or shopping of any kind, gather all the latest catalogs and compare the prices of the stuff you need and write down where to get therefrom. ⁃

Always carry in your wallet cash, metro cards, plastic bags, student ID and loyalty cards! You don’t wanna be caught paying a surcharge for placed with a minimum on epftos. I tend to keep track of my money better when I see cash decrease in my wallet… more than in my bank account. It is always good to have your cards on you, in case you have memberships giving you discounts at particular shops and who wants to get caught out paying full price for a bus or movie tickets? Some places in Australia are charging for plastic bags when shopping, so unless you are really good at carrying 50 things with your hands to your car, bring reusable bags with you when shopping (or waste another 10 cents buying another one 😦 )

Don’t buy new stuff if you can help it.. i.e go online and see if people are selling used stuff you want online.. certain things don’t necessarily need to be new to be used.. i.e cars (better from a trusted dealer), books ( as long as they didn’t graffiti it) and I personally don’t mind good quality second-hand clothes! Always wash it before wear tho! Second-hand bags and furniture can also be a good buy.I wouldn’t buy used makeup, sanitary stuff, expired food or underwears tho .. or bedding. I will let you in on a secret, half my wardrobe are handed down to me from my older sister or bought from second- stores :O  It is not only good for the environment, but you get an awesome range of clothes!

Make use of the internet! Use apps or websites like Motor Mouth to find the cheapest places selling petrol around you. ⁃ If buying technology stuff and office works sell it, bring evidence of it being cheaper online and show them ( incl. shopping) and they will match it and even better give you 10% off on top! ⁃ Buy generics if it’s not something super important and risky. I bought a generic ink for my hp printer, works fine and is like half the price! I personally don’t use generics for my prescription medications, but if you aren’t picky like me, generics should work the same as the original.

Learn to DIY if possible! For example, learn to dye your own hair, cut your fringe or make your own clothes etc. This can help recycle things and think of new uses for things before tossing or donating them. For example, old t-shirts can be used as hair towels or be made into a pillow-case or a teddy bear etc.  Keep all your unused plastic bags and use them as rubbish bin liners instead of buying bin liners. Use cardboard boxes for storing stuff or as a small table…

Be stingy! Take cutlery and extra serviettes when eating out…I also take extra wasabi and ginger at sushi train (  I am bad asss) ⁃ Get as many free samples of stuff as u can! Not only do u get to try cool stuff… it saves u money on actually gettinm to try before u buy! ⁃ My friend told me this one.. apparently ASOS an online clothing store allows free returns of items at no cost before a certain period as long as the product is in good condition and price tag and everything is kept.. so what my friend did was buy a dress for her dental ball and then returned it the next day.. free of charge gg #lifehacks

⁃ Ask for free advice from shopkeepers and pharmacists...  It is free health and fashion advice! Say yes to free makeovers and perfume samples!!  Go to free expos, CPD training ( for health professionals) because there are free food and education!

Gaining some spare change: Recycle plastic bottles and get rewarded with 10 cents! If you got heaps of time… fill out surveys and stuff and win or get free stuff ⁃ Do paid experiments… I personally dont fo any medical ones.. coz I hate blood tests and risking my life.. but I take part in economic experiements, which are pretty fun and they reimburse you a small amount for your time in money!

Hacks that can save some money! Wait until “happy hour” or near closing time of a food court and go buy cheap food that is on sale (usually)! Go to grand openings and special events to get cheap or free food/stuff.  Become a foodblogger and get your food for freeeee! This happens when you are a bit more well-known in the industry, those food places value your honest feedback and it gives them free exposure and advertisement of their restaurant.  Remember to bring along your camera to take good photos of their food though! People eat with their eyes! *__*

Ask your friends for lifts carpool (helps save the environment and petrol $) make sure you return the favour too ⁃ See movies when its cheap tuesday! ⁃ If going overseas, dont buy tickets last minute.. buy early when there is a sale! This is not possible sometimes due to work commitments. Remember to utilise  what is free for all at workplaces, whether that is free coffee, milk or fruits! It is there for you to eat, so why not take some every day?

Get a rainwater tank and use it to water your plants! ⁃ Solar power is good too .. if u have money to invest ⁃ Health insurance is worth it..! Esp if you need glasses like me!! And i like to see a dentist every six months.. if u know the dentist, they might even bulk bill u! I.e no gap payment needed. ⁃ Prevention if health problems is better and less expensive than the cure.. i.e my ear and keloid ⁃ Look after yourstuff! Incase u need to sell it.. ⁃ Regift gifts that you will never use and that someone else might like! Only good quality and useful stuff ⁃ Share meals between friends

Grab free stuff from hotels, incl toiletries .. within reason ⁃ If it’s complimentary.. why not try free trials, but make sure you read the important parts of the terms and conditions and that you can easily unsubscribe at anytime.

Utilise the web: Do join Spotify families and net flix fams ⁃ Discount websites like Ozbargain,  Scoop on, Catch of the day, for a hotel .. booking.com.  Do research before buying something costly and do ask friends for their advice on where to find the cheapest of something!

 

I hope this helps you save a bit more money and stretches out your budget until payday!

 

I would love to hear of your own tips on saving money, as this list is not exhaustive, please leave a comment below!

On another note, I am editing my first video for my “How To Do With Joy” Channel! These videos will be on some of the same similar/same topics as those which are on this blog.

 

I will leave the link here and please like, subscribe and comment on my channel !

How to Do with Joy

See you soon!

 

A new sort of normal (not complete)

I thought I would give it a go to try writing a song/poem.. time to get those creative muscles going..

New Sort of Normal

Its strange that I have adapted to a new sort of normal

The world without you crumbled when you left and left me all alone

It hasn’t been the same since you are gone

But life resurrected itself to a new sort of normal

A world where I am stronger than before

Where I realised I dont need someone to make me happy

Rather than invest my life in you anymore, I am going to make myself better than before

I am sure that it will be fine in the end, because this isn’t the end, it’s only the beginning.

Whether i can ever love anyone else, will depend if I can love myself