#7 How to Say NO and to say YES to yourself

sayingno.pngAn important part of being an adult is the ability to manage your own affairs and your schedule.

Not being able to say NO to people or things may actually lead to a lot of mental health issues, such as stress, anxiety, and depression. By not putting yourself, your family or the values you stand by first can open that door to mental illnesses. You are essentially allowing other people or things to control your schedule, finances and your maybe even your sanity.

You may feel guilty or selfish if you say NO to someone who asks you to do something. But in fact, they can easily ask someone else, do it themselves or find a way around it. BUT if they know that you always say YES to everything and seem like the person that won’t refuse, they won’t make the effort themselves to ask other people….

And hence, that’s why you shouldn’t always say YES to everything, because some people in this world are actually ‘selfish’, lazy and may just be using you or taking you for granted.

The truth is, if you say NO to them, it is not the end of the world…if they make you feel guilty or coerce you into doing something you don’t want to…are they even worthy to be your friend? Are they a loving family member? Or are they a good employer?

To be able to ask these questions though, you need quite a good sense of security in who you are. Often, it is due to our insecurities that we don’t say NO to people. We fear that we will get left out, people will hate us… What if when we need help, other people won’t help us?
( Of course, if we can help, we are free and we feel we aren’t being used, there’s nothing wrong with that…)


But if someone is constantly asking you to do their dirty work for them, because they know you will, it’s time to read this post and start doing something positive for yourself from today!

  1. Know yourself and feel secure

This is much harder than it sounds…being secure means essentially that you accept the way you are and who you are. By being yourself, and not pretending to be someone else you are able to essentially relax and not be on your guard all the time, in case someone finds out who you truly are. Take some time to know what you like, what you dislike and how people make you feel when you are around them. Do you feel like you always have to pretend to like what others do, when you rather do something else? But because you have that “

As Dr. Seuss said, “Those who matter don’t mind and those who mind don’t matter”

Well said, sir!

  1. You always have a choice

When things go wrong, is it easy to blame others for “telling or making you do it” -but by looking back at the situation objectively, most of us had a choice and some choose to let themselves be controlled. Maybe it was by their own desire for money, fame or fortune…but honestly, if it is important to you do it– but if you are only doing it because you are afraid of what will happen if you don’t and about someone being upset if you don’t- then think again why you are doing what you are doing. Remember, you always have a choice and others may not have as much control over as your mind tells you it does.

  1. It is perfectly fine to not be fine

    I think this is an important point, you don’t have to pretend to be okay all the time. If your friend is feeling sick and suddenly cancels on you, do you:
    A-Immediately think they are lying and get angry at them for bailing on you at the last minute
    B-Reassure them that their health is more important than going out when they are sick and ask if there is anything you can help them to get better?

    If you chose A…would you want someone to think that about you?

    If you chose B…I think you are a good friend and sometimes… you need to be able to be a good friend to yourself. However, most of us are harder on ourselves than with other people…Many treat themselves quite brutally, myself included.

    If you take yourself outside of your current situation and look at it objectively and pretend to see yourself in third person for, you may find it is easier to think clearer, “Are my actions really that bad?”

    Everyone gets sick, everyone gets depressed or anxious at some stage in their life…and it is up to us to be more understanding and more empathetic towards them…Because we probably want them to do the same when we are in the same situation.

A lot of people, myself included, have never realised we have such a bad habit of saying YES to everything and not being able to say NO…this leads us to have overcrowded and often stressful schedules, lending money and possessions, time and doing a whole lot of stuff we didn’t really want to do. We forget that we have been “asked” and not “requested” to do a lot of these things. A real friend isn’t going to unfriend you because you said no to a coffee date because you had an assignment due the next day or because you didn’t have any sleep yesterday. I think a lot of times people think they are more important than they actually are…but to be honest, people are always somewhat replaceable.

I hope this post will inspire you to think twice the next time you are asked to do something you don’t really want to.

Two posts in one week!! *Procrastination to the max*

See you next post 😉

Take care! -Video is up!

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howtoadultwithjoy

The issue of adulting and what it means has been on my mind for a while now. I am aiming to make the ultimate guidebook to how to do life with 'joy' or 'happiness', especially from someone who suffers from mental health and possibly autism. I hope you can follow my journey as I write about various topics and subjects which come to mind. Comments, likes and Follows help boost my ego and are appreciated! <3

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