Controlled by the Small Things-Random Rants

It occurred to me the other day, that humans are very similar to robots. Push this button, they will do something, show a light and they will move, show a different one they will stop. We obey signs that tell us how fast we can drive, to watch out for ducks, or to give way to other cars…without all these signs everywhere, life would supposedly be chaos.

I remember when I was visiting my mother’s rural town in China…They had no traffic lights back then…it was just go-in an hope for the best… I remember seeing a poor mans cart of fruits topple over…in the middle of the street…amongst people that just continued moving on with their lives…I remember how sad I felt at that time..I felt so sorry for him…yet I was on my uncle’s scooter riding in the opposite direction.

Do you ever feel like you ought to do something…but you really don’t want to…so you don’t…but then someone else does it…and you feel super guilty for not offering to do it?

I am guilty as charged.. That’s how I felt the other day…So there was a farewell party at work for someone who was leaving…and before I went downstairs with a colleague, we passed another colleague who was on meal monitoring duty… As I passed by, I told her about the party downstairs..and she said she might head down there since she was finishing soon…it crossed my mind that I should offer to take over her monitoring since I was scheduled to finish later than her…but at the same time I was like…but I really don’t want to and I want to get to that farewell…and I turned to leave…but then my other colleague who was going downstairs with me…turned and asked her if she wanted us to relieve her.. I felt major guilt..I did not do what my instincts had said was the right thing to do.

I don’t know even how my rant got to here..

Anyways, on a side note..I have began the great Kondo style declutter of my room ! I should have taken before and after photos… but honestly I hide all my stuff in closets and boxes. But the damage so far is five full garbage bags of clothes donated to charity…They were new and nice clothes I Donated..not crappy old ones..it’s a bit hard parting with it…but if I am not going to wear it, isn’t it better to go with someone else who will appreciate it more??

More on this decluttering topic later.. I have learnt a lot of things just from cleaning my room! Marie Kondo sure is onto something. I’ve started reading her book and am 3 quarters way through…its an amazing book- highly recommend!

 

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Life is a game analogy -Part 2- Sushi Go Party

 

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Have you heard of this game? I recently played it with some friends over the Easter Long weekend that just passed! It’s actually really really fun…even though I am incredibly bad at it. 

Despite its initial deceptive cuteness and looking like a light hearted game, it can soon become very competitive as we try to win the race to the be the first at the finish line and you also need some sort of maths skills to add and subtract in this game. Upon reflection after playing this game, I believe that this could teach me, and maybe you a life lesson or two.

Before getting into that, I will explain how this game works, for those who haven’t played before!

Each player starts off with seven cards in their hands, then when the game starts you put  down one card you want to keep and pass the rest of your hand to the person on your left. You receive a new hand from the person on your right…and you repeat..choose a card and then pass the rest on. The round finishes when every one has put down 7 cards and there are no more cards being passed around.

The cards all represent different amounts of points you can get or lose and the description of their points is at the bottom. For example, if you have two tempura cards-you get 5 points (if you just have one you get nothing). There are also eight rules that have been decided upon at the start of the game-that is in the middle of the board. These rules decide how much special combinations of cards are worth…also there are also rewards and penalties for having the most of a card or the least. For example, in our first round we had a rule in which the person who had the most Pudding cards got 6 points, the person who had the least had six points deducted off their total score in a round. In another round, we had a rule that who ever collected four special cards over three rounds would get 12 bonus points.

Upon reflection, I think this game can teach you about spending, saving, and thinking about investments. It might be a long stretch, but it requires you to have to think, What is the best way, with the least risk to get the most points.
In real life, I guess we are playing with money, stocks, shares and other investments. There’s a risk that we will lose out if we don’t have insurance or cover for a particular thing… Just like when you see a Pudding Card come around, you have to think is it worth taking one, just so that you might not be the one with the least amount of pudding cards and get six points deducted, or whether or not you take it, it will happen anyway? In life, we have also have to think and consider, should I get health insurance or car insurance, just in case something happens that I do not foresee and I suddenly have to fork out a huge amount of money? I could be winning by purchasing health insurance and actually use it when needed, or maybe I might be losing money as I never needed it…

While I was playing the game, I was quite defensive and not totally confident. My strategy was to try not get points deducted as much as possible…However, I think this is one of the reasons why I did not do so well; in retrospect. I was so focussed on not losing any points, that I actually didn’t gain any or many points. ..I think for a very big proportion of my life has been spent trying to avoid bad things from occurring… Not trying this incase it doesn’t work out, too scared to do that because what if I get hurt…Not willing to take risks on investment, incase I get scammed… I was just so worried about what might happen, that I forgot that if I focused on getting more points in the first place, those deductions would not have made such a great difference either way. Having no points at all, is like trying to survive without money in the real world…:(

Yes, its a risk to get out there and try…Why? Because you might fail. Because people might laugh at you for trying. Because may try to make you feel like you aren’t enough.

But, you know what? The jokes on them, because you took the risk, you might win big and win the game in the end. (Or you might not, but we don’t talk about that.. ) 

If you have a chance~ Go and and Play Sushi Go Party*~

*Warning- Does require at least primary school maths skills levels to play..*

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Are you dwelling or planning?

I spend a lot of time worrying and then making myself anxious about the things that are yet to come…Anyone here know that feeling when something worries you…and it starts off small..but as you have more time…you start to ponder..you add to it..and what started off as maybe a small problem has snowballed into a massive one. Then you can’t sleep…can’t eat…can’t enjoy life anymore without thinking of that massive problem…

So basically you’ve just created a MONSTER.. a Frankenstein if you must and now he’s out to destroy your life. 😦

I am also a person who likes to plan things in advance. I like lot’s of notice…who, exact time, where, when and roughly how much. Spontaneous things don’t work out well for me. I don’t like the uncertainty and the things that I can’t prepare for…

I thought it was fine to keep thinking and planning my future….I thought by thinking about it more it would get better or suddenly a solution would pop out of no where and answer all my unanswered questions. It was only today that someone asked me, “Are you planning or dwelling?”. Planning can be useful; for example if you need to plan your strategy for getting a new job. Planning helps you to use your time more efficiently int he job search…which websites you will look at, what expos can you go to, who do you know who can help you make an connection…

But, dwelling is different…Is it not good to keep thinking thoughts like… “What if I don’t get a job?”…”What if no one wants to hire me?”…”What if my resume is rubbish and I get no interviews?” …I hope you get my point. So in this case, dwelling is of no use of all and it probably hinders your progress in finding a job…because you waste so much time thinking over and over what could happen, what if you did things different, what if you could just turn back time…

There’s no use. We can’t turn back time…We can’t control what happens in the future. If it was meant to be, it will be.

What’s important is that we live in the present … We remember that while it’s okay to plan…we also acknowledge that things don’t always go to plan and that’s okay…Maybe it was meant to happen that way for a reason. ..

 

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The art of looking good: Guys VS Women

I was getting ready this morning …and it occurred to me, I feel like I spend a lot of effort when meeting people…

For girls:

  1. The shower to be clean and have freshly washed hair.
  2. Blow drying hair and adding copious amount of leave in conditioner and also add moisturiser and lotion to face
  3. Taking a large amount of time to try decide what to wear…factors that need to be considered is the weather…what I am going to do…Do I need pockets today?! What shoes will I wear…
  4. Then it’s time to paint your face, smile, eye brows and lips on.
  5. Then it’s time to straighten out your hideous hair which can take a loaning time when its stubborn. Then style with hair gels.
  6. Then need to choose hand bag and other accessories…such as necklaces? Watch? Lipbalm in bag?
  7. Then revaluate everything and check if you need to change anything.
  8. Spray some deodorant or perfume!

    For guys:

    1.Wake up
    2.Shower
    3. Wears the first clothes that the see in the morning and they only have one pair of shoes to go out with.

    Done!

    It’s weird…when I see a guy has showered. I feel like that’s already a lot of effort…But then in comparison, doesn’t the girl make wayyyy more effort?
    Why is life so unfair?

BUT then again, I guess there is slightly more expectations that a guy should look a certain way. Society seems to have an obsession with masculinity that I don’t really understand… Guys like to have big muscles and they especially love showing off them gym photos. Weird Flex to me! If they are small, they feel self-conscious of it and try to hide their insecurity by pretending they don’t care…

 

I guess society has different expectations of the gold standards for women and men…Women need to pretty, petite and sexy…and men need to be masculine, tall, and handsome.

Too bad real life isn’t always gold standard

..Happy Easter!!

 

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Would you rather? *Random Rants*

Have you ever thought why players like to be players? As in those who don’t want to commit to one person in a relationship and like to see new people all the time?

I believe I am an optimistic pessimist…if that exists ..I can see the good AND the bad things in every situation..

SO in this particular scenario..

A player gets the thrills of 100 first dates…gets excited for meeting the girl/boy for the first time…excitement of finding out about this new girl/boy. It’s exciting when you do everything for the first time. You go to exciting new restaurants, see movies, try something you never have done before…you learn a lot of things from these 100 first dates from 100 people. The downfall is, that you fall in love easily-and get your heart broken easily. There is no one that’s going to stay by your side..because it’s always changing…You don’t have deep and meaningful connections…

or…

Alternatively would you rather have 100 mediocre dates with the same person? Perhaps  you like this person…or perhaps you are just tolerating them..because you’ve been together for so long already.. Maybe your dates have gotten boring…or maybe you don’t even go out anymore…it’s just Netflix and chill all day everyday. Sure, you’ve found stability, loyalty ..but won’t you get tired of the seeing the same person day in and day out?

 

What would you prefer if you had a choice?

 

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What’s in a name?

I’ve been thinking lately (what else is new?)- about the power of a name..

There are so many uses for a name! People associate themselves with names, land marks and buildings have names, countries have names, and also illnesses have names.

Flowing on from the last post about introductions, I wonder…can you know someone without knowing their name? Like why does it matter what their name is? Yet, it DOES matter in terms of having an identity that you are who you are. If we didn’t have names, would we just be described by our behaviours or how we physically look like? That blind man over there…That fat old lady sitting there…I guess we may that to an extent if we didn’t know their names…

It’s really amazing the stereotypes that we associate with certain things..be it a gender.. “I am a boy, so I should be strong, I should not cry!”…”I am a girl, so I should know how to cook and clean!”. It could be a race, “I am Chinese, so I should be ashamed about the fact I do not know how to use chopsticks properly!”. Sometimes I feel like, due to all the names and labels that are put on us, we feel like we have to be or act a certain way to fulfil other people’s expectations of us. It’s like a self-fulfilling prophecy. You think you should act a certain way, therefore you act that way…and then you think it is because I thought I had to act that way so I did, or did I naturally want to do it? I hope you understand what I mean.

So, in particular I want to highlight why naming has such a big level of influence on someone ‘diagnosed’ with a mental illness. I will explain shortly why I put diagnosed in quotation marks. If you haven’t heard of the DSM, you can check out this link here basically it is a bible of all the known mental illnesses of mankind at this point of time. It is always changing, things are added and things are taken out. For example, homosexuality used to be in the DSM, until people rallied to have it taken out. I imagine it would be a terrible time to live in if you were homosexual…if you revealed to a doctor you had homosexual tendencies…you would be subject to various, often painful, treatments in order to ‘cure’ you and make you ‘normal’ or heterosexual.  Sadly, often these treatments did not work and caused terrible trauma and pain upon those individuals.

The DSM started off as a small thin book and throughout the years it has been continually added to…there are more entries going in than out..it’s now a huge book. So, it causes us to ask the question, “Are we just putting labels on normal human behaviours?“. So basically everyone has mental illness. If we are all mentally ill, then what right do we have to called others ‘Crazy, Pyscho, and Insane?”

But my point is, are we really helping people on their road to recovery by sticking numerous labels on people?

I remember a time when I went to see a doctor about a problem… she initially diagnosed it as “XX” condition…then later she changed her mind and said it was “YY”. Did any of these labels help me to get back on my feet? The answer is N-O. It did nothing, except perhaps make me even more paranoid. I looked up Dr Google and looked up all the symptoms and things that people diagnosed with “YY” had…I went to forums and read how people’s lives seemed to be affected by having “YY”… I was confused, scared, and my anxiety was through the roof. I felt like I had a life sentence upon me, just because of the subjective, narrow-minded opinions of one individual who was useful for nothing except chucking labels. Like a self-fulfilling prophecy, I doubted my self to be normal and got self-conscious of every action that I did, did I do it because I have “YY” condition? Was I going to turn out like everyone else that presumably have “YY” condition..

I am so glad now, I left that doctor after realising how toxic visiting her was… I see a different doctor who does not just throw labels around. She genuinely wants to understand what I am going through and why I am going through those things…It’s not a matter of throwing my labels upon a person…it is trying to understand what they are going through and helping them explore options to why they feel that way. The first doctor had created a large chasm between me and her, she had elevated herself to be the ‘expert’ and I was just a ‘passive clueless’ receiver. Because I listed out a few symptoms that fit into the definition particular condition, she deemed I had it…it didn’t matter  that there were exceptions to the rule, that I had strengths and characteristics not associated with that condition…it was because she used her subjective, stereotypical view and saw me as ‘abnormal’ and I needed to be ‘fixed’. She made it clear something was wrong with me and that I needed to change, she gave the impression she was normal. Now I think back, she was nothing but an evil witch. She didn’t want people to get better, she just wanted herself to feel better about herself by chucking labels on everyone.

I am not saying labelling a condition is not useful for anything…certainly if you want to have mental health sessions subsidised by the government you have to be categorised into having a diagnosis of some sort…the same is needed for insurance company claims etc…but if you are trying to help someone, it is not useful for helping them in their recovery by focussing on their deficits and not their strengths.

I have been meaning to write about this topic for some time now, but put it off.. because I am not sure if I can do it justice..

I would be super interested in hearing your thoughts about this!

 

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The Art of introducing yourself

I read in an article somewhere about how introduce yourself to others in a way that they would remember…and basically it made me question myself and my interactions with people that I have not met before.

Why do we like to assign people to certain occupations and things that they predominantly do to contribute to society, be it a student, teacher, or doctor. Does knowing someone’s occupation really help us to get to know someone better? Or does it help us categorise that person into a certain category..? I.e. They are librarian-they must be a nerd, engineer they must be good at numbers…chefs- hopefully good at cooking!?!

Should we change the question from”What do you do for a living?” To “What makes you feel alive?”

What if you weren’t working? There was a period of time where I took a break from work and study.. and I super avoided meeting new people.. coz then I would have to tell them how I wasn’t studying or working.. and they would be like so what do you do with your time? And in that case you talk about your hobbies, interests, sports etc. But in a way, you are also made to feel somewhat inferior or embarrassed that you may seen as “not contributing to society”.

People choose to spend their time differently and sometimes you may feel tempted to judge or criticise their time, as I do… but hey just cause you don’t think someone gaming 13 hours a day is being productive, you don’t know… maybe they will be a game changer in the future..? Maybe?

 

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Don’t try to Fix Me

Have you ever wished that you could take away someone’s sadness…anger issues..bad habits?

Have you, despite knowing you can’t change them- gotten angry, frustrated, and upset that despite all your immense efforts and hard work – they don’t change…or they change for a bit-then they go straight back to their old habits.

Why do we do that? Why do we try change people?

Sometimes our intentions may be good ones..we just want the best for them…you can see that they are acting toxic towards themselves or others…and you think alright…just need to change them…

But, as you might have realised..it’s incredibly hard to change someone, who doesn’t want to or understand why they need to change. If the self-determination isn’t there, they won’t be able to change…They will just continue thinking what they are doing is right. Unless they can see clearly why they need to change their behaviour…telling them… yelling at them…incenticising them will only lead so far 😦

 

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Work Vs Leisure

Sooo I tried for the first time the Lime-S Scooters that are on almost every corner of the city centre…for those who might not know how they look like..it looks like this:

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These some what stylish scooters have been seen everywhere….in the streets, on the road, on the floor… Finally I got sick of seeing everyone riding them…my curiosity got the better of me and I downloaded the Lime App and signed myself up!! I was going to see what the big fuss was all about…I mean I used to have a (cheap and low quality) scooters as a kid…what was so special about this bigger, better, and green scooter?

Anyways,  after about 10 minutes of trying to get it to work…it finally worked…and off I went..sorta…I struggled for a long time trying to tighten the helmet…in the end I gave up …left it loose and just hoped it won’t fall off while riding the scooter..

These scooters differ from the cheap scooter I had as a kid…because its an ELECTRIC scooter!! But to be very honest…It was scary pressing the accelerator for the scooter…so I just pushed with my foot because…

  1. There was too many people on the pavement (it IS in the city)
  2. The pathways are not flat…but bumpy… 😦 and I almost fell off.
  3. It’s not smooth…it would jerk forward suddenly

Anyways…. It’s fun. and probably worth the $5 I spent on it for 10 minute joyride…

But it got me thinking….people enjoy using these scooters for fun, as well as transport…but what about our normal modes of transportation?

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^My Toyota Yaris:

But then why do I find it a chore to drive a car to work and to places? I don’t seem to have the same joy I did when writing that Lime scooter. There was no thrill or excitement as I drove past the streets of Adelaide. I am not paying for this experience of driving…but isn’t it funny how we pay money to pretend to drive in driving games…or play games where we are impersonating real life..like running a farm or a restaurant LOL..funny.

Then I thought to myself, why don’t I pretend I am doing this for fun! Let’s pretend this is a game…a game where you get to drive and navigate through the streets of Adelaide…Then I drove down some underpass bridge thing and thought..this is actually a really cool game.

So what do you think about treating like a game? Makes it a bit more enjoyable maybe? =S

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Thank you for visiting :)) 

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Value Vs Quality

As I have started uni again last month…I realised I don’t actually have a stapler…or at least I can’t find my old one.. 😦 (A tiny stapler I got for free from some law expo my sister went to)..

So I went stapler shopping!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Can I mention how much I love the brand Kikki K?I have diaries, cards, pens and numerous other craft items that I have bought from this wonderful stationary shop. Would I love a Kikki. K stapler? Yes, probably… but the price was a hugggggggggeee turn off for me… 😦 $24.95 for a stapler… >.<” Maybe it’s because I haven’t been working as much I used to..but this is way more than I would pay for a stapler… especially since I only use it for university at the moment..! But it does look great…sturdy..

KikkiK stapler

After being dismayed at the price of a Kikki. K stapler…I went to my second option…KMART! Well known for its cheap. yet still functioning goods. I found this stapler as shown below..for a measly……..TWO BUCKS!! I was like full, take my money! So cheap…On the outside it looks great…!img_0902.jpg

But when I used it I can indistinctly tell its very light and cheap…I don’t know how long it will last…but when tested…it still WORKED. It does the job and it cost 10 times less than what I would of paid for the kikki. K one.

What would you have decided?

Would you choose quality over quantity in this situation?? Or perhaps it depends what it is…

For me if it’s safety or health related issues, I tend to splurge a bit more…I like original brand names for my medications xD!! I also fork out money for health insurance, car insurance, and service my car with certified Toyota mechanics only o.O.

But yeah, for things like stationary, the cheaper the better usually! I got through a high amount of stationary and I am often losing pens and things…so it makes sense not to spend too much on then…I skimp out on food products too…Always looking for the cheap bargains in the supermarkets and waiting  (usually) for things to go on sale….

I don’t know if I made the right choice, getting the cheaper stapler, but so far its doing its job…

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