Random rants: Hectic Lives

Do you ever stop and think about how you coped with things in the past?

I sometimes wonder why I get so many migraines, headaches, and sicknesses. Then I kind of get reminded that maybe I am not eating properly, not sleeping properly, and probably doing one too many things at once.

Stress is an interesting thing and it can change over time and comes in all types of shapes and sizes.

I was reflecting back on my undergraduate university days and remembered that every day was full of things to do.

I was studying full-time, and in pharmacy we had quite a lot of contact hours…we had practicals that were 5 hours long, workshops, lectures, etc etc. It was a hectic life, on top of that I also worked two days a week in a cafe for 3 years, a retail pharmacy for one year, and in a hospital in my final year. I remembered playing in a team for the weekly badminton competition, I also remembered being captain of my very own Vets team. Then there were the religious commitments I used to have, I was in the church band, and they had weekly rehearsals on Saturdays…as well as the actual ‘performance’ days on Sundays which took up most of the day. I used to spend almost every day before a test or an exam studying at uni until well after 10 pm..to then wake up the next day at 6:30am and do it all again.

 

I remember one day, before an important test..I was studying late at night at the university..revising.. and I got a phone call. It was my mum. She said Grandmother had passed away. I was in shock. This couldn’t be happening! Not now…I just can’t deal with it…I couldn’t study any more after that. I don’t know how I managed to make myself go to that test and do so well… In hindsight, I could have applied to defer that test if I wanted to…but I didn’t.

That experience woke me up a little, it made me feel all sorts of feelings. It made me feel guilty most of all. WHY didn’t I spend more time with my grandmother when she was alive? Why did I prioritise STUDYING so much? Why did I want to do well in university when I could have just got through with average grades…Why was I so afraid of NOT doing well? Of failing? Where were my priorities? I don’t know why I worked so hard and I don’t know if it was worth it? It’s so easy to get obsessed with things for me…I was obsessed with badminton…with music…with drawing…with anime…I don’t know. Passion? Entertainment? I don’t know. Honestly…now  I am probably just obsessed with working and getting money. For what? Do I think a house or holiday will make me happy? Maybe. Maybe for a little bit. But then what, I’ll be sad again?

I have to constantly remind myself, life is short. We don’t know when our end is. What will we regret when we are older that we wished we did more?

I ask myself this because there are many decisions we have to make. There are many pathways we could go…but it all takes risks…There are some many “I WISHES” and hopefully we can get to them before it is ‘Too late’ and anyways I am not even sure where this post is going anymore…

 

 

 

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Big fish in a small bowl

So I listened to a podcast about an interview with a girl that was part of one of ‘The Bachelor’ series. If you don’t know what this series is about, it’s basically like one guy that around 24 girls are trying to fight with each other to win over. It actually sounds quite stupid, if you ask me. What makes that one guy that special that 24 pretty girls are fighting over him?

I guess it may be the big fish in a small bowl effect. Because they are all taken out of their normal lives, with no access to the internet, other people..etc they just all behave differently than they normally would. In the real world would you really fight over this one guy that you know is seeing 23 other girls at the same time? NO, you will just think of him as a dirty player and find someone else better that does not go out with other girls at the same time as you. Most of them wouldn’t even swipe right on Tinder for them I don’t understand how the girls in this show could genuinely be in love with this guy…doesn’t it piss them off to know that he is seeing so many other girls at the same time?! That would piss me off greatly. L.O.L.

Anyways, I am using this example to try and explain the tunnel vision that sometimes we may have in our lives. We think that things are a certain way because that’s all we have ever known, but elsewhere..be it another state or country…things are done differently. People are different. There is so much of life that is yet to be explored and sometimes we feel like there are not enough fishes in the sea, but maybe we just haven’t been brave enough to explore the ocean in its entirety.

For example, you may think… that you will never meet ‘the one’ for you. But, maybe he or she is not living in your small town…what are the chances that your soul mate is conveniently located in the same place as us?  Maybe, we have to expand our world a bit further…and become a small fish in a very very big bowl.

ps…and in other words…I am starting a new job tomorrow! First day…feel very much like a small fish entering in a massive seaworld themepark ..>.< wish me luck!!

pps. Thanks for the 2000 visits to this page!

 

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Random Rants: Regrets

Just got hit by a wave of regret today…

You know that feeling how you think you have it bad…but then you lose someone or something that had always been by your side and you regret taking them/that thing for granted? It could be a relationship, a beloved piece of clothing, or a job.

Maybe your mind might play tricks on you by making it seem better than it was, you remember all the good times and things that that they/it gave to you, but you forgot the way the relationship didn’t work, the item was not working as well as it once did, or the reasons why you left that job in the first place.

Alas, every end of something great can only open the door for things that are even greater.

You will meet someone or encounter something new that will blow your mind away… I guess in order to make room and time for something new, the old has to pass by.

But, it’s okay to feel sad, it’s okay to mourn for what you once had and lost. You don’t need to ‘cheer up’ or ‘look on the brighter side of things’…Because otherwise, you miss out on learning more valuable lessons.

Lessons about learning to take care of things more properly in the future, of not taking relationships or people for granted, and treasuring what is important to you most.

So, take your time, feel the regret, sadness, and loneliness. Embrace it. Fully. Let it do all it wants to. And then, embrace the next new thing.

 

 


 

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Rainbows

For the last two days..while I was driving to work I saw a rainbow in the sky.
On the first day that I saw it…I was like..is this a sign that everything is going to be okay? That despite all the decisions, changes, and stresses- will it really be okay?
Today, I saw the rainbow again and I felt kind of angry at it…’ Why’ I asked myself, are you giving me false hope? Is everything going to get better? Why does it feel like it is getting worse?
I think something is wrong when you are angry at something that beautiful in the sky.

I have been reminded lately, that I am responsible for my own happiness..and I need to stop letting circumstances, other people, and things from biting away my own happiness.

I am somewhat responsible for all the stress I have been feeling…overcommitting to too many things and somehow believing I can do it all well. I can make a choice not to stress myself out and put down some things…if I wanted..but I still choose not to…being undecided.