Priorities

I had an argument with someone who was once a friend…I was constantly trying to make plans to meet up with them or talk to them, yet they were always TOO BUSY to even talk. They would take forever to reply to simple texts asking if we were meeting up that day or not. It was just getting really annoying and frustrating for the lack of communication.

Call me pushy or too clingy…but honestly, sometimes you do wonder why you even bother? If the other person is putting in zilch effort towards a relationship that is one-sided, what even is the point?

Apparently, they are ‘too busy’, apparently their schedule is ‘too unpredictable’. But honestly, with a bit of communication and planning, there is always time. But, that’s only if you want to make time.  I got angry because I know that I have been incredibly busy and run down lately…but I do try my best to spend time with loved ones…because they are the ones who keep me sane, to help me relax. It wasn’t always like that, I used to just concentrate on work and study and no play. But that is no way to live.

We make our own schedule…essentially we choose what we do. Sometimes we feel like that isn’t the case. Despite knowing this, I still complain that I work too much…13 out of 14 days…but that’s IS MY OWN CHOICE and I have my reason to do so, but I don’t use that as an excuse for not meeting up someone when they ask me. Friendships and those close to us are a treasure. Those that are real friends will stick around when the going gets tough…when you are feeling down…and sad. If you neglect your friendships and just concentrate on something like your career, or earning money, or just one single relationship…and neglect the rest. If you lose that one thing, you have nothing.

I get angry at people like that because I was once like that…and still like that to a small extent. I know I need to change, it’s hard I KNOW. I am super guilty of just want to put my all into something. I am the first to compare myself to others and want to have what others have. Those who seem like they are succeeding in what they do, do you see all their sacrifices to get to where they are? Do you see their blood, sweat, tears, and the loneliness that they face?

I guess it all comes down to your priorities and your values. Maybe career is all you care about and is what you live for. But for me, I don’t want to go to the end of my life and realise, yes I got the job that I wanted…I had so much money…but I had no one with me in my final days of life.

I have a wall sticker on my wall it says, “The best things in life are the People we love, the places we’ve been, and the memories we’ve made along the way.”

and the other stick on my other wall says “If you can dream it, you can do it”.

Two very conflicting values that I hold strongly too. I want to live my dreams, but I also treasure every moment with my friends and family. Because they are truly the best things in life to me.

 

Really Random Rants: Thankful?

Sooo I had a blood test done a couple of weeks ago and I visited my GP (finally) to check the results. Not sure if Bad News or Good News, buttt I found the reason why I have been feeling so tired, lethargic, and gained weight lately. 😦 I suddenly put on 3 kg from last year! So apparently I have an Iron deficiency..no surprises there…given I rarely eat beef and prefer fish, chicken, and lotsa vegetables…plus I have been getting periods every three weeks instead of monthly…weird right??I also have something wrong with my thyroid stimulating hormone, I have too much of it…which means my body is low in thyroxine and is trying to restore it by excreting lots of hormones…or something like that.

sooo I have to do a few follow up things, repeat thyroid function test in one month…Follow up Iron test in 3 months…and an ultrasound to see if there’s is anything wrong internally that is causing the extra bleeds…

I really hope I get some answers soon, sometimes you just want to find out why you feel the way you feel…

I am grateful for things like blood tests, scans, and medications…to treat my iron deficiency there are easily accessible iron supplements that can be bought in pharmacies…and if I do need to take thyroxine tablets, those are also easily bought with a prescription and it is not too pricey to buy a packet of 200 -which lasts for about 6 months…

Feeling super grateful for the advancement of health and medicine that we can easily treat things that were never treated before…

 

Oh also on top of my existing health problems, I have had this rash..not sure what it is…query psoriasis, eczema, fungal (?), medication allergy? Not sure..but it’s been spreading around my body and I have kinda just left it…waiting to ask the doctor for her opinion, even though I suspected it to be fungal. Hopefully easily solved by some antifungal cream and some steroid.

I am not sure why I am writing all my personal problems here…but I felt the need to document it somewhere….why is my body going haywire all of the sudden?!!??

But anyway, as I said before…luckily there are treatments for these conditions…

And ladies and gentlemen, that is my life. Super tired from working two jobs and 13 days per fortnight…but I like the income. I guess everything comes with a cost. … xD

Out of my comfortzone

Today marks a new day where I joined a new gym. Long story short, the all-girls exclusive gym where I had half-price membership – closed down last month 😦 After being a member there so long.. I really really do miss it :(. Unfortunately they will be moving (next year) to a different location that is not close to me anymore. Due to being busy with life, I stopped gymming for a month and just increased the days I played badminton. So instead of once a week, I played about three times a week. I mean, badminton is good and all for stamina development and cardio.. but not so much gaining a more toned body.. which I much desire.

Anyways, this is a momentous occasion, because I’ve never joined a mixed ggm before… I do admit I feel intimidated seeing the guys (and some buff girls) pumping weights heavier than me. 😦

I kinda feel like I’ve been going to a private all girls school and to a public Co-Ed school. LOL. Well, on impulse I’ve joined up for 12 months (more lols coz i wanted to live overseas next year)- guess i ll worry about the consequences of that later.

I’ve been really put out of my comfortzone lately. Flying to Sydney for a wedding in which I only basically knew the person getting married. :/ Sitting on a table in which I knew absolutely noone. Brave? Maybe. I was scared shitless though. So many things. The wonders that travelling to another city makes you do. Syndey.. is not bad actually. Could i live there? Maybe. We’ll see. So many things to do. Yet, Where do I even start?

Hmmm new gym. New job. New haircut… new..??? New instrument to pick up??

That reminds me, I’ve been watching a Chinese Drama called “Untamed”… soo good. Highly recommended if you don’t mind handsome guys, pretty girls, and lotsa action and suspense.! They feature quite a few traditional Chinese instruments and it just looks so cool and I want to learn to play the flute LOL. I swear I used to have one or two of them.. but no idea where it went ;( .

Do you guys often get that sudden inspiration to learn something after watching a show, movie, or reading a book? What inspired you?

Nobody knows

Nobody knows what goes on inside your head

In turn, you don’t know what goes inside theirs.

We go through life guessing, assuming, and dictating what we think others are thinking. Little do we know how wrong or maybe right we are.

How can we know someone, better than we know ourselves? We could know someone, but maybe they changed or perhaps you were only seeing an act that they put on?

How do you really really know someone? I guess you can’t. You can just hope that you do and trust they are who they say they are.

Random Rants: Why Can​ Birds Fly?

I just got back from a short trip to Sydney to witness one of my good friends getting married to the love of his life. This was my 2nd time flying interstate in the space of the last month. I so happened to get put on to another window seat and the view never ceases to amaze me. Also, the fact that the plane being so heavy and with so many people is able to take off into the air. Amazing. Do I understand the physics and magic of it all? Do I want to? Probably not. I prefer not knowing in some ways, because it makes it even more magical than knowing all the ins and outs of aircraft.

I observed several birds I saw among the city… How do they fly so easily? Just a flap of a wing and they are airborne… Why weren’t humans born with wings? Why do we need to board large aircraft to be able to fly? I believe we have envy of animals…in that, they have the ability to fly, swim at great depths, and survive in extreme conditions that we wouldn’t be able to without equipment.

Are we just too scared to fly? Just think a young bird has to jump out of its nest for the first time to be airborne…it has to take the risk of falling to its death if it isn’t able to fly…Why walk when you can fly? Predators coming? No problem just fly away. can’t reach that hard to reach fruit in the tree? No worries. Just fly a little higher. Is there a river that has no bridge for you to cross? No worries just fly over it.  You get my point.

But what was my point anyway?

Maybe I should ask someone why birds can fly.

Random rants: On Replay

Do you ever have times .. usually at the middle of the night.. when you are trying to sleep because you have work or a flight early tmoro morning… and you cannot sleep.. because you keep ruminating over something again and again… so much so that the story becomes twisted and strays from the original. Your emotions, feelings, and thoughts taint your memory of what really happened…

The story becomes what you want it to be instead. A fragment of the truth, but what is the truth? Each person will tell it in a slightly different way. Just look at the bible, in the New Testament there are several books written about the same event but by different people.

Alas, this late night post to try to get off my mind what has been weighing on my mind for the last few weeks. I think, I need closure, I have to settle things, for once and hopefully for all.

Random Rants: Judging People

I have always thought I was pretty good at judging people…it’s not the best habit and my sister constantly scolds me for it…Tells me I should be more understanding…What if something happened to them that made them that way?

She explained to me that some people get jealous and they act out and bully people they feel they are stronger than. I asked so many times ‘Why?’ do people treat others so badly? Maybe they are judging us too?

I have started at a new site this week…what I had always dreamed of…working in Adelaide’s mental health hospital!!And boyyyy was my first few days were a bit scary. Left on my own to manage a dispensary in which I had a one-day handover with the person going on leave. Different processes, different people, different patients…It was a bit much. On top of that, there was one lady whom I had spoken to over the phone before working at another site. I had judged her to be extremely rude and patronising-even over the phone~! She was demanding things be done and belittling me. I don’t know if she remembers but I do remember her, and I just so happened to be working at the same place as her now.

I sensed there was some hostility among the group of pharmacists that were working together, there was some bickering…quarrels… We are so understaffed…it is pretty terrible and makes people unhappy. I just try to make the best of it..as someone covering I can only do so much…

But, suddenly this person yesterday…whom I had barely spoken a single word to in the past three… days..Asked me how I was going …if I was settling in? I was taken back..no one else had asked me… I am used to being thrown in the deep end and trying to swim. I asked myself, maybe she just takes some time to open up…maybe there was so much change happening that she assumed I would cause her more work and trouble?

Overall, I like it. To be absolutely honest I am terrified when I walk out to the ward to go to the staff toilet. But I tell myself, it is going to be okay. If they are allowed to walk around the ward, they should be safe! I feel so bad for being scared of them…because this is what I thought I wanted to do? To help people with mental health to get better. But, why am I so scared? I think it’s because I am so used to seeing these people behind bulletproof glass and having security around me all the time, I forget these are normal people. They all seem to have a glazed look in their eyes… of sadness, of loss, of something else. What happened to them for them to send them to a mental health hospital?

So many stories…so many things…I really do hope I can make the most of my time there and learn as much as I can to learn and grow as a pharmacist and as a person.

I am thankful that I am living the dream, even though it doesn’t feel like it. Today we had two fire alarms go off, so there were constant alarm bells ringing. We also got two phone calls from Police officers who needed the deputy director to identify some dead bodies of previous patients…there are patients lying on the ground outside.

I can finally say, “I made it to where I want to be”…But then I also realise that there is more to climb…I went through one door, but this is just opening even more doors and corridors to walk through.

 

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