Nostalgic

Today I went to eat a pie. I can’t remember when was the last time I bought a pie from a cafe..? First and last time this year? Maybe. Waves of nostalgia rippled through me…memories came back from when I first finished high school and started working in my first ever part-time job as a waitress in a cafe. I started my love of coffee and my hate for this brand of cakes from then. Duties included heating up pies, pasties, sausage rolls, quiches…  we sold cakes, sandwiches, iced coffees, milkshakes…It was a fast-paced…there were lots of oldies that frequented the cafe on the days I work…the owners were family friends…and most of the co-workers were nice. I spent three years there…

Eating a pie brought back memories of my kind boss, so I sent her a message asking about her kids and so forth.

Isn’t it strange how small things like this can bring back memories of the past? I feel so old right now! It’s strange how memories from 10 years ago feel like a lifetime ago.

We almost are in 2020…What things do you want to squeeze in before 2019 is over?

Tolerance

I have found that there are so many things that require building up a tolerance to… once you get to a roadblock in which you stop that activity building up your tolerance.. it comes impossible to do what you could do before with high tolerance…

I thought I had overcome my fear of blood… when I worked at the clinical research facility, initially I was super queasy and almost fainted at the video of someone having blood taken from his cannula…in order to work there… I had to change myself to someone I was not…then I slowly exposed myself to videos of people having blood taken … then I watched from afar .. seated and not with an empty stomach… I made sure I was well hydrated and not too tired. I exposed myself more and more until I felt more comfortable.

The first person who I was training under to take blood from, though I thought my big fear of blood would hinder me from being able to take blood…When push came to a shove…I managed to do it. And not pass out. Densensitation. I think that’s how you spelt it(?). Repeated exposure to something makes you tougher and more able to withstand it… same with tolerances to spiciness… you start small and build up.. but you lose it when you stop doing that thing for a while.

That’s what happened to me today. My dad suddenly ran into the house and said, “I bumped my head!” And started putting his head under running water. In my training as a nursing assistant, I got him some clean make up pads and told him to put pressure on the wound to stop the bleeding. I made him sit down, incase he fainted from the blood loss and asked him if he wanted water. When he had pressed for a few minutes I applied a clean waterproof bandaid on his wound and told him to try keep it clean so that it doesn’t get infected.

Anyways, that is besides the point… after I did that.. I started feeling sick in my stomach…maybe it’s because I am hungry.. most likely because I have stopped taking bloods for over five months now.. I’am not immune to the fear of blood, or should I say my tolerance of blood has gone back to what it is before.

I am now lying in my bed now… trying to fight My queasiness and become calm again.

The doubtful thoughts entered my head again, what future doctor can be afraid of blood?

Code Brown: External Emergency

Today I woke up to a thick smog across the score…the smell of smoke can be smelt. :(.

This week has been a difficult one…in the place I live, the temperatures soared to over 40 degrees celsius and the heat continued into the night for four days. It was really hard to sleep at night..because it was so hot and I couldn’t fall or stay asleep…I also don’t have a good functioning air conditioner in my room…and my parents also wouldn’t let us keep the air conditioner in the kitchen.

The sweltering heat, lack of sleep, and just overall increased workload of the upcoming Christmas period and patients admitted due to overheating meant a very tired me. I went to work and back home. Doing nothing in-between. It’s all I knew..Work Home, Work Home, Work and Home. Very boring. How did I even use to manage to study for the medical entrance exam and for university? Thank God we have a summer break for uni! When it’s sooo hot, you really just feel like doing nothing! Luckily we have an air conditioner at work…phew

Oh yes, the title of my post, Because of the intense heatwave this week, a Code Brown was activated at the hospital I work at..which means an external emergency is occurring. We prepared for the worst, we had some increased amount of staff to help out in the dispensary in case it got super busy from the hospital trying to discharge everyone they can before Christmas time…and also to free up beds in case people affected by the heat need to be admitted.

In case I don’t update before Christmas or the New Year, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you!

May 2020 be a better year than this year!

Thank you for reading always.

 

2020

2020 is a big year. I can feel it already. The year I leave my 20s and enter the scary 30s. !!

It’s a year I want to knock off some things off my bucket list.

One of them being going to New Zealand. Always had planned to go…but because it seemed so close to home, it doesn’t feel like I am leaving the country. I am happy to say I have booked my flights to New Zealand and will be going on the 19th to 24th of March! Super excited…but also feeling a bit stressed…I haven’t found accommodation yet! I think when I finally get a place to stay I will feel more relieved… It’s hard to plan transport, tours, and etc without knowing where you will stay :(. I guess you can call me a homeless person while I am in NZ.

I have also managed to get VIP tickets to meet on of my favourite Jrock bands, ONE OK ROCK. SUPER excited. I have always wanted to see them live…When I was in Japan for exchange back in 2014, I wanted to see them in Japan….however they were touring in the US at that time..so I missed that opportunity. BUT they are coming to my hometown!!!!! So excited. I would have flown interstate to see them…but now no need…so might aswell splurge on VIP tickets which include a meet and greet <3, early entry, a special lanyard, and a wrist band. But most importantly, is that I get to meet them…and hopefully get a photo if I am lucky! None of my friends that are going got the VIP tickets…so hopefully I can make a friend there or find someone kind enough to help me take a photo.  I guess this would be a new addition to my bucket list.

Assuming all goes well in the jobs department, i.e. getting an extension of my current work contract or getting a new job within SA Health, I hope I can save up enough for a house/unit deposit. I am aiming for about 60-80k, which will be about the minimum 20% deposit I need for a house. Gotta keep working hard!

I have applied for the JET program..so this may affect my income levels aswell. But, no fear..doesn’t mean I can’t still be working overseas and saving for my house deposit. I haven’t heard anything back from them yet, so who knows if I will even pass the written part of the application? But at least I tried, right?

To be honest, I am not sure what else is on my latest bucket list…I think the same things that always matter will be there or not…stay fit and healthy… be present with family and enjoy time with my nephew …and be an awesome friend….travel more…finish my study…and get lots more experience in my career and keep working hard for long term goals…Oh yeah keep writing more in this blog..and other stuff which I have much neglected…

Do you have any goals or aims for 2020?

Random Rant: On Forgiveness

Forgiveness…it’s hard to describe exactly what it is.

It’s something that I heard a lot when I used to attend church.

“God forgave your sins so you should forgive other people”. I took this literally, people treated me like shit, I took it. I decided to try “see the best in them” and let them do it again and again. I don’t think I really understood that there is a difference between forgiving someone and letting someone step all over you.

I have learnt that forgiveness does not mean forgetting or condoning the wrongdoing, or reconciling a relationship, we are able to forgive and never say a word to them ever again. In the same way, we could say the words “I forgive you” or “I accept your apology”, and actually forgive them.

Forgiveness instead is an emotional change that happens inside someone who has been wronged. Forgiveness is not for the wrongdoer, it is actually for the person that has been wronged. I think this is what many of us get confused about. Forgiveness is not a gift for the other person it is a gift FOR YOURSELF, it allows us to overcome the pain that is inflicted by someone else. This is a process of letting go of our anger, resentment, shame and other emotions towards the other person or even towards ourselves.

It also treats the offender with compassion, even though they are not entitled to it.

I don’t understand forgiveness, but I hope I can slowly understand it someday.