Each time I feel like I have finally taken a step forward, I make the same mistake and end up 10 steps back to where I started. With each set back, the pain grows, yet I am starting to feel numb inside…Making the same mistake again and again, it frustrates me that I haven’t learnt my lesson. I feel frustrated in myself. Angry. Sad. Why can’t they just cut me some slack? Why do I always feel like I get the harshest critics watching over me like a hawk with no mercy?
I sound like I am asking to be pitied and I guess in a way I am. I am pitiful in my plight to get it easy. Nothing was ever given to me on a plate. I’ve always had to work so, freaking hard for everything that I have ever put my hand to.
I don’t know why I am complaining, but I just want to let the world know how I felt..
I felt a bit down after work today after another set back on my 100 items competency…I had made it to 82 last Friday and I had my fingers and toes crossed that today would be THE DAY that I reached 100 items and get to be fully fledged as the pharmacist I already am and being able to focus on more important things I need to do. I wonder if my lack of concentration is due to my anxiety to finish this as soon as possible, the lack of iron, or the restless sleep I have.
One day, I hope I. will look back and say, ” I am glad you didn’t give up otherwise you wouldn’t be where you are now”.
Until then, I say to myself, “Just keep swimming”. (Said in Dory’s voice xD)