What happened to me?

What has happened to me? I feel like I am falling back into old habits… into past fears, into avoidance, into the black deep hole. I thought I was strong enough to overcome all this, I thought I would never go down that path again.

Where did it go wrong? How can I fix this? What did I do before? I can’t remember anymore. Is this because of the situation that’s been thrown at me or is it because I was already suffering inside but because I had put it off for so long that I failed to see it? How did I become like this?

My hopes and dreams feel meaningless. Everything is meaningless. What’s the point in trying if you are going to fail anyways. Why am I so negative :(.

Is it because I moved here? Should I move back? I am so confused, worried, and exhausted. Is it because I spent so much time alone? This endless lockdown and constant worries of getting the virus. Constant fears of having to quarantine… I am so very tired and unmotivated 😞

Author: howtoadultwithjoy

Becoming an adult doesn’t come naturally to everyone, no one teaches you how to be one at school, and this is what my blog aims to do. Through random rants, diaries, hallelujah moments and so forth, we journey onto this sacred journey called ‘Adulthood’. Let’s do it with Joy. *please note this website is NOT x-rated adult porn site! Sorry if you thought it was!

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