#18 How to be yourself

This is one of the most used statements I have heard recently, what does it actually even mean to be yourself? What if you don’t even know who you truly are?  That’s a scary thought and I think it is one that many ask themselves privately.

I grew up being a little odd and my mother often called me stubborn. Other girls made fun of my hair and people at church talked about me and my obsession with black clothes and fingernails. But, back when I was younger, I didn’t really care what others thought, I just wanted to be left alone and do things that I wanted to.

It is funny how, as I grew up, I became less of myself and more like those around me. I really look up to my sister and sometimes my mum…I always thought, why can’t I be more like them? They have lot’s of friends, they are always going out to parties and social gatherings, they know how to do makeup and style their hair etc…I don’t know how to do anything and I hate going out with people… So eventually, I tried to change my style, I tried being outgoing, I tried paying more attention to the way I looked and talked…

I kind of lost my self along the way, but then again did I even know who I was? When I liked black…okay obsessed with the colour black, was I trying to copy my favourite gothic Jrock band members and back then emo was cool..But who was I really? I didn’t have any knowledge of who I am. The reality is, that the concept of ‘ourselves’ is always changing and it should change as we grow wiser with age). 

I am sure your parents have taught you not to do this and not to do that so that you fit in. At the same time, some parents (not mine), would also want their child to stand out from the crowd! In terms of grades, music and other achievements, they want their child to be the best and also fit in with their peers. It sounds like a recipe for conflicting values…Growing up sounds hard, can I stay a kid forever? 

The purpose of this post is to help you realise (and myself) who you really are by identifying some morals and values that you stand by…

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1. Take some to learn more about yourself 
It sounds weird, but sometimes you might not know yourself as well as you think you do! Sometimes those closest around us are able to see us for who we are, better than we can. We may have distorted representations of ourselves, like an inflated ego or have low-esteem and see ourselves as we really aren’t. It definitely helps to have people around you to remind you of who you are and what you stand for. Maybe start with listing out the morals and values that you stand for and believe in, you can find these out by examining what you do in a week or day and get to know yourself.

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2. Don’t compare yourself to other people
I believe the only time you should compare yourself to someone else, is when you are inspired to be more like them. You also shouldn’t compare yourself to others to feel good about yourself, what good does it make? Do you remember that quote by someone that said, “The only time you should look down on others is when you are helping them up?” …be that person who uplifts and encourages instead of pushing them down. Life is already hard enough, why make other people’s lives harder?

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3. Don’t try to be friends with everyone
I know this sounds like it goes against the bible and such, but just because you aren’t friends, it doesn’t mean you hate them. You just don’t need to be friends with everyone! They can be acquaintances or people you know, no one said you had to be best friends. There are bound to be people in this world that just hate you or you just have this vibe that they are not good people…and it’s okay NOT to try to be friends them. I don’t know about you, but I’ve been trying not to be fake just to get along with people. I don’t think the effort is worth trying to be friends with everyone, coz no matter what I do, as Taylor Swift said…haters gonna hate. Let’s get Swifty!!!!!

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4. Learn to say No
Does this instruction sound familiar? I wrote a whole blog about this here and I will just reinforce a few points. If you feel like you are being forced to do something you don’t agree with, because everyone is- then you are not being true to your own morals and beliefs. You aren’t being true to yourself! Ask yourself, do these people really respect your autonomy to make a decision? You should remember you have a free-will and are able to say NO to things you don’t want to do, within reason of course…unfortunately we still have to pay tax and our bills *Tear*.

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5. Don’t let being worried about what people will think to stop you from doing the things you are passionate about!
That was a long sentence…! Well, what I mean is, if you really want to learn hip-hop dancing classes, but everyone else if not interested and thinks it’s stupid and would rather do something else instead. DO you A. back out because you don’t want to be alone and do the other thing that they wanted instead. or B. Don’t give a sheet and just go to those hip-hop classes anyways!#SoloYOLO. I like that quote 😀 I used to feel like I needed people to do new things and go to places with me, now I just prefer it. I am still quite awkward when going to new places myself, no doubt…but I have been doing that and I have found it quite rewarding because I force myself to make new friends that I may not have it I had stuck to my own friends. So, don’t let fear stop you from doing those things you really want to! Take a step of faith and be all you can be! (Much easier said than done I know)…

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Anyways,

 

That’s all from me, I hope you guys can work on knowing yourself more and being truer to yourself. No one likes fake people and no one should have to put on an act all the time, it is tiring and eventually, hat mask may slip. So why not be yourself today?

Till next time,

 

Be Joyful~

 

 

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#14 How to make hard big decisions

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I don’t know about you, but I personally think I am a very indecisive person. I take a longggggg time to make a decision and even after I think I have made it, doubts come to my mind and I start to question myself.

I think this all comes down to me thinking life is black and white and that opportunities only once and that this might be it. This kind of thinking doesn’t help in my opinion, you never know when a door that you weren’t expecting to be opened is opened…

Anyway, enough rambling about my indecisiveness and let’s go through what sort of steps and questions you should be asking yourself when faced with a major (or minor decision). Would you like chocolate on top of your ice cream? 

  1. If someone asks you to make a big decision, ask if you can have some time to think about it before giving them an answer. This could be things like “WILL YOU MARRY ME?”,  “We would like to offer you this opportunity to work for us”, or even “Buy this limited edition BTS sweater and only pay for the shipping!”. Asking or taking time to think over a decision allows you to weigh up the pros and cons about that thing.
  2. So as mentioned, make a list of pros and cons of each thing you are deciding and really wrack your brains ( and someone else’s-if you have friends) about all the different pros and cons. Usually, you will have one list that has more pros and cons and that might be the best option for you.
  3. If you have someone that you are close to, share with them and discuss your options with you. Having some fresh insight from someone you respect can give you the perspective that you might not have thought of or having them be behind you can make you more confident in your decisions.
  4. Think about you end goals or the vision or place you want to get to at the end. What is going to help you get there and what might make it harder to get there? Sometimes, this might mean giving up something you really want, just because right now might not be the right timing. It’s like that experiment where children were given one marshmellow in front of them, they were told, “You can choose to have one marshmellow now, OR you can wait 10 minutes (or however long) and you can 10 marshmellows but you can’t eat the one in front of you now. If you put it like that, it will help you make that tough decision of doing something that benefits you in the long wrong but it is painful at the moment. YOU JUST WANT TO EAT THAT MARSHMELLOW THAT IS in front you-but no, you be patient and just wait for something that is coming.
  5. Live a life of no regrets! It is better to have tried, rather than not have tried. try not to stereotype every situation into something you have experienced before. For example, if you worked in a really bad environment in the past- you might take that experience into every other job that feels similar. Let go, learn and remember to keep trying new things and never stop.

    Anyways, time to write out my pros and cons for the big decision I need to make this week.

If you are in Australia, keep warm and dry!

The question of the day: Is there a big decision that you need to make soon?

Take care,

 

Joy

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#13 How to get a JOB and ace an interview

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So, for those who know me, I’ve recently been applying for jobs…I really want to work now-to travel overseas *drools* #Traveltheworldgoals!!!!!But yes, I can’t go without having money…So this week I was fortunate enough to have not ONE but TWO interviews…and I am no expert at interviews, but I have been to a fair few and all some of the different types.So I’ve decided to put together some tips of mine to help search for a job and how to ace an interview! (Or at least get hired). They are in no particular order.

  1. Get a haircut…and some new smart casual clothes. I mean it has been said that it’s not the clothes that make a person, but the clothes DO HELP. You need to dress appropriately for job interviews, you want to look good and if you look good, you will feel more confident. Black and white is usually a nice formal colour. Make sure your shoes are clean and match your clothes too!

2. Places that you can search for a job! I went to an information session which talked about how 80% of people got their job through non-conventional ways…i.e. Through people they know or in the “hidden” job market. Not all companies choose to advertise through websites like “Seek.COM” or “Career ONE”- though to be fair, a fair few of my jobs were found through there. Thinking about how I got some of my jobs, was through resume dropping at pharmacies or emailing companies who weren’t advertising and expressing my interest in working there with them. I also found a list of pharmacies (when searching for a part-time internship) and just called all of them and asked if they were hiring. It costs a lot of money to post job ads and I think most smaller companies cannot afford to do that or have the time to interview a large number of people.

3. I cannot stress how important it is to have experience– this not only includes working in a paid job but also in non-paid work. This can be work experience, internships or volunteer work. You got to put yourself out there, I mean most people don’t want to hire someone who has never worked a day in their life for a professional role right? Even if that job may not at first be completely related to what you studied you can gain useful skills such as communication, empathy, teamwork or just learning to work independently. It also shows that you care about your career and also you give back to the community-BONUS POINTS.

4. Okay, so you managed to find a job that you are interested in and you apply with your updated and polished resume- you have also checked that all your referees know that you are job hunting (just out of ourtesty)!  You have been asked to attend an interview! Unless the person hiring you has told you do not need to bring your resume, bring one…just in case. Always try to get there at least 15 minutes early! It’s better to have time to sit there, then have anxiety at being late. It shows that you are punctual, organised and an ADULT.

5. Have a nice professional black/brown bag, or borrow one for the interview. Don’t have like bells or anime key rings around it. You want to look professional and like a proper adult!

6. SHAKE the hand of the person who comes to get you for the interview. If you have been introduced to other people in the panel-shake all their hands and greet them one by one. This is super awkward for me, as I normally don’t shake people’s hands…but it means that you acknowledge their presence?

7. If they offer you a glass of water, take it! Because by sipping the water, it calms you down and gives you additional time to think about a question before they expect an answer.

8. Don’t try to be overconfident, while no one wants to hire someone that is a blubbering mess but an overconfident person just radiates out cockiness. BUT also don’t talk yourself down due to your insecurities … You want to have a balance of both, but most of all, I think it is good to be yourself (your professional self) since if they work with you, they will eventually see it anyway.

9. Really do prepare beforehand for interviews, it helps prepare for unexpected questions and just shows that you did your research.  Know the related past experiences you had and think of attributes or qualities that would make YOU an ideal person for the job.

10. If you have a friend PRACTICE interview questions with them,  or you can practice even by yourself…For me, I like to type out possible questions they might ask and write down exactly what I would say…I don’t remember the text word for word, but it helps jog my memory when asked something similar.

11. SLEEP EARLY the night before the interview!!! Eat breakfast, meditate, watch funny videos…just try to relax...No one likes interviews! It IS stressful, make sure you reward yourself with a treat for going something so stressful and making it out alive and hopefully not making a fool of yourself…BUT even if you did, learn from your mistakes!

12. Learning from past interview failures by reflection and some rumination can help you develop better strategies and tips and tricks for the next interview you have! Where you promise yourself not to blabber on about your dog for five minutes when asked about where you see yourself in five years. Wait, what was the question again? Really remember to focus on answering their unasked questions, it is sneaky-but this is how you can learn to expect it and SHINE!

13. Finally, don’t lose hope, if you didn’t get a job, it is OKAY. It might not have been right for you anyway and there is always something better on the horizon that is yet to come! If everyone got the job they interviewed for, then no one would ever face rejection…but some jobs have 100s or 1000s of people who apply for them and they may be only interview 10 out of those people. Just be grateful and thankful that you made it to an interview! It means that they liked what they saw on paper and wanted to know more about you as a person! GOOD JOB and STAY POSITIVE!

Thanks for reading and hope this helps!

A question for you:

How did you get your current/last job?

I hope for all those job seekers out there that you will be able to find that ideal job for you <3!

Remember, to remember why you want to work and keep that as your focus and end goal!
Good luck and see you next post!

LOVE,

Joy

 

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#12. How NOT to procrastinate

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Hey there!

Well as the blog title says, this post is about how NOT to procrastinate…I think everyone here already knows how to procrastinate without me teaching them. It’s like an ingrain human attribute that we are unfortunately all born with. 😦

Have you ever had some dreams, goals or big plans in your life…that you kind of…go..oh maybe next year? …Hmm, I don’t think now is the best time right now…Maybe in a few years…etc etc..

I mean, yes sometimes things are beyond our control and we can’t reach our goals..but SOMETIMES okay maybe OFTEN it’s because we are too ‘busy’ procrastinating… Hopefully this post will help give you some tips to stop that procrastination..whether that be the ‘diet you will start tomorrow (since the New Year…it’s only JUNE NOW), the much needed study for the upcoming exams (exam time in Adelaide this month for uni students) or just that goal of becoming a Youtuber which you have procrastinated on (for years).

Well, let’s stop procrastinating with this intro and get into it!

 

  1. Write lists. Literally, to do lists help me not fall apart and it feels SO GOOD TO tick something off the list (after you have done it of course). I have many things that I need to do and sometimes I do forget…BUT if I have a list on my wall, diary or phone, it is wayyy more likely to get done. But the thing is here that you need to remember to check that list to see what you need to do. Set alarms or reminders to help you if you always forget to check. Google Calendar is a great app that you can download for free to help remind you about appointments and etc!
  2. HAVE A DIARY/CALENDER or BOTH. Well, not everyone has a photographic memory and can remember every single event, birthday and things they need to do. Well, my memory is like a goldfish..heh…so yeah I definitely depend on my diary to remind me of catch up with friends, bills to pay or important special days (like exams). It just helps you be a better person! Instead of that bad friend who forgets about your lunch date that you planned 1 year ago…
  3. Have motivational posters around your room! This helps get you motivated and makes you remember WHY you are doing what you are. Be it exams…Remind yourself you want to become a DOCTOR or DENTIST and that’s why you have locked yourself in your room for 12 hours a day studying… Or if your goal is to get fit…maybe photos of your favourite athletes can help inspire you to get fitter. I think what we see often enough, will inspire us to be like that, especially when we feel like we aren’t getting anywhere and demotivated.
  4. Think and remember your goals and learn how to break down the goals into small chunks! You can write this on a piece of paper and stick it on your wall, to remind yourself what you want to achieve in your lifetime. I like to have three types of goals: short, medium and long-term, which helps break down BIG goals into smaller and more achievable goals.

    These goal types are pretty self-explanatory, short-term goals are like small steps to get started of things that I can do NOW to get to the next step..i..e. I want to become part of a hip-hop dance crew, but I don’t know how to dance…So I can either watch and learn from YouTube or sign up for a beginners hip hop class.

    Medium goals are those that you can work on in the near future as a result of the short-term goals. I.e. I have finished and completed the beginners class for hip-hop and now I am in the intermediate class! I am not more confidence in showing off my dancing skills on YouTube or to friends… and I don’t look like a fool! You might even form an amateur dance crew for fun!

    Long-term goals are those that might be in a few weeks, months or years. These are not achievable straightaway and involve an investment of lots of time, money and practice! So a long-term goal for this dancing thing is that you could audition and get accepted into a professional dance crew and perform in competitions and do performances professionally.

  5. Use watches and alarms! It is important to try sleep and wake up at the same time each day. Efficient people never sleep in (on purpose)… They wake up each day EARLY and make the most of all the time they have while they are awake. They usually have a set morning routine each day to get them ready…they don’t lie in bed for two hours playing with their phone and then when they wake up to spend another two hours in bed watching Youtube (guilty as charged..). If you are tempted to use your phone in bed, time yourself so that you know exactly how much time you are wasting and feel guilty .. hahaha… it’s always good to be mindful of the time so that you can waste less time procrastinating and actually get things done son!
  6. I am going to chuck in meditating in here …Just because…I am not sure about you, for me, it is really hard to sit there and do nothing and just breathe…It becomes easier as your practice it more…but yeah when I meditate I get reminded of all the stuff I NEED to do. So I make a mental note of everything I need to do post-meditation…usually, unless it’s super urgent like a tablet I forgot I needed to take. meditation is good for calming your mind and your anxiety levels. Definitely, recommend.
  7. Have friends or family keep you accountable for the goals that you set out to do and help keep you on track. I am pretty guilty of trying to do too much or trying to run away from the important goals in my life… Sometimes I get put off by how big the mountain or hurdle is, that I want to run away and go down a slippery slope instead of climbing the mountain. But, I am lucky to have friends who remind me and encourage me not to give up and to keep climbing, because I have already climbed halfway. Thank you, friends!
  8. Last but not least, take time to reward yourself and to reflect! Rewards could be anything! For example, you could study for 45 minutes and then give yourself 15 minutes break to do anything (timed of course). Or you could reward yourself with a healthy snack (or unhealthy). If you complete a bigger goal, like passing an exam, you might be able to reward yourself with new clothes or something you wanted to buy for ages…This is like almost bribing yourself to get off your ass and to stop procrastinating!  It is also very important to reflect on how far you have come at regular intervals and I don’t think it is a bad thing to feel content and proud of how you far you have come! You might not be there, but at least you are going somewhere!

    I hope that this post motivates you to think about something that you have been putting off…There is no better day than today to start!

    SO what are you waiting for?

    Stop procrastinating and ‘FOLLOW’ My blog for email updates for when I post!

    Question: What is one goal in like that you have been procrastinating to do?

    Take care and see you next post!

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