Is it Fate?

Do you believe in fate?

Do all things happen for a reason? Or are they just random happenings and it just happened to turn out some way or the other?

I mean is it fate that our parents decided to get married, have a kid, and then bam you are here?

I personally think all the things we think might be random help turns us into the people we are today. Our setbacks, our failures, our successes all happen for some great unknown reason. Perhaps to help build resilience, or to prepare us for something we didn’t expect coming.

Perhaps that random job we did back in our uni days will somehow be the stepping stone for the launch of our career that we really wanted… I think you sort of only reflect and appreciate all the things that happen in your journey when you look back retrospectively..and be like…oh I see.. I didn’t get that job…but in the end end I got this one, which I think is much more suitable for me!

Or…I hated this job..I quit…but I found something so much better and it helped me grow. It can be frustrating when we feel like the place that we are now is now where we want to be…but if we take it all in our stride..as seeing as a pathway to get to where we want to go, perhaps the journey won’t be as burdensome.

 

I think personally for me my journey is going into another direction and exciting things are yet to come..

 

All the best to us!

 

#randomramblingend

How Babies change your life

So yesterday, my sister gave birth to a healthy 3.96kg. 52cm long baby boy! Congratulations!!!

It really is a miracle, or magic of some sort…that a baby can grow in the middle of a womens belly every 9 months and become a living being…it is incredible..yet none of us would be here if it weren’t for this miracle.

If you think about it, carrying a baby around with you for 9 months is quite a self-less act…you have to watch what you eat, what you do, and take numerous supplements and things that are meant to be ‘healthy’ for the baby. Your life becomes so focussed on the baby…

It doesn’t stop at just carrying the baby…after giving birth…you are forever scarred in someway by the method of delivery, for my sister a massive scar where the C-section was conducted. Your body may never be the same again… You have a living being that depends on you to survive.

Without you, it is helpless..you are the one who gives it a life source of nutrients..care and love.

You have to pause your life…maternity or paternity leave for however long…

I imagine that your life would start revolving around your child even as they grow older…You have to take them to school, prepare their lunches, buy uniform, books…go to Student-Teacher Interviews…Fundraisers for school, casual days, birthday parties…deal with conflicts like bullying or some other issue.

It sounds like a big commitment…

So why do so many people choose to give up (?) so much of their time, money, and freedom for their children?

It sounds like such a great sacrifice..

Maybe I don’t understand, because I am not a mother. But truly, mothers and fathers are quite selfless human beings when they brought us into the world.

Sure, they may be far from perfect and at times, even annoying. But they made a decision to raise you, to the best of their ability.

 

Thank you

An ‘adult’ conversation?

Wow..I have updated in almost two weeks…it’s not that I didn’t want to update..its just that every time I sat down in front of my laptop…all the ideas that had popped into my head throughout the day was gone..

No motivation…Just didn’t feel like blogging.. It felt more like a chore than a hobby that I liked…

I tried on multiple days to write…but nope. Just nothing. Zilch. Nada.

I decided to take a break and today was the day I finally found some time to open this and write whatever is in my head. No plans.No crazy rants or ideas this time. Just writing about not being able to write.

I am not sure what’s wrong? Maybe it’s the weather? It’s rainy and dreary lately…no Sun…just feel like sleeping all the time and keeping warm.

I am sure its not just me, other people in the entertainment industry, artist, actors probably get to a point where they are like. Nope. Can’t force this anymore. Need a break.

Anyways, some good news to share with you.

I had what I would classify as an “Adult” conversation the other day! I was talking to a friend about how much we needed to save for a deposit on a house..I was showing her houses that I was interested in and the estimates for all the fees and levy’s we would have to pay. She pointed out that we were having a very “adult” conversation. A year ago I would not have been having such conversation…it would of been a much different one.

This allows me some time for some reflection…Things aren’t perfect right now, but I think they are alright. There is still things to do to make it better- as it will be for the rest of my life. But I am super grateful for how far I’ve come in this journey to become an adult. Whatever that is. 🙂

Thanks for following me on my journey 🙂

 

 

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Happy Mother’s Day~

It’s mothers day in Australia today…it’s a good time to reflect on what our mothers have or have not done for us…

I am not a mother myself, but I can imagine that being a mother would be an incredible experience and challenge. I don’t think anyone can be prepared for motherhood (or fatherhood), it is thrust upon you and suddenly you are in charge of looking after a vulnerable child.

I imagine there is quite a pressure that is bestowed upon you to be a a good example to your kid… I think by thinking about it in that way, I would feel more inclined to be more forgiving to things that my mother may have not done well when I was a child.

I think parenthood is a prime symbol for entering adult hood…paired with getting your own house, getting a full time job, and marriage…it just seems like the natural progression for being an adult. Saying that, I do know many do not follow this such plan and that’s entirely fine too. However, I do know that some people, no matter how long they have been a parent, will forever be a child at heart.

At my age now, my mother was already a mother of two children…That thought …sort of scares me…I can’t imagine having even one child at this age…It just seems like such a massive decision to make…to have kids…Because it’s not like a pet, where if things don’t work out you can possibly give it to a shelter or to someone else… Pets come and go…but children are for life…….!!!

I feel like I had super high expectations of my parents as a child…I wanted them and wished that they were someone who they were not…as a child I did not see them as just individuals who are older and wiser than me…I thought them as stupid, selfish, mean and they were NOT allowed to make mistakes in my book! A bit has changed since then, but more often than not, it’s hard to see parents as normal people…just is.. :O

 

What are your thoughts?

 

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A clear room and a clear mind

I have finished tidying up my room! It took a good solid two weeks of tidying and cleaning, but it is DONE!

Do you know what benefits I have had in cleaning my room?

  1. I killed a spider
  2. I found about $25 of money in red packets and in loose change in my piggy bank!
  3. Found a lot of foreign currency I didn’t know I had! -$$ unknown
  4. Discovered socks and clothes that I didn’t even know I had.
  5. I can now pull out something from the hangers in my wardrobe without pulling out five others at the same time.
  6. I know where everything is! Because I basically went through everything!
  7. Less dust! As I finally cleaned the surfaces that had stuff on it for ages.
  8. I donated at least 10 bags of items to charity – benefit for society? HAhaha
  9. Found lots of photos, sticker photos and things from friends that I have stuck around my room – the colour really brightens up the place 🙂
  10. Everything just feels more organised! I love opening up a draw or a door and seeing everything I own at once.I have officially joined the Marie Kondo Kult- I am a life member now… Let me show you some before and after photos!

 

.These are the before photos…60154824_2368153593514804_1840298142356996096_n

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^I had over 140 coat hangers…I am so surprised I even have that many clothes to hang!!

After the 2 week cleaning spritz..

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And that’s a wrap on my cleaning spritz…and now let’s hope my mind gets cleared too. 🙂

I learnt a lot about learning to let go of things that have passed its expiry date…About things you have to let go in order to move on to better things..as Kondo says, how can you appreciate what “Sparks Joy” if you have too many things to look after?

Change will be coming soon!

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The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying- Marie Kondo

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So I have finished the first book by Marie Kondo “The Life-changing Magic of Tidying” and have started listening to the audiobook for her second book. I think it is too early to tell if my life has changed from tidying…well technically I haven’t finished yet.. I am still in the process of getting rid of papers and books…It’s a bit hard…I went through all my notes from my University undergrad days…and there sure was a lot of trees that were sacrificed for my sake. :(. I feel bad for chucking away all the once important informations…but to be honest…when am I going to need it again?

Things are always changing in my profession, so whatever I was taught back then is probably out of date and superseded by some new information…

Going through all my books from university, I noticed that my style of studying changed dramatically throughout the year. I started with using just A4 clear plastic folders…then this turned into those folders in which you can bind papers together and still write on them…then in my later years I discovered the “ART OF BINDING”! And I bound all my notes for a subject in one big chunk…It was awesome..But it also meant I had to carry all of my notes despite maybe only needing just one lecture note.

That aside, I had to really think, what would I like to keep?

In the end the things that I kept were things that I thought maybe I would use in the future..for me personally it was things pertaining to Clinical Trials and Opioid Substitution therapies in which are the areas I work in at the moment. I also kept some mock oral exam scenarios…just incase I ever am able to get into teaching! I would love to be one of those on the other side of the examination table…

Marie Kondo said there are two main reasons why people find it difficult to discard things...
  1. 1. They are worried they might need that item in the future
  2. 2. They are afraid of letting go of the past and the memories attached to those objects.

    This really struck me hard. Why had I kept so much stuff? Was it because I wanted to remember the past? While cleaning up my room, I found letters, cards photos, random keepsakes of places I have travelled to and postcards…What was the point of keeping all of these things? I honestly don’t ever even look at it! They only get found by cleaning. ..Marie Kondo says many people say they want to be able to grow old and then have all of these memories to reflect back on the past... But what about living in the moment? Why do you want to live forever in the past? What happened to making good memories right now? Reminiscing greatly does not help in my opinion…unless you just want to remain stuck in the past.

I did find it hard to let go of all the excess items that I have hoarded. These things looked perfectly usable…HOWEVER, I did not use them. Marie Kondo also said, “If you look after your things, they will look after you”. I honestly do not think I look after most of my items well…No wonder they look sad and worn out! She stressed the importance of treating your things with respect and making sure that the items return to the home that they came from. She also shared in her book that she thanks her items for the hard work they have done for her for that day…that may sound crazy, but who knows…maybe your items will work for you longer :O..I personally think t doesn’t hurt to be grateful for what you have…

This clean has made me realise that I am just as bad of a hoarder as my parents…but you probably would not be able to tell at first glance at my room…It’s relatively clean…Minimal items on the floor..I have boxes, cupboards, and wardrobes that hide all my excess items. It looks clean, but it really isn’t…I’ve just created that illusion by putting all my things away behind closed doors…It made really think about my life…and have I also been stuffing all my true intentions, emotions, and hiding how who I am and what I truly feel behind closed doors?

So, I do believe that the tidying that I have been doing has really challenged the way I think about problems…am I really solving them ? Or just temporarily hiding it out of sight? In which they will resurface again each time I do a “Clean”…

How about you? Are you going to take the challenge and get into the  Life Changing Magic of Tidying? You never know what sort of life lessons you might learn from it!

 

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Life is a game analogy -Part 2- Sushi Go Party

 

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Have you heard of this game? I recently played it with some friends over the Easter Long weekend that just passed! It’s actually really really fun…even though I am incredibly bad at it. 

Despite its initial deceptive cuteness and looking like a light hearted game, it can soon become very competitive as we try to win the race to the be the first at the finish line and you also need some sort of maths skills to add and subtract in this game. Upon reflection after playing this game, I believe that this could teach me, and maybe you a life lesson or two.

Before getting into that, I will explain how this game works, for those who haven’t played before!

Each player starts off with seven cards in their hands, then when the game starts you put  down one card you want to keep and pass the rest of your hand to the person on your left. You receive a new hand from the person on your right…and you repeat..choose a card and then pass the rest on. The round finishes when every one has put down 7 cards and there are no more cards being passed around.

The cards all represent different amounts of points you can get or lose and the description of their points is at the bottom. For example, if you have two tempura cards-you get 5 points (if you just have one you get nothing). There are also eight rules that have been decided upon at the start of the game-that is in the middle of the board. These rules decide how much special combinations of cards are worth…also there are also rewards and penalties for having the most of a card or the least. For example, in our first round we had a rule in which the person who had the most Pudding cards got 6 points, the person who had the least had six points deducted off their total score in a round. In another round, we had a rule that who ever collected four special cards over three rounds would get 12 bonus points.

Upon reflection, I think this game can teach you about spending, saving, and thinking about investments. It might be a long stretch, but it requires you to have to think, What is the best way, with the least risk to get the most points.
In real life, I guess we are playing with money, stocks, shares and other investments. There’s a risk that we will lose out if we don’t have insurance or cover for a particular thing… Just like when you see a Pudding Card come around, you have to think is it worth taking one, just so that you might not be the one with the least amount of pudding cards and get six points deducted, or whether or not you take it, it will happen anyway? In life, we have also have to think and consider, should I get health insurance or car insurance, just in case something happens that I do not foresee and I suddenly have to fork out a huge amount of money? I could be winning by purchasing health insurance and actually use it when needed, or maybe I might be losing money as I never needed it…

While I was playing the game, I was quite defensive and not totally confident. My strategy was to try not get points deducted as much as possible…However, I think this is one of the reasons why I did not do so well; in retrospect. I was so focussed on not losing any points, that I actually didn’t gain any or many points. ..I think for a very big proportion of my life has been spent trying to avoid bad things from occurring… Not trying this incase it doesn’t work out, too scared to do that because what if I get hurt…Not willing to take risks on investment, incase I get scammed… I was just so worried about what might happen, that I forgot that if I focused on getting more points in the first place, those deductions would not have made such a great difference either way. Having no points at all, is like trying to survive without money in the real world…:(

Yes, its a risk to get out there and try…Why? Because you might fail. Because people might laugh at you for trying. Because may try to make you feel like you aren’t enough.

But, you know what? The jokes on them, because you took the risk, you might win big and win the game in the end. (Or you might not, but we don’t talk about that.. ) 

If you have a chance~ Go and and Play Sushi Go Party*~

*Warning- Does require at least primary school maths skills levels to play..*

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Are you dwelling or planning?

I spend a lot of time worrying and then making myself anxious about the things that are yet to come…Anyone here know that feeling when something worries you…and it starts off small..but as you have more time…you start to ponder..you add to it..and what started off as maybe a small problem has snowballed into a massive one. Then you can’t sleep…can’t eat…can’t enjoy life anymore without thinking of that massive problem…

So basically you’ve just created a MONSTER.. a Frankenstein if you must and now he’s out to destroy your life. 😦

I am also a person who likes to plan things in advance. I like lot’s of notice…who, exact time, where, when and roughly how much. Spontaneous things don’t work out well for me. I don’t like the uncertainty and the things that I can’t prepare for…

I thought it was fine to keep thinking and planning my future….I thought by thinking about it more it would get better or suddenly a solution would pop out of no where and answer all my unanswered questions. It was only today that someone asked me, “Are you planning or dwelling?”. Planning can be useful; for example if you need to plan your strategy for getting a new job. Planning helps you to use your time more efficiently int he job search…which websites you will look at, what expos can you go to, who do you know who can help you make an connection…

But, dwelling is different…Is it not good to keep thinking thoughts like… “What if I don’t get a job?”…”What if no one wants to hire me?”…”What if my resume is rubbish and I get no interviews?” …I hope you get my point. So in this case, dwelling is of no use of all and it probably hinders your progress in finding a job…because you waste so much time thinking over and over what could happen, what if you did things different, what if you could just turn back time…

There’s no use. We can’t turn back time…We can’t control what happens in the future. If it was meant to be, it will be.

What’s important is that we live in the present … We remember that while it’s okay to plan…we also acknowledge that things don’t always go to plan and that’s okay…Maybe it was meant to happen that way for a reason. ..

 

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What’s in a name?

I’ve been thinking lately (what else is new?)- about the power of a name..

There are so many uses for a name! People associate themselves with names, land marks and buildings have names, countries have names, and also illnesses have names.

Flowing on from the last post about introductions, I wonder…can you know someone without knowing their name? Like why does it matter what their name is? Yet, it DOES matter in terms of having an identity that you are who you are. If we didn’t have names, would we just be described by our behaviours or how we physically look like? That blind man over there…That fat old lady sitting there…I guess we may that to an extent if we didn’t know their names…

It’s really amazing the stereotypes that we associate with certain things..be it a gender.. “I am a boy, so I should be strong, I should not cry!”…”I am a girl, so I should know how to cook and clean!”. It could be a race, “I am Chinese, so I should be ashamed about the fact I do not know how to use chopsticks properly!”. Sometimes I feel like, due to all the names and labels that are put on us, we feel like we have to be or act a certain way to fulfil other people’s expectations of us. It’s like a self-fulfilling prophecy. You think you should act a certain way, therefore you act that way…and then you think it is because I thought I had to act that way so I did, or did I naturally want to do it? I hope you understand what I mean.

So, in particular I want to highlight why naming has such a big level of influence on someone ‘diagnosed’ with a mental illness. I will explain shortly why I put diagnosed in quotation marks. If you haven’t heard of the DSM, you can check out this link here basically it is a bible of all the known mental illnesses of mankind at this point of time. It is always changing, things are added and things are taken out. For example, homosexuality used to be in the DSM, until people rallied to have it taken out. I imagine it would be a terrible time to live in if you were homosexual…if you revealed to a doctor you had homosexual tendencies…you would be subject to various, often painful, treatments in order to ‘cure’ you and make you ‘normal’ or heterosexual.  Sadly, often these treatments did not work and caused terrible trauma and pain upon those individuals.

The DSM started off as a small thin book and throughout the years it has been continually added to…there are more entries going in than out..it’s now a huge book. So, it causes us to ask the question, “Are we just putting labels on normal human behaviours?“. So basically everyone has mental illness. If we are all mentally ill, then what right do we have to called others ‘Crazy, Pyscho, and Insane?”

But my point is, are we really helping people on their road to recovery by sticking numerous labels on people?

I remember a time when I went to see a doctor about a problem… she initially diagnosed it as “XX” condition…then later she changed her mind and said it was “YY”. Did any of these labels help me to get back on my feet? The answer is N-O. It did nothing, except perhaps make me even more paranoid. I looked up Dr Google and looked up all the symptoms and things that people diagnosed with “YY” had…I went to forums and read how people’s lives seemed to be affected by having “YY”… I was confused, scared, and my anxiety was through the roof. I felt like I had a life sentence upon me, just because of the subjective, narrow-minded opinions of one individual who was useful for nothing except chucking labels. Like a self-fulfilling prophecy, I doubted my self to be normal and got self-conscious of every action that I did, did I do it because I have “YY” condition? Was I going to turn out like everyone else that presumably have “YY” condition..

I am so glad now, I left that doctor after realising how toxic visiting her was… I see a different doctor who does not just throw labels around. She genuinely wants to understand what I am going through and why I am going through those things…It’s not a matter of throwing my labels upon a person…it is trying to understand what they are going through and helping them explore options to why they feel that way. The first doctor had created a large chasm between me and her, she had elevated herself to be the ‘expert’ and I was just a ‘passive clueless’ receiver. Because I listed out a few symptoms that fit into the definition particular condition, she deemed I had it…it didn’t matter  that there were exceptions to the rule, that I had strengths and characteristics not associated with that condition…it was because she used her subjective, stereotypical view and saw me as ‘abnormal’ and I needed to be ‘fixed’. She made it clear something was wrong with me and that I needed to change, she gave the impression she was normal. Now I think back, she was nothing but an evil witch. She didn’t want people to get better, she just wanted herself to feel better about herself by chucking labels on everyone.

I am not saying labelling a condition is not useful for anything…certainly if you want to have mental health sessions subsidised by the government you have to be categorised into having a diagnosis of some sort…the same is needed for insurance company claims etc…but if you are trying to help someone, it is not useful for helping them in their recovery by focussing on their deficits and not their strengths.

I have been meaning to write about this topic for some time now, but put it off.. because I am not sure if I can do it justice..

I would be super interested in hearing your thoughts about this!

 

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Don’t try to Fix Me

Have you ever wished that you could take away someone’s sadness…anger issues..bad habits?

Have you, despite knowing you can’t change them- gotten angry, frustrated, and upset that despite all your immense efforts and hard work – they don’t change…or they change for a bit-then they go straight back to their old habits.

Why do we do that? Why do we try change people?

Sometimes our intentions may be good ones..we just want the best for them…you can see that they are acting toxic towards themselves or others…and you think alright…just need to change them…

But, as you might have realised..it’s incredibly hard to change someone, who doesn’t want to or understand why they need to change. If the self-determination isn’t there, they won’t be able to change…They will just continue thinking what they are doing is right. Unless they can see clearly why they need to change their behaviour…telling them… yelling at them…incenticising them will only lead so far 😦

 

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