Catch 22 – Research Projects

When you start investigating and looking into doing research, unfortunately you will affect the circumstances that you are in.

Research has not been my strong point or forte unfortunately… I just get overwhelmed, bored, and tired of doing research. Unfortunately, as part of my residency position, I will have to complete a research project. Coming up with a project hasn’t been that difficult, but implementation and designing. Holy shit. So hard..🥲🥲🥲it’s almost been a year, yet I still haven’t been able to even start my project yet. Getting ethics has been a major road block… there are so many hurdles to jump through even before I can even go through to ethics… As a resident, my project has to go through the Education committee before going to the Research Committee, and then finally after they all disseminate my Research Expression of Interest.. then can finally go to the Ethics Committee 🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲 just too hard if you ask me.

It sucks now.. the waiting game before starting the Research.. but I suppose in a years time… maybe I will be pretty happy with where I have ended up? Perhaps I would have finished/close to finishing my research project..

WHO KNOWS

Am I going to make a difference in the world? Maybe not?

I love my project… yet I also hate it with passion. How I long to be a normal employee without all the additional responsibilities, research, and expectations… Yet, I know this is a stepping stone for something greater. Something better. Who knows

Short Story Series- You got Scammed – Chapter 7

Saturday rolled around faster than she expected and now she was getting ready for the date. She was tossing up between two different dresses, one was a low cut sexy black mini dress while the other one was a cute long green dress which didn’t show her body shape at all. In the end she chose the green dress, she didn’t know who this guy was and he could turn out to be a creepy stalker after all. She put on some make up and straightenedd her hair, smiled at herself in the mirror, grimaced at herself and then grabbed her keys and went out.

She had just parked her car at the station when the message alert rang out on her phone. It was Hiroshi….

“Hi Lilly. Sorry, I am running a few minutes late today because the train was delayed :(. Just to let you know I am wearing a maroon backpack and wearing a brown jacket. See you soon!” He then also sent a photo of him in his mask sitting in the train…

Damn, she had time to kill, time to do more investigating. If Hiroshi didn’t have social media accounts, he might still use things like LinkedIn or surely she would be able to find some information on him, Hiroshi didn’t seem like that common of a name. As she didn’t know his last name, she typed in his first name and changed the location to “Melbourne, Victoria”. She then tried with the keywords, “Chef, Japanese, Hiroshi, Melbourne”. There was absolutely nothing. It was like this guy really did not exist. Who was he? Was she safe? Should she back out now? Now she was somewhat afraid, this was a complete stranger that seemed like he had something to hide…She rubbed her temples and thought deeply, she could leave now, but then she would never get the answers she wanted to find out. Before she could come to a conclusion she heard her phone alert go off.

“Hi Lilly. Are you here already? I see a girl in a car that looks like you. Look out the window to the right.”

Self-fulfilling prophecies

Have you ever been a negative nelly and you believed something bad was going to happen, and when it did you announced. “I told you so!”

How much did our attitude to that problem, situation contribute to what happened?

If you always feel like your partner is going to chest on you, so you are suspicious of every female friend they hang out with…and you accuse him of flirting at every opportunity. Maybe your behaviour contributed to his decision to cheat. He was called a cheat, so might as well do it right?

I am not sure if I am making any sense at all.. I woke up around 5 and couldn’t fall back asleep… I was too cold. Most of the time, I am too hot when I sleep. Life is so hard.

P.S. todays cover photo is of some Frozen Taiyaki I found in my local Asian grocery store :0 $3 for 5 mini ones. A bargain 🤣🤣. I put two in the air fryer for about 5 minutes and it’s super crispy and DELICIOUS. Unhealthy probably but delicious. I am craving one now.. but its like 7am. Lol.

Anyways, in conclusion. We have to acknowledge that we have past preconceptions and assumptions about people and their behaviour. Because men and women are not all the same. Stereotyping people and situations doesn’t help. It should make you more alert, but sometimes the ending can be different. And hence I end thid somewhat sleep deprived chat here.

Is it being lazy or being efficient?

Today I managed to do a weeks worth of cleaning in one day. I was recording in a voice message to my mum what I did today.. and it was a lot (imo)..!

Woke up. Had breakfast. Then took the first load of laundry of undergarments downstairs. waited half an hour or so then took the next load, work clothes -on delicate mode- and put the undergarments in the dryer. Repeat x5. As I was hanging up the work clothes I get a call from my Aunty who was checking to see if I was alright…

After the call I try to do some study.. but I am hungry again :(. So it’s time to cook from all the left over ingredients I bought last week! So today and tmoros menu consists of frozen eel (soo delicious), frozen fishballs, frozen mixed veggies ( so colourful), fresh bokchoy x3 (coz its cheaper), 2 onions, half a garlic, half a box of smooth tofu, left over noodles…and voila! 4 or so meals are done. It tastes good too. You can’t really go wrong with these ingredients. I left of mess after cooking (and eating) as per usual.

So I started wiping down the kitchen bench.. then I realised the floor was dirty.. so I got out the good old two in one mixed head mop.. sprayed some disinfectant and water. Well, one thing led to another… I had the spray out already.. should I just clean my toilet and shower today instead of Sunday? It means tmoro I can just relax… hmmm anyways. So I ended quickly cleaning the bathroom too.. I don’t think I did as thorough as the week before.. but I’ll survive🤣🤣🤣 always feels sooo nice to have a clean toilet, clean clothes, and clean kitchen bench. My sink is still full of dishes tho 🤣🤣🤣…

Some of my colleagues are horrified to hear how I only clean once a week…but hey I live on my own and the mess is my own. If I can live with it, then it’s fine right? As long as no one else is affected 🤣🤣🤣imho.

Day three (I think)…Haven’t moved in yet

So I finally got my keys today. But, as with all things, there are mishaps when you want to move in, the property manager called and said there was a crack in the shower floor and it might leak water into the unit below…so I had to wait for about 3 hours for a plumber to seal up the leak…and then I am not allowed to use it for at least 24 hours apparently.

Anyways……Whilst waiting for the plumber…I went up and down the stairs around 13 times..! As I had to move everything by myself I was only able to carry a little at a time..boy was it a major struggle trying to drag what seemed like a 30 kg suitcase up the stairs…

It felt SOO good to finally unload all of the crap that has been weighing down my car for the last few days and consuming so much more petrol than normal…soo good..but it took me ages to get everything out…I miss the days when I was living at my house in Adelaide and the car is soo easy and I don’t need to lock my door and the front door every time I leave the room.

As my aunties and uncles told me, I needed to make sure I documented with photos and videos the place before I moved in, just in case I get told off for damaging the property and losing my bond when I move out…I have to say, there was a lot of stuff that I didn’t realise was there previously..a greasy microwave, a dirty fridge, dusty bed frame, dusty everything! Also, the mattress itself was disgusting… the previous tenants obviously didn;t use matress protectors..coz there was all these blood stains and other stains on it..EWWWW..I tried getting rid of the stains with the antibacterial wipes…but not much luck sadly…..I also found out one of the desk lamps don’t work, not sure if I just need to replace the lightbulb…I am a bit scared to change them lol…I used an entire pack of antibacterial wipes to cover almost every surface (that I can reach) of the apartment. It just felt so unclean..not knowing who has touched that surface or when it was last clean. I then proceeded to spray Glen 20 (an antibacterial spray) literally on every surface and on matress. Then I opened the windows to air out the place a bit..who knows how long it has been vacated for..

Then I started unpacking..it’s a bit hard to say where I will keep stuff at the moment…Most of my clothes are still in the vacuum sealed bags…coz I haven’t decided what to do about them yet..I am not sure if I have enough clothes hangers either..I just grabbed a whole bunch and didn’t think about it too much… When I took them out, it didn’t seem enough…but we’ll find out I guess!

I opened up the big fat suitcase and started taking out sanitary pads, label maker, dishwashing liquid (I don’t know why I bothered to buy it all in Adelaide lol), face masks, more face masks, and random stuff that I bought in Adelaide. I unloaded all the snacks that I received and I bought before my long trip to Adelaide…and yes unboxing all my new appliances..like my kettle and air fryer…and the water filter jug…sooo sleek looking…I love it…I had to try decide where to put stuff and I am still working on it..I guess the top draws are the more frequently used stuff and bottom is less used things…so u don’t need to bend too much.
After I had enough of packing..I decided to stock up on some food..since all I had is instant soup, the snacks, and some instant noodles from my aunt. My aunt said there might be some issue with food shortages happening because the supply change is being affected and told me to stock up on frozen and long-life products.

So me being me, just wrote a list out, but didn’t really follow the list when I got there. I used a plastic bag to put groceries in when I got into the supermarket…then it got really heavy with all the canned foods, pasta, and pasta sauce I bought…so I took a basket and pretty soon that felt like it was going to break…so I decided to pay for this basket full of stuff first and then go back in with a trolley.

I spent wayyyy too much…but I need this stuff to survive…who knew living alone would be sooo expensive! It would be nice to have someone to share with…it would be a lot cheaper…but then again…the perks of living by your own rules and the design feels great! I bought a whole bunch of frozen food…vegetables, chips, fish, DUMPLINGS…and I bought fresh bread to put in the freezer… I also bought 2 bottles of long life soy milk…and yeah …canned fish, canned chicken, canned vegetables, and 2 cans of spam. I think there was a limit of 2 of each item in the store….Since my aunt said I need staples like flour, sugar, (I forgot salt), mayo, tomato sauce…I bought these also…So $$$ buying all this stuffs.!! I also bought some kitchen scissors which should come in handy. I went ham on the disinefctant…well not too ham since there is a limit of 2 items per person…but yeah there is SOOO many and like …I am so confused so i just grabbed whatever is cheapest. Also got some disposable hand gloves, reusable hand gloves, something to clean the toilet and something to clean floors…and window wipes…and air freshener!! Antibacterial hand soap!! LOL. I am cheapskate now I am living on my own. I’ll try to survive on the cheap stuff before I can invest in more expensive stuff…Cheap cling wrap, flour, sugar…lol.

I saw they had a $20 rice cooker…should I? How often will I cook rice anyways? I bought 2 packets of microwavable brown rice in case I felt like it.

What I haven’t bought is cleaning applicances..like a mop, a dust pan and sweeper…or anything like that…vacuum cleaner…I did notice a small hand held car vac in the apartment…maybe it was left behind by the previous tenant? I am not sure..didn’t try it if it works yet…will try tmoro…maybe that would be sufficient to clean my small apartment?!?! I really want a Dyson Stick vacuum tho….but soo $$..>gotta be more careful with money now that I am paying so much in rent per week T_T

So exicting and so exhilarating to be living in my own place!!!!!!!!! Still so much to do however!

Day 1 – House inspection

Woke up groggy and tired, but I had some things to do. Firstly I had to go to the post office to apply for my Working with Children’s Check and to get my mugshot taken for the card…plus pay an expensive fee..but apparently, it lasts for 5 years and is tax-deductible. Luckily the post office was not too far away, I saw 4 pharmacies along the way…and restaurants…etc.. Everything will become a ghost town after midnight tomorrow…all non-essential retail shops will not be allowed to be open… 😦

After that, it was off to my first inspection! It was horrible. Absolutely..disgusting. Walking into the property you have to go through a side door, pass an old damaged building…you get barked at by 2 dogs…then you see a kind of shack-like building..it’s not that tall…you have a small kitchen…a place for a bed…and a small area for a living room… yup.. That’s it..it looked much better in all the photos.. so much smaller in real life. I nervously looked around, took a few photos, and then thanked the real estate agent for her time. She could see on my face I did not like the place and didn’t even try to convince me to apply for it.

I couldn’t get out of there fast enough..felt a bit scared when the gate wouldn’t open… I would be freaked out going home at night…makes me feel vulnerable and insecure. no thanks. Next…It was a more expensive room..but which seemed much more secure.

I went in through a sliding door..Into the front of the property..each room had their own mail box. That’s good… The real estate agent opened the front door with a key…looks pretty clean to me. We went to the unit 1 which was on the left…He struggled to open with the door with the many keys… I walked in..Looked like the pictures…but maybe a bit smaller than I remembered? But that’s okay…it had a really nice panty which pulled out with some racks. coz..But a bit small. The other thing I didn’t like about the place that the bathroom in the toilet had some stains from a leaky tap. It just made the place a bit worse than I liked… That’s my only small gripe, nothing major.

The agent said, we have another room upstairs if you want to see? It’s just become available. I said, yes I would love to see it. This room, had a dream catcher still hanging near the door… it felt …larger..bigger..better. and best of all the sink basin was clean…and the toilet was more spacious. I liked it. I asked the agent “How much? Is it the same cost?”…He said he didn’t know and that I would have to ask the other agent in charge of the property, but said “likely to be more expensive because it’s bigger”.  This was pretty much fully furnished… there is a communal laundry with a washing machine and dryer in a separate room outside… It was to be shared with everyone. That’s okay..I don’t mind. With this place..Wifi and electricity aren’t included in the rent, unfortunately…

I felt pretty good about the room. BUT since I was in that area, I might as well check out this other place I had wanted to inspect initially.

The owner was pretty flexible and I met him up at the place about half an hour later…What I noticed first was that there was no gate at the front and no undercover parking…There is this disability ramp that goes up into the house…there were also stickers around the place in both English and Chinese…one said…”Smoking area here”..I don’t like smoke…and I have asthma…sooo that sort of put me off a bit. He opened the front door…and showed me a room towards the back…tiny..small..like a hotel room..not bad in any particular way…but yeah…no sink to wash your hands or be able to stare yourself in the mirror…the only mirror is right behind the toilet. No thanks :(. I went to see the communal laundry as well…It was in an old shed…we have to pay to use the machine.. fair enough… hmm all bills included…tempting…But it just felt somewhat too temporary and not for long-term use… =s

Day -Zero

I just spent a whole entire day literally in my car.. my car is a mess 😦 I normally wouldn’t eat in my car.. but with all the restrictions in place, I really had no choice :(. It’s so dirty now…and carwashes and stuff are all closed as per the stage 4 lockdown :(.

I am exhausted.. but just wanted to write a quick post to let you guys know I’ve reached Melbourne after driving solo across from Adelaide. It was scary.. but it was also exciting and exhilarating experience as well. I wonder if I would enjoy it more with company…probably? Depending on who it is.

I saw a few cool things along my journey.. including SILO art and a giant Koala! I have added these photos to the post.. it made the trip more worthwhile.

This was my first roadtrip on my own…and I gotta say.. it’s quite sad seeing all the dead wildlife that are strewn across the roads :(. I counted at least 12 kangaroos and 1 possum that was dead. For some reason, some dead kangaroos had a red X marked on them :S. Something did jump out In front of me, not sure if it was a possum or a black cat.. but luckily I did not hit it.

Another thing that I noticed there was a lot of police presence on the the side of the road towards Adelaide. When I unknowingly reached the border between Adelaide and Melbourne, the other side of the road had a checkpoint set up to make sure everyone entering Adelaide had a permit. Good to know the borders are keeping the Adelaide people safe.

What people are surprised at is I didn’t get stopped at all by anyone at the borders. I didn’t need to worry about it at all! It was literally cross no questions asked.

I have some house inspections to do tomorrow and some paperwork to do for my new job. Hopefully all goes well and I don’t get in trouble for going out >.<

Silo art

Day -1

I can’t believe I am finally leaving tomorrow.

I am writing this as I am waiting for my last shift at work to finish…I have said good bye to some of the long time methadone and suboxone patients.. it’s surreal. I am going to miss this side job I had…

My permanent weekend side job stuck with me through the thick and the thin…through the uncertainty and unknown. It’s been the source of comfort and a stable income for once. I think this was my first permanent job. Not a short contract, casual, or intern and I got to say I have loved working for this company and this would be a company I would come back to work for again. I worked there as a student …I worked there as a pharmacist…and hopefully I can come back as a full time clinical pharmacy staff in the future. But who knows what working in Melbourne is like.

I’ve been doing small last catchups before I leave…eating out everyday…it’s sad. it’s a good bye but not a forever farewell. Home is always where my family is and I will come home …when I can. With the Coronavirus raging on in Melbourne (where I am going)…It means that I will be banned from coming back to my hometown in Adelaide..unless I am an essential worker.. This might mean the only way I can come back is to find a job back in Adelaide as an essential worker.

I played my last game of badminton in Adelaide yesterday night..boy did it feel good. I am gonna miss it :(.

Have to try seeing if all my luggage will fit in my tiny car when I get home today. wish me luck. 🙂

P.S I have recorded one last podcast that I will be uploading soon..about cars of all things!

2 days to go…

Been soooo busy these days.. doing lots of things.. but also feeling like I am not doing anything productive…

Been going out wayyyyy too much. I am not a very sociable person, so sometimes its a bit awkward…but I don’t regret it. It makes me feel sad that I am leaving behind all these wonderful people whom some I haven’t seen for months and months! It’s only because I am moving away that I am seeing them..

Packing… it has started and what started as one suitcase has turned into two suitcases, 2 crates, eight bags of clothes, and one more to come.. dont forget the badminton stuff… gym mat… laptop.. chargers.. last minute toiletries…hair dryer… contacts lens… pillow quilt.. soft toys.. snacks and drinks for the trip..I feel like I want to bring everything.. but my car is tiny.. ;(

So much to do.. but so little time 😦

Packing

Two weeks to D-day/drive to Melbourne day. I can’t believe I am leaving. It’s always been everyone else leaving me..and this time I am leaving?!! Strange.

I just started packing..TBH I am kinda cleaning and clearing out old junk more than packing. So much dust everywhere and so much non-used stuff.. so sad.

I am so glad I did the Marie-Kondo style clean out of my room last year..it makes it a lot easier to pick what clothes I want to take to Melbourne. I am surprised that actually there isn’t a lot that will end up going with me…But yeah I never got around to the rest of the house…partly because a lot of the stuff isn’t mine so I don’t want to chuck away other people’s stuff. But today, I was like F it. I am just going to clear the bathroom of old unused stuffs and free samples and hotel stuffs etc. SUPER dusty man..

As I pack everything I think I need into my suitcase..It seems surreal that all my belongings that I want to take…seem like so little in the grand scheme of things.

People say I have guts and so brave to go to Melbourne by myself and during this Covid-19 wave.. brave…or just stupid?

Whatever it is..it’s happening.

My uni friends got me this label maker as a farewell gift.. I have already packed into my suitcase.

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I just had a look online though, the labels themselves are ridiciously expensive.. .XD I have gotten myself into a trap…-.-;

Super excited tio use this in Melb though!

Love-Hate Relationship with Caffeine

I couldn’t sleep yesterday night…not sure if it was because I ate some pizza with cheese (and being lactose-intolerant) or if it was because I drank a matcha latte drink at night.

My tolerance for caffeine has been really really low lately! Without the early starts in the morning for work I rarely drink a cup of tea any more…usually drinking tea at night is fine for me…but I was super hyped up and full of energy until 2am at night… I stayed up reading Webtoons as I was too alert…yet also anxious because I need to work tomorrow..! The more I tried telling myself I need to go to sleep NOW…the more alert and anxious I became..sigh

Woke up groggy in the morning…with a bit of headache… I made a cup of coffee to prepare me for the long drive to work..Don’t want to fall asleep especially on the expressway and PLUS it’s raining.

Why does caffeine both make me tired and then make me alert? I am so addicted and so dependent on it… 😦

My stomach hurts..not sure if its from the coffee or from the pizza from last night.. 😦

Caffeine is both friend AND foe.

Disappointed

I went back today to the laser eye surgery centre. The doctor seemed nervous as he asked me how I was before I could say “Fine”( a clear lie, since my face did not say I was fine).. he said, “Disappointed Right?”. He said it was unfortunate that the surgery had not gone fine.

I had a list of questions prepared for him about how long I needed to use the eye drops for and if I could wash my hair with shampoo! It’s been super annoying not being able to wash my hair or face…incase I injure the eye even more. Apparently, according to the doctor I have to use both eye drops until the end of the week and then the lubricant can be continued until whenever. He said, I should be able to use the contact lenses again from the following Monday…but warned it might feel more uncomfortable than normal. That does not give me any confidence at all TBH.

I said, didn’t you say that the eye drops you had prescribed prior to me getting the LASIK would ruin my contact lenses? He asked me what type do I use, and I said the hard contacts…and he said it was fine. Why is everything suddenly so contradictory? He then said glasses and contacts are fine to use until you are 40. WTH.

I asked if I could get a copy of my medical records for my own personal use and also a copy for my regular optometrist that I see. I also want a record, in case I do intend to send in a letter of complaint. I don’t think it’s alright to rush a surgery and to have me experience unnecessary anxiety and pain because they just want the $$.

He then asked me if I had received the money back,  I said no. They said to make sure I chase that up if I don’t get it in the next few days. I said okay.

I talked to my sister who had studied law in university and she said to document everything that was said (hard with my goldfish memory) and perhaps we would write a letter of complaint.

I personally wouldn’t want anyone to go through what I did. I don’t think LASIK is as good or as magical as they make it out to be. How many others have had to go through these botched surgeries? I can’t be the only one right?

-Angry

Lasik failure :(

I was so worried about post surgery complications, I didn’t even consider that the procedure would be a failure…

Prior to the surgery, I was given the choice to take some sleeping tablets to help “relax me”.. and of course I took it.. I was nervous as hell.. but little did I know what would happen next.

I don’t know how often this happens, but I was all gowned up with the hairnet, shoe covers, and ready to get lasik. I had to go through numerous stinging eyedrops, face disinfected, text over my eyes…and then they propped openmy eyes with something so I couldn’t blink.. that was a bit painful. I had to stare at a green light above me that sort of suctioned onto my eye. It was uncomfortable, there was drilling sounds, I was scared shitless. I think I knew something was wrong because the machine kept coming off and back on to my eye…what felt like an eternity later (but was probably a minute later), the doctor aborted the surgery. He had made two incisions in the flaps of my eye to try lift them, but apparently couldn’t because the shape of me eyes were weird. But mate, aren’t you supposed to check that pre-surgery? At that time I was too drowsy to say anything and really remember much.. I was taken to a recovery area with a ned.. and given an icepack for my now inflammed rye.. they were talking about there being bubbles in my eyes. WTF.

The doctor pulled me back into his room and tried to explain what happened, but he used all this medical jargon (about eyes) which I didn’t understand and was too sleepy to ask about. Why do they do that? After drugging you up telling you all this important stuff? He took out the after lasik pack which had been shown to me by a optometrist assistant prior to going into the surgery. He chucked away the antibiotic eyedrops and said “You won’t need this”. But what if I do? You have made two cuts in my eye! I can see the blood lines there and it freaks me out.

I can’t remember the last time I felt so disappointed, dissatisfied , disgusted, depressed, and yet damn angry. I have been knocked out the rest of the day. All that damn anxiety and dread leading up to the surgery day…

They also made me pay upfront BEFORE i had the surgery. What scammers. In the end they apparently “refunded” it to me on my credit card.. but honestly I can’t see it there yet…I won’t let them get away with that one. 😤😤😤

Some of my friends have told me to sue them for medical negligence. Whilst it sounds like s annoying and long-winded expensive process… I wouldn’t want anyone else to go through what I did and who knows how long my eyes will take to recover? They didn’t even tell me if I can wear contacts again.. do I have to wear sunglasses everywhere? Am I not allowed to wash my hair with shampoo? Which is what their information sheets say, but they didn’t write one up for botched surgeries.

A mixture of guilt and sadness also lies within my mind. Why did I want so bad to not have glasses? I guess they might be the safest option now…

-Sad

Waiting for lasik now

Super super nervous.. omg.. took some relaxants and sleeping tablets that were offered to me.. i think I will be knocked out post surgery… Then begins the nightly process of a trio of eyes drops, lubricants, antibiotics, and a steroid. They also are giving some pain relief meds.. to really really knock me out if needed.. hopefully will “see” you on the other side clearly.

Unfurnished Homes

I am just realising the importance of having furnished verse non-furnished houses…

So many houses come unfurnished…have to buy your own fridge…microwave…washing machine..Bed…so expensive..especially if you are not planning to stay there long-term.

Then there is the cost of installing such things..which can put the cost to thousands and thousands…and is it really worth it.. :(?

I have also realised that a lot of the places I am looking to rent. like studio rooms with kitchen and toilets…are unfortunately STUDENT ACCOMMODATION. It’s damn cheap, small, but has everything…but I AM NOT A UNI STUDENT ANYMORE T_T Cries. Sucks when the cost is good, location is good, but they only take students.

I was up till like 1 am just checking through property after property and shortlisting some…It sucks how I can’t go into inspect..but I guess video is the next best thing…