Expectations Vs Reality

Have you ever ordered one of those “Meal Prep Ready Kits? i.e HelloFresh etc?”, they contain all the ingredients and instructions to make the beautiful dishes that are pictured on the front of their brochures? You get super excited because you are going to end up with that awesome looking meal for dinner. Get that feeling? NO?  Well, anyway let me explain, how many times has it turned out like how you expected? The carrots you received became soggy in the fridge, your knives weren’t sharp enough to cut the vegetables up nicely like they did, you old stove cooktop doesn’t have accurate temperature settings, so your beef is a bit burnt. Your egg didn’t turn out that beautiful sunny way that you imagined it would be. You plate it up and take a photo of it for the sake of showing everyone the effort that you TRIED to make it like the picture. You write #Nailedit when you mean FAILED IT.

It not only looks shit, but it tastes shit too :(. Our great expectations can sometimes lead to great dissapointments as well. We hype ourselves up, this is the moment, this is the job we always wanted, this is the relationship that we always wanted… We all have this fake, unrealistic expectations that this is what you wanted…maybe…maybe just in your head. Perhaps some people are born more as dreamers than others. We don’t settle for what we have, we aren’t comfortable where we are…we always want…whatever is on the other side. Because the grass is always greener on the other side?  Isn’t it?  It really might be! Or it could end up being fake artificial grass. LOL.

 

What is the point of this post? I just wanted to say, there are so many expectations that I have had of myself…I turned the big 3-0 this year and it still amazes me that I still feel like the same kid that I was 12 years ago when I first finished high school. I had no idea what I would be doing, but I thought that by 30 I would be married, kids, stable job, house, dog, moved out… But, hey I am turning 30 in about 6 months and I certainly have none of that… Still single, have a pet turtle, still living with parents, on a contract job, STILL studying. But that is not what I am focussing on, I don’t want to be all negative and pessimistic. I think it’s okay to have expectations. Because I guess it gives you hope that things will change. I might be better off in 10 years than I imagined in my head and do you know what? I have realised some of those things, I don’t think I even necessarily want! It’s just that the people and environment have bred me to believe that’s what it takes to become an adult and to be seen as an adult by others.

Marriage? Maybe. Kids? Probably not. House? Yes, if I can still travel too…the loan is like a chain to my geet though :(. Dog? Yes, but I MIGHT even settle for just a cat, stable career? That’s a bit boring… I get bored in one job for too long :(.

Maybe our mindset changes, maybe we as people are just changing. Whatever it is, I am just saying it’s okay to not be where you thought you would be. Because you wouldn’t be where you are now if you didn’t walk the path you took.  Wow look at me trying to be philosophical and shit, but anyway, that’s my random rant for this week.

 

Thank you and Stay safe!

 

 

Grief

Somebody once said something along the lines of, “It is better to have loved and lost, rather have never loved”. I believe strongly in this statement, as we would never have realised how much someone or something meant to us until it is gone. This post will examine a few different aspects of the subject of grief.

I still remember the first time I experienced grief and loss. I was in the week before my final exams in my last year of high school and I was just about to attend a maths tutorial class when I got the phone call. My mother had found my dog, ‘Coffee’ lying on the ground and vomiting in the morning. They rushed to take him to the emergency vet and hopefully they would be able to save him. A few hours later, after the class had finished, I received a text message…Coffee had to be put down, the snail poison he had accidentally ingested had gone throughout his whole body, and there was nothing they could do about it. I took the bus home, and while walking towards my home…the reality became clearer and clearer…he was gone…he really was gone… There would be no one waiting for me when I get home…no one to accompany me on my walks around the neighbourhood…no one to hug and talk to. As I walked into the backyard where his body lay in a box, I broke down in tears and overwhelming sadness washed over me. I didn’t know what true grief was until that day…so many feelings washed over me…Regret. Why hadn’t I gone with them to the vet? I could have caught a taxi…who cares about how much it costs? Money cannot turn back time. Why did I care so much about attending some stupid course that probably won’t be beneficial at all…especially since all I could think of was of Coffee during that time. I questioned myself, did I ever get to say ” I love you” to my dog and appreciate him for all he did for me? All the times we spent together…my first-ever best-friend.

In saying that, after the passing of my beloved dog, who had been part of my family for over a decade of my life…I did fall into some sort of depression, (not that I knew what that was back then)…I did not feel like studying, could not concentrate on whatever I did, and I would tear up when the feelings of grief became so strong that it overwhelmed me. Even now, writing this blog makes me relive those feelings of sadness to me. Grief makes you afraid to love again, because the fear of losing a loved one again is one that is hard to forget, no matter how hard you try.

Grief is a powerful and overwhelming feeling, it is not pleasant, but it is somehow necessary to teach us to appreciate what we have. It is an inevitable part of life, unfortunately. However, prolonged grief can, unfortunately, lead to mental illnesses like depression.

 

 

Can you remember the first time you felt grief?