Code Brown: External Emergency

Today I woke up to a thick smog across the score…the smell of smoke can be smelt. :(.

This week has been a difficult one…in the place I live, the temperatures soared to over 40 degrees celsius and the heat continued into the night for four days. It was really hard to sleep at night..because it was so hot and I couldn’t fall or stay asleep…I also don’t have a good functioning air conditioner in my room…and my parents also wouldn’t let us keep the air conditioner in the kitchen.

The sweltering heat, lack of sleep, and just overall increased workload of the upcoming Christmas period and patients admitted due to overheating meant a very tired me. I went to work and back home. Doing nothing in-between. It’s all I knew..Work Home, Work Home, Work and Home. Very boring. How did I even use to manage to study for the medical entrance exam and for university? Thank God we have a summer break for uni! When it’s sooo hot, you really just feel like doing nothing! Luckily we have an air conditioner at work…phew

Oh yes, the title of my post, Because of the intense heatwave this week, a Code Brown was activated at the hospital I work at..which means an external emergency is occurring. We prepared for the worst, we had some increased amount of staff to help out in the dispensary in case it got super busy from the hospital trying to discharge everyone they can before Christmas time…and also to free up beds in case people affected by the heat need to be admitted.

In case I don’t update before Christmas or the New Year, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you!

May 2020 be a better year than this year!

Thank you for reading always.

 

Random Rant: On Forgiveness

Forgiveness…it’s hard to describe exactly what it is.

It’s something that I heard a lot when I used to attend church.

“God forgave your sins so you should forgive other people”. I took this literally, people treated me like shit, I took it. I decided to try “see the best in them” and let them do it again and again. I don’t think I really understood that there is a difference between forgiving someone and letting someone step all over you.

I have learnt that forgiveness does not mean forgetting or condoning the wrongdoing, or reconciling a relationship, we are able to forgive and never say a word to them ever again. In the same way, we could say the words “I forgive you” or “I accept your apology”, and actually forgive them.

Forgiveness instead is an emotional change that happens inside someone who has been wronged. Forgiveness is not for the wrongdoer, it is actually for the person that has been wronged. I think this is what many of us get confused about. Forgiveness is not a gift for the other person it is a gift FOR YOURSELF, it allows us to overcome the pain that is inflicted by someone else. This is a process of letting go of our anger, resentment, shame and other emotions towards the other person or even towards ourselves.

It also treats the offender with compassion, even though they are not entitled to it.

I don’t understand forgiveness, but I hope I can slowly understand it someday.

Experience?

I woke up today and I was working on writing a job application for a senior pharmacist position…and as I was thinking of all the different pharmacies I have worked and all the different roles I have had…and realised I am an experienced pharmacist…even though I don’t think I am… I have achieved much and experienced much… I don’t know everything, but I know something.

Applying for jobs is about selling yourself, your knowledge, and your experiences. Some talent in writing is needed here…you want to make it seem like you have done more and learnt more than you probably have…if you undersell yourself, you won’t even get a chance to progress from paper to in-person interview.  That reminds me, I have another interview this coming week… It is part of the same company I am currently in..but a different branch…further away from my house… but hey, stability in finances comes with a cost. I love my job now, but having short contracts constantly and not knowing if I have a job next year is scary…and I need to do my best to grab whatever opportunities there are… Otherwise, I won’t be able to save up for my house :(.

I feel really lucky now…Even though at times it’s frustrating…scary… tiring.. and exhausting. I think there will come a time where I will look back, and say I can’t believe I made it that far…by working so hard! You reap what you sow and if you worked hard…your efforts will pay off.

Going to a house inspection later today…I finally have a day off! So I might as well use my time wisely.

In other news, yesterday I heard from a colleague that another colleague had suddenly passed away..No one knows why. They were young. Lot’s of potential and a funny person. They will surely be missed. But it reminded me greatly about the uncertainty of life and the experiences we have interacting with each other…If you treat someone badly, and then they pass away, there is no opportunity to say sorry or to forgive them.

So think again, do you want to live a life of regret? Treat people the best that you can.

I honestly rather that people treat me bad, then I treat someone bad.

Random Rants: Are you happy right now?

When you earn more money, do you get more stingy? Or do you become more generous?

I find that the more I earn…the more I spend…but at the same time, I also try to be careful with my money. It’s a ‘balancing act’…Earn more..can spend more…thus not saving more.

It’s a conundrum. It’s great you are earning more…but you also pay more tax…and then you end up with less than you initially imagined.

The ability to earn more…means you can afford to go on holidays in which you couldn’t before…do you take the time off and go on a holiday? Or do you keep saving and saving until one day..you can’t work anymore?

Such is life…I guess you have to choose whether you are happy, satisfied with how much you have.

You could be poor and happy. You could be rich but sad.

So many decisions to make…Do you take the risk to do a job that offers you one-two month contracts at a time, with no guarantee of ongoing work? Or do you instead continue part-time work …that also doesn’t offer you any more hours? But it is permanent. Or do you remain casual, which is flexible…but where you get pushed around by the big guys up there…When it’s busy they overwork you, when it’s quiet they don’t care about you and you get no shifts. The instability of life. Choices.

Such is life.

Priorities

I had an argument with someone who was once a friend…I was constantly trying to make plans to meet up with them or talk to them, yet they were always TOO BUSY to even talk. They would take forever to reply to simple texts asking if we were meeting up that day or not. It was just getting really annoying and frustrating for the lack of communication.

Call me pushy or too clingy…but honestly, sometimes you do wonder why you even bother? If the other person is putting in zilch effort towards a relationship that is one-sided, what even is the point?

Apparently, they are ‘too busy’, apparently their schedule is ‘too unpredictable’. But honestly, with a bit of communication and planning, there is always time. But, that’s only if you want to make time.  I got angry because I know that I have been incredibly busy and run down lately…but I do try my best to spend time with loved ones…because they are the ones who keep me sane, to help me relax. It wasn’t always like that, I used to just concentrate on work and study and no play. But that is no way to live.

We make our own schedule…essentially we choose what we do. Sometimes we feel like that isn’t the case. Despite knowing this, I still complain that I work too much…13 out of 14 days…but that’s IS MY OWN CHOICE and I have my reason to do so, but I don’t use that as an excuse for not meeting up someone when they ask me. Friendships and those close to us are a treasure. Those that are real friends will stick around when the going gets tough…when you are feeling down…and sad. If you neglect your friendships and just concentrate on something like your career, or earning money, or just one single relationship…and neglect the rest. If you lose that one thing, you have nothing.

I get angry at people like that because I was once like that…and still like that to a small extent. I know I need to change, it’s hard I KNOW. I am super guilty of just want to put my all into something. I am the first to compare myself to others and want to have what others have. Those who seem like they are succeeding in what they do, do you see all their sacrifices to get to where they are? Do you see their blood, sweat, tears, and the loneliness that they face?

I guess it all comes down to your priorities and your values. Maybe career is all you care about and is what you live for. But for me, I don’t want to go to the end of my life and realise, yes I got the job that I wanted…I had so much money…but I had no one with me in my final days of life.

I have a wall sticker on my wall it says, “The best things in life are the People we love, the places we’ve been, and the memories we’ve made along the way.”

and the other stick on my other wall says “If you can dream it, you can do it”.

Two very conflicting values that I hold strongly too. I want to live my dreams, but I also treasure every moment with my friends and family. Because they are truly the best things in life to me.

 

Scared to be Lonely

When we are lonely, we wonder when we will ever find someone to share our life with…

When we finally get into a relationship, we are worried how long will it last for, what obstacles will we face.. what is our future? Are they the ‘one’ for me?

Is there even the ‘one’ for me? What if there are many others better than this ‘one’? Should I stay or should I go?

When we are in a relationship we should really let go of, we fear the loneliness again…

When we let go of that relationship, we fear if we make the right choice, but we are afraid to show our feelings…because you don’t want to be vulnerable…

When we try running back to the relationship, we may find out that they have already moved on and we are hurt again…even more hurt and lonely than before

When we are at this point, we ask ourselves, did the relationship make us anymore less lonely or more happy? Who said we had to be in a relationship to be happy?

When we realise this, we realise we can be happy now…and that being a alone doesn’t mean you are lonely. We have great friends, family, and most of all-pets to take away our loneliness

Random rants: Hectic Lives

Do you ever stop and think about how you coped with things in the past?

I sometimes wonder why I get so many migraines, headaches, and sicknesses. Then I kind of get reminded that maybe I am not eating properly, not sleeping properly, and probably doing one too many things at once.

Stress is an interesting thing and it can change over time and comes in all types of shapes and sizes.

I was reflecting back on my undergraduate university days and remembered that every day was full of things to do.

I was studying full-time, and in pharmacy we had quite a lot of contact hours…we had practicals that were 5 hours long, workshops, lectures, etc etc. It was a hectic life, on top of that I also worked two days a week in a cafe for 3 years, a retail pharmacy for one year, and in a hospital in my final year. I remembered playing in a team for the weekly badminton competition, I also remembered being captain of my very own Vets team. Then there were the religious commitments I used to have, I was in the church band, and they had weekly rehearsals on Saturdays…as well as the actual ‘performance’ days on Sundays which took up most of the day. I used to spend almost every day before a test or an exam studying at uni until well after 10 pm..to then wake up the next day at 6:30am and do it all again.

 

I remember one day, before an important test..I was studying late at night at the university..revising.. and I got a phone call. It was my mum. She said Grandmother had passed away. I was in shock. This couldn’t be happening! Not now…I just can’t deal with it…I couldn’t study any more after that. I don’t know how I managed to make myself go to that test and do so well… In hindsight, I could have applied to defer that test if I wanted to…but I didn’t.

That experience woke me up a little, it made me feel all sorts of feelings. It made me feel guilty most of all. WHY didn’t I spend more time with my grandmother when she was alive? Why did I prioritise STUDYING so much? Why did I want to do well in university when I could have just got through with average grades…Why was I so afraid of NOT doing well? Of failing? Where were my priorities? I don’t know why I worked so hard and I don’t know if it was worth it? It’s so easy to get obsessed with things for me…I was obsessed with badminton…with music…with drawing…with anime…I don’t know. Passion? Entertainment? I don’t know. Honestly…now  I am probably just obsessed with working and getting money. For what? Do I think a house or holiday will make me happy? Maybe. Maybe for a little bit. But then what, I’ll be sad again?

I have to constantly remind myself, life is short. We don’t know when our end is. What will we regret when we are older that we wished we did more?

I ask myself this because there are many decisions we have to make. There are many pathways we could go…but it all takes risks…There are some many “I WISHES” and hopefully we can get to them before it is ‘Too late’ and anyways I am not even sure where this post is going anymore…

 

 

 

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Big fish in a small bowl

So I listened to a podcast about an interview with a girl that was part of one of ‘The Bachelor’ series. If you don’t know what this series is about, it’s basically like one guy that around 24 girls are trying to fight with each other to win over. It actually sounds quite stupid, if you ask me. What makes that one guy that special that 24 pretty girls are fighting over him?

I guess it may be the big fish in a small bowl effect. Because they are all taken out of their normal lives, with no access to the internet, other people..etc they just all behave differently than they normally would. In the real world would you really fight over this one guy that you know is seeing 23 other girls at the same time? NO, you will just think of him as a dirty player and find someone else better that does not go out with other girls at the same time as you. Most of them wouldn’t even swipe right on Tinder for them I don’t understand how the girls in this show could genuinely be in love with this guy…doesn’t it piss them off to know that he is seeing so many other girls at the same time?! That would piss me off greatly. L.O.L.

Anyways, I am using this example to try and explain the tunnel vision that sometimes we may have in our lives. We think that things are a certain way because that’s all we have ever known, but elsewhere..be it another state or country…things are done differently. People are different. There is so much of life that is yet to be explored and sometimes we feel like there are not enough fishes in the sea, but maybe we just haven’t been brave enough to explore the ocean in its entirety.

For example, you may think… that you will never meet ‘the one’ for you. But, maybe he or she is not living in your small town…what are the chances that your soul mate is conveniently located in the same place as us?  Maybe, we have to expand our world a bit further…and become a small fish in a very very big bowl.

ps…and in other words…I am starting a new job tomorrow! First day…feel very much like a small fish entering in a massive seaworld themepark ..>.< wish me luck!!

pps. Thanks for the 2000 visits to this page!

 

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Random Rants: Regrets

Just got hit by a wave of regret today…

You know that feeling how you think you have it bad…but then you lose someone or something that had always been by your side and you regret taking them/that thing for granted? It could be a relationship, a beloved piece of clothing, or a job.

Maybe your mind might play tricks on you by making it seem better than it was, you remember all the good times and things that that they/it gave to you, but you forgot the way the relationship didn’t work, the item was not working as well as it once did, or the reasons why you left that job in the first place.

Alas, every end of something great can only open the door for things that are even greater.

You will meet someone or encounter something new that will blow your mind away… I guess in order to make room and time for something new, the old has to pass by.

But, it’s okay to feel sad, it’s okay to mourn for what you once had and lost. You don’t need to ‘cheer up’ or ‘look on the brighter side of things’…Because otherwise, you miss out on learning more valuable lessons.

Lessons about learning to take care of things more properly in the future, of not taking relationships or people for granted, and treasuring what is important to you most.

So, take your time, feel the regret, sadness, and loneliness. Embrace it. Fully. Let it do all it wants to. And then, embrace the next new thing.

 

 


 

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Rainbows

For the last two days..while I was driving to work I saw a rainbow in the sky.
On the first day that I saw it…I was like..is this a sign that everything is going to be okay? That despite all the decisions, changes, and stresses- will it really be okay?
Today, I saw the rainbow again and I felt kind of angry at it…’ Why’ I asked myself, are you giving me false hope? Is everything going to get better? Why does it feel like it is getting worse?
I think something is wrong when you are angry at something that beautiful in the sky.

I have been reminded lately, that I am responsible for my own happiness..and I need to stop letting circumstances, other people, and things from biting away my own happiness.

I am somewhat responsible for all the stress I have been feeling…overcommitting to too many things and somehow believing I can do it all well. I can make a choice not to stress myself out and put down some things…if I wanted..but I still choose not to…being undecided.

Is prevention always better than the cure?

This has been an thought of mine in the last few days… why does it always seem like we make a choice in either focusing our efforts on either ‘preventing’ something from happening or working on the ‘cure’ of it however temporary.

A classic example would be having vaccinations or waiting till you got a bug and taking medicines to ‘treat’ it. Do you pit yourself subject to numerous jabs by needles in order to give yourself the best possible chance against some pathogens you may or may not encounter?

Would your answer be easier if there is ‘no’ cure to a illness?

Straying to another prevention vs cure type scenario.. would be the cosmetic industry.. I see there are some companies that focus on solely on skin care.. moisturisers, toners, cleansing foams, eye creams, face masks… etc.. then there are other companies hat purely do make up..eyeshadow, blush, lipsticks.. you get my drift right? So, if you are the preventative type person.. you would focus a great of your money, time, and energy on making your skin as healthy as possible .. and so you may not need make up because your skin is so ‘naturally’ good.

On the other hand, maybe you are not a patient person.. not one that follows a strict thorough skin care routine.. they only put on makeup when they are outside anyways.. they rather not waste time on a long and tedious skin care routine… thy instead focus heavily on make up.. which can turn a pimply, acne-prone, dry skinned etc skin into a beautiful model perhaps from a magazine… you can barely recognise them without make up. They are just that good at make up..however , when the make up is gone.. they actually have terrible skins..

The last example I will give is.. about the decisions we make in life.. our openness towards letting other come into our lives. Have we had our trust broken before? Are we afraid to love or to let others love us? Are we always afraid that they will leave us or worse.. hurt us in a way that we feel we truly never heal…?

Or do we recklessly let people in, with the hopes that this person will be different and that they wont hurt us..? When they do, we get ‘treatment’.. which could be in all different forms… maybe its bingeing on food, random sex, drugs, alcohol, or just letting yourself be depressed for awhile and hoping you will get better.

How about you? Are you a preventative or a treatment prone person? Which had the better life?

In the face of uncertainty

I have always been a person who hated surprises or unknowns…I am just really bad at dealing with things that do not go to plan.

I think that might be the case for others too…When things change..when your favourite supermarket closes down, when that brand of leave in hair conditioner that has been discontinued or when the ownership of your favourite sushi restaurant goes to someone else… All these inconveniences and small mishaps can build up and you suddenly feel like nothing is a constant anymore. These things are what hold us down, ground us and perhaps makes us feel ‘safe’.

But the truth is, nothing lasts forever, all things have to come to an end at some stage or another. What in life is truly guaranteed? Except, Death of course…unless you somehow have worked out a way to become immortal. If so, please let me know your secrets…

In the face of uncertainty, what do you choose? Do you choose to take a risk or do you start with what is familiar, safe and the same?

Life is a game analogy -Part 2- Sushi Go Party

 

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Have you heard of this game? I recently played it with some friends over the Easter Long weekend that just passed! It’s actually really really fun…even though I am incredibly bad at it. 

Despite its initial deceptive cuteness and looking like a light hearted game, it can soon become very competitive as we try to win the race to the be the first at the finish line and you also need some sort of maths skills to add and subtract in this game. Upon reflection after playing this game, I believe that this could teach me, and maybe you a life lesson or two.

Before getting into that, I will explain how this game works, for those who haven’t played before!

Each player starts off with seven cards in their hands, then when the game starts you put  down one card you want to keep and pass the rest of your hand to the person on your left. You receive a new hand from the person on your right…and you repeat..choose a card and then pass the rest on. The round finishes when every one has put down 7 cards and there are no more cards being passed around.

The cards all represent different amounts of points you can get or lose and the description of their points is at the bottom. For example, if you have two tempura cards-you get 5 points (if you just have one you get nothing). There are also eight rules that have been decided upon at the start of the game-that is in the middle of the board. These rules decide how much special combinations of cards are worth…also there are also rewards and penalties for having the most of a card or the least. For example, in our first round we had a rule in which the person who had the most Pudding cards got 6 points, the person who had the least had six points deducted off their total score in a round. In another round, we had a rule that who ever collected four special cards over three rounds would get 12 bonus points.

Upon reflection, I think this game can teach you about spending, saving, and thinking about investments. It might be a long stretch, but it requires you to have to think, What is the best way, with the least risk to get the most points.
In real life, I guess we are playing with money, stocks, shares and other investments. There’s a risk that we will lose out if we don’t have insurance or cover for a particular thing… Just like when you see a Pudding Card come around, you have to think is it worth taking one, just so that you might not be the one with the least amount of pudding cards and get six points deducted, or whether or not you take it, it will happen anyway? In life, we have also have to think and consider, should I get health insurance or car insurance, just in case something happens that I do not foresee and I suddenly have to fork out a huge amount of money? I could be winning by purchasing health insurance and actually use it when needed, or maybe I might be losing money as I never needed it…

While I was playing the game, I was quite defensive and not totally confident. My strategy was to try not get points deducted as much as possible…However, I think this is one of the reasons why I did not do so well; in retrospect. I was so focussed on not losing any points, that I actually didn’t gain any or many points. ..I think for a very big proportion of my life has been spent trying to avoid bad things from occurring… Not trying this incase it doesn’t work out, too scared to do that because what if I get hurt…Not willing to take risks on investment, incase I get scammed… I was just so worried about what might happen, that I forgot that if I focused on getting more points in the first place, those deductions would not have made such a great difference either way. Having no points at all, is like trying to survive without money in the real world…:(

Yes, its a risk to get out there and try…Why? Because you might fail. Because people might laugh at you for trying. Because may try to make you feel like you aren’t enough.

But, you know what? The jokes on them, because you took the risk, you might win big and win the game in the end. (Or you might not, but we don’t talk about that.. ) 

If you have a chance~ Go and and Play Sushi Go Party*~

*Warning- Does require at least primary school maths skills levels to play..*

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The Art of introducing yourself

I read in an article somewhere about how introduce yourself to others in a way that they would remember…and basically it made me question myself and my interactions with people that I have not met before.

Why do we like to assign people to certain occupations and things that they predominantly do to contribute to society, be it a student, teacher, or doctor. Does knowing someone’s occupation really help us to get to know someone better? Or does it help us categorise that person into a certain category..? I.e. They are librarian-they must be a nerd, engineer they must be good at numbers…chefs- hopefully good at cooking!?!

Should we change the question from”What do you do for a living?” To “What makes you feel alive?”

What if you weren’t working? There was a period of time where I took a break from work and study.. and I super avoided meeting new people.. coz then I would have to tell them how I wasn’t studying or working.. and they would be like so what do you do with your time? And in that case you talk about your hobbies, interests, sports etc. But in a way, you are also made to feel somewhat inferior or embarrassed that you may seen as “not contributing to society”.

People choose to spend their time differently and sometimes you may feel tempted to judge or criticise their time, as I do… but hey just cause you don’t think someone gaming 13 hours a day is being productive, you don’t know… maybe they will be a game changer in the future..? Maybe?

 

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Dreams stay dreams when you don’t plan and set goals to achieve…

Another update?… :O but not really…

This post is just in regards to my newly set up page on Gofundme website!! I am hoping if I get enough support I will be able to someday publish my own book -all about ‘Becoming an adult in this modern world’…

The link is here ..!  *Please click-not click bait I swear*

I’ve decided I need to start aggressively (passive aggressively?) start chasing my dream of writing a book, because if I procrastinate forever, when am I every going to get started right? Who knows when I will finally get the motivation to chase after something that seems so hard, no better day than today. I hope that’s the same for you…if we just keep dreaming that some day we will do this, or wait for perfect timing…sometimes its good to be inpatient and just start chasing it…because maybe the perfect timing is now. You’ll never be as young as you are now…so go forth and use your youth!!

Thanks to everyone for your support! Whether you support financially, from the computer, or in spirit, I appreciate all your kind words, time to read this post, and for even clicking on this blog in the first place :)))

It’s almost been one year since this blogs inception and since then my content has changed tremendously…but I hope it can still be relevant and help or touch people in positive ways… Thank you for all the viewers, the likes and my precious followers…yo mean the world to me :)))

Peace and Joy ❤