The last post for 2020

2020. What a year. So much has happened…so much also …didn’t happen. So this is going to be a bit of reflection of what happened in 2020 to me. The good. The bad. The sad. The happy. The whatever.

  1. Feb 2020: I finally fulfilled my dream of travelling to New Zealand for a trip! It was an awesome trip in which I caught up with my good friend living in Brisbane…we did a lot of hiking, horse riding, running, and also went on a boat trip! New Zealand is such a beautiful place and I would highly recommend it. I am also extremely lucky that I was able to go overseas before the borders to Australia has closed.
  2. March 2020: I finally saw my ALL time favourite band, ONE OK ROCK. Having missed out on seeing them when I was in Japan for exchange, I can finally say I have been to my second J-Rock concert. However, this time I actually knew and could sing a long with their songs! I also paid for the VIP tickets and also got to meet them, exchange a few words, and get my photo with them. The night was surreal and it was a great memory I will treasure for many years to come.
  3. Later in March 2020: The lockdown of Australia began as the Coronavirus made it way uninvited into all of our lives. You couldn’t escape it. No matter how hard you try to close your eyes….everyone was talking about it, the supermarket shelves were bare with no toilet paper or hand sanitiser to be seen. Gyms, pools, indoor/outdoor sports, cinemas, schools, universities, and shops, restaurants were closed for dine in. Social distancing was the new norm, everyday we were wiping all the surfaces we touched…everyday I would follow religiously the numbers, the tallies, the hotspots…what rules were changing…The hardest part of all was not being able to see my family and friends…I wasn’t able to see my nephew for the longest time and I was so worried he would forget who I was… It was also during this time that I began spending a lot more time with my family that still lived at home. Yes, we got on each others nerves at some stage…but because there was no where to go and nothing to do, we were just at home. My mum began planting and gardening more and more flowers, fruits, and vegetables…I began learning how to work out at home…For my brother and dad, nothing changed much for them…They usually just stay at home anyways. Skype calls were the best, and I am so grateful for technology that keeps us together, but nothing beats the ability to spend time in person with people.
  4. June 2020. The rules has started to relax in South Austraila. We were finally allowed to have up to 10 visitors in our homes! That meant we were able to gather as a family again and to eat out in restaurants with friends! This was the 1st birthday of my nephew…unfortunately because of the restrictions, my sister only invited the immediate family to celebrate….then they broadcasted it live to their other friends via zoom. My little nephew was sooo spoilt with soo many gifts from family and friends! He got Gucci branded shoes, a small ride on Mercedes, and sooo many toys. June was also the month that I found out that my full-time contract job was not going to be renewed…It was not entirely unexpected, but still a shock to hear it. It meant I had to job hunt all over again…and during a pandemic, that was depressing and a very stressful time…there was not much up for grabs in Adelaide in terms of Hospital Pharmacist positions, so I widened my applications to interstate hospitals. I had 3 sets of interviews for a position in Melbourne and that how I ended up where I am now!
  5. July 2020: I found out that I got the job in Melbourne and I would have to start planning my move…Where was I going to stay? Can I even go there during the pandemic? My aunty and uncle helped me immensely in looking for suitable places that I would inspect when I got there. I also had friends help me plan the trip to Melbourne and what I needed to do to make sure my car was okay. Then there was catchup after catchup with all the people I would be seeing for who knows how long? It was more like a one way trip at this stage…once I went to Melbourne, Adelaide would close it’s borders to me…they would see me as an outsider…I wasn’t sure when I would be able to see my family again…This was a really sad realisation and something that made me so anxious and sad. I would be heading to the city which was undergoing the second wave of Coronavirus…and was in stage 4 lockdown, a curfew, and mandatory masks everywhere. I was going into a virus striken city and working in one of their hospitals that have Covid- positive patients…as someone who hates germs, it was a big risk. Saying good bye to my family was the hardest thing, especially my sister whom I am closest with…I hadn’t cried at all at any of my other farewells, but saying goodbye to my sister for the last time was so hard.
  6. August 2020: I made the long ass drive with my car full of lugguage, toilet paper, and stuff to Melbourne. I was not welcomed with any police or officers at the borders, but it wasn’t the same the other way round. South Australia was quite strict with who was able to enter their state…Melbourne however, didn’t give a hoot and still doesn’t. After staying with my aunt for a few days, I found a place pretty quick and moved in on the same week. Then began the journey of living solo and managing to not live in a pigsty. I had to figure out what I needed and what I wanted…money didn’t grow on trees unfortunately… Then I started working at my new job and that was incredibly tough at first because of all the competency standards that I had to meet to prove I was worthy as a pharmacist.
  7. August-October: So basically nothing happened. I may have took Gamsat…but other than that I rarely went out. I think the lockdown was still ongoing, so there was no house visitors allowed and everything was Click and Collect or buy online. I think I did a lot of cooking…and buying stuff for my house. The video calls with my family and friends in Adelaide continued…We did group chats, group games, and I played ‘Amongst Us’ Once… lol…. I also did a seminar entirely online at home for work…that was interesting, but also made me extremely sleepy.
  8. Nov 2020: Somehow we managed to have 60 days free from Community Transmitted Covid- Cases! The city slowly opened up and restrictions eased in a gradual step by step process. Restaurants were finally open for dine in, but for limited numbers…Retail shops were allowed to open again! Gyms, schools, universities…and most importantly BADMINTON RESTARTED!!!! This is what I missed most (Asides from family and friends in Adelaide)!! Was the desire to hit a shuttlecock! I write this as my whole body hurts from a great baddy session yesterday night….
  9. Dec 2020: My sister messaged me and told she was coming to Melbourne and that we should catchup !! I was so excited!! I wasn’t sure if I was able to go back to Adelaide as they have stricter border than Melbourne, but if my sister could come and go back, surely I would be able to? In the heat of the moment I quickly looked up how much flights would be to Adelaide and back…and it was pretty reasonable! Then I remembered I have a whole bunch of Frequent Flyer Points which I was hoping to use to go to England (dreams crushed this year) and I used those points to pay for the return fare in its entirety! It also included checked baggage both ways! BONUS! I was so happy that I was able to come back home to Adelaide and spend Christmas with my family and to see some of my friends! It was a rushed 4 days…as I hadn’t booked any extra leave I was only there over the public holiday and weekend. Adelaide itself hadn’t changed much, but the people had changed…a bit. Since I left, a friend had a baby, another friend told me she is moving to Brisbane for a new job, two friends had broken up with the long-term partners, and I think that is it?
  10. Dec 31st 2020: The last day of the year 2020, I slept in! Because…I can :)! I had a day off today! It was an accrued day off that just happened to land on the last day of the year. Lucky me! I met up with my sister and her family for lunch and did a bit of window shopping in Melbourne city. A friend told me about a special Free parking voucher that could be displayed to park for free in Melbourne city…Then I came home, cooked the last meal of 2020, and did my last round of laundry for 2020…had my last shower, called my mum for the lastst time, emptied the trash for the laste time, and now I am typing the blog entry for 2020 on here. So many last times for everything. Oh, did I mention that the annual firework display for NYE has been cancelled for both Mellbourne and Adelaide? The Sydney famous ones are still going ahead, however they will not allow people to watch it from the shore. Also, sadly in the last few days we got a few cases of local transmission and now we have some restrictions reinposed, i.e. maximum 15 people in a house at one time…so the Family New Years Lunch is cancelled for tomorrow sadly…

    Happy New Year everyone! Let’s hope fingers crossed that 2021 will be a better one!! Stay Safe, Wash your hands, stay 1.5 metres a part, and wear your mask!

Day -Zero

I just spent a whole entire day literally in my car.. my car is a mess 😦 I normally wouldn’t eat in my car.. but with all the restrictions in place, I really had no choice :(. It’s so dirty now…and carwashes and stuff are all closed as per the stage 4 lockdown :(.

I am exhausted.. but just wanted to write a quick post to let you guys know I’ve reached Melbourne after driving solo across from Adelaide. It was scary.. but it was also exciting and exhilarating experience as well. I wonder if I would enjoy it more with company…probably? Depending on who it is.

I saw a few cool things along my journey.. including SILO art and a giant Koala! I have added these photos to the post.. it made the trip more worthwhile.

This was my first roadtrip on my own…and I gotta say.. it’s quite sad seeing all the dead wildlife that are strewn across the roads :(. I counted at least 12 kangaroos and 1 possum that was dead. For some reason, some dead kangaroos had a red X marked on them :S. Something did jump out In front of me, not sure if it was a possum or a black cat.. but luckily I did not hit it.

Another thing that I noticed there was a lot of police presence on the the side of the road towards Adelaide. When I unknowingly reached the border between Adelaide and Melbourne, the other side of the road had a checkpoint set up to make sure everyone entering Adelaide had a permit. Good to know the borders are keeping the Adelaide people safe.

What people are surprised at is I didn’t get stopped at all by anyone at the borders. I didn’t need to worry about it at all! It was literally cross no questions asked.

I have some house inspections to do tomorrow and some paperwork to do for my new job. Hopefully all goes well and I don’t get in trouble for going out >.<

Silo art

How to be comfortable #forever alone

There are going to be times where you will be alone, whether driving to work, going on work vacations or if you don’t know anyone in a social situation…or even during Covid lockdowns. I think it is always useful to have something to do in case you have time to kill and don’t want to waste it.

1. Have a piece of technology with you at all times…most likely at least your phone…so you can use it to surf the internet, use social media, or write ideas for future blog posts…

2. Have a book to read…Whether a light novel, autobiography or whatever. It is perfectly acceptable to sit somewhere to read, you would less uncomfortable with a book than without. Can even read manga or ebooks from your phone like Webtoons! Or listen to books being read out loud on Audiobooks etc.

3. Have some good music to listen to. Emo music is great.

4. Get a pet. Dog, cat, fish, or turtle etc. Even plushie or bolster is fine. xD. Anything you can cuddle really….

5. Learn how to play an instrument..but don’t spend too much on your first instrument xD you can learn from Youtube videos.

6. Just learn to love yourself and to love the friends and family around you. You can do this with the help of Apps, self-health books, psychological services, or just spending time on yourself.

7. Maybe get a plant? But only if you can keep it alive, nothing is more depressing than a dead plant in the house :(.

8. Watch online streamers or even start streaming yourself! Maybe a good way to connect with other people or make new friends.

9. Get into the stock or share market!! Why not use all that spare time you have being single and grow your investment portfolio and become a bit more well off than you are now. Also look into your Super Fund and see if they are really growing your supperannuation for you or is it time to choose a different option for yourself.

10. Work out and get yourself the best body you can have! Go to the gym as much as you can, get fit, and get healthy..or play a sport, like badminton!! I guess this is good for making friends and socialising as such, if your area let’s you go back to indoor spoorts that is.

I am guessing the reality of these things I listed is because when you DO eventually get into a relationship, you most likely will have less time to yourself and to do what you want. Why not make the most of this single prime time and make it your time..

-#Foreveralone

Nothing Beats the Original

Technology has kept us together during this pandemic, but no matter how technologically advanced technology can become…it still doesn’t beat real life. For the first time since forever, we had my Aunt and Uncle over at the same time as my sister and my immediate family. Nothing beats having a meal together with loved ones…We can video chat all we want, but it is so hard to give your undivided attention in a video chat. It just didn’t feel the same. Eating the same food is just more enjoyable when it’s shared with people whose company you enjoy.

This pandemic has really emphasized how important and how much I enjoy the same family gatherings. Because my Uncle is originally from England, my aunt and uncle spend half the year in Adelaide and the other half in England. Normally at this time of the year, they would be overseas in London during this time of the year, so it is nice to have them around to celebrate their birthdays.

On a side note, to minimise the risk of transmission of germs, we all had disposable plates, cutlery, and cups to use and we also didn’t sit too close to my Aunt and Uncle, to make sure we are still abiding by the rules of social distancing. . Not good for the environment, but good for me since I was responsible for cleaning up the mess after the party! Can’t say I had missed that…

Not Everyone is cut out to become a Parent

Once a couple has been married a few years, the natural questions they most commonly will be asked is, “So when are you having kids?”. Our current society has this expectation of young couples to start families, ASAP. However, we are often forgetting that life just gets busier and busier. People are more focussed on building their careers, travelling the world, and doing other great things, it’s hard to stop and try to fit having kids in there. I solemnly believe that having kids is not everyone’s cup of tea…It might be the right thing for one couple, but shouldn’t be expected for every couple out there.

 

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t hate kids. I absolutely LOVE playing with my nephew or other people’s kids. I used to serve as a Sunday School teacher for many years…people know I love kids and I am good with them, but that does not necessarily mean I will or want to have my own kids. There is a difference in playing with kids during their happiest times and not having enough sleep for the last 3 months because your kid will not stop crying in the middle of the night. There are so many things that are more important in my life at this time and kids don’t fit into the equation. I am working in two jobs, studying a graduate certificate, and also working on this blog, and ideas for my book. I just can’t imagine having time to fit in kids as well and I think that is absolutely fine. Right now, I am still saving up money to buy my own home. I don’t know how I will be able to afford to raise a child, let alone be able to send them to school, and pay for all those additional expenses. Not everyone will make a great parent, some parents are too selfish and won’t look after their kids properly and this leads to some kids getting abused, blamed, and neglected, their parents shouldn’t have kids. Just because you gave birth to a child, doesn’t mean you will always love them and this is why so many kids end up in foster care, orphanages, and on the streets. 

 

In saying that, I have friends whose biggest goal and dream in life are to become a great mother or father. They feel like it is their life purpose to have kids and to make sure that they turn out alright. The human population would slowly die out if we didn’t have kids, it means there will be no younger workforce to look after the elderly and to take up laborious jobs that older people can’t do. The younger generation is our future and I agree it is important to have kids, but the world is already overpopulated in a way and in developing countries, it is a big issue and that is why China implemented the ‘One-Child Policy’ for a period of time to reduce overpopulation in China. Parents and Grandparents often encourage their children and grandchildren to produce offspring because that is what their grandparents and parents wanted from them. Yes, it is good to have kids, but not everyone should have them.

 

I believe you need to have a calling to be a parent. It’s not for everyone and it is not for me. I love kids, however, I can’t imagine revolving my whole life around the raising of the child and blaming myself if they didn’t turn out well. While the majority of heterosexual couples will probably end up having kids, I think it is absolutely fine not to have kids and instead chase your dream career or other aspirations.

 

Positivity Needed

Hi everyone,

My sister recently invited me to join this Facebook group: The Kindness Pandemic.  It is basically a group that shares different acts of kindness that they have experienced while the Coronavirus is going around in the world. It is the much-needed positivity that we need at a time where the world as it seems has changed and become a more grey colour.

I also want to shout out to our local grocery chain, ‘Coles’, who have decided to open early on Tuesdays and Thursdays for Health Care workers! I am planning to go in the morning and suss out who the other health care workers around the neighbourhood are and I wonder if there will be a stampede of people waiting outside when it opens? Personally, I am trying to stay at home as much as possible after work. I am trying to limit my weekly visit to the supermarket once a week. Yes, it is a bit boring at times, BUT on the plus side, I am helping to stop the potential spread of the disease.

My mind-shift about this disease has rapidly changed over the last few weeks…I was a sceptic a while ago….when the disease was overseas in China, it felt so far away! People were dying, yes…But it seemed so far. But now, the disease is on shores…It has reached and it has spread as people spread throughout Australia. My parents took quick action, getting as many things they thought they would need if they were self-isolated in the home. I wouldn’t call them ‘hoarders’ as such, but people who are thinking ahead. My parents are well-informed about the situation in China and were around when SARS also happened. They have refrained from going outside unless absolutely necessary and their church was also very proactive in going ‘Online’ with meetings instead of meeting face to face. It is a lot more than the rest of the population who seem to disregard the seriousness of this pandemic.

I used to think, I am young, I can survive this disease…But then, I also have to think, who may I be spreading the disease to? My patients at work? My elderly aunts and uncles? My nephew? My parents? A pregnant lady? Who knows who could get the disease from me and how can I live with the guilt that I may have been responsible for spreading something. While it can be really tempting to make this an “All about me” thing, we have to remember its also all about keeping “them” safe too. Also, as a health care worker…we have to look after our own health so that we can look after others… Please be patient with us as it’s not our fault there are medication shortages due to people stockpiling their medications :(! There is no need to stockpile medications during this time! There won’t be a shortage if everyone just gets their usual supply…

On a side note, I went to post a package today at the post office and I was really pleased that they implemented a 1.5 Metre marked lines on the floor to indicate how far people were to stand from each other! It’s great when businesses implement these ideas to help STOP the spread of the disease. I have also noticed some shopping centres having installed more automatic alcohol gel dispensers…People at KFC drive-through were also wearing gloves and not accepting cash. I hope everyone is able to see the seriousness of this disease and ramp up hygiene measures to minimise the spread! Good job to those people! I believe we can all do our small part.

 

Stay safe and well,

 

Joy

P.S Wash your hands!

person s left fist punching water
Photo by mali maeder on Pexels.com

Update: A New look & CoronaWorries

As you can see, I’ve been playing around with the blog a bit and even made a logo… I’ve paid for an actual website address! So you can now visit the site on www.howtoadultwithjoy.com  !! I hope to do more updates (now that most of outside work activities have been cancelled/postponed) and will and have been working on my book as well (More mentioned later)!

How is everyone doing with the Coronavirus? I’ve been touching base with family and friends all over the world and it seems that it has affected every single person I have spoken to so far…From Japan to Canada, and to Calfornia… The virus has spread all over the world…It is very much here in Australia as well, the number of new cases is rising steadily and in response, our governments have put in tough new measures to curb the virus. As mentioned last time, the social distancing continues to apply and just yesterday night the Prime Minister announced that all pubs, clubs, entertainment venues, gyms, indoor sporting places, and churches will be closed from midday today. This means basically I have no social life…because the only other thing I do besides work and study is exercise at the gym or play badminton. However, I have decided to use the time that I usually spend on exercise to do other things at home…such as working on my blog, planning my future book, and I have started playing the guitar again!! Having experienced ONE OK ROCK live in a concert…I am so motivated to learn and play their songs! It had been over a year since I played the guitar last…and at that time I really wanted to do a cover of the song ‘Yellow’ the Chinese version featured the movie ‘Crazy Rich Asians’.

I hope for everyone else that is in self-isolation (like my sister and her family who have just come home from Japan), will be able to work on those hobbies and things that they have put aside for so long! May you also learn some new skills! I have friends that are doing virtual gym classes online in their rooms and they said they had a good work out! There are many things we can learn and continue to do even at home. I guess now is a good time to be an introvert. :).

I’ve always thought I was an introvert that doesn’t like meeting up with other people and going out…but since these rules have been put into place, I have finally realised how much I miss going out and doing the things I am used to. May we take some time to reflect on where we are and what we hope to learn from this challenging time. I hope everyone can remember to keep in touch with each other and check up on your elderly/vulnerable friends and see if you can help them in any way. We are social distancing and that does not mean being socially isolated!

My thoughts go out to those who have lost their jobs or don’t have work for the next few months…I hope that you will be able to find another job and have adequate support over the next few months. I know my government is increasing the handouts for those who are doing it tough…and have decreased the requirements that are needed to qualify for those programs.

Also, on a side note, thank you for the 50 subscribers and having over 3000 visitors to this website! Thank you so much for visiting, reading, and being a part of this journey to adulthood.

I hope everyone stays safe, coughs into their elbows, and don’t go to work when you are sick!

 

Joy

A reflection on Adulting

Adulting is..

Holding back when you know you are right..but want to avoid unnecessary confrontation and conflict with difficult people.

Paying bills and learning how to save money for the future…by collecting points…buying shares..investments…salary sacrifice…caring about your superannuation.

Enduring difficult circumstances, because you need the experience, money, and know it’s temporary.

Learning how to eat right and not just eat what you feel like (i.e. Maccas every day).

Making exercise a priority and not just an option for when you are free.

Working hard when no one is looking because it aligns with your own values and no one forced you to.

Writing emails in a professional manner, because you need to sound like an ‘adult’

Throwing away those young hipster clothes…coz you gotta look professional now..

Encouraging others, even when you so deeply crave encouragement yourself.

Making time for those important to you, when you barely even have time to sleep or look after yourself.

Enjoying the simple pleasures in life…

Finding that doing chores is therapeutic… like cleaning the room…folding laundry…washing clothes..ironing them wrinkles…washing those dirty plates and making them clean.

Realise you need to take breaks, spend money, go on holidays, do NOTHING sometimes.

Realising you are still the same kid you were..but you gotta pretend you are an adult and also realising you parents are just kids that are older than you.

Finding out you can’t have it all at the same time. But that things come in seasons, periods, and there is a time for everything.

Finally understanding that adulting doesn’t meaning ending up where your parents are and doing what they did.

Tolerance

I have found that there are so many things that require building up a tolerance to… once you get to a roadblock in which you stop that activity building up your tolerance.. it comes impossible to do what you could do before with high tolerance…

I thought I had overcome my fear of blood… when I worked at the clinical research facility, initially I was super queasy and almost fainted at the video of someone having blood taken from his cannula…in order to work there… I had to change myself to someone I was not…then I slowly exposed myself to videos of people having blood taken … then I watched from afar .. seated and not with an empty stomach… I made sure I was well hydrated and not too tired. I exposed myself more and more until I felt more comfortable.

The first person who I was training under to take blood from, though I thought my big fear of blood would hinder me from being able to take blood…When push came to a shove…I managed to do it. And not pass out. Densensitation. I think that’s how you spelt it(?). Repeated exposure to something makes you tougher and more able to withstand it… same with tolerances to spiciness… you start small and build up.. but you lose it when you stop doing that thing for a while.

That’s what happened to me today. My dad suddenly ran into the house and said, “I bumped my head!” And started putting his head under running water. In my training as a nursing assistant, I got him some clean make up pads and told him to put pressure on the wound to stop the bleeding. I made him sit down, incase he fainted from the blood loss and asked him if he wanted water. When he had pressed for a few minutes I applied a clean waterproof bandaid on his wound and told him to try keep it clean so that it doesn’t get infected.

Anyways, that is besides the point… after I did that.. I started feeling sick in my stomach…maybe it’s because I am hungry.. most likely because I have stopped taking bloods for over five months now.. I’am not immune to the fear of blood, or should I say my tolerance of blood has gone back to what it is before.

I am now lying in my bed now… trying to fight My queasiness and become calm again.

The doubtful thoughts entered my head again, what future doctor can be afraid of blood?

Random Rant: On Forgiveness

Forgiveness…it’s hard to describe exactly what it is.

It’s something that I heard a lot when I used to attend church.

“God forgave your sins so you should forgive other people”. I took this literally, people treated me like shit, I took it. I decided to try “see the best in them” and let them do it again and again. I don’t think I really understood that there is a difference between forgiving someone and letting someone step all over you.

I have learnt that forgiveness does not mean forgetting or condoning the wrongdoing, or reconciling a relationship, we are able to forgive and never say a word to them ever again. In the same way, we could say the words “I forgive you” or “I accept your apology”, and actually forgive them.

Forgiveness instead is an emotional change that happens inside someone who has been wronged. Forgiveness is not for the wrongdoer, it is actually for the person that has been wronged. I think this is what many of us get confused about. Forgiveness is not a gift for the other person it is a gift FOR YOURSELF, it allows us to overcome the pain that is inflicted by someone else. This is a process of letting go of our anger, resentment, shame and other emotions towards the other person or even towards ourselves.

It also treats the offender with compassion, even though they are not entitled to it.

I don’t understand forgiveness, but I hope I can slowly understand it someday.

Priorities

I had an argument with someone who was once a friend…I was constantly trying to make plans to meet up with them or talk to them, yet they were always TOO BUSY to even talk. They would take forever to reply to simple texts asking if we were meeting up that day or not. It was just getting really annoying and frustrating for the lack of communication.

Call me pushy or too clingy…but honestly, sometimes you do wonder why you even bother? If the other person is putting in zilch effort towards a relationship that is one-sided, what even is the point?

Apparently, they are ‘too busy’, apparently their schedule is ‘too unpredictable’. But honestly, with a bit of communication and planning, there is always time. But, that’s only if you want to make time.  I got angry because I know that I have been incredibly busy and run down lately…but I do try my best to spend time with loved ones…because they are the ones who keep me sane, to help me relax. It wasn’t always like that, I used to just concentrate on work and study and no play. But that is no way to live.

We make our own schedule…essentially we choose what we do. Sometimes we feel like that isn’t the case. Despite knowing this, I still complain that I work too much…13 out of 14 days…but that’s IS MY OWN CHOICE and I have my reason to do so, but I don’t use that as an excuse for not meeting up someone when they ask me. Friendships and those close to us are a treasure. Those that are real friends will stick around when the going gets tough…when you are feeling down…and sad. If you neglect your friendships and just concentrate on something like your career, or earning money, or just one single relationship…and neglect the rest. If you lose that one thing, you have nothing.

I get angry at people like that because I was once like that…and still like that to a small extent. I know I need to change, it’s hard I KNOW. I am super guilty of just want to put my all into something. I am the first to compare myself to others and want to have what others have. Those who seem like they are succeeding in what they do, do you see all their sacrifices to get to where they are? Do you see their blood, sweat, tears, and the loneliness that they face?

I guess it all comes down to your priorities and your values. Maybe career is all you care about and is what you live for. But for me, I don’t want to go to the end of my life and realise, yes I got the job that I wanted…I had so much money…but I had no one with me in my final days of life.

I have a wall sticker on my wall it says, “The best things in life are the People we love, the places we’ve been, and the memories we’ve made along the way.”

and the other stick on my other wall says “If you can dream it, you can do it”.

Two very conflicting values that I hold strongly too. I want to live my dreams, but I also treasure every moment with my friends and family. Because they are truly the best things in life to me.

 

Scared to be Lonely

When we are lonely, we wonder when we will ever find someone to share our life with…

When we finally get into a relationship, we are worried how long will it last for, what obstacles will we face.. what is our future? Are they the ‘one’ for me?

Is there even the ‘one’ for me? What if there are many others better than this ‘one’? Should I stay or should I go?

When we are in a relationship we should really let go of, we fear the loneliness again…

When we let go of that relationship, we fear if we make the right choice, but we are afraid to show our feelings…because you don’t want to be vulnerable…

When we try running back to the relationship, we may find out that they have already moved on and we are hurt again…even more hurt and lonely than before

When we are at this point, we ask ourselves, did the relationship make us anymore less lonely or more happy? Who said we had to be in a relationship to be happy?

When we realise this, we realise we can be happy now…and that being a alone doesn’t mean you are lonely. We have great friends, family, and most of all-pets to take away our loneliness

Random rants: Hectic Lives

Do you ever stop and think about how you coped with things in the past?

I sometimes wonder why I get so many migraines, headaches, and sicknesses. Then I kind of get reminded that maybe I am not eating properly, not sleeping properly, and probably doing one too many things at once.

Stress is an interesting thing and it can change over time and comes in all types of shapes and sizes.

I was reflecting back on my undergraduate university days and remembered that every day was full of things to do.

I was studying full-time, and in pharmacy we had quite a lot of contact hours…we had practicals that were 5 hours long, workshops, lectures, etc etc. It was a hectic life, on top of that I also worked two days a week in a cafe for 3 years, a retail pharmacy for one year, and in a hospital in my final year. I remembered playing in a team for the weekly badminton competition, I also remembered being captain of my very own Vets team. Then there were the religious commitments I used to have, I was in the church band, and they had weekly rehearsals on Saturdays…as well as the actual ‘performance’ days on Sundays which took up most of the day. I used to spend almost every day before a test or an exam studying at uni until well after 10 pm..to then wake up the next day at 6:30am and do it all again.

 

I remember one day, before an important test..I was studying late at night at the university..revising.. and I got a phone call. It was my mum. She said Grandmother had passed away. I was in shock. This couldn’t be happening! Not now…I just can’t deal with it…I couldn’t study any more after that. I don’t know how I managed to make myself go to that test and do so well… In hindsight, I could have applied to defer that test if I wanted to…but I didn’t.

That experience woke me up a little, it made me feel all sorts of feelings. It made me feel guilty most of all. WHY didn’t I spend more time with my grandmother when she was alive? Why did I prioritise STUDYING so much? Why did I want to do well in university when I could have just got through with average grades…Why was I so afraid of NOT doing well? Of failing? Where were my priorities? I don’t know why I worked so hard and I don’t know if it was worth it? It’s so easy to get obsessed with things for me…I was obsessed with badminton…with music…with drawing…with anime…I don’t know. Passion? Entertainment? I don’t know. Honestly…now  I am probably just obsessed with working and getting money. For what? Do I think a house or holiday will make me happy? Maybe. Maybe for a little bit. But then what, I’ll be sad again?

I have to constantly remind myself, life is short. We don’t know when our end is. What will we regret when we are older that we wished we did more?

I ask myself this because there are many decisions we have to make. There are many pathways we could go…but it all takes risks…There are some many “I WISHES” and hopefully we can get to them before it is ‘Too late’ and anyways I am not even sure where this post is going anymore…

 

 

 

–Check out my podcast!–:

Stories of my Life

Support me to write a book

 

Happy Mother’s Day~

It’s mothers day in Australia today…it’s a good time to reflect on what our mothers have or have not done for us…

I am not a mother myself, but I can imagine that being a mother would be an incredible experience and challenge. I don’t think anyone can be prepared for motherhood (or fatherhood), it is thrust upon you and suddenly you are in charge of looking after a vulnerable child.

I imagine there is quite a pressure that is bestowed upon you to be a a good example to your kid… I think by thinking about it in that way, I would feel more inclined to be more forgiving to things that my mother may have not done well when I was a child.

I think parenthood is a prime symbol for entering adult hood…paired with getting your own house, getting a full time job, and marriage…it just seems like the natural progression for being an adult. Saying that, I do know many do not follow this such plan and that’s entirely fine too. However, I do know that some people, no matter how long they have been a parent, will forever be a child at heart.

At my age now, my mother was already a mother of two children…That thought …sort of scares me…I can’t imagine having even one child at this age…It just seems like such a massive decision to make…to have kids…Because it’s not like a pet, where if things don’t work out you can possibly give it to a shelter or to someone else… Pets come and go…but children are for life…….!!!

I feel like I had super high expectations of my parents as a child…I wanted them and wished that they were someone who they were not…as a child I did not see them as just individuals who are older and wiser than me…I thought them as stupid, selfish, mean and they were NOT allowed to make mistakes in my book! A bit has changed since then, but more often than not, it’s hard to see parents as normal people…just is.. :O

 

What are your thoughts?

 

Click here Support me to write a book !! 

Don’t try to Fix Me

Have you ever wished that you could take away someone’s sadness…anger issues..bad habits?

Have you, despite knowing you can’t change them- gotten angry, frustrated, and upset that despite all your immense efforts and hard work – they don’t change…or they change for a bit-then they go straight back to their old habits.

Why do we do that? Why do we try change people?

Sometimes our intentions may be good ones..we just want the best for them…you can see that they are acting toxic towards themselves or others…and you think alright…just need to change them…

But, as you might have realised..it’s incredibly hard to change someone, who doesn’t want to or understand why they need to change. If the self-determination isn’t there, they won’t be able to change…They will just continue thinking what they are doing is right. Unless they can see clearly why they need to change their behaviour…telling them… yelling at them…incenticising them will only lead so far 😦

 

Click here Support me to write a book !!