Short Story Series- You got Scammed – Chapter 10

Lilly couldn’t help staring across the table in nervous expectation at how the man she had been talking to all week looked like…

He was… chubbier than she had imagined…a mask really does change and hide the shape of the face. This reminded her of a Webtoon she once read, in which all of the characters had to wear masks to conceal their face. They were only allowed to take their masks off to their immediate family members and lovers. Who would have thought that this would become a reality for her as well.

But, he was not bad. Cute..maybe if you really squinted your eyes a little. Did he look like any of the blurred and pixelated photos on his dating profile? Nope. This was a completely different person sitting in front of her… She was such a fool. Who was this person? Was he going to try get something from her?

“Hey! You didn’t have to hide your face! You look alright!” She said, she felt nervous when she didn’t know what to say.

“I can see it in your eyes! You are disappointed that I don’t look like my photos right?”. He said, pointing out the obvious.

“Well, as you said they were really old photos right? Before you somehow gained 15 kg?”. She said trying to recall their previous conversation.

“Yeah something like that. I used to practice Muay Thai and kick boxing in the United States before coming here…But I didn’t do any exercise since I moved here. I cam at the worst time”. He laughed.

“Say, are you living on your at the moment?” He asked suddenly.

Why did he suddenly want to know about this she wondered?…

“Well kind of, I am sharing a house with a few other people..but I guess I have my own kitchenette and bathroom, so its not too bad. I just share the laundry room with the others.” She said carefully, she didn’t want to make it sound she lived alone.

“Oh…how much is the rent there? I need to move out from the place in the city soon and moving to your suburb should be cheaper I think…” He said.

“Oh..ummmm its probably about $300 a week? Not including electricity or Wifi…” She said.

“Oh…that’s still more expensive than I thought! I guess I will have to keep looking for a place sharing with more people”. He said disappointingly..

“Oh…What’s your budget per week?” She asked.

“Hmmm…Maybe around $150 a week?”.. He said hopefully.

“Oh…haha that’s half my rent…are you offering to share my rent?” She said nervously. What was he trying to hint at?

“No…of course not~! I don’t think I can afford that…especially since it doesn’t cover all the bills..I mean…I can offer to cook and clean for you if you would like, in exchange for board!” He said hopefully.

I don’t even know you mate, and you are already offering to move in she thought.

“Haha! Yes, that would be great. I am incredibly lazy to cook sometimes!” She tried to laugh it off.

“Oh YUM. This is really delicious!” She said trying to change the topic and focusing on eating her ramen instead.

“Yeah it is great! Thank you for the meal. Let me treat you next time to something nice and even more delicious ..” He said while eating some ramen.

They ate in silence for a few minutes. The silence was then broken by the iconic facebook notification sound coming from his phone. She could see someone had sent him a emoji of someone blowing a kiss flashed across the screen.

“Oh sorry about that! I should really put my phone on silent my phone during our date!” He turned his phone over and pressed a few buttons on his phones, I am guessing to turn off his notifications.

Strange. She recalled him clearly saying he had no social media accounts. Does she call him out now? was that weird? Hmm…So suspicious.

“Sooo anyway Lilly. Tell me all about you! What are you doing for a living and how are you surviving during covid?” He asked.

How about you tell me about YOURSELF? Is what she thought in her head, but she held herself back in saying it out loud.

“WELL to be honest, I am actually doing it pretty hard myself at the moment. I have a huge credit card bill that I have to pay off soon but I don’t have any money in my bank! I know this is quite sudden and we just met, but is there any chance that you could lend me $500? I actually need $1000, but anything helps”. She lied. She had read somewhere online that if you wanted to avoid being asked to borrow money, you have to ask FIRST. She hated lying but she had a gut feeling he would be asking her for money.

“….What?” He said, looking flabbergasted.

“Yeah, I am really sorry to ask you. But I promise to pay you back as soon as I get my next paycheck!” She said. Wow she should win an Oscar with her hopefully convincing act.

“Oh…sorry…I don’t think I can. Why don’t you ask you family or friends to lend it to you?”. He said sounding a bit pissed off.

“Yeah..too bad that are being hit REAL bad due to Covid too..”She said sadly.

“OHHH…I am SOOO sorry. I think I have to attend to an emergency at work!” He said looking at his phone screen which was blank.

“I’ll definitely make it up to you next time? My shout”. He winked and was off.

Sure you will..And that was the last time she ever heard or saw from him again. His number suddenly stopped working and as he “did not have” any social media accounts, he really was gone.

Good riddance Mr too good to be true.

——-

End note

Thank you for reading my first short story series!

Please stay tuned for more in the future 😀 !

How to be comfortable #forever alone

There are going to be times where you will be alone, whether driving to work, going on work vacations or if you don’t know anyone in a social situation…or even during Covid lockdowns. I think it is always useful to have something to do in case you have time to kill and don’t want to waste it.

1. Have a piece of technology with you at all times…most likely at least your phone…so you can use it to surf the internet, use social media, or write ideas for future blog posts…

2. Have a book to read…Whether a light novel, autobiography or whatever. It is perfectly acceptable to sit somewhere to read, you would less uncomfortable with a book than without. Can even read manga or ebooks from your phone like Webtoons! Or listen to books being read out loud on Audiobooks etc.

3. Have some good music to listen to. Emo music is great.

4. Get a pet. Dog, cat, fish, or turtle etc. Even plushie or bolster is fine. xD. Anything you can cuddle really….

5. Learn how to play an instrument..but don’t spend too much on your first instrument xD you can learn from Youtube videos.

6. Just learn to love yourself and to love the friends and family around you. You can do this with the help of Apps, self-health books, psychological services, or just spending time on yourself.

7. Maybe get a plant? But only if you can keep it alive, nothing is more depressing than a dead plant in the house :(.

8. Watch online streamers or even start streaming yourself! Maybe a good way to connect with other people or make new friends.

9. Get into the stock or share market!! Why not use all that spare time you have being single and grow your investment portfolio and become a bit more well off than you are now. Also look into your Super Fund and see if they are really growing your supperannuation for you or is it time to choose a different option for yourself.

10. Work out and get yourself the best body you can have! Go to the gym as much as you can, get fit, and get healthy..or play a sport, like badminton!! I guess this is good for making friends and socialising as such, if your area let’s you go back to indoor spoorts that is.

I am guessing the reality of these things I listed is because when you DO eventually get into a relationship, you most likely will have less time to yourself and to do what you want. Why not make the most of this single prime time and make it your time..

-#Foreveralone

Not Everyone is cut out to become a Parent

Once a couple has been married a few years, the natural questions they most commonly will be asked is, “So when are you having kids?”. Our current society has this expectation of young couples to start families, ASAP. However, we are often forgetting that life just gets busier and busier. People are more focussed on building their careers, travelling the world, and doing other great things, it’s hard to stop and try to fit having kids in there. I solemnly believe that having kids is not everyone’s cup of tea…It might be the right thing for one couple, but shouldn’t be expected for every couple out there.

 

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t hate kids. I absolutely LOVE playing with my nephew or other people’s kids. I used to serve as a Sunday School teacher for many years…people know I love kids and I am good with them, but that does not necessarily mean I will or want to have my own kids. There is a difference in playing with kids during their happiest times and not having enough sleep for the last 3 months because your kid will not stop crying in the middle of the night. There are so many things that are more important in my life at this time and kids don’t fit into the equation. I am working in two jobs, studying a graduate certificate, and also working on this blog, and ideas for my book. I just can’t imagine having time to fit in kids as well and I think that is absolutely fine. Right now, I am still saving up money to buy my own home. I don’t know how I will be able to afford to raise a child, let alone be able to send them to school, and pay for all those additional expenses. Not everyone will make a great parent, some parents are too selfish and won’t look after their kids properly and this leads to some kids getting abused, blamed, and neglected, their parents shouldn’t have kids. Just because you gave birth to a child, doesn’t mean you will always love them and this is why so many kids end up in foster care, orphanages, and on the streets. 

 

In saying that, I have friends whose biggest goal and dream in life are to become a great mother or father. They feel like it is their life purpose to have kids and to make sure that they turn out alright. The human population would slowly die out if we didn’t have kids, it means there will be no younger workforce to look after the elderly and to take up laborious jobs that older people can’t do. The younger generation is our future and I agree it is important to have kids, but the world is already overpopulated in a way and in developing countries, it is a big issue and that is why China implemented the ‘One-Child Policy’ for a period of time to reduce overpopulation in China. Parents and Grandparents often encourage their children and grandchildren to produce offspring because that is what their grandparents and parents wanted from them. Yes, it is good to have kids, but not everyone should have them.

 

I believe you need to have a calling to be a parent. It’s not for everyone and it is not for me. I love kids, however, I can’t imagine revolving my whole life around the raising of the child and blaming myself if they didn’t turn out well. While the majority of heterosexual couples will probably end up having kids, I think it is absolutely fine not to have kids and instead chase your dream career or other aspirations.

 

Be yourself

Find yourself someone who can accept you for who you are. Your faults, your strengths, who can understand the way you think..if they make you feel bad for being yourself, then they probably aren’t the right person for you.

I read somewhere before, that just because a relationship didn’t work out.. doesn’t mean that there is something broken or unlovable about you. Yes, maybe there is things you need to work on.. but that doesn’t mean that no one will ever love you. It can be sad when you get your heart broken… but sadly that’s part of life.

I don’t know if I believe in ‘The one’ anymore…maybe there will be many ‘The Ones’ and maybe there will just be one. But I truly believe if you put all your effort into something and it didn’t work out.. it’s not the end. It’s the beginning of something else. You change your perception.. you know a little bit better what you like and don’t like… you grow a little stronger.. even though you feel so weak.

Maybe there isn’t even ‘the one’ for you… and that’s fine. I think it’s fine. I believe You can live comfortably by yourself.. and that’s okay too. No one to hurt you, to worry you or cause you to be angry. Maybe a dog or cat. Who knows.

I don’t know. I just think take it as it is. Sometimes life doesn’t go your way.. but just gotta reflect on it and try bounce back.

Book Reviews: The subtle art of not giving a f*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life

I just finished reading the “The subtle art of not giving a f*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life” by Mark Manson. Funny way I got introduced to this book…it was actually from an ex-suboxone client of mine…I saw it and asked about it when he brought it into the dosing room with him…he highly recommended reading it..and finally after about 6 months later of procrastinating…I finally read it.

He presents some interesting concepts and thoughts to really challenge my mind and thinking patterns. I like how he says, “Don’t try to know yourself”. If we get into that trap of thinking we act a certain way, then it can become very hard to change that way of thinking. We can prove ourselves wrong and surprise ourselves…

I really enjoyed the personal stories he told of his own adventures of adulthood…he also used a mixture of anecdotes from a number of well-known people…and he told them in a way that is both enthralling and captivating. His topics encompass a lot of topics including career, death, life, decisions, and love.

My personal favourite story he told was when he said he walking towards the edge of a cliff…what was only a few seconds in reality…was like an eternity for him…as he was inches away from dropping to his death…he described how he never felt so alive. I don’t think I have done his recollection justice…you have to read it for yourself :)).

This book teaches you the basics of knowing what your values are and choosing what not to give an f*Ck about. Interesting concepts that are taught in an easy to understand and jargon-free book. If you don’t normally read self-help or non-fiction, I would highly recommend this book to you. It will hopefully offer you a different perspective or way of viewing this complicated life.

I am thinking of checking out the other book he has written…!

If you have read it or are planning to, please let me know your thoughts on this book.

 

Life is a game analogy -Part 2- Sushi Go Party

 

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Have you heard of this game? I recently played it with some friends over the Easter Long weekend that just passed! It’s actually really really fun…even though I am incredibly bad at it. 

Despite its initial deceptive cuteness and looking like a light hearted game, it can soon become very competitive as we try to win the race to the be the first at the finish line and you also need some sort of maths skills to add and subtract in this game. Upon reflection after playing this game, I believe that this could teach me, and maybe you a life lesson or two.

Before getting into that, I will explain how this game works, for those who haven’t played before!

Each player starts off with seven cards in their hands, then when the game starts you put  down one card you want to keep and pass the rest of your hand to the person on your left. You receive a new hand from the person on your right…and you repeat..choose a card and then pass the rest on. The round finishes when every one has put down 7 cards and there are no more cards being passed around.

The cards all represent different amounts of points you can get or lose and the description of their points is at the bottom. For example, if you have two tempura cards-you get 5 points (if you just have one you get nothing). There are also eight rules that have been decided upon at the start of the game-that is in the middle of the board. These rules decide how much special combinations of cards are worth…also there are also rewards and penalties for having the most of a card or the least. For example, in our first round we had a rule in which the person who had the most Pudding cards got 6 points, the person who had the least had six points deducted off their total score in a round. In another round, we had a rule that who ever collected four special cards over three rounds would get 12 bonus points.

Upon reflection, I think this game can teach you about spending, saving, and thinking about investments. It might be a long stretch, but it requires you to have to think, What is the best way, with the least risk to get the most points.
In real life, I guess we are playing with money, stocks, shares and other investments. There’s a risk that we will lose out if we don’t have insurance or cover for a particular thing… Just like when you see a Pudding Card come around, you have to think is it worth taking one, just so that you might not be the one with the least amount of pudding cards and get six points deducted, or whether or not you take it, it will happen anyway? In life, we have also have to think and consider, should I get health insurance or car insurance, just in case something happens that I do not foresee and I suddenly have to fork out a huge amount of money? I could be winning by purchasing health insurance and actually use it when needed, or maybe I might be losing money as I never needed it…

While I was playing the game, I was quite defensive and not totally confident. My strategy was to try not get points deducted as much as possible…However, I think this is one of the reasons why I did not do so well; in retrospect. I was so focussed on not losing any points, that I actually didn’t gain any or many points. ..I think for a very big proportion of my life has been spent trying to avoid bad things from occurring… Not trying this incase it doesn’t work out, too scared to do that because what if I get hurt…Not willing to take risks on investment, incase I get scammed… I was just so worried about what might happen, that I forgot that if I focused on getting more points in the first place, those deductions would not have made such a great difference either way. Having no points at all, is like trying to survive without money in the real world…:(

Yes, its a risk to get out there and try…Why? Because you might fail. Because people might laugh at you for trying. Because may try to make you feel like you aren’t enough.

But, you know what? The jokes on them, because you took the risk, you might win big and win the game in the end. (Or you might not, but we don’t talk about that.. ) 

If you have a chance~ Go and and Play Sushi Go Party*~

*Warning- Does require at least primary school maths skills levels to play..*

❤ ❤ <# Click here Support me to write a book !!  ❤ ❤ ❤

Would you rather? *Random Rants*

Have you ever thought why players like to be players? As in those who don’t want to commit to one person in a relationship and like to see new people all the time?

I believe I am an optimistic pessimist…if that exists ..I can see the good AND the bad things in every situation..

SO in this particular scenario..

A player gets the thrills of 100 first dates…gets excited for meeting the girl/boy for the first time…excitement of finding out about this new girl/boy. It’s exciting when you do everything for the first time. You go to exciting new restaurants, see movies, try something you never have done before…you learn a lot of things from these 100 first dates from 100 people. The downfall is, that you fall in love easily-and get your heart broken easily. There is no one that’s going to stay by your side..because it’s always changing…You don’t have deep and meaningful connections…

or…

Alternatively would you rather have 100 mediocre dates with the same person? Perhaps  you like this person…or perhaps you are just tolerating them..because you’ve been together for so long already.. Maybe your dates have gotten boring…or maybe you don’t even go out anymore…it’s just Netflix and chill all day everyday. Sure, you’ve found stability, loyalty ..but won’t you get tired of the seeing the same person day in and day out?

 

What would you prefer if you had a choice?

 

❤ ❤ <# Click here Support me to write a book !!  ❤ ❤ ❤

Let things not go to plan

How many people have imagined that they would be something, married someone, or gave birth to x number of kids by this time?

We only beat ourselves up when we haven’t followed to the tee our plans and visions for our lives.

I am super guilty of trying to plan and control all the variables of my life. I have used countless number of diaries, online calendars/apps, vision boards and basically notes things to do/achieve stuck just all over my room.

We all make our own timeline for ourselves, but so often than not… we don’t end up achieving said goals and we end up feeling upset at ourselves. We check facebook, Instagram, Snapchat and notice that everyone else is buying their “dream house”, getting hitched, having kids and just living a life that seems way more ahead and special than our own. We convince ourselves that we aren’t as good as them…

But I know how it feels to be the one envied.. I have friends overseas who only had my Facebook photos to see how I am and they think how “Happy” I looked in those photos I was tagged in… and how “Perfect” my life seemed. But little did they know, .. how that time I was actually anxious, stressed and burnt out. We paint the picture we want to show the world of how “good” our life seems… but it actually does more harm than good. People think we are fine, when we really aren’t.

In order to be more true to myself and to actually see how people are, instead of assuming…I stopped my use of those social networking websites that promote showing off the good side your life. Obviously, there are great benefits of these social networking sites and they are not “evil” or “bad” to use, but when we start comparing our lives to others on a daily basis and get upset, isn’t it time to give it a break and just start living your own life? That’s my own choice anyways…

My key take home message is..

Just live your own life in your own timeline and don’t worry about what anybody else is doing.

The evolution of the online dating<3

I would not call myself a trendsetter, or even someone that possesses the latest piece of technology..it was just by chance that when I needed a new laptop and was planning to get a MAC-the new MacBook Air came out..so I was like why not? *shrugs sheepishly*

ANYWAYS, online dating websites and apps have been around for ages…meeting people online (think Tinder, Ok CUPID, East meets East, bumble..) has always been a thing, but it still has such a stigma attached to it…because half-remembered quote from “Ralph Wrecks the Internet” – When something new comes along, the best thing for people to do is to fear it”.. something like that!

So..if we go back 18 years to when I was 10 years old (age reveal) and I made my first hotmail address which was something like sugar*****10@hotmail.com ..we used to all use something called MSN messenger! This is where online chats and adding random people on the internet became the new trend..suddenly …you could be whoever you wanted to be..!    You could change your name to Blonde_Hunk_with_Blue_Eyes or Sexy_Asian Chick_that_looks_like_Mulan_and find some random picture on the internet and pretend it was you…then you can proceed to what we now call “Cat fish” random strangers on the internet and pretend you are the love of their life, when you are NOT. True story, I have to confess my sister and I might have been chatting up a “young girl” and pretending to be a sexy blue-eyed blonde haired Australian lifeguard…but anyways…

This is before the world started caring so much about verified identity and privacy…when people said the internet was bad! Because young girls were being baited by old men behind the screens posing as handsome men, when in reality, for me it was the other way round.

I still remember playing Neopets obsessively for a period of time during my primary school days… and I also made friends on those guild websites..one guy called Ryan helped me build a website for my Naruto Guild…Another girl obsessed with Naruto, called Tiffany told me about her home town Canada, and at that young age I decided I would go to Canada to visit. It made the world suddenly seem smaller. I looked up the sky one day and thought to myself, somewhere on the other side of the world, perhaps in Canada, someone else is staring at the same sky.

In summary, the online digital world is changing…and why shouldn’t the way we meet people change as well? We can meet people not online in our proximity but interesting people all over the world with many fascinating stories…why limit yourself to those around you? What is to say that it safer to date and meet someone at a bar, where you know nothing about them in comparison to a guy you have been talking to for weeks online (and you’ve stalked their fb and insta to make sure they are who they say they are)..?

Why is there stigma surrounding online dating?

I realised myself, I have been really afraid to tell people I joined dating apps and I only told a few people. They didn’t judge..but I can see it in their eyes..When they asked, where did you guys meet?

Online is where we meet people with similar interests, buy stuff off them or find study groups…we’ve all done it before…there are actual people behind those screens…its not robots and they aren’t all serial killers.

 

But in saying that, it is always a good idea to let people know you are meeting someone online, have your phone on you (GPS on) and meet in a public place in day time…and make sure you have your own transport home and scapegoat excuses if you need to leave early… But yes, only meet after making sure that person is legit!! Stalk their fb…ask around and play detective. The more information the better…people that are real will act real, they won’t be ‘perfect’ you know? You will know…

 

I knew one happily married couple who met online like over 10 years ago..I’ve always assumed that that was a abnormality…I never asked what website..but I had my reservations..but hey..it worked..

 

But..I’ve always been somewhat traditional…I prefer writing traditional Chinese to simplified, I like writing and sending letters and cards than emails and I love receiving hand-written and made things…But at the same time, I am always open to trying new things that can make your life more interesting, better, and more efficient.

SO probably a ,year ago I decided to revisit my hobby when I was 10. I made an account on a dating website, but since I felt so ashamed-and didn’t want to get found out… and just wanted to try it for fun ( I wanted to see which other people I knew also used it!! haha) …I put a fake name..but being a but stupid I put a real photo (filters and stuff) on there..DOH..someone I kinda knew saw it and told a friend of mine…and I was found out…felt so guilty LOL..Coz fake name..I think I MAY or may not have also put some interests, languages and changed my ethnicity that was not true *Cough cough*..guilty as charged….but I am still the one behind the screen right? I am still real…but maybe not being as honest as I should…aint a good start to any relationship…

I talked to a few people..but the only one I almost met -some doctor from Melb- flaked at the last second…saying he was sick. I think it may have been due to the fact I invited two other people to join us for dinner (for our first meeting)….LOL yes I am super noob…I don’t do online dating remember ? Anyways,,, after that I was like screw this and deactivated the account.

Meeting people in real life is easier….or is it? Maybe it is for people that go out heaps…That enjoy partying, clubbing or whatever..but what about those introverts?

Those who hate loud music and don’t drink (or do drugs)! Also, they don’t really like meeting new people because it takes a lot of effort to make small talk.. and plus shy too. Yeah…fine… okay, people like me…to me…online dating feels safer,  I feel like I have more control…I get to find out a bit about these people online and ALSO you know that they are looking (most of the time) for a relationship too…and if they just want hookups-it’s usually written conveniently on their bio too..so you can swipe left for them -unless that’s what you want.

Suddenly you have an option to find the type of person you are looking for,  depending on what app.website you new using..it could be due to physical attributes (like height, ethnicity or body type..) or due to common interests… It’s interesting…because don’t you hate meeting someone new...and finding out that you have absolutely nothing in common and you don’t know what to talk about?

That’s me…I just…talk about the weather..yes lame..

ANYWAYS…to be honest, in my past relationships…at the start..it was always friendship and getting to know each other more online -through facebook messenger/watsapp/text a lot more than meeting up…

There is always a risk that you will get ghosted (ignored) by potential new connections..and it does hurt ..ALOT.. but if they ghosted you, it doesn’t reflect anything on you- it’s them with the problem…it is polite to let someone know if you aren’t interested instead of leading them on.

There is a risk of being cat-fished…I mean …people age right? Some people I know put photos of them 10 years earlier…when they were skinny and handsome…WHEREAS when they finally send a recent photo they are about three times wider around the middle, acquired glasses and lost some hair…YES u know what I mean..

In my opinion now..some tips on online dating (not that I am a pro)

If you are really serious about online dating, dare to be yourself. There is no point in trying to be someone else…because if you are there to meet your soul mate, don’t you want them to accept you for who you are and not what they think you are?

it is tiring pretending to be someone else that you aren’t. trust me… I learnt this the hard way.

They will eventually find out anyways!!

 

No point putting up a fake picture and then disappointing them when you meet up, if you don’t like being deceived , don’t do the same!

GO Dutch – don’t let one person pay for everything..esp on the first date ..because the person paying might feel like you are just there for a free meal…and the one receiving may feel obligated to be kind to them because they paid….I personally don’t like people I don’t know well paying for me…I’ve always been told by my mother..unless they are your boyfriend-never let them pay for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!SO yeah, go half and if it doesn’t work out, don’t need to feel bad for the =meal they paid for!

Not sure about you, but funny people are more approachable than people who seem too mean or serious.

I legit saw a bio where the guy was saying how he was still there because he still hadn’t found love…but he paid for 3 month subscription…it sounded like he had bad experience with online dating… he was like- no flakey people-no people who just want to be friends and aren’t looking for a relationship (wth-rood?) AND he also said that he wont pay for the first meal and that they will go dutch. I think he said at least THREE times that he only wants people who want serious relationships…

I think this dude is just too serious…man…you be scaring off and putting off any girl…I dunno…I felt like he was judging everyone else for being gold digging hoes or something…

Anyways,

In conclusion, while there are both pros and cons to the world of online dating- I do believe it is very useful for helping people meet other people that they normally wouldn’t in their normal circle of friends.
It is still very important to think about safety, privacy , and mannerisms when meeting people online for the first time, but with careful planning, research and getting to know the other person, I believe it can be a very rewarding experience. I think and hope in 10 years now, meeting people online will be the norm and not be stigmatised.

These are my own opinions and thoughts and I know everyone may have different views…

 

Joy and Peace to you and if you have any thoughts and opinions on online dating, please let me know below 🙂

 

Have a good day!

Why procrastinators love New Years

Well, if you are a fellow procrastinator like myself, you will definitely relate to this post…New Years is almost upon us, and I wanted to make sure I did this post before the change in years…because I have a feeling I might forget/laze out before writing it..

I love writing, but I also love procrastinating. In an almost viscous cycle of events for self-sabotage..it’s like the more we procrastinate, the more we love it. Love doing nothing.

The last few days before New Year’s, it the BEST time to procrastinate. The washing that needs to be done, the house that needs to be cleaned, the car that has an infestation of spiders (eek) and the weight that needs to be lost from that overindulgence of chocolate and sweets over Christmas season? I’ll do it next year! Why do we love this phrase? Because, Next year sounds so freaking far away! It won’t come that soon right? Tomorrow, Next week, Next Month…these sounds close and real, but next year? That only happens about 100 times in an average human (if you are lucky/unlucky to live that long). So many times I find myself putting things off, because NEXT YEAR sounds like a good time to start.

Supposedly, I have tricked myself into thinking that I  will wake up and suddenly want to and feel motivated to start studying…to start planning, saving and being more disciplined to go to the gym again… But, unfortunately for us procrastinators, I know too well…that that won’t be the case.

We got to, and can make a decision today (or tomorrow, or next week…) that we will do thing that we need to do. Because, next year is literally around the corner. :O

If we pile too many “resolutions, goals and tasks” to do “next year”, we will most likely feel overwhelmed with the sheer amount of things to do, we might end up doing nothing…but stressing out.

I hope every has Happy New Year! May you be safe, happy and get enough sleep for your soul.

Cheers to a year where we will (hopefully) procrastinate less.

Be Joy-filled.

 

Anyways, I will just reward myself for writing this post with a quick 30 minutes episodes of “Love at First Swipe-” BY Jinny Boy………….then I will get on with…….

The definition of Beauty

If a tree fell down and no one was around to see it, did it make a sound?

 

+I am not sure if I got that quote right, but the point that I am trying to make is…if there were no others around us to define beauty, would there be someone to decide whether something is beautiful or ugly?

 

Or is it a society created construct that is totally subjective. Who defined that a face lacking pimples, scars, birthmarks or deformed teeth is ugly?

Who said that a women with large breasts and a nice butt is sexy?

Why must guys have six packs instead of one backs to be hot?

What has society come to that we are all obsessed with our bodies?

There are plastic surgeons, orthodontists, stylists, make up artists, personal trainers and diet experts to all give us tips to make our body the best it could be possibly; according to standards set by society.

I am not saying these things are bad in itself…

I myself never smiled as a kid, because I hated how crooked my teeth was. I was so self-conscious about my teeth-I was adamant that no one would like me or think I was pretty because of my ugly teeth. So my parents invested a lot of money to set my teeth straight and gave me a smile.

In a way, these procedures for cosmetic procedure are costly, time-consuming and often painful. Having spent four years of my life with metal train tracks on my teeth, countless nights of pain after tightening of braces and soooo many mouth ulcers from the sharp wire that I swear the the evil orthodontist left there on purpose to punish me for being late to all my appointments.

Four years and $6000 for a smile? I still have a wire behind my teeth and I had to go back every year for orthodontic reviews (which I have avoided this year-since I’ve been not wearing my retainers). There are the retainers that you need to wear at night and occasionally get new ones to be made.

There was the psychological pain of it all..being self-conscious of pieces of food that are displayed for people to see…and the chewing gum that you weren’t supposed to have ..getting stuck.

ANYWAYS, what was I trying to say?

Yes, society, especially the female species…seem to spend a great deal of time on trying to make themselves look more beautiful by the standards of this world. Perfect smile, shiny hair, blemish free skin -if this is not possible-a heavily caked face, a skinny body and a nice ass and maybe some push up bra or…if they have money breast implants.

 

Why are we so obsessed with beauty? Why do we all judge each other on people’s looks?

I am guilty of this as well…is it something innate within us that associates beauty with other good traits like, manners, kindness…I don’t know.

I can’t seem to understand it… but isn’t it all subjective? Then how can we agree that a certain poster, singer or actor is beautiful and others aren’t?

Does love actually exist? Or are we just ensured and trapped by the fleeting beauty of the other? When it fade, we just stay with them anyways?

Does anyone like someone else for themselves and without caring about how they look like?

I remember watching a Korean youtube video of two couples that had literally a blind date.

They had a cloth between them when they met, so they were forced to learn about each other without seeing each other. What are your thoughts on this?

They were forced to get to know each other and not judge each other on how they looked.

If only interviews, jobs and real life was like this.

Who said those that aren’t considered beautiful in this world are not the super stars and idols in other worlds?

 

Perhaps those considered beautiful in this day and age, in the alternative universe was those who are looked down upon, frowned up and ostracised because their skin lacks pimples, because they are too SKINNY, because they are TOO FIT, because their hair is TOO shiny and not messy enough.

Anyway, that is my rant about beauty and how superficial it all is.

In our old age, does beauty even matter anymore?

How about we become deep people instead of shallow?

 

#16 How to have more control over your life

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Well, recently I have been thinking more and reflecting on what it means to be an “adult”. As Wong Fu’s video on adulting put it as it is about having control over your life and not letting life control you basically. Life is like a game, you need to have control over your player (i.e. you).

I thought that makes sense! But I hadn’t really thought about it much deeper than that…What does it mean to actually have control over your life? I mean, isn’t there a bigger person up there who does all that for us anyway?

I have had a bit of brainstorm and have been reflecting on a few habits that I have picked up lately in my quest to become a proper adult.

1. Control over the use of my time

Putting this first because lately, I have started realising how much time I ‘waste’ on staring at my phone and laptop. More so phone… I think I have an addiction to my phone 😦 While there is no drug or cure for this condition yet, so I have had to take matters into my own hands and decide to set limits on how much I am allowed to use my phone, especially when I am in my bed…

Rules that I have set for myself include, timing how long I spend each night or day using my phone in my bed and recording it on a piece of paper. I have also deleted certain apps and accounts for some social media sites in an attempt to curve my addiction, this includes saying goodbye to my original facebook account and my YouTube mobile app… Not to mention they also kill my data ..R.I.P

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2. Set limits to what time you want to be out of bed and in bed each night…and stick to it as much as you can!

For me, as I am pretty lenient on myself. I usually am up around 7 or 8 am, but I stay in bed for half-an-hour and a half longer…using my phone ..yup so bad. So I have decided to stick a limit of 9am being the latest I can lie in my bed! The latest I want to be in bed is by 1 am… !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hopefully, I can make my sleeping time earlier…It helps setting alarms to not only wake you up but also to remind you to sleep.

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3. Record your spending

I have touched on spending and saving more in another post about “How to Save Money when you don’t have any” and one of the things I had mentioned was that I like to keep a log of everything that I spent money on. So petrol for the car, groceries, gym membership fees, phone bills and everything else. The cool thing about the app (I use Pocket Expense-which is free), is that is has a budget you can set on certain things. However, I do often go over my budgets, but its all a learning process!

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4. Record what you eat

 I only recently downloaded an app that lets you record down your meals, it is pretty cool! I haven’t been logging everything as of yet, but I think it is a good idea to have an idea of what you are eating every day and see what sort of nutrition you are lacking or bad food that you can cut out or reduce to enable you to have a healthier life.

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5. Keep a health diary or a diary at least…

I love diaries and I love blogs! These things enable us to look back in time and remember what things caused what. You can use it to record how many times a month you had a headache, record when your period is (or get an app like I do) and just other stuff…you know emotional stuff too. When you see things for what it really is, it helps you know yourself and the way your body and mind work better.

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6. Have a plan and goal for each day

Do you ever feel like you achieved nothing in a day? Well, head over to the other blog post about how to stop procrastination at it’s worst. Having a clear goal or sense of what you want to achieve in a day, leaves you feeling satisfied and will help you towards your bigger goal in the long run, it also helps you be more disciplined and feel more in control.

7. Make time for the things yourself, the things you love and the people you love

When you are trying to achieve presidency or trying to reach Mars, it can be easy to forget those that are around you or those still on Earth. Don’t forget to schedule in quality time with your loved ones and for doing the things you love. It is not the best feeling in the world to get to Mars and realise that you have no one to share that incredible news with. Don’t forget to #LOVE YOURSELF

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8. Make time to look after your body to do EXERCISE 

Exercise is super important and you shouldn’t neglect its valuableness as a natural anti-depressant and mood lifter! It is important for your physical and mental health that you do exercise regularly. Apple watches, Fitbits, and other fitness apps are making it easier to do and plan workouts! They also make it more fun by making it more interactive and competitive (who did the most steps this week?)

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9. Know who your true friends and fake friends are

Who is there when you are not at your best or at your peak? Who calls you for help and then when you need them, they don’t pick up? Take time to develop and cultivate close connections with those that you treasure. A good friend is really hard to find and is more precious than a pearl…I think I requoted a bible verse here =s?

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10. Allow yourself to be random and uncontrolled…once in a blue moon!

It is okay to have one day where you sleep into like 5pm or a cheat day every now and then. Life isn’t meant to be all serious and adult. When we embrace our inner child, it is a beautiful thing…But as an adult, we can’t be like that all the time…At some stage, we have to put back on our adult mask and trudge on with our healthy food and those squats.

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I am sure there are many other ways we can have more control over our lives….so if you have any suggestions, leave your comments below! 

 

Other than that, take care and I will see you next time!

 

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#15 How to be a humble person

I am not sure about you, but I dislike arrogant people… I mean true they may have done some great things, but by boasting about it- that does not leave a great impression of you on me as a person… Do you really need to boast about what you do? That makes me think you only did those things to boast about it. #rant

So I went to a volunteer induction day to become a First Aid Volunteer for events around my town, Adelaide…So a group of about 20 people, some students, some workers and some health professionals who were interested in volunteering with this not-for-profit organization were there. But there was one lady that kept interrupting the speaker with not one, not two, not even five, but like 10+ questions. It honestly felt like she was having a private conversation with the facilitator, making all of us wait in boredom. Okay, so some of the questions were fair enough, but then she started to make them super-personal about Herself… Plus she felt the need to tell us all about her life like we cared. I found out that she is an Enrolled Nurse (la-di-da I am sure there were Registered nurses, doctors and pharmacists (me!) in that room too that didn’t bother to tell everyone else…so shut up, please! She had to make a comment about everything single thing that guy showed us…He showed us the green whistle in the kit (like portable happy gas) and she was like “Whats that?” =.= because she wasn’t listening…then he was like…it’s the green whistle…and she’s like “OH THAT”… I highly doubt she knew what it was, I’ve dispensed it quite often for the medical centre doctor bags, so I knew but I pretended I didn’t because no one likes know-it-alls. GAWDDDDDDS that woman was super annoying…

I am sorry I am so angry at her for boring me tonight …anyways…It has inspired me to make this post on how to be HUMBLE. Show you are awesome and don’t just spray it. TENKS.

  1. Don’t think of yourself as better than anyone else. Everyone has a unique and special contribution that only they can make. You have probably heard that quote, “Don’t look down on anyone unless you are helping them up”. A good person and team player will see others as equals.
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  4. Good leaders will lead by example and not by dictatorship. A good leader is someone that is approachable and is also open to correction. No one is ALWAYS right and I think if someone cared to point out an error to you, thank them for being so honest and try to rectify that situation!
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  7. A humble person that is having a conversation with someone else doesn’t just talk about themselves the whole time, they are also super interested in the other person. I am not sure about you, but I’ve had friends who love talking about themselves and yeah I can spend a whole night/day learning everything about them, but they won’t ever find out anything about me, because they are too busy talking about themselves. It makes for a boring company when you spend time with them (unless you hate talking about yourself then its fine).
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  10. When talking to people in person, respect them! Give them eye contact, be interested in what they say and don’t play with your phone or cut them off.
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  13. Be early or try your best time to not be late when meeting people! I am still working on this…I think it’s time to get a new watch…Respect that their time is as valuable as yours!!
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  16. Always be open to learning and be a learner for life! Things are constantly changing and you have to keep up to date to stay in the game. If someone shows you a better way than yours to do something that makes it more efficient, safe or whatever, be humble and don’t just discount immediately what they have said, just because they are younger or a junior. Look to learn from others, whether those older or younger, they all have something to offer.
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  19. Admit that you are not perfect! None of us have never NOT messed up at one point. We all have! It is OKAY to make mistakes… as long as we learn from them and work on ways that we can be better…It takes humility to admit that we were WRONG and they were RIGHT…
  20. Give compliments and encouragement to others! Just because you are super good at something, doesn’t mean that you cannot encourage others to do the same…! You never know how much your kind words can make the day of someone else :)! #sharethelove
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  23. Be in nature, appreciate animals and small children! Isn’t that flower so intricately beautiful and perfect? Who created the corgi? Such cuteness in that fluffy butt! SO FLUFFFFFFFFFYY!! That kid’s smile is so adorable! Nature, kids, and animals can teach us so much if we are willing to learn from them.
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  26. Don’t compare yourself to others. There is always going to be someone else that is more beautiful, more talented at something that you are. Just be the best…YOU that you can be. Compare yourself to you from 5/10 years ago! You might not be where you want to be, but at least you aren’t where you were before.

Let’s all try to be a little more humble (myself included)! It’s a lifetime journey thing, so don’t feel bad if you aren’t there yet! At least we are on our way~!

Take care and stay humble bumble bees~!

#11. How to lose yourself in the moment

I’ve recently become more interested in becoming more mindful and aware of what I am doing through meditation and attending yoga classes. This post is sort of a follow on from my previous post about finding your ‘purpose’ in life. One of those purposes I listed was experiencing certain sensations or feelings which make you feel ‘alive’.

Sometimes, you can feel like life is going by, day after day, week after week, month after month and you feel like you haven’t been present at all. If someone asked you what you ate for breakfast, you can’t even remember anymore! Probably the same thing you always do… Weet bix crunch or wait did I even eat breakfast today?

Anyways, a lot of people say they feel like they live when they go on holidays or when they go away to some beach and relax. For people suffering from mental or physical illnesses, it is sometimes good to try ‘distract’ yourself to forgetting your problems.

Everyone does this to certain extents I believe. I’ve had a brain storm of different ways I believe people distract themselves from reality.

1. Living in denial, just pretending everything is okay. Having false hope is better than no hope? Having temporary amnesia…problems? What problems?

2. Moving their body! This can encapsulate (just wanted to use this long word) things like dancing, exercising, jogging or other forms of exercises and sports. For me personally, when I am doing Zumba or hip-hop I feel like I can forget myself for the moment and just focus on trying to not look like a flapping bird flamingo.

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3. The wonderful world of art and music! Whether they lose them-self in an art gallery or artistic indie film, art was formed to represent a world that might not exist. This also includes animation, movies and dramas. If I don’t like where I am, I rather lose myself by imagining that I am someone else and live someone else’s life. Some songs also can take me away to another place, whether to a particular memory or specific time when I heard that song. Beautiful music is like dessert for the soul. When you attend the concert, it feels like you are in another world, staring at your favourite idols on stage!

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4. Similar to the arts, literature is also a great way to escape. Whether you are a reader, writer or both, this is an excellent way to escape from reality and to lose yourself in another world. You can be instantly transported into the realm of Harry Potter or into the majestic land of Frodo. You can spin stories of alternate universes that can only exist in your vivid imagination and creativity.

5. Pleasure and self-gratification. I guess pleasant experiences belong in this category, maybe you have eaten a delicious cake, got a sensual massage or had sex. Anything that pleases you and helps you forget the pain, or maybe you are addicted to the number of ‘LIKES’ you got on your latest Instagram photo.

6. *I just want to put it out there, I don’t support the use of illicit substances and their abuse of alcohol. I am just stating that this may be some people’s coping methods with stress and their ‘escape’ from reality.* Substances such as alcohol or drugs  to numb the pain (*cue Linking Park-I’ve become so numb song here*). Sometimes when you can’t sleep at night or feel like you can’t escape from all the feelings, people turn to medications-sleeping tablets, tranquilizers or alcohol to be able to sleep and to relax and to help them sleep.

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7. Sleep and the dreaming. I only recently learn more about Lucid Dreaming, basically this is basically where you teach yourself to realise that you are in a dream and then you can basically control what happens in your dream, instead of letting the control to you. I don’t know much about this topic YET, but when I do I will make another post on how to try have these lucid dreams. I believe it is a way that you can learn more about your sub-consciousness and to redo things in the past.

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8. Charity and the addiction to doing good. People tend to forget themselves when they are so busy doing good to others. For example, if you have a gout in your toe, but you suddenly find yourself in a war-torn country, are you more likely to care about those dying around your or focus on your pain? I guess this can extend to the career driver people aswell, who are just so busy with work, they forget themselves.

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9. Relationships-unhealthy and healthy ones. Sometimes people live for their relationships, whether mother and child, son and father or love etc. People live for the sake of pleasing or being with other people. A hug with the right person, dog or pillow could erase the troubles of the day. Or even a healthy relationship with you bed can help too!

10. Have you seen the free sky show in the evening each day? it is more beautiful and grander than anything that we could recreate by humans. Nature is beautiful, perfect and designed by a master. It often takes my breath away, when I give it a chance to!

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Question:

What recently took your breath away?

 

Take care,

Joy

#9 How to Be Happy

As winter hits Australia, the weather has turned gloomy and dreary and the incidence of depression and sadness seems to be abounding everywhere.

But, it doesn’t have to be that way! There are a few ways that you might be able to keep that fire burning through this cold season and still get a bit of a laugh and cheer back into your system! These are not fool-proof ways to lift your mood, but it has worked for me and a few others! So, let me tell you how you can lift your mood in 10 quick ways.

  1. Put some colour around you! There was a Ted talk I watched that showed by painting workplaces and classrooms with colour, lifted the mood of the children and workers and also increased productivity (for the workers) and decreased vandals (at the school!). Why do we throw confetti of multiple colours rather than one confetti? Because it makes us happy! Rainbows and colourful things tend to brighten up the room and atmosphere, whilst grey, black and white often dampen it.
  2. Cuddle something cute! Whether that’s a dog, cat, hamster or a baby! Their smile and cuteness will lift your spirit! Their playful innocence will sure turn every frown upside down! ( *only if you like kids and animals*) 
  3. Listen to your favourite music! Have an upbeat and funky or inspiring music to get you lifted out of that depressed mood! No emo or sad breakup songs here, please!
  4. Watch some funny YouTubers! The great thing about YouTube is that it is free and there is some great content out there! Some recommended comedy acts/people that I personally follow are good include Lilly Singh ( she is the best! ), Domics, NigaHiga and The Wonderful world of Wengie! That laugh is priceless and healthy for your soul.. 🙂
  5. If you have access to Netflix or some other way to watch shows, watch a comedy show! Netflix I know has Ricky and Morty (SO FUNNY!!), Simpsons, I dunno what other shows… hmm Big Bang Theory!! No sad or crazy crime shows though please! No 13 reasons why!
  6. Go for a jog or some other exercise! It has been proven that inactivity can spur on depressed mood and by exercising increases your endorphins and acts like a natural anti-depressant for your mood! Give it a go! It’s free anyways!
  7. Spend time with people you love and cherish and form real connections with them…You will be so surprised, that the burden of those hidden feelings of sadness, struggles, and mental health illness that you don’t want anyone to know about, is lessened when you are open to sharing. You will be surprised at just about how many people have been in the same boat as you and that they also want someone to confide in. The above-mentioned YouTubers, Lilly, Ryan and Wengie, all had struggled in their teens and in childhood through bullying or depression. But, they overcame and you can overcome too.
  8. Do something good for someone else. This may seem counterproductive, but when you stop focusing on yourself and start focusing on someone else’s needs, you realise, oh maybe I am not the only one with problems. By helping others, you essentially are helping yourself too. The appreciation for YOU .. I can’t explain, is a feeling that you cannot buy. But, it is freely given, when you go out of the way to help someone that you do not need to. By volunteering, or helping an elderly neighbour pull in the bin, you are like that friendly neighbourhood superhero.  
  9. Go to the mirror and just laugh at yourself for a good minute or two then do a silly dance up and down, and do it like no one’s watching.  Then think of a happy memory and just bask in those happy memories and remember you have been happy and that you WILL be happy again. If you can’t remember a happy moment, go Youtube a funny cat video or read the cartoon section of the newspaper!!!!!! Remember this is just an off day or a small phase in your life that you WILL get over.. Positivity!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! + + +
  10. Hang out with positive people and try to avoid those who known to be quite negative and cynical about life. If you can’t meet them up, give them a call or a text.  If you don’t have many friends like that, just hang out watching positive Youtube stars and idols and write down the attributes that you want to have eventually, you will get there too.

 

I hope that you can sincerely find some moments of happiness in your life, things may be looking bleak now, but the future will be brighter. I promise!

If you feel this depression has persistently lasted more than a day or two, please consider seeking professional medical advice and help. Remember, it is okay not to be okay and the strong have often become that way through overcoming their weaknesses.

Practice your Smile :)!

Question for you

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:What do you do that makes you smile?

See you next post!

*Video now up*