Catch 22 – Research Projects

When you start investigating and looking into doing research, unfortunately you will affect the circumstances that you are in.

Research has not been my strong point or forte unfortunately… I just get overwhelmed, bored, and tired of doing research. Unfortunately, as part of my residency position, I will have to complete a research project. Coming up with a project hasn’t been that difficult, but implementation and designing. Holy shit. So hard..🥲🥲🥲it’s almost been a year, yet I still haven’t been able to even start my project yet. Getting ethics has been a major road block… there are so many hurdles to jump through even before I can even go through to ethics… As a resident, my project has to go through the Education committee before going to the Research Committee, and then finally after they all disseminate my Research Expression of Interest.. then can finally go to the Ethics Committee 🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲 just too hard if you ask me.

It sucks now.. the waiting game before starting the Research.. but I suppose in a years time… maybe I will be pretty happy with where I have ended up? Perhaps I would have finished/close to finishing my research project..

WHO KNOWS

Am I going to make a difference in the world? Maybe not?

I love my project… yet I also hate it with passion. How I long to be a normal employee without all the additional responsibilities, research, and expectations… Yet, I know this is a stepping stone for something greater. Something better. Who knows

The benefits and pains of wearing a facemasks

Since I have come to Melbourne I have been wearing a mask daily and have made a list of the unexpected perks and slightly irritations from wearing a mask.

Benefits:

Obviously to protect yourself and others from coronavirus …

Covers up pimples

Don’t need make up on bottom half of the face

Protection from the sun?

Don’t have to fake smile at people

Don’t have to talk to people if you don’t want

Can look happy or sad secretly

Can yawn whenever and people can’t tell discreetly

Could possibly eat things that smell bad and people won’t be able to tell

Less people smoking in public!

Makes some people look better

Not so good things about masks:

If you don’t have one on (because you want to drink water or eat a snack), you feel guilty and that people look at you weirdly.

I can’t snack as much as I would want.

As above, I’ve been drinking less water. 😦

No one can hear me when I talk and I can’t hear other people.

I can’t tell who is talking to me :(.

Can’t recognise people in general.

The mask plus the faceshield really fogs up the shield or any glasses I am wearing…

Face gets itchy ..

What I have learnt from wearing a mask for 3 weeks:

Feels so good to not wear a mask at home!

You really have to stare at people’s eyes to try tell if they are smiling or not…

It is fascinating to see how people look under their mask…so many people look so much better with their mask on..weirdly! Or maybe it’s because they only put eye make up on? ? ahahahha…

On a different note, I have to collect something from the post-office because I wasn’t home to collect the delivery…sadly their hours of operation are seriously cutting it close to the time I am able to collect it. FINGERS CROSSED I will be able to get it post work tomorrow.

Today was my first day at the hospital in whcih I will be at for the next six months…I am still feeling quite shy and cautious about all the differences that I may face while working at the hospital…however, there are quite a few pharmacists from overseas…I am assuming that would be more different?!

I hope tomorrow I will make more progress and be more confidence and be able to contribute more to the team…

Adulting Milestones and fails

So, I spent the whole night yesterday on a wet mattress protector and hence I had a pretty uncomfortable sleep…My only quilt cover was not dry either..despite a whole day of being under the heater…my electricity bills gonna be so high :(. Gonna really try not to open the heater today.. :(. I was super mindful that I don’t want to sweat too much coz my quilt is gonna get dirty! So much stress TT. I have opened the windows and continue to dry the sheets and quilt cover on my makeshift clothes airer…

Next time, I think it will be ideal to not do all of them at the same time and do it in batches…coz,, yeah it doesn’t dry that well in the dryer..probably doesn’t get clean that much.

I’ve been trying to figure out how I can buy one week of groceries at one time. it seems so redundant that I have to make several trips to the stores in one week…and now with COVID, I am trying to do click and collect more often…however, I always seem to forget something…and then I have to wait till next time to get it..and by then I would have forgotten something else.

Other than that, I have officially almost spent an entire week living by myself and interacting with literally no one asides from the grocery unpacker when I click and collect. I am super cautious about those people too…lol…last time I did click and collect, they just left the product in a trolley and let me take it out myself. This time the kind man opened my boot and put it in bags for me in. Whilst that was very kind of him, he could have just left it there for me to pack…Because after that I had to sanitise my boot handle, bags, and everywhere he might have touched. 😦 You know..just in case.

BUT on a side note, I got for half price a set of 10 containers for only $12.50! WOOHOO. can’t wait to label them and fill them up with stuffs.. xD

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Laundry Diasters

I have literally spent the whole day at home…I told myself, “no shopping today!” And so I decided to wash my bedsheets and bedding… yeah, a little early I know!! I just moved in last week.. but anyways, I watched a video about how to clean your mattress and.. I couldn’t help washing them aswell, since I had to take them off anyways… sooo 2 hours into the washing machine on “bedding mode” and then another 2.5 hours in the dryer.. I suspect I overloaded the machine.. coz it was still super wet after I took it out of the dryer… so I had to use my brain and figure out how to dry everything in my room with it’s limited space and only the single clothes airer. Just FYI I don’t have a private balcony and it’s been raining all day here :(. I turned on the heater and set the linen as in this photo..

Three hours later, it’s still as damp as ever.. I ‘ve used the beloved Dyson hairdryer on the matress protector and quilt cover.. but without much difference. Hopefully it will dry within the next few hours, otherwise I am going to have to improvise! *Note to self: really need to get an extra bedding set to avoid further situations like this.

Learning to cook the hard way

I know why I don’t like cooking..it’s because I imagine it to be a task that takes too LONG when I am always hungry NOW. That’s how I thought about it when I was living at home back in Adelaide…if there was no food cooked by mum or takeaway…then I would just snack. I CBB cooking…it’s just so much hassle.

But now since I have moved out, I still suck at cooking…but I don’t think it’s too bad… yes I have to wait for a long time before I eat, but I appreciate what I eat (even though it usually tastes a bit strange). I am a bit of a YOLO person. Screw recipes, I will just try and fail. Then I will try again till I succeed..somehow ..xD

Here is a highlight of what I have learnt so far about cooking.

  1. You should probably watch the stove when you are cooking. Because…once you turn your eyes away the water boils over and makes lots of noise, smoke, and is a pain to clean.
  2. You need to invest in the right kind of knife for what you are cooking. It is important that they be sharp too, otherwise, you will be in struggle town.
  3. You need a lot of sized dishes and pans and stuff…otherwise you will forever be washing while cooking when you run out of crockery :(.
  4. The sieve is so important for draining stuff!!
  5. Don’t put oil in when the pan is still cold. LOL.
  6. Cook things separately to make sure they are well cooked before mixing together. LOL.
  7. Frying a egg is pretty difficult. :(. how do people flip it?! Maybe it was mistake trying to try fry two eggs at the same time and in a huge ass wok. Like I said different sized pot and pans come in handy here!
  8. It is necessary to clean the sink, cooking stovetop, and floor after every cook…Otherwise, that shit just go everywhere (or maybe I am just a messy cook).
  9. It is better to put less of a seasoning than put too much…you can always add more taste, but it’s hard to take it away. :(.
  10. It is okay to test your food!!! And important to do so…so you know if that pasta is undercooked or cooked…or if your sauce is not okay…you can change it while cooking.

I am sure there is gonna be a heap more of stuff I will learn as I continue to cook during my time in Melbourne Lock down!

I am proud that I haven’t yet ordered any take out as of yet…

P.S these are pics of the food i have cooked so far..xD

It looks better than it tastes xD

Things to think about when renting a place

Looking for accommodation is such a headache. But honestly, I think the more headache now, the less headache later…Finding the (near) perfect place will make a life that is more comfortable and you aren’t stuck in a lease with terrible house mates.

I am not a big fan of share houses, but I have lived in one before (in Japan), which wasn’t too bad! But, this is Australia…Melbourne…I feel like I am not ready for sharing my life with others who love alcohol or partying…

I have come up with my own list of things that I want in a rental property:

-Own ensuite bathroom and shower…I like the ability to taking a shower when I want..and I don’t want to keep moving all my cosmetics and hair washing stuff every time.. LOL and I am scared of germs.

-No-Smoking!! Or drugs! Or alcoholics! I just can’t stand the smell of smoke, drugs, or alcohol.

-Not very sociable people please…I don’t want to be kept up by party animals. I need my beauty sleep.

-I don’t mind pets…I actually would love to live with a dog or cat…as long as they are toilet trained…don’t eat my stuff, and friendly …xD

-Clean people…people who clean up after themselves…I HATE cleaning up other people’s messes and sharing a place with someone dirty…eeek

-If in a share house, I def want my own lock on my door…because I don’t want to worry about people going into my room when I am not around.

-Private parking on-site (preferably) a bit worried about street parking…because apparently there is higher crime rate in Melbourne.

-Heating and cooling.. I am super sensitive to cold and hold temperatures..LOL

-Safe neighbourhood and low crime rate..I am willing to pay more to feel safe!!

-Shops nearby for easy access to groceries.

-Nice restaurants nearby for takeaway for those lazy days.

-Quiet street and not too many cars or near a railway/airport…etc.

-Furnished…please..I don’t really want to fork out all that money to buy furniture when I am renting and also not sure how long I will stay in Melbourne

-My budget is max $250 a week..LOL…I feel like I am going to be broke renting and living in Melbourne T_T

-Having public transport nearby would be handy if I don’t want to drive to the city etc.

-Nice friendly neighbours…

These are personally the things I want to look for in a share house…I have such high expectations..I think I am better to rent my own place. LOL.

Having multiple job Interviews and offers

Whenever I am looking for a job, I don’t just apply for one job, I go far and wide… in the hopes of getting something and hopefully getting to choose. I mean you sort of don’t want to put all your eggs in one basket and hope for the best…We are humans 😦 We have to work for money when we are young so we can retire young and with enough income, (more on that in another post).

So what happens when you get multiple offers of interviews and during your job search you get offered a position? Depending on the company, some give you plenty of time to think about accepting, while some need the answer ASAP, because they need someone to work NOW.

I don’t think there is ever a right or wrong answer to this question. Sometimes, the job that you got an offer for would make you so depressed and sad…so much that you regret not considering the other options that were on offer… However, we have to factor in different aspects, is it contract? Full-time or part-time? Casual? What are my future career prospects? You can’t figure all that out from a job interview…you have to experience and get into the job, learn the ropes, and know the people to make that decision.

Like I said yesterday, high risk means higher returns right?

I had to reject a job interview today, but I thought about it long and hard before writing the rejection email. Would I have gone for the interview if I hadn’t already had a job offer? Absolutely. But, I have accepted an offer, and I don’t want to be the one to back out now. Fingers crossed there will be no regrets later. I personally wont do well in an interview for a job I don’t really want at the time..I feel like it would be so half-hearted…and I am not giving it my all.

I am so excited, yet so terrified! The borders between Melbourne and Sydney are closing at midnight tonight…if I go to Melbourne, I don’t know when I can come back to Adelaide. Apparently, Adelaide may close the border between us and Melbourne completely soon too…It means no one can go in or out with a very good reason (i.e. emergency…). It feels like I am stepping into a warzone, just a bit. Melbourne recorded its record number of new cases today.. Almost 200..The place is still in lockdown…so eeps.

I asked for an interesting life and I got it. I will keep updating this blog through my transition to the Covid-Central of Australia, lol. Stay tuned.

On Sharemarkets

I met up yesterday with a few friends who have also gotten into the sharemarket recently. We shared our resources such as books, podcasts, movies on what we have been using to learn more about the stock market and what we have heard in our ‘research’. We discussed what we should buy, what we have bought, and what we are thinking of selling.

Who would have thought I would have been interested in the stock market 2 years ago? It always seemed ‘too complicated’ for me and seemed like an ‘adult and foreign’, risky and troublesome area to get into. I stuck with safe things like Bank Long-term deposits, saving accounts, and just worked and tried to save as much as I could.

Low risk = Low returns. That’s the way life is, if you don’t take a risk then you are less likely to gain more. Yes, the stock market can be quite volatile… the cost of something can swing depending on what time of the day it is…and it can seem like you are losing Or gaining a lot of money in a short period of time. But the truth is, you aren’t gaining or losing unless you sell the stock. You can keep holding onto a stock in the hopes that it will rise up once again. ..or alternatively you can choose to sell it and lose less than you woudl have if the company takes a downturn and becomes worth next to nothing.

I guess there is always going to be a risk in every you do. I have heard it being said a few times, “It is not about the timing of the market, but the time in the market”. 

You can only start earning when you start investing and building, growing and diversifying. But I think at the same time, you should always have an emergency fund of money to access in case something like a loss of income should occur,

How to be comfortable #forever alone

There are going to be times where you will be alone, whether driving to work, going on work vacations or if you don’t know anyone in a social situation…or even during Covid lockdowns. I think it is always useful to have something to do in case you have time to kill and don’t want to waste it.

1. Have a piece of technology with you at all times…most likely at least your phone…so you can use it to surf the internet, use social media, or write ideas for future blog posts…

2. Have a book to read…Whether a light novel, autobiography or whatever. It is perfectly acceptable to sit somewhere to read, you would less uncomfortable with a book than without. Can even read manga or ebooks from your phone like Webtoons! Or listen to books being read out loud on Audiobooks etc.

3. Have some good music to listen to. Emo music is great.

4. Get a pet. Dog, cat, fish, or turtle etc. Even plushie or bolster is fine. xD. Anything you can cuddle really….

5. Learn how to play an instrument..but don’t spend too much on your first instrument xD you can learn from Youtube videos.

6. Just learn to love yourself and to love the friends and family around you. You can do this with the help of Apps, self-health books, psychological services, or just spending time on yourself.

7. Maybe get a plant? But only if you can keep it alive, nothing is more depressing than a dead plant in the house :(.

8. Watch online streamers or even start streaming yourself! Maybe a good way to connect with other people or make new friends.

9. Get into the stock or share market!! Why not use all that spare time you have being single and grow your investment portfolio and become a bit more well off than you are now. Also look into your Super Fund and see if they are really growing your supperannuation for you or is it time to choose a different option for yourself.

10. Work out and get yourself the best body you can have! Go to the gym as much as you can, get fit, and get healthy..or play a sport, like badminton!! I guess this is good for making friends and socialising as such, if your area let’s you go back to indoor spoorts that is.

I am guessing the reality of these things I listed is because when you DO eventually get into a relationship, you most likely will have less time to yourself and to do what you want. Why not make the most of this single prime time and make it your time..

-#Foreveralone

Impostor Syndrome

Impostor Syndrome is thinking that you aren’t qualified or good enough when in a position or when applying for one…but in fact you are. I guess it may tie in with having an inferiority complex…thinking others are always better than yourself.

I believe many working professionals are in the same boat as me…thinking and feeling that they have no idea what they are doing and are worried that someday someone will expose them for the fraud that they are.

No matter how many exams I have passed or feedback that I receive…I always feel like I am ‘Pretending to be a pharmacist‘. Pretending to know more than I do not. Our minds and our worries trick us to thinking that we are the only one who is feeling that way…but that is not true. Sure, some people may seem like they are naturally ‘born’ with talents and traits that may lead them to be good at something. But surely, they would have most likely had to work very hard to get there and perhaps they also feel like they are pretending as well.

Fake it till you make it. That’s what people advise you to do…but it’s hard you know..it’s scary pretending to be something you are not, but actually you are. I believe it’s particularly bad when you are about to start a new position that requires you to have prior experience and skills already…it makes you feel like your prior knowledge and experiences isn’t enough and indeed that is how I am feeling moving into my next position. I know it won’t be easy, but I know one thing is that I will work hard and do my best. Because, as someone once said, if it was easy, then everyone would be doing it.

 

 

On Job interviews

Job interviews can be so nerve-wracking and I wonder if they really do paint an accurate picture of whether or not we will be a good employee. Certain people seem to fare better in the talk themselves up department and others not so much. How do you know that the one who talks better in the interview will be a better match than the more shy interviewee who is actually much more hard-working and efficient employee?

Do you act yourself or must you force yourself to pretend to be someone else?

You literally have to give a great first impression from the start…When you first apply with your resume and cover letter, you’ve got to make sure that you demonstrate that you can construct legible sentences and structure things well.

After that, there may be an additional screening phone call or automated online interview, which you have to demonstrate you can cohesively construct something verbally well.

Then the next step if you make it as a live person interview with one or more panel members. In this case, you have to actively demonstrate your listening and quick thinking skills as you answer an array of various and sometimes random questions about yourself or a hypothetical scenario.

As this snapshot may not be sufficient enough for them, they will also contact your referees to make sure that you are not lying through your teeth about your most recent jobs and that you are indeed a good person to hire.

After you have passed all these hurdles you have to have police checks conducted on you, to make sure you ain’t a criminal or someone who has incurred many traffic accidents. If you are working in a hospital, they also need to test your blood to make sure your immunisations are all up to date.

Then you are finally hired! But you still have that six to twelve month probationary period where they can let you go at anytime. -.-;;

It’s such a pain moving from one job to another, but sometimes you have no choice…there just may be no room to grow for you in your current job. Life is tough, contracts finish, you may have bad management, bad colleagues… It is no surprise that as a millennial I have probably changed jobs more often than my dad has through his entire working life.

Priorities in Life

I think I have said it before, but there is a time and place for everything.

There is a time to save, a time to spend, a time to invest, a time to just work your ass off.

Everyone harps on about work-life balance, but what and who really determines what value you put on each area? Is there a perfect number? I think it is more a subjective thing and it will change through the seasons of your life.

I believe our priorities change as we grow…In high school, all I ever wanted to do was graduate and be done with school. Then in Uni, I just wanted so badly to pass my exams and to finish my course. I started working and then all I could think about is how much I missed my friends at uni and all the free time I used to have.

People my age are getting married, having kids, working and planning their life.

I suppose it comes down to our values to what we think is important and that occupies our time.

Do as I say but not as I do

You’ve heard that statement, practice what you preach.

But how many leaders actually follow their own advice?

I mean I understand nobody is perfect 100% of the time.

But, doesn’t it suck if you have a leader who likes to tell others what to do, except won’t follow their own advice?

It is like they are immune to the rules of the company.

Hypocritical describes it I suppose.

There are no perfect leaders, but some are better than others…who work harder than they need to.

And some who you don’t want to listen to what they say or do, like Mr Trump.

The end of a chapter and the start of the next

The cogs of change are changing again and life as I had known it for the last 9 months , funny how it started as a 4 week gig. When did it change? When did I stop caring, stop striving, and lost my focus?

I think I did bring it upon myself…too scared to let go of what is safe and what is familiar and immerse myself into the unknown. I am not sure if that is partly the reason why I find myself in this predicament. But then ironically, I prove myself right. It didn’t work out, but at least I have a some form of security in knowing that I have the second job while looking for something new.

It’s scary. Not knowing what my future will be like. But hey, this has been happening every few months before a contract ends. I still remember the terror and anxiety I felt when my first contract was almost ending…I was worried did I make a good impression? I’ve always worked hard and did my best to be nice to everyone. But I guess when you so hard and with no recognition, you start feeling under appreciated, tired, stressed, and burdened. Too scared to complain because you want to be chosen to stay there, yet everyday feels harder than the day before.

This good bye was inevitable. There are regrets, but there are also moments where I had a confidence that I did not have before and I am proud that this difficult situation developed that in me. Standing up for my rights and of others is something that I strive to do. I think it has something to do with respecting yourself and speaking up when something things off or wrong. Working in a mental health institution has always been a goal of mine and I have fulfilled that and believe this was be a stepping stone into something greater.

Apparently, with this company there will be an exit interview…this is not something I have done before, despite working in so many places previously. There is so many things I want to say, but I need to be careful of saying anything too bad,  because I need this people to be referees. There is never a way to win is there? Better to leave on good times than bad. I am both scared, yet also looking forward to a change of scenery. Bring on the last 3 weeks of full time work…

Stay Tuned for updates

The Breaking Point

I think we all have a limit.

A point where just one small thing can put you over the edge.

Something small that usually wouldn’t bother you.

But you have had enough.

I think you know it’s happening, even when you try to convince yourself everything is okay.

People think you are fine when you are barely holding yourself together.

You try to brush it away, pretend it is not real…BUT IT IS there and it eats away like you like an internal parasite.

The parasite is eating away at your and slowly it takes over your whole body.

Slowly you become an empty shell…Where you feel nothing, care about nothing, and do things you didn’t care about.

It’s a ticking timebomb and someday…you are gonna explode.

Then you will know.

It’s too late.

You’ve reached your breaking point.