Lasik failure :(

I was so worried about post surgery complications, I didn’t even consider that the procedure would be a failure…

Prior to the surgery, I was given the choice to take some sleeping tablets to help “relax me”.. and of course I took it.. I was nervous as hell.. but little did I know what would happen next.

I don’t know how often this happens, but I was all gowned up with the hairnet, shoe covers, and ready to get lasik. I had to go through numerous stinging eyedrops, face disinfected, text over my eyes…and then they propped openmy eyes with something so I couldn’t blink.. that was a bit painful. I had to stare at a green light above me that sort of suctioned onto my eye. It was uncomfortable, there was drilling sounds, I was scared shitless. I think I knew something was wrong because the machine kept coming off and back on to my eye…what felt like an eternity later (but was probably a minute later), the doctor aborted the surgery. He had made two incisions in the flaps of my eye to try lift them, but apparently couldn’t because the shape of me eyes were weird. But mate, aren’t you supposed to check that pre-surgery? At that time I was too drowsy to say anything and really remember much.. I was taken to a recovery area with a ned.. and given an icepack for my now inflammed rye.. they were talking about there being bubbles in my eyes. WTF.

The doctor pulled me back into his room and tried to explain what happened, but he used all this medical jargon (about eyes) which I didn’t understand and was too sleepy to ask about. Why do they do that? After drugging you up telling you all this important stuff? He took out the after lasik pack which had been shown to me by a optometrist assistant prior to going into the surgery. He chucked away the antibiotic eyedrops and said “You won’t need this”. But what if I do? You have made two cuts in my eye! I can see the blood lines there and it freaks me out.

I can’t remember the last time I felt so disappointed, dissatisfied , disgusted, depressed, and yet damn angry. I have been knocked out the rest of the day. All that damn anxiety and dread leading up to the surgery day…

They also made me pay upfront BEFORE i had the surgery. What scammers. In the end they apparently “refunded” it to me on my credit card.. but honestly I can’t see it there yet…I won’t let them get away with that one. 😤😤😤

Some of my friends have told me to sue them for medical negligence. Whilst it sounds like s annoying and long-winded expensive process… I wouldn’t want anyone else to go through what I did and who knows how long my eyes will take to recover? They didn’t even tell me if I can wear contacts again.. do I have to wear sunglasses everywhere? Am I not allowed to wash my hair with shampoo? Which is what their information sheets say, but they didn’t write one up for botched surgeries.

A mixture of guilt and sadness also lies within my mind. Why did I want so bad to not have glasses? I guess they might be the safest option now…

-Sad

Will I miss Adelaide?

I have been thinking lately…this might be the last time I go here, do this, see this person. Is the only way I will miss Adelaide is by leaving?

I took a good long look at my backyard and I remembered all the memories that I have had in my childhood…it feels really surreal that I am leaving soon.

I will miss playing badminton with my friends for sure. I am scared and afraid of trying to make new friends in a new city :(.

I am going to have to learn how to cook for myself. Eek…I hope that I won’t starve…

I am going to miss eating out in Adelaide, especially eating out..gymming…since Melbourne is locked down at the moment due to Covid.

Why I hate glasses

Exercising with glasses is a shit house. Glasses falls off, fogs up, and vision is blurry.

That’s what I told myself anyways…That’s why I wore contacts everyday,no matter where or what I was doing. I just feel self conscious, ugly, and not myself. When I feel contacts, I just feel so much more confident in myself that I don’t need to keep pushing up those stupid glasses that don’t ever seem to fit on my face. I just hate all the photos with me on glasses.. you can’t even see my eyes!!

That’s until I went for an appointment to see if I was eligible for Lasik surgery last week. He told me that my cornea was quite thin! The layer on top of the eye…I wonder if this is from my overuse of contact lenses 😦 Apparently you should only use it for 8 hours maximum a day, but I know for sure I wear them for 12-14 hours a day… eek..

 

Having multiple job Interviews and offers

Whenever I am looking for a job, I don’t just apply for one job, I go far and wide… in the hopes of getting something and hopefully getting to choose. I mean you sort of don’t want to put all your eggs in one basket and hope for the best…We are humans 😦 We have to work for money when we are young so we can retire young and with enough income, (more on that in another post).

So what happens when you get multiple offers of interviews and during your job search you get offered a position? Depending on the company, some give you plenty of time to think about accepting, while some need the answer ASAP, because they need someone to work NOW.

I don’t think there is ever a right or wrong answer to this question. Sometimes, the job that you got an offer for would make you so depressed and sad…so much that you regret not considering the other options that were on offer… However, we have to factor in different aspects, is it contract? Full-time or part-time? Casual? What are my future career prospects? You can’t figure all that out from a job interview…you have to experience and get into the job, learn the ropes, and know the people to make that decision.

Like I said yesterday, high risk means higher returns right?

I had to reject a job interview today, but I thought about it long and hard before writing the rejection email. Would I have gone for the interview if I hadn’t already had a job offer? Absolutely. But, I have accepted an offer, and I don’t want to be the one to back out now. Fingers crossed there will be no regrets later. I personally wont do well in an interview for a job I don’t really want at the time..I feel like it would be so half-hearted…and I am not giving it my all.

I am so excited, yet so terrified! The borders between Melbourne and Sydney are closing at midnight tonight…if I go to Melbourne, I don’t know when I can come back to Adelaide. Apparently, Adelaide may close the border between us and Melbourne completely soon too…It means no one can go in or out with a very good reason (i.e. emergency…). It feels like I am stepping into a warzone, just a bit. Melbourne recorded its record number of new cases today.. Almost 200..The place is still in lockdown…so eeps.

I asked for an interesting life and I got it. I will keep updating this blog through my transition to the Covid-Central of Australia, lol. Stay tuned.

How to be comfortable #forever alone

There are going to be times where you will be alone, whether driving to work, going on work vacations or if you don’t know anyone in a social situation…or even during Covid lockdowns. I think it is always useful to have something to do in case you have time to kill and don’t want to waste it.

1. Have a piece of technology with you at all times…most likely at least your phone…so you can use it to surf the internet, use social media, or write ideas for future blog posts…

2. Have a book to read…Whether a light novel, autobiography or whatever. It is perfectly acceptable to sit somewhere to read, you would less uncomfortable with a book than without. Can even read manga or ebooks from your phone like Webtoons! Or listen to books being read out loud on Audiobooks etc.

3. Have some good music to listen to. Emo music is great.

4. Get a pet. Dog, cat, fish, or turtle etc. Even plushie or bolster is fine. xD. Anything you can cuddle really….

5. Learn how to play an instrument..but don’t spend too much on your first instrument xD you can learn from Youtube videos.

6. Just learn to love yourself and to love the friends and family around you. You can do this with the help of Apps, self-health books, psychological services, or just spending time on yourself.

7. Maybe get a plant? But only if you can keep it alive, nothing is more depressing than a dead plant in the house :(.

8. Watch online streamers or even start streaming yourself! Maybe a good way to connect with other people or make new friends.

9. Get into the stock or share market!! Why not use all that spare time you have being single and grow your investment portfolio and become a bit more well off than you are now. Also look into your Super Fund and see if they are really growing your supperannuation for you or is it time to choose a different option for yourself.

10. Work out and get yourself the best body you can have! Go to the gym as much as you can, get fit, and get healthy..or play a sport, like badminton!! I guess this is good for making friends and socialising as such, if your area let’s you go back to indoor spoorts that is.

I am guessing the reality of these things I listed is because when you DO eventually get into a relationship, you most likely will have less time to yourself and to do what you want. Why not make the most of this single prime time and make it your time..

-#Foreveralone

Impostor Syndrome

Impostor Syndrome is thinking that you aren’t qualified or good enough when in a position or when applying for one…but in fact you are. I guess it may tie in with having an inferiority complex…thinking others are always better than yourself.

I believe many working professionals are in the same boat as me…thinking and feeling that they have no idea what they are doing and are worried that someday someone will expose them for the fraud that they are.

No matter how many exams I have passed or feedback that I receive…I always feel like I am ‘Pretending to be a pharmacist‘. Pretending to know more than I do not. Our minds and our worries trick us to thinking that we are the only one who is feeling that way…but that is not true. Sure, some people may seem like they are naturally ‘born’ with talents and traits that may lead them to be good at something. But surely, they would have most likely had to work very hard to get there and perhaps they also feel like they are pretending as well.

Fake it till you make it. That’s what people advise you to do…but it’s hard you know..it’s scary pretending to be something you are not, but actually you are. I believe it’s particularly bad when you are about to start a new position that requires you to have prior experience and skills already…it makes you feel like your prior knowledge and experiences isn’t enough and indeed that is how I am feeling moving into my next position. I know it won’t be easy, but I know one thing is that I will work hard and do my best. Because, as someone once said, if it was easy, then everyone would be doing it.

 

 

On Job interviews

Job interviews can be so nerve-wracking and I wonder if they really do paint an accurate picture of whether or not we will be a good employee. Certain people seem to fare better in the talk themselves up department and others not so much. How do you know that the one who talks better in the interview will be a better match than the more shy interviewee who is actually much more hard-working and efficient employee?

Do you act yourself or must you force yourself to pretend to be someone else?

You literally have to give a great first impression from the start…When you first apply with your resume and cover letter, you’ve got to make sure that you demonstrate that you can construct legible sentences and structure things well.

After that, there may be an additional screening phone call or automated online interview, which you have to demonstrate you can cohesively construct something verbally well.

Then the next step if you make it as a live person interview with one or more panel members. In this case, you have to actively demonstrate your listening and quick thinking skills as you answer an array of various and sometimes random questions about yourself or a hypothetical scenario.

As this snapshot may not be sufficient enough for them, they will also contact your referees to make sure that you are not lying through your teeth about your most recent jobs and that you are indeed a good person to hire.

After you have passed all these hurdles you have to have police checks conducted on you, to make sure you ain’t a criminal or someone who has incurred many traffic accidents. If you are working in a hospital, they also need to test your blood to make sure your immunisations are all up to date.

Then you are finally hired! But you still have that six to twelve month probationary period where they can let you go at anytime. -.-;;

It’s such a pain moving from one job to another, but sometimes you have no choice…there just may be no room to grow for you in your current job. Life is tough, contracts finish, you may have bad management, bad colleagues… It is no surprise that as a millennial I have probably changed jobs more often than my dad has through his entire working life.

Priorities in Life

I think I have said it before, but there is a time and place for everything.

There is a time to save, a time to spend, a time to invest, a time to just work your ass off.

Everyone harps on about work-life balance, but what and who really determines what value you put on each area? Is there a perfect number? I think it is more a subjective thing and it will change through the seasons of your life.

I believe our priorities change as we grow…In high school, all I ever wanted to do was graduate and be done with school. Then in Uni, I just wanted so badly to pass my exams and to finish my course. I started working and then all I could think about is how much I missed my friends at uni and all the free time I used to have.

People my age are getting married, having kids, working and planning their life.

I suppose it comes down to our values to what we think is important and that occupies our time.

Waiting Game

Does anyone like waiting?

It could be a time of anticipation, anxiety, fear or sadness.

I try to go to appointments early if I can, I do not like to keep people waiting for me.

But I noticed, sometimes when I get put into situations that I am forced to wait longer than I anticipated…I get a little pissed off..this is generally because I have already read all my Webtoons for the day…listened to my podcasts and generally have seen all the cat videos on facebook…

I get so angry waiting for the person to finally come….that sometimes I don’t even want to meet them anymore. LOL.

Maybe it’s me, I like everything to be done on time. I can’t stand those last minute meetings and where there is no time set in stone. I need details. I need detailed details. I need you to let me know in advance if you are going to be late and how late you will be. Otherwise I’ll get angry.

Does this resonate with anyone else?

Online Live Interviews

Just finished a live online interview which is I guess the third and final step in the application process.

Was super nervous the whole day… just pacing back and forth and last minute watching all these videos on interview skills.

Some of the questions they asked were the ones I sort of prepared for, except they gave they scenarios.

They asked me why do you want to work at ______ Health and What do you know about the Pharmacy Residency Program. No matter how much I practiced this, I still stumbled and fell.

Then they gave me some case scenarios:

  1. If you got given some negative feedback, how would you go about addressing the feedback that they gave?

I honestly thought about what I would have done in a real case scenario..reflect and also think about how I can improve in the future. I would also keep doing what I have done well, but work on what I can do better.

     2. How would you prioritise your time if you had two different presentations to do, a research project, a new rotation, and also you best-friends wedding at the end of your residency program?

TBH I couldn’t really hear the whole question clearly..so there may or may not be a research question added into that mix. Again, I didn’t lie and literally told them what I do in real life, write it in my journal..and plan my time around those deadlines. I also said that I wouldn’t cancel on my best friends because work life balance is important.

3. Imagine that you have got some feedback from your preceptor about your research assignment and you have emailed him for some feedback. However, he does not reply within 3 weeks…you bump into him and ask if he has seen your email. He says he has been really busy lately and told you to relax because the project isn’t due for ages.

Again, this is a familiar situation I have been in before…and I answered honestly once again. I would try to think of opportunities outside the box, i.e. asking a colleague of his for help or looking to see if I can fix it myself. Alternatively, I would try to schedule some time with him, i.e. over lunch or after work for 15 minutes. I said it would be respectful of their time and their duties…But I guess I should have reminded them of their responsibilities as a preceptor.

omg I forgot the last question….there was four tho..

Then I asked them a question…”What kind of person are you hiring?”

Felt dumb to ask that too..lol since I should know..

They wanted to hire someone that was enthusiastic, shows excellence, hard-working, and adaptable to change.

They then asked me about my experience in pharmacy so far and whether or not I would be willing to move to Melbourne. If I am going for the interview, I guess?!!?

Apparently for external applicants, like myself..We will have a 2 week orientation to the hospital in mid August..then the residency starts in September :O… So still lots of time to prepare if I needed to move..which is good.

They will get back to all the applicants either at the end of this week or the start of next week. Referee checks will be conducted by that time aswell.

Fingers crossed!

 

p.s. I asked them how they were coping with the resurgence of Covid-19 cases in Melbourne, not sure if appropriate… ><“

Quiet Before the Storm

After six months of working 6-7 days a week. Suddenly I am back to one day a week.

Scary. What should I do with all this spare time?

Of course I need to job hunt and keep doing interviews.

But, still so much time.

So I have a few things I am thinking to work on or do during this time.

  1. Being able to cook edible, easy, and semi-healthy meals for myself.
  2. Make sure I am up to date with my CPD (Continuing Professional Development) points for this year! We need to complete 40 CPD points as a year as a pharmacist.
  3. Aim to update daily with quality on this blog! This will include scheduled and unscheduled posts.
  4. Start doing recorded live interviews for my (almost forgotten) podcast! I have a few ideas of regular everyday people that I want to interview for my podcast.
  5. Work out 4 times a week and lose that post-covid 19 fat T_T!!
  6. Catch up with my nephew, sister, aunty, and uncle!
  7. Try to grow something. Flowers, cucumber, Carrot. Anything. Except mold. No Mold please.
  8. Think and plan my goals for the rest of the year and next year. I.e. financial goals, Shares goals, and etc.
  9. Finally have some time to clear out the junk in the kitchen, bathroom, and do I even want to touch the living room?!
  10. Get in some solid restful sleep.  CHILLAX. Destress and hopefully my resting heart rate will go back down to ~60  instead of the 72 it is now 😦

 

Here’s hoping that I will make the most of the time I have between now and my next job… 🙂

Last Day

Last days are so awkward.

There is a swirl of emotions.

Happiness. Sadness. Regret. Anxiety.

There are people that you may never see again.

There are some you want to say Good Riddance forever to

Then there are others that you want to hold onto to.

So many memories are made…both the good and the bad.

But, you appreciated the journey.

You learnt something new.

You grew a bit as a person and as an adult.

And you are one step closer to where you might want to go.

You’ll miss it, but you don’t know if you would go back given the chance.

But maybe you will have the opportunity one day.

Who knows?

You gotta sometimes Cheer yourself on

 

When the going gets tough and there doesn’t feel like there is anyone in the same boat as you…Sometimes you have to be your own cheerleader.

Maybe it has something to do with positive thinking and mindset, may be it has something to do with loving yourself.

You can do this and you can say I believe in me.

Being ‘Oncall’

This weekend, it’s my first time being the Oncall pharmacist for a large hospital that I used to work for.. but since then I have been rotated to another site.@@. Trying to organise getting the on-call gear to get to me was a feat in itself. I don’t know much about booking couriers or who to contact about the on-call stuff. It was also a feat trying to test the laptop gear and make sure it was connected to the network at work before I took it home. I’ve never used VPN before and holy moly is it kinda cool…but super slow and the screen is TINYYY..

For me, the anxiety of thinking about being on-call seems like more of a nightmare than actually being on-call…so far anyway.

Yesterday I got one call so far asking for something that they should have ordered during business hours. Then today I received a call from an intern cover doctor asking about vancomycin dosing… @_@ which is so complicated and my first time looking into it.

I think personally, being on-call is literally taking the stress from work home with you and everywhere you go. Basically, you have to think about work 24/7 while on call. You never know when they will call and what they will call about. Every time you go out you have to bring all the stuff with you and be on alert for the dreaded beeps from the pager or the phone ringing. The pager went off during my shower today and my heart sank, I couldn’t even enjoy my shower… 😦

I woke up with a stiff and painful neck this morning 😦 I don’t think I got good sleep…worried that I would be called in the middle of the night…

So far I’ve been a bit disgusted with the bag. It’s sooo messy..stuff is just everywhere.. I bought some plastic ziplock bags to put the different chargers, internet dongle, and parking permit cards into. I have also replaced the screen cover of the iphone with a new tempered glass screen cover I had lying around (can I claim that on my tax?)..I also might clean up the folder a bit…and see if I have a spare notebook lying around. It just looks so unloved.

This is my oncall experience so far… tmoro will be another challenge! I am will still be on-call while I am working at my second job. Fingers crossed no-one contacts me during work….eek… Shall update on my endavours with more stories surely. Oh, and someone please remind me to put this on my resume, thanks.

Passive Income

As a kid, I have always thought…the only way to make money was to work for it or win the lottery. I didn’t know or even think of all the other possibilities that are out there to make income and I have decided to make this post as a brain storm of the ways I think you could make money in addition to working your ass off for it. Wouldn’t it be nice if you didn’t have to depend on your ability to work for an income and basically I guess is when you can say you are comfortable.

I am going to set this in groups of High Risk- High Return, Low Risk- Low Return, and inbetweens.

High Risk and High Return:

-The stock market and buying volatile shares that can dip up and down, but potentially could make you a lot of money.

-Gambling large amounts of money at Casino.

-Hedge Funds/Start ups

-Signing up for a long and highly invasive Clinical Drug Trial

 

In between:

-Investment Property (depends on the house and location). Could also be doing things like homestay or Air B n B.

-Starting your own small business

-Becoming an social media influencers- Blogger, vlogger, instagrammer… and having a Patreon or Go Fund Me page

 

Low Risk and Low Return

-Investing in safe shares, such as the big banks or supermarket chains and receiving dividend payments periodically.

-Long term deposits in the bank.

-Pokies Machines

-Working a 9-5 day job 😦

-Selling your old shit – Marie Kondo your house!

-Government welfare payments 😦

 

This is all I can think of now…but I am sure I will find out some more and update this when I do!