How to build Resilience

 

So today I want to talk about resilience… this was a topic brought up in my class earlier this week…

How do we even define resilience?

Why do some people seem more resilient than others? 

How can we develop this resilience?

These are all valid questions that one may have..because I think we all sort of know what resilience looks like…and it can look very different to different people and that’s okay.

For me personally, I would define resilience as someone or something that does not give up even though they are being knocked down time and time again, or they fail again and again…or they seem to be losing, but they do not lose hope. The picture that comes into mind is two people playing a singles game of badminton, there is one player that is clearly better than the other, yet the weaker player are not phased… they are focused, they are not giving up in the face of the competition before them. Despite everyone around them knowing that this is a hopeless battle, they do not admit defeat and do not surrender with out giving the game their best shot. To these people I applaud them..for their bravery of even daring to try. So many times I don’t even want to try at something that looks too difficult or that it would make me look bad…

So why is it that some people seem more resilient than others? Examining those around me…I think of my younger brother, the youngest in the family and the one whom I feel does not have much resilience in the face of adversity yet. At the moment he is looking for a job, but he has not gotten even one interview. Has he given up? Sort of. From all the rejection letters and non responses, he instead spends him time continuing to play games or go out with friends instead of job hunting. He says, it’s the course that I studied-it’s a dead end that leads to no jobs. Sure that may be true, but who said it is the degree that gets you a job? I believe resilience is developed with age, experience and life experiences…and for him whose only every worked one job in his life…which was given to him on a plate…he has narrow view of the working world and what it takes to fight for the hob you want. The world is often a very unfair and unjust world and sometimes we feel like we have to fight our way into opportunities…

How, then can someone develop resilience? If it is so important, then shouldn’t we all work hard to get it? I think it comes in the face of adversity…and also as I learnt in class, it also depends on what else is going in your life at the same time. I believe I am usually a resilient person…I have gone through many trials, tests and set backs…and I have grown stronger through them. However, there is one such dark time in my life, where so many things went wrong at the same time and my world crumbled down…until there was no resilience left in me at all. I lost my job, my relationship broke down and I was diagnosed with a medical diagnosis.   Everything that could possibly be taken from me was taken from me and I was faced with medical costs…no jobs and a lack of insight for my future. At the time, I really had no strength to go on. You know what helped me regain my resilience again? It was the people around me…the family, the doctors, the counsellors and people that I thought would have never been there for me who helped me through. Sometimes we need help to become resilient again. You have to start rebuilding your new normal. You have to write down, reflect and remember what lessons you learnt at that time and remind yourself, you don’t want to be down there again.

I don’t think there is a formula for resilience. But like exercise we can do our best to practice it regularly and when times of adversity come, we can flex those resilience muscles which can hopefully help us through.

Sooo I finally finished my exam… I have spent a lot of my free time this year studying for said exam and now that it is finished…I honestly feel a bit of loss at what to do. Sure I have million things I need to do..But yeah settling into this ‘New Normal’ is both scary yet exhilarating. Isn’t it funny how you only work up a list of all these things you need to do when you don’t have the time to do it? When you do have time, you feel like procrastinating…? Only me? Never mind then! 

Rant on Stressing

Call me anti-social…or whatever.. but I don’t enjoy hanging out/spending time with people that I honestly don’t care about. Sounds weird…rude..even but it’s true..Maybe I am weird.? Selfish? I feel like there are many people that I deeply care about that I haven’t had much time to catch up with, I don’t want to waste my time with people who won’t appreciate my presence and vice versa. This might be because lately I’ve been a bit stressed and short on time…

I have been working non-stop everyday…this week was really busy…I had to cover someone as the manager of a hospital dispensary..I’ve only been there on a handful of occasions and this time it really stressed me out! I can tell how stressed I am..I had to work from early morning until well into the night…I cannot believe I used to drive one hour to work -work for 12 hours and then drive one hour home- than repeat several times a week… I think I am getting too old for that…no wonder I was so stressed back then and so so tired. It’s exhausting. When I finally hit the weekends where I only work in the afternoons..I slept till midday…because my body was just tired…I didn’t have time to go to the gym..I didn’t have time to use my phone…No time to see friends…I was too stressed to sleep properly…by the end of the week I had pimples on my face…really dead hair…and a rash on my neck..and just felt groggy..

After my last 12 hour shift on the Friday, I caught up with some friends…and they asked me why I was working so hard? It’s not like I want to work there full time or want a promotion..I think it’s just my own harsh work ethic on myself..I put myself responsible for everything that goes wrong…I feel so bad if I have to make more work for someone else…but at the same time I know I have my limitations and in the end I am just one person. Is it selfish for me to assume so much responsibility? I am just covering someone..yet I feel like I have to try so hard. Who am I trying to impress? I actually could have said NO to covering that person, who just happens to be my boss and manager…

I think maybe its my work ethics that are back to haunt me. I don’t want people to talk down on me and say bad things..sigh why do we try to impress people..but in the end we are just pretending everything is okay? it’s not okay!

There were times at work where I really struggled. I felt so alone. I felt like no one could help me. I didn’t know what to do..and honestly… I just did what I thought would be the best for the patient. I don’t know if it is what other pharmacists would do…what my boss would do..but honestly, though it was a tough week. I realised…there is lots I do not know. I forgot what I did know already. It’s through these tough times we grow muscles. But I think I still need to pace myself… Maybe doing four days in a row there was a bit too much…on the back of working 15 days straight…with minimal sleep and study..It’s not a good combination.

At the end of the stint at the stressful hospital, I caught up with some friends late at night. I just felt I needed to relax. I felt like I lost myself for the past week…All I did was work sleep repeat. I don’t want to live like that anymore…because what is the point? All that extra stress bites into your mental and physical health and then you will end up using the extra money you made to pay for people to make you feel better…its a viscous cycle of madness. Because of the high amount of medical bills you have to pay, then the more you work.

Just need to think about why you want to work and what you are working for…have a vision in front of you and ask yourself “Is it worth it?” I hope it is..

Well, for my reason for working so much is that I want to be able to both go on a holiday overseas AND also put a deposit on my very own house! I want to Marie Kondo the sh*t out of it..hahaha…Don’t get me wrong, I love my current cute house I live in with my parents, but I would love to own my own place that I can call my own and invite friends over without worrying about all the mess……….that is my current house.

What was this post even about?

 

Money and Happiness?

So somehow at work today we came upon the discussion of how much one earns and their level if happiness.

One of the doctors was telling a patient about how he left his full time job at a public hospital and chose to instead work in Clinical Trials 3.5 days a week part-time.

The patient immediately asked him, do you work somewhere else on the rest of the days?

The doctor said, “No, 3.5 days is enough for me (they must earn a lot more than me..:()… he said,”I could work more, but earning more money wont make me more happy”. This doctor is one smart man, and I think he made a wise decision for himself. But, not everyone is lucky enough to be able to only work 3.5 days a week and have enough to live on…

Time to become a doctor..!!!

The Retrospective Perspective

Scenario One:

Ever saw an expensive nice business type of shirt and think to yourself…oh man…its so expensive..but it fits so well..and it looks so good. Let’s say this shirt costed $100. You buy the shirt. You love the shirt. In a year you wear it 100 times-its on your work clothes ? rotation cycle. So it essentially costed you $1 each time you wore it. It was worth it right? Since you wore it so many times.

 

Scenario Two:

You see a shirt that is on sale…its a casual shirt…its the last one on the clearance rack..you try it on..its a bit tight..but hey its only $10!! You buy the shirt.. you never wear it..because when you put it on again at home..you thought your stomach was too big… In a year you never wore it once. This cost you $10 and it was a waste of money.

 

Investments are so important, aren’t they? Anything of good quality and worth..unfortunately takes more money and time to acquire than the average cheap, low quality junk you can obtain easily…That is unless you got a really really good bargain/deal from a second hand shop or some super silly sale…

But yes, these days when I go shopping.. I am a bit more careful at what I decide to buy. I have decided that there is no point buying all these cheap clothes..for the sake of buying it because its cheap! I usually end up wearing it once …or it breaks/stains easily or it is easily worn out..due to the low quality. But, I have found …with the expensive items of clothing that I have invested in…I have used them so much…that I believe it was worth every dollar that I spent on it…especially those work clothes…! The great thing about formal clothes is that I can still wear them to church on Sundays and when going out…but those casual cheap clothes? I can’t wear them out unless I have a day off.. (which is soo rare for me) or if I am at home 😦 (where I am usually in my pjs anyways)…

So have a think, the next time you purchase something…is it worth it? Should I get 10 low quality items that I will never use/or have to replace coz it broke or should I invest that money and get a longer lasting and more quality product?

Worth a giving it a thought…

Living the simple life

I think as we grow older…we get simpler..when we were young our dreams are so specific, unrealistic and most likely to cause more harm than good…

Being an immature kid, I would dream to be something that I was passionate about. I loved comics, writing fan fiction and drawing.. I was obviously going to be a manga-artist when I grew up! That was my ideal dream..doing something that I actually liked and enjoyed..that is the life… at least that’s what I thought would be the ideal life back then.

But as I went through school…I learnt that things for artists weren’t so great..it would be hard…you would be stressed..you would be pressed upon both sides…the article about the suicide of the hard working anime creators in Japan who overworked themselves to death…I just wanted to take what seemed to be the easy way in life…do what will give you a job and not what you love. With that mindset I dropped out of graphic design half a year in..not sure what step I should do next..I went to my second love, languages…in particular..Japanese language.

Then the doubts and my family around me told me, it will be hard to be a Japanese teacher if you aren’t even Japanese! You won’t be enough, you will never be enough.. //Cue Loren Allred- “Never Enough song” Here// ..with my doubts and the negativity weighing upon my shoulders..I decided to play it safe – to do a course I didn’t really want to do …but in the hopes it would get me a good job and a stable income …I did it..and I stuck with it…because at that time my Grandma (now passed on RIP), just told me…just do anything…it might not be what you want to be in the end..but just finish something! just complete at least one degree…under your belt…and I THINK then you can do anything.. Something like that.. well that’s how I interpreted it.

 

My grandma sadly passed away while I was doing my pharmacy degree..the day before a test ..actually.. Sometimes I am not sure if I want to thank her or resent her for me sticking with Pharmacy. I hated working in pharmacy…studying it was okay…and interesting..but in the real world..I hated it.. I loathed it. It made me depressed. It made me question my life choices and I was scared that I was trapped into something for life.

I forgot, that one decision that you made doesn’t shape and path the way for the rest of your life. Maybe it was that way in the past, but right now, in this age..we are given choices. We are given options…yes it may be hard, yes it won’t happen when you want it to and in the way you want it to. But I really do believe that if you choose to change your path, no matter how small or big from the one that you currently hate…you will head closer and closer to where you want to go. //insert a acute triangle here//

If you choose to stay on the same path…all you will do is keep complaining, keep dreading each day and keep wondering if it could be something else…is there more to life? //cue that song that goes “There’s gotta be more to life…dundundundun…more to life” // . Where was I again? You just got to take that first step, then the second and just keep going…I can’t promise you that it will be easy, But I can promise you that it will scary, exciting and it will lead you to where you want to go. If it wasn’t the right path, remember you can change again. No one said it was A to B. but it could be A to Z to W to X to F to J to O to Y to B. See what I did there? No one’s path is the same…so you don’t need to compare the path you are taking to the one those around you are.

You are you.

This is more so a message for myself than for anyone else. I am still trying to get to B, I am not where I want to be ..but thank God I am not where I used to be..

Peace and … J o y to the You ….<3.

 

Tortoise and the Hare

At the gym I go to, they were still open 24/7 over the Christmas/New Period but they stopped running the live classes…

This was a real struggle for me … as I force myself o go to the gym for those classes… so I really had no incentive to go…so I went like once a week.. and that’s mainly coz I am cheap and I hated seeing my membership fees being deducted from my bank account and realising they are getting free money…

Anyways, what I am trying to say is… I normally do not do weights and cardio work out by myself… I am someone highly motivated by having people around me working hard…hence love those classes…!

So I went to the gym twice over the holiday period.. On the first visit..I went on the treadmill… I was like .. hmmm this sure looks like a good way to get my 10,000 steps on my fitbit..!! So I started off slow 4.5km/hour speed.. up to 8.0km/h (not fast I know)… did that for about a minute or so (seriously out of breath…unfit 😦 ) and them took a bit of a break by slowing down to 4.5 km/h just to get recover my breath… coz tired..!! I did this for 20minutes… and was super tired.. I managed to do 2km distance in that 20minutes! Not bad..? For me 😂

On the second visit.. I was feeling really lethargic of late ( prob due to iron deficiency).. and I decided I wouldn’t do those speed intervals because the sprinting really takes the wind out of me… but I also hate walking really slow on the treadmill😭 I am a pretty fast walker…probably due to the fact I work in a lot of faced-paced environments where I cannot walk slow :(.. so I set it at a constant speed of 6.5km/hour.. so mid way between what I did in my first visit…

And it was great .. I didn’t have to constantly look at the little time and have to keep changing the speeds on the right up and down.. and I didn’t feel as exhausted and worn out at the end of 10 minutes.. And I did the same…! At the end .. I got the same result. 1km/10 minutes essentially!

But this way.. was better..easier and didn’t tire me out…

it was interesting how I feel like that can relate to me and how I have been living my life… I go through periods of extreme stress .. leading to anxiety, depression and mental breakdowns…to a point where I can’t take it amy more.. then I am forced to rest… my body shuts down in sickness .. and thats when I recover.. start to remember my health and my sanity again…

The reason why I’ve been working so hard for the last six months with no break (literally working 7 days a week for I am not sure how many weeks it is now)… is because I felt I was so behind in life… in comparison to my friends… those my age are getting married, have moved overseas to work… buying houses.. doing all this exciting stuff and what I feel is “adult” stuff.. and there was me… who blew my savings recklessly on an expensive holiday overseas… and on some scam medicine entrance exam course….I felt I needed to catchup by working myself to almost death -? Because I am so tired all the time, worn out… burnt out… sick so often and can’t even relax…get irritable… can’t eat properly.. don’t have time or energy to see friends…

I am asking myself..? Why do I meed to do all this sprinting to try catch up to everyone else? I am just going o get exhausted and need a really good rest-where I might have to stop work altogether for s break… because if I am constant with myself.. mot too much.. not too little.., I can reach that end goal without over exerting myself.. and still enjoy a good work out that is life…

Thanks for reading my weird analogies o life.. i literally wrote this at 4am because I woke up with blood running down my face from my nose… oops

Stay Joyful guys!

Why procrastinators love New Years

Well, if you are a fellow procrastinator like myself, you will definitely relate to this post…New Years is almost upon us, and I wanted to make sure I did this post before the change in years…because I have a feeling I might forget/laze out before writing it..

I love writing, but I also love procrastinating. In an almost viscous cycle of events for self-sabotage..it’s like the more we procrastinate, the more we love it. Love doing nothing.

The last few days before New Year’s, it the BEST time to procrastinate. The washing that needs to be done, the house that needs to be cleaned, the car that has an infestation of spiders (eek) and the weight that needs to be lost from that overindulgence of chocolate and sweets over Christmas season? I’ll do it next year! Why do we love this phrase? Because, Next year sounds so freaking far away! It won’t come that soon right? Tomorrow, Next week, Next Month…these sounds close and real, but next year? That only happens about 100 times in an average human (if you are lucky/unlucky to live that long). So many times I find myself putting things off, because NEXT YEAR sounds like a good time to start.

Supposedly, I have tricked myself into thinking that I  will wake up and suddenly want to and feel motivated to start studying…to start planning, saving and being more disciplined to go to the gym again… But, unfortunately for us procrastinators, I know too well…that that won’t be the case.

We got to, and can make a decision today (or tomorrow, or next week…) that we will do thing that we need to do. Because, next year is literally around the corner. :O

If we pile too many “resolutions, goals and tasks” to do “next year”, we will most likely feel overwhelmed with the sheer amount of things to do, we might end up doing nothing…but stressing out.

I hope every has Happy New Year! May you be safe, happy and get enough sleep for your soul.

Cheers to a year where we will (hopefully) procrastinate less.

Be Joy-filled.

 

Anyways, I will just reward myself for writing this post with a quick 30 minutes episodes of “Love at First Swipe-” BY Jinny Boy………….then I will get on with…….

#12. How NOT to procrastinate

white and black weekly planner on gray surface
Photo by Bich Tran on Pexels.com

Hey there!

Well as the blog title says, this post is about how NOT to procrastinate…I think everyone here already knows how to procrastinate without me teaching them. It’s like an ingrain human attribute that we are unfortunately all born with. 😦

Have you ever had some dreams, goals or big plans in your life…that you kind of…go..oh maybe next year? …Hmm, I don’t think now is the best time right now…Maybe in a few years…etc etc..

I mean, yes sometimes things are beyond our control and we can’t reach our goals..but SOMETIMES okay maybe OFTEN it’s because we are too ‘busy’ procrastinating… Hopefully this post will help give you some tips to stop that procrastination..whether that be the ‘diet you will start tomorrow (since the New Year…it’s only JUNE NOW), the much needed study for the upcoming exams (exam time in Adelaide this month for uni students) or just that goal of becoming a Youtuber which you have procrastinated on (for years).

Well, let’s stop procrastinating with this intro and get into it!

 

  1. Write lists. Literally, to do lists help me not fall apart and it feels SO GOOD TO tick something off the list (after you have done it of course). I have many things that I need to do and sometimes I do forget…BUT if I have a list on my wall, diary or phone, it is wayyy more likely to get done. But the thing is here that you need to remember to check that list to see what you need to do. Set alarms or reminders to help you if you always forget to check. Google Calendar is a great app that you can download for free to help remind you about appointments and etc!
  2. HAVE A DIARY/CALENDER or BOTH. Well, not everyone has a photographic memory and can remember every single event, birthday and things they need to do. Well, my memory is like a goldfish..heh…so yeah I definitely depend on my diary to remind me of catch up with friends, bills to pay or important special days (like exams). It just helps you be a better person! Instead of that bad friend who forgets about your lunch date that you planned 1 year ago…
  3. Have motivational posters around your room! This helps get you motivated and makes you remember WHY you are doing what you are. Be it exams…Remind yourself you want to become a DOCTOR or DENTIST and that’s why you have locked yourself in your room for 12 hours a day studying… Or if your goal is to get fit…maybe photos of your favourite athletes can help inspire you to get fitter. I think what we see often enough, will inspire us to be like that, especially when we feel like we aren’t getting anywhere and demotivated.
  4. Think and remember your goals and learn how to break down the goals into small chunks! You can write this on a piece of paper and stick it on your wall, to remind yourself what you want to achieve in your lifetime. I like to have three types of goals: short, medium and long-term, which helps break down BIG goals into smaller and more achievable goals.

    These goal types are pretty self-explanatory, short-term goals are like small steps to get started of things that I can do NOW to get to the next step..i..e. I want to become part of a hip-hop dance crew, but I don’t know how to dance…So I can either watch and learn from YouTube or sign up for a beginners hip hop class.

    Medium goals are those that you can work on in the near future as a result of the short-term goals. I.e. I have finished and completed the beginners class for hip-hop and now I am in the intermediate class! I am not more confidence in showing off my dancing skills on YouTube or to friends… and I don’t look like a fool! You might even form an amateur dance crew for fun!

    Long-term goals are those that might be in a few weeks, months or years. These are not achievable straightaway and involve an investment of lots of time, money and practice! So a long-term goal for this dancing thing is that you could audition and get accepted into a professional dance crew and perform in competitions and do performances professionally.

  5. Use watches and alarms! It is important to try sleep and wake up at the same time each day. Efficient people never sleep in (on purpose)… They wake up each day EARLY and make the most of all the time they have while they are awake. They usually have a set morning routine each day to get them ready…they don’t lie in bed for two hours playing with their phone and then when they wake up to spend another two hours in bed watching Youtube (guilty as charged..). If you are tempted to use your phone in bed, time yourself so that you know exactly how much time you are wasting and feel guilty .. hahaha… it’s always good to be mindful of the time so that you can waste less time procrastinating and actually get things done son!
  6. I am going to chuck in meditating in here …Just because…I am not sure about you, for me, it is really hard to sit there and do nothing and just breathe…It becomes easier as your practice it more…but yeah when I meditate I get reminded of all the stuff I NEED to do. So I make a mental note of everything I need to do post-meditation…usually, unless it’s super urgent like a tablet I forgot I needed to take. meditation is good for calming your mind and your anxiety levels. Definitely, recommend.
  7. Have friends or family keep you accountable for the goals that you set out to do and help keep you on track. I am pretty guilty of trying to do too much or trying to run away from the important goals in my life… Sometimes I get put off by how big the mountain or hurdle is, that I want to run away and go down a slippery slope instead of climbing the mountain. But, I am lucky to have friends who remind me and encourage me not to give up and to keep climbing, because I have already climbed halfway. Thank you, friends!
  8. Last but not least, take time to reward yourself and to reflect! Rewards could be anything! For example, you could study for 45 minutes and then give yourself 15 minutes break to do anything (timed of course). Or you could reward yourself with a healthy snack (or unhealthy). If you complete a bigger goal, like passing an exam, you might be able to reward yourself with new clothes or something you wanted to buy for ages…This is like almost bribing yourself to get off your ass and to stop procrastinating!  It is also very important to reflect on how far you have come at regular intervals and I don’t think it is a bad thing to feel content and proud of how you far you have come! You might not be there, but at least you are going somewhere!

    I hope that this post motivates you to think about something that you have been putting off…There is no better day than today to start!

    SO what are you waiting for?

    Stop procrastinating and ‘FOLLOW’ My blog for email updates for when I post!

    Question: What is one goal in like that you have been procrastinating to do?

    Take care and see you next post!

art business close up decor
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

#7 How to Say NO and to say YES to yourself

sayingno.pngAn important part of being an adult is the ability to manage your own affairs and your schedule.

Not being able to say NO to people or things may actually lead to a lot of mental health issues, such as stress, anxiety, and depression. By not putting yourself, your family or the values you stand by first can open that door to mental illnesses. You are essentially allowing other people or things to control your schedule, finances and your maybe even your sanity.

You may feel guilty or selfish if you say NO to someone who asks you to do something. But in fact, they can easily ask someone else, do it themselves or find a way around it. BUT if they know that you always say YES to everything and seem like the person that won’t refuse, they won’t make the effort themselves to ask other people….

And hence, that’s why you shouldn’t always say YES to everything, because some people in this world are actually ‘selfish’, lazy and may just be using you or taking you for granted.

The truth is, if you say NO to them, it is not the end of the world…if they make you feel guilty or coerce you into doing something you don’t want to…are they even worthy to be your friend? Are they a loving family member? Or are they a good employer?

To be able to ask these questions though, you need quite a good sense of security in who you are. Often, it is due to our insecurities that we don’t say NO to people. We fear that we will get left out, people will hate us… What if when we need help, other people won’t help us?
( Of course, if we can help, we are free and we feel we aren’t being used, there’s nothing wrong with that…)


But if someone is constantly asking you to do their dirty work for them, because they know you will, it’s time to read this post and start doing something positive for yourself from today!

  1. Know yourself and feel secure

This is much harder than it sounds…being secure means essentially that you accept the way you are and who you are. By being yourself, and not pretending to be someone else you are able to essentially relax and not be on your guard all the time, in case someone finds out who you truly are. Take some time to know what you like, what you dislike and how people make you feel when you are around them. Do you feel like you always have to pretend to like what others do, when you rather do something else? But because you have that “

As Dr. Seuss said, “Those who matter don’t mind and those who mind don’t matter”

Well said, sir!

  1. You always have a choice

When things go wrong, is it easy to blame others for “telling or making you do it” -but by looking back at the situation objectively, most of us had a choice and some choose to let themselves be controlled. Maybe it was by their own desire for money, fame or fortune…but honestly, if it is important to you do it– but if you are only doing it because you are afraid of what will happen if you don’t and about someone being upset if you don’t- then think again why you are doing what you are doing. Remember, you always have a choice and others may not have as much control over as your mind tells you it does.

  1. It is perfectly fine to not be fine

    I think this is an important point, you don’t have to pretend to be okay all the time. If your friend is feeling sick and suddenly cancels on you, do you:
    A-Immediately think they are lying and get angry at them for bailing on you at the last minute
    B-Reassure them that their health is more important than going out when they are sick and ask if there is anything you can help them to get better?

    If you chose A…would you want someone to think that about you?

    If you chose B…I think you are a good friend and sometimes… you need to be able to be a good friend to yourself. However, most of us are harder on ourselves than with other people…Many treat themselves quite brutally, myself included.

    If you take yourself outside of your current situation and look at it objectively and pretend to see yourself in third person for, you may find it is easier to think clearer, “Are my actions really that bad?”

    Everyone gets sick, everyone gets depressed or anxious at some stage in their life…and it is up to us to be more understanding and more empathetic towards them…Because we probably want them to do the same when we are in the same situation.

A lot of people, myself included, have never realised we have such a bad habit of saying YES to everything and not being able to say NO…this leads us to have overcrowded and often stressful schedules, lending money and possessions, time and doing a whole lot of stuff we didn’t really want to do. We forget that we have been “asked” and not “requested” to do a lot of these things. A real friend isn’t going to unfriend you because you said no to a coffee date because you had an assignment due the next day or because you didn’t have any sleep yesterday. I think a lot of times people think they are more important than they actually are…but to be honest, people are always somewhat replaceable.

I hope this post will inspire you to think twice the next time you are asked to do something you don’t really want to.

Two posts in one week!! *Procrastination to the max*

See you next post 😉

Take care! -Video is up!

#5 How to understand someone with Autism -The Myths and Misconceptions about someone with Autism

There are many myths and misconceptions about autism, hopefully this post will help you learn more about autism and dispel some myths about autism.

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*update*

Here is the Video if you prefer listening to reading!

There are many misconceptions about autism, as many people may only know about it from movies and tv shows…but what is it really? Is everyone autistic good at chess, have supernatural savant abilities or are they all non-verbal? Hopefully, this post will help dispells some common myths and misconceptions about autism.

Myth #1: Autism is like how that movie or TV show portrayed autism is for everyone!

When I say the word Autism, what immediately comes to mind? Is it Raymond the autistic savant in Rain man? Or the equally autistic savant surgeon Dr Shaun Murphy in the Good doctor? Or perhaps it is Sheldon from the Big Bang theory who displays autistic traits?

If TV shows and movies are not your thing… Maybe you have experienced a personal encounter with autism in your childhood. Perhaps, you remember that “special kid” in your class that had trouble communicating with the rest of the class or was often disruptive and non-verbal.

Those with autism are often labelled as strange, weird or quirky and often feel ostracised and often become the victims of bullying at school and also in the workplace.

Myth #2: Only boys get autism! Girls don’t!
It was believed previously that there is that there is a 3:1 ratio of diagnosis of autism in boys in comparison to girls. But, current research and efforts to improve the sensitivity of diagnostic testing for autism has revealed that the number of girls is actually higher than they initially thought. The ratio is most likely to be closer to 2:1 ratio autism in boys to girls.

Why is this the case?

This could be from a multitude of factors, but one particular factor is the difference in the way boys and girls tend to act and also the greater understanding of the different signs and symptoms of autism.

In my opinion, girls tend to live a more sheltered life with a lot of them having their behaviour modified at a young age by their mother or father. Girls tend to be better at mimicking and almost like a chameleon trying to blend in with other girls their age. They may have also grown up with ‘neurotypical’ females around them who they copy, either a sister or a close friend/relative, who then teach and mentor them to act like they are “supposed to”. Boy’s don’t tend to do that as much and hence autistic boys are more likely to be diagnosed at an earlier age and if at all in comparison to girls.

These boys are able to get the help they need to help modify their abnormal behaviours and mindsets at an earlier age. Many girls unfortunately who have pretended to be ‘normal’, seep through the cracks in getting diagnosed and thus grow up struggling to understand why they never seem to fit in with others.

Some questions they may ask themselves:

  • Why do I never know what to say or do in certain social circumstances?
  • How come everyone else knows naturally what to do or say?
  • How can I know if this person is my friend or not? Do they like me or not?
  • How does body language work and why does it matter?
  • What does my tone of voice have to do with anything?

These are only some of the questions autistic people may ask themselves…

Myth# 3: You don’t look like you are autistic! You don’t have to look autistic, to be autistic

Often people misconceptions about people with autism may say, “You can’t be autistic, you don’t look like it!” This can make us who may have autistic feel upset, angry or guilty…are you accusing us of lying and fabricating our diagnosis? You haven’t ever lived in or walked in our shoes before.

Let me ask you, “Does someone have to look like they have high blood pressure to have it? Or does someone have to look like they have kidney cancer to have kidney cancer?”

Physical appearance and attributes are not the only diagnostic markers of people with diseases and if at all for autism.

It’s like judging a book by its cover, you can assume ANYTHING about the book, but unless you open it t and read it, you will not know what is inside.

Myth #4: All autistic people are the same

Autism manifests uniquely differently in each individual and one size does not fit all. Autism has actually been redefined as the ‘Autistic Spectrum Disorder’: It could mean you could be on the more severe ‘Low functioning’ side of the ‘spectrum’ here you may not be even able to speak or communicate with others. On the other hand, you could be ‘ High functioning’ side and live a relatively ‘normal life’, like holding down a steady job, get married and even have kids.

Does that mean that some suffer more than the other? Or does high functioning autistic people not count as having autism? No… they are still autistic and they deserve the help and support that anyone struggling with autism needs.

#Myth #5: Autistic can’t communicate at all and don’t understand other people

I’ve had friends say, when I disclosed my potential for having autism, “You communicate so well and I ‘ve known you so long, surely you can’t have autism”. As Myth number 4 says, autism manifests differently in everyone and everyone is at a different place in the spectrum. Some people on the spectrum are better at copying ‘social norms’ better than others and hence they are able to imitate how to act. This may fool others and maybe even themselves that they are ‘normal’.

Myth #6 You can only get autism as a kid and then you grow out of it

Unfortunately, this is not the case, autism is a lifelong condition. It is a neurodevelopmental disorder that happens from birth and at current, there is no known ‘cure’ for it, there is also evidence that it is a genetically passed on disorder from generation to generation, so it can run in families. The only treatment at the moment is behaviour modification from a young age and education for those who may know someone who is affected by autism to be more understanding. However, despite not having a cure for autism, you can still live quite a fulfilling and full life with the appropriate help and support from others.

Fact #7 People with Autism cannot be diagnosed as an adult

As I said, many people, especially females slip through the cracks and can go undiagnosed for many years by acting out their charade. However, when they get found out or if the charade goes wrong, it can lead to mental breakdowns, health problems or relationship breakdowns which may lead them to see a psychologist, doctor or psychiatrist about their mental issues…which they could eventually lead to a diagnosis of autism and this can be as an adult.

Myth #8: Autistic people do not have any emotions and they can never love anyone else or anything

Definitely not true! It’s just that autistic people may show their love and affection in different ways to the way ‘neurotypical’ people may perceive as normal. They definitely are able to love animals and pets, and pets for young kids with autism is a good way to teach them nurturing habits and pets also decrease anxiety in both adults and children. Autistic people can also get married and have kids, they may be at more risk of communication issues in their relationships, but with some work and help from others, they can make it work.

Myth #9 Autistic people can’t be successful or useful people in society

This definitely is the biggest myth of all in my opinion! There are many people in history who are suspected to have had autism or have displayed common autistic traits that may indicate they have autism. Famous people such as Mozart, Albert Einstein, and Isaac Newton have all demonstrated autistic-like traits. Well, known people of today that are suspected to be on the spectrum, (but not officially confirmed) are Bill Gates, Elon Musk, Mark Zuckerberg and Tim Burton. Some well-known people who have come out as saying they are on the autism spectrum is the singer and winner of Britain’s Got Talent; Susan Boyle, the creator of Pokemon, Satoshi Tajiri and Temple Grandit, a famous animal behaviour expert.

Myth #10 People with autism either have intellectual disabilities or have savant Abilities

As you should be well aware by now, not everyone has a special ability such as a photographic memory, and everyone with autism doesn’t have a learning disorder. Autistic Savants are actually quite rare and please do not assume all autistic people have difficulty learning, yes they may have some difficulties understanding abstract concepts and some learning methods, but their IQ is often normal or above average. In saying that, it is possible for someone with autism to also concurrently have learning disabilities.

I hope this post has been helpful in dispelling some of the myths in regards to autism! If you noticed anything incorrect or you want to add something, feel free to leave a comment below! Like always, follow, subscribe and like if you enjoyed or found this post useful! As this is an important issue for me-I am going to post a video with the same information too…

See you next week!

Joy

“How to” Make Friends- Video is up!

Hi! I ‘ve finally made my first “How to Video” and this is on a topic that is close to me, how to avoid or reduce Social Isolation caused by feeling lonely.

 

You can be living with your spouse, family or friends but still feel lonely…

These are some tips and tricks from friends, family and from my own experiences in making new friends.

Hopefully, you will be able to make some new friends this way!

A new blog post will be up soon!

It’s never too late to make new friends 🙂

Be sure to leave a comment below if you have tips on making new friends!

Catch you next time!

#4 How to save money when you have no money!

How to save money when you do not have money! Some hacks, tips and advice on making the most of the money you have!

How to save money when you have no money! These are tips that I use myself, plan to use and that my friends are already using!

How to save money on food as Uni Student (not recommended for those trying to lose weight or be healthy)  Have instant noodles for dinner or other instant foods or frozen meals. For those who find cooking two-minute noodles too hard, buying one take away meal a day and eating it over three meals ( or two if you skip breakfast). Save those discount food coupons on the backs of receipts or ask your friends for vouchers they don’t want. Also be the bold one that asks if anyone wants to take away the rest of the food, if no one else wants it, take it-it is basically free food for your next meal. Learn to cook yourself and meal plan! This is more healthy and also stops you from being tempted to eat out after a long day at work or Uni..

Do Volunteer at events… you don’t get paid.. but usually, some sort of food or free stuff is given! I got free Weetbix, banana and a pretty awesome shirt for volunteering once. ⁃ Help people out ( out of love), sometimes they might shout you, but don’t expect it though Also learn to grow your own vegetables and fruits, there are plenty of videos on Youtube that teach you to grow food from the groceries you buy ⁃ Grow your own meat!! Jokes.. but yeah chickens do lay eggs and goldfish die..

Save money on the non-essentials! Find free parks in the city no matter how far you have to walk! Its good exercise and saves $$$ and pressure from finding short parks nearby and decreases the risk of getting a parking ticket.

On the topic of exercise…If you like doing classes like Zumba then join a gym! It actually works out cheaper ( if you go regularly) and most gyms now offer 24/7 access to members. It is basically it is like a second house you can access anytime… My gym is conveniently located in the middle of the city and has showers, toilet, and a small kitchen area. So you can basically live there if u want! They also provide free breakfast.. if cereal is your thing… You can also fill your bottle and get free wifi!\  The gym is also a good place to practice dance moves because there are a lot of mirrors around  ..It is handy for checking yourself out if you don’t have a full-length mirror at home.

Bulk buy stuff and compare prices before buying stuff you know you will use! For example, toothbrushes, buy big bottles of conditioner and shampoo, toothpaste or contact solutions etc. If you have a Costco membership, or even better you piggyback someone else who is going there anyway and had membership.. buy heaps of things you know you will use eventually! If you don’t have a friend with Costco membership, before going groceries or shopping of any kind, gather all the latest catalogs and compare the prices of the stuff you need and write down where to get therefrom. ⁃

Always carry in your wallet cash, metro cards, plastic bags, student ID and loyalty cards! You don’t wanna be caught paying a surcharge for placed with a minimum on epftos. I tend to keep track of my money better when I see cash decrease in my wallet… more than in my bank account. It is always good to have your cards on you, in case you have memberships giving you discounts at particular shops and who wants to get caught out paying full price for a bus or movie tickets? Some places in Australia are charging for plastic bags when shopping, so unless you are really good at carrying 50 things with your hands to your car, bring reusable bags with you when shopping (or waste another 10 cents buying another one 😦 )

Don’t buy new stuff if you can help it.. i.e go online and see if people are selling used stuff you want online.. certain things don’t necessarily need to be new to be used.. i.e cars (better from a trusted dealer), books ( as long as they didn’t graffiti it) and I personally don’t mind good quality second-hand clothes! Always wash it before wear tho! Second-hand bags and furniture can also be a good buy.I wouldn’t buy used makeup, sanitary stuff, expired food or underwears tho .. or bedding. I will let you in on a secret, half my wardrobe are handed down to me from my older sister or bought from second- stores :O  It is not only good for the environment, but you get an awesome range of clothes!

Make use of the internet! Use apps or websites like Motor Mouth to find the cheapest places selling petrol around you. ⁃ If buying technology stuff and office works sell it, bring evidence of it being cheaper online and show them ( incl. shopping) and they will match it and even better give you 10% off on top! ⁃ Buy generics if it’s not something super important and risky. I bought a generic ink for my hp printer, works fine and is like half the price! I personally don’t use generics for my prescription medications, but if you aren’t picky like me, generics should work the same as the original.

Learn to DIY if possible! For example, learn to dye your own hair, cut your fringe or make your own clothes etc. This can help recycle things and think of new uses for things before tossing or donating them. For example, old t-shirts can be used as hair towels or be made into a pillow-case or a teddy bear etc.  Keep all your unused plastic bags and use them as rubbish bin liners instead of buying bin liners. Use cardboard boxes for storing stuff or as a small table…

Be stingy! Take cutlery and extra serviettes when eating out…I also take extra wasabi and ginger at sushi train (  I am bad asss) ⁃ Get as many free samples of stuff as u can! Not only do u get to try cool stuff… it saves u money on actually gettinm to try before u buy! ⁃ My friend told me this one.. apparently ASOS an online clothing store allows free returns of items at no cost before a certain period as long as the product is in good condition and price tag and everything is kept.. so what my friend did was buy a dress for her dental ball and then returned it the next day.. free of charge gg #lifehacks

⁃ Ask for free advice from shopkeepers and pharmacists...  It is free health and fashion advice! Say yes to free makeovers and perfume samples!!  Go to free expos, CPD training ( for health professionals) because there are free food and education!

Gaining some spare change: Recycle plastic bottles and get rewarded with 10 cents! If you got heaps of time… fill out surveys and stuff and win or get free stuff ⁃ Do paid experiments… I personally dont fo any medical ones.. coz I hate blood tests and risking my life.. but I take part in economic experiements, which are pretty fun and they reimburse you a small amount for your time in money!

Hacks that can save some money! Wait until “happy hour” or near closing time of a food court and go buy cheap food that is on sale (usually)! Go to grand openings and special events to get cheap or free food/stuff.  Become a foodblogger and get your food for freeeee! This happens when you are a bit more well-known in the industry, those food places value your honest feedback and it gives them free exposure and advertisement of their restaurant.  Remember to bring along your camera to take good photos of their food though! People eat with their eyes! *__*

Ask your friends for lifts carpool (helps save the environment and petrol $) make sure you return the favour too ⁃ See movies when its cheap tuesday! ⁃ If going overseas, dont buy tickets last minute.. buy early when there is a sale! This is not possible sometimes due to work commitments. Remember to utilise  what is free for all at workplaces, whether that is free coffee, milk or fruits! It is there for you to eat, so why not take some every day?

Get a rainwater tank and use it to water your plants! ⁃ Solar power is good too .. if u have money to invest ⁃ Health insurance is worth it..! Esp if you need glasses like me!! And i like to see a dentist every six months.. if u know the dentist, they might even bulk bill u! I.e no gap payment needed. ⁃ Prevention if health problems is better and less expensive than the cure.. i.e my ear and keloid ⁃ Look after yourstuff! Incase u need to sell it.. ⁃ Regift gifts that you will never use and that someone else might like! Only good quality and useful stuff ⁃ Share meals between friends

Grab free stuff from hotels, incl toiletries .. within reason ⁃ If it’s complimentary.. why not try free trials, but make sure you read the important parts of the terms and conditions and that you can easily unsubscribe at anytime.

Utilise the web: Do join Spotify families and net flix fams ⁃ Discount websites like Ozbargain,  Scoop on, Catch of the day, for a hotel .. booking.com.  Do research before buying something costly and do ask friends for their advice on where to find the cheapest of something!

 

I hope this helps you save a bit more money and stretches out your budget until payday!

 

I would love to hear of your own tips on saving money, as this list is not exhaustive, please leave a comment below!

On another note, I am editing my first video for my “How To Do With Joy” Channel! These videos will be on some of the same similar/same topics as those which are on this blog.

 

I will leave the link here and please like, subscribe and comment on my channel !

How to Do with Joy

See you soon!