Are you dwelling or planning?

I spend a lot of time worrying and then making myself anxious about the things that are yet to come…Anyone here know that feeling when something worries you…and it starts off small..but as you have more time…you start to ponder..you add to it..and what started off as maybe a small problem has snowballed into a massive one. Then you can’t sleep…can’t eat…can’t enjoy life anymore without thinking of that massive problem…

So basically you’ve just created a MONSTER.. a Frankenstein if you must and now he’s out to destroy your life. 😦

I am also a person who likes to plan things in advance. I like lot’s of notice…who, exact time, where, when and roughly how much. Spontaneous things don’t work out well for me. I don’t like the uncertainty and the things that I can’t prepare for…

I thought it was fine to keep thinking and planning my future….I thought by thinking about it more it would get better or suddenly a solution would pop out of no where and answer all my unanswered questions. It was only today that someone asked me, “Are you planning or dwelling?”. Planning can be useful; for example if you need to plan your strategy for getting a new job. Planning helps you to use your time more efficiently int he job search…which websites you will look at, what expos can you go to, who do you know who can help you make an connection…

But, dwelling is different…Is it not good to keep thinking thoughts like… “What if I don’t get a job?”…”What if no one wants to hire me?”…”What if my resume is rubbish and I get no interviews?” …I hope you get my point. So in this case, dwelling is of no use of all and it probably hinders your progress in finding a job…because you waste so much time thinking over and over what could happen, what if you did things different, what if you could just turn back time…

There’s no use. We can’t turn back time…We can’t control what happens in the future. If it was meant to be, it will be.

What’s important is that we live in the present … We remember that while it’s okay to plan…we also acknowledge that things don’t always go to plan and that’s okay…Maybe it was meant to happen that way for a reason. ..

 

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Rant on Stressing

Call me anti-social…or whatever.. but I don’t enjoy hanging out/spending time with people that I honestly don’t care about. Sounds weird…rude..even but it’s true..Maybe I am weird.? Selfish? I feel like there are many people that I deeply care about that I haven’t had much time to catch up with, I don’t want to waste my time with people who won’t appreciate my presence and vice versa. This might be because lately I’ve been a bit stressed and short on time…

I have been working non-stop everyday…this week was really busy…I had to cover someone as the manager of a hospital dispensary..I’ve only been there on a handful of occasions and this time it really stressed me out! I can tell how stressed I am..I had to work from early morning until well into the night…I cannot believe I used to drive one hour to work -work for 12 hours and then drive one hour home- than repeat several times a week… I think I am getting too old for that…no wonder I was so stressed back then and so so tired. It’s exhausting. When I finally hit the weekends where I only work in the afternoons..I slept till midday…because my body was just tired…I didn’t have time to go to the gym..I didn’t have time to use my phone…No time to see friends…I was too stressed to sleep properly…by the end of the week I had pimples on my face…really dead hair…and a rash on my neck..and just felt groggy..

After my last 12 hour shift on the Friday, I caught up with some friends…and they asked me why I was working so hard? It’s not like I want to work there full time or want a promotion..I think it’s just my own harsh work ethic on myself..I put myself responsible for everything that goes wrong…I feel so bad if I have to make more work for someone else…but at the same time I know I have my limitations and in the end I am just one person. Is it selfish for me to assume so much responsibility? I am just covering someone..yet I feel like I have to try so hard. Who am I trying to impress? I actually could have said NO to covering that person, who just happens to be my boss and manager…

I think maybe its my work ethics that are back to haunt me. I don’t want people to talk down on me and say bad things..sigh why do we try to impress people..but in the end we are just pretending everything is okay? it’s not okay!

There were times at work where I really struggled. I felt so alone. I felt like no one could help me. I didn’t know what to do..and honestly… I just did what I thought would be the best for the patient. I don’t know if it is what other pharmacists would do…what my boss would do..but honestly, though it was a tough week. I realised…there is lots I do not know. I forgot what I did know already. It’s through these tough times we grow muscles. But I think I still need to pace myself… Maybe doing four days in a row there was a bit too much…on the back of working 15 days straight…with minimal sleep and study..It’s not a good combination.

At the end of the stint at the stressful hospital, I caught up with some friends late at night. I just felt I needed to relax. I felt like I lost myself for the past week…All I did was work sleep repeat. I don’t want to live like that anymore…because what is the point? All that extra stress bites into your mental and physical health and then you will end up using the extra money you made to pay for people to make you feel better…its a viscous cycle of madness. Because of the high amount of medical bills you have to pay, then the more you work.

Just need to think about why you want to work and what you are working for…have a vision in front of you and ask yourself “Is it worth it?” I hope it is..

Well, for my reason for working so much is that I want to be able to both go on a holiday overseas AND also put a deposit on my very own house! I want to Marie Kondo the sh*t out of it..hahaha…Don’t get me wrong, I love my current cute house I live in with my parents, but I would love to own my own place that I can call my own and invite friends over without worrying about all the mess……….that is my current house.

What was this post even about?

 

Extroverted Introverts

So I was talking to a colleague at work..he was sitting by himself-not at the staff room having his break. I asked him why he didn’t want to go into the staff room to have his break.. Interestingly he said he didn’t want to talk to people he didn’t know downstairs.

I was quite surprised .. this colleague in my opinion was a very talkative person and seemed to get along with  everyone …I thought he would love to talk to people in his break..

He said it made him tired and took energy away from him..

He said he was actually an introvert…but because of work..he  has to act extroverted.

It made me think…we do live in a world where extroverts seem to thrive in….work places need collaboration..communication and also working with difficult people…Unless you work in a job where you worked by yourself or work all by yourself..it is hard NOT to avoid people.

I think I am quite introverted..as sometimes I do not have energy to talk to people I don’t know…and I just really want to be by myself… But at other times I really do get  bored or feel lonely…and then I will call up a friend to arrange a meeting.

I also established that we are all probably a bit of both…I guess it’s a spectrum…we aren’t always one or the other…but certain situations may force us to be more of one than another. It can be hard….

Have you ever thought what kind of person you are?