The secret Addictions nobody mentions

When you think of the word addiction what comes to mind?

Do you automatically think of those who are drug addicts, alcoholics, smokers, gamblers or even sex addicts?

But what about those more..subtle addictions, which gnaw away your life the same way, yet unnoticed and untreated…not recognised… no support..because you can’t be the same as them. 

 

We like to separate us and them whether that is to make us feel better or just to trick ourselves into denial…that there is nothing wrong with…

Playing too many video games…the game addict…

Taking multiple selfies a day and posting it on social media..facebook..instagram..snap chat…social media addict

Doing nothing but study everyday and all day….the study addict

Working non-stop for weeks on end without a single break in between… the workaholic

There is so many addictions out there..I can’t even think of the name of it?

 

What we fail to realise is that these unrecognised addictions can slowly ebb and destroy our lives…our careers..our health…our friendships and our sanity.

Those who stay cooped up in their rooms all day may not have many friends…poor hygiene…most likely low vitamin d levels from staying indoors all days…back problems..eye problems…Life is more than a game. Open your eyes and see the real world around you that you have neglected.

Those who are ‘addicted’ to their phones…they don’t realise there are people in front of them. Everything is about taking the perfect photos…the selfies…they don’t care about living in the moment, but just how the moment  looks in a photo. It gives them a false sense of security..that I have friends..that I look pretty…that I need to show the world that I am happy, successful and beautiful. But inside we are empty and alone. It stems from our insecurity and it can become an addiction hard to break…as peers pressure peers to join them in their addiction. How many of us can resist not looking at our phone multiple times a day? It’s hard to imagine how life was like before we all got mobile phones…

Those who do nothing but study all day are similar..people think that this is okay..this is better than then playing games all day~ but they never develop any social skills..they cannot fare well in the real world…when they finally realise that they need to work with others..they do not know how… social life? What’s that? Then those in Asia who have been pressured by tiger parents to do well…school..cram school..home work…wake up and repeat. Is that living? Life is more than just study and the pressure that has mounted to kids have led many students to take their lives in Japan and China.

Then there are those who grow up and then become addicted to working. That can’t be bad right? What is so bad about being hard-working? Isn’t that what we strive for? If you look at countries like Japan, the working population are working 12 hour days, 6 or 7 days a week. This has led to a decrease in in birth rates and the population is growing smaller and smaller as who has time to look after kids, have babies when working such long hours? It seems like no one even has time to date! People aren’t happier when they are stressed. Over working comes at a price, the animator for the popular series Naruto Kazunori Mizuno was found to have died from over work.  The Japanese even have a name for deaths from overwork, it’s just that common, this word is karoshi and it characterises death that is from stress, heart attack and a starvation diet. 

 

 Have a think about what you could be addicted to and not even realise… 

The definition of things- What does it mean to cheat ? (in a relationship)

This is a new series of posts that I will be starting on that I will focus on defining the undefined…There are so many murky  grey areas of life, where it is not black and white…

And the first one being..

“What does it mean to cheat in a relationship?”

So in a random (slightly biased) ask of a few of my friends who hopefully won’t judge me..I poised to them this question and the answers I got were far and wide..

There was no consensus that was reached..but the most common answers I got were:

-When you hide the fact that you are talking/meeting to someone else behind your partners back, i.e. you lie about it.

-You have other intentions with people that you are not in a relationship with.

-You talk to that person more than you significant other (SO)

-Kissing, holding hands or sex with someone other than your SO

Where it became kinda grey :

Is thinking about someone else sexually..tempted??

What about porn? Sex workers? Actors? Who do stuff you normally wouldn’t do with others?

Coz it’s ur job, does it not count?

Emotional or physical cheating?

Where does the line begin and the other end?

Is it blurred?

What are your thoughts?

The difficulties and barriers in disclosing a mental illness to others

Hey I am finally back,

sorry for the long hiatus.. I’ll be a bit more freer for the next two months, until the exam results come out and then which I will start the cycle all over again and prepare for the next exam in March 2019. Persistence and resilience or is it stupidity and foolishness? It’s not clear any more.

Anyways, hope you guys have been well.

Today I would like to discuss why it is so hard to discuss Mental Health…There is more “awareness” of it, but I feel very much so, people are still hiding it and are still afraid. Just like how the homosexuals are more welcome, many still hide their sexual preferences for fear of stigma. People with mental health issues want to pretend that they are normal, they fear people will treat them differently if they disclose…or that they will be afraid/mean or spread rumours.

People can be so mean and cruel, by the things they say intentionally or unintentionally.

To be honest, things like “Mental Health Awareness Month” or “RU OK” days…to me its just “Going through the actions” …no one is going to disclose to you their hidden secret of 10 years of struggling with suicidal thoughts, just coz u asked them if they “R OKAY?”

I suspect the real answer they would give. “Yeah I am fine.” – Hiding, because it takes a lot of courage and strength to admit to someone you are struggling and even more to admit you need  help.

 

I believe through developing our existing relationships better to facilitate more open relationships will instead help build a more caring environment around us so that less people will feel so isolated and alone.

 

From experience, once someone opens up to you or you to them, you will realise that so many of the things you fear, experience and have gone through, is more common than you think. Your brain tells you, YOU are the only one going through this trial and that NOONE else understands, BUT the truth is, if you reach out, you will find others who DO understand. …

 

So why not give it a try?

 

If it’s hard to open up in person to those around you, I see no harm in posting in trusted mental health websites like Beyond Blue or Black Dog Institute. Even on the Mighty websites I have read so many articles that describe situations just like mine, I believe if you start realising that others have gone through, and managed things before you, their wealth of knowledge and experience can be a very valuable thing to have.

 

Take care ,

 

Love and Joy

#21 How to understand how someone with a Mental illness feels going to work

I believe most people don’t like going to work…getting up early when its cold outside? No thanks! But, for those with mental illnesses, it can be torture and takes all their strength and energy to get out of bed. A typical day for me in the past in a retail pharmacy job would be something like this…before I decided to finally get help…

The thought of making small talk with people you might not really like or know is tortuous. Thinking of who will be in the lunchroom with you during lunch time is daunting too. What if your boss asks to speak to you?

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The struggle to leave the bed

Maybe you should just stay home today?? But, we can’t do that! That means explaining to your boss that you don’t feel week and that’s lying and what if they fire you? You can’t tell them you have a mental illness, they won’t care, they won’t understand, they will judge you and label you as crazy, they will think you are faking a sickie. No one is going to hire you. You worked so hard to find this job. You thought that you could join a place that is ‘against discrimination’, but we all know that the stigma still exists. It is safer to be quiet, to be silent and to fight the battle alone …for as long as you can.

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You count the seconds that you can get home

But today, it’s different, the depression comes back…it’s always been there…but you have been fighting it. You are barely able to muster enough strength to go to work. You’ve done it before, you can do it again. Counting down the hours, minutes and seconds till you are back in the comfort of your bed. Where you are safe, where no one can harm you, bully you and make you feel like you are nothing. You don’t know if you are overreacting or if it’s the depression.

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Lying that you are Fine

On the off chance, someone might ask you how you are. “I am fine thanks. Just tired” That’s the best you can come with. If they ask “Why are you tired?” …”Oh, couldn’t sleep”…Due to my racing thoughts of suicide and anxiety. But you can’t say that, can you? They are being ‘nice’, but hey I am not going to unload to some stranger…Work really isn’t the place for that. I think. Please don’t look at me. I don’t want people to notice my sadness. I don’t want to be noticed, I just want to pretend everything is okay. I don’t think you really care.

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You are not productive at work

You are surprised you haven’t broken down on the floor crying. You hold back the tears. You feel guilty…There are sicker people who come to get medicine for all sorts of terrible diseases, yet they are still smiling. Yet you, faking that smile, feel like you are dying inside. So many people are on anti-depressants, but I don’t want to get help…what is work finds out? I work full-time…there’s no time to go see a doctor or a psychologist. These things are bloody expensive as well! No one can help me. It’s just a phase…I will get better on my own. I can’t wait for the weekend so I can sleep through it.

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I can’t deal with small issues

When something small doesn’t go to plan, I just can’t problem solve anymore. I feel like there’s no alternative, there is no way. I am going to get fired for not being able to solve this. I am afraid to ask someone for help, they are going to judge me and look at me like I am stupid. It’s all my fault…I don’t know how to fix this! Why am I so useless and dumb?

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My memory becomes like mush

My brain is constantly fighting with itself, flight or fight. My heart is racing and I am sweating. So nervous… I forget things easily, wait how many boxes of Sertraline do I need to order again? Was it 2 or 4? What was the password again? Oh, I left my keys in the car again. Oh, I also left my phone at home…Why I am so forgetful? Why am I stupid…repeat above. Why do I feel like I am going to cry over this small thing?

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I feel ugly and I hate my reflection

I can barely wake up in time to get to work, let alone care about how shi* I look. My hair is a mess, it’s too long, but I can’t bring myself to get a haircut. It’s too much effort. Who cares anyway? The makeup doesn’t even hide the eye bags due to the constant lack of sleep. I feel like I’ve grown older. I stare at the mirror… Who is that soulless person that stares back at me? I don’t even know her? Why does she look so sad? Why is she so ugly?

No one is going to like her.


I feel apathetic

The normal me, before I became severely depressed, was happy, outgoing and chatty. But when I started at this toxic workplace, I lost it all. I became someone who I didn’t know. I didn’t care about the patients that walked through the door, I couldn’t handle the rudeness with a smile anymore. I just froze and fought back tears. My resilience was gone. The terror of the increasing number of mistakes made the anxiety worse. It made me even slower and made people doubt my abilities even more. I get taunted by the bully, “You are too slow! Why are you so useless?” You don’t need to tell me, I already know.

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The depression makes you stay where you are because it feels even scarier to change

Familiar is not always good. When you stay in a toxic situation, it’s like being in a room full of Carbon Monoxide, it will slowly kill you. The depression lies to you, the bullies lie to you, you can move. You are more than their taunts, you are more than what you think you are. But you don’t know this. You only find out when you leave the toxic place and realise, that a good workplace might exist.

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Well, that’s all the blabber from me today.

I am sure there are benefits from working, income, kill time, learn things and make friends…That can be another post.

Sorry for the emo post! Sorry not sorry.

Joy to the World

#20 How to isolate yourself from social media

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I took part in an experiment which measured the use of social media in a week, my randomised action was that I had to delete the Instagram app on my phone and not use it for a week. Though I was tempted a few times, I quickly asked my self, is it necessary to show the world where you are? What you are eating? Who you are with?

After some deliberation, I think not. So why do people like to post so many selfies of their face on Instagram?

I found the answer on this wonderful article on Loneliness here 26 Things People Don’t Realize You’re Doing Because You’re Feeling Lonely: *Recommend you to read!*. This is also a link to some ‘brutally  honest’ statuses on facebook…35 Brutally Honest Facebook Statuses

I have to admit, I didn’t realise that I was so lonely, until I deleted a lot of my apps, Facebook, Whatsapp, Youtube, Instagram and realised this is the way we ‘communicate’ with some many people. It is what connects us? Yet, also tears us apart. Is there going to be anyone who wants to meet up with me to catch up instead of sending a message? Truly, I am not sure if the world is closer than before or even further away.

So many people are isolated and lonely…and they can sit in front of a computer or phone screen scrolling through the ‘happy’ snaps that their ‘friends’ are posting of their ‘family’, their ‘holiday’ or their latest ‘home’ that they bought. While I am not saying these things are bad, but do you know what you are doing? Are you trying to rub it into everyone else’s faces that you have it better than them? Are you even genuinely happy or do you just want attention?

As I said, I am full guilty of this…I am insecure, I want attention, I want to fool my self that my life is happier, more interesting and better than it is. I don’t want people to see me down, to see me sad or lonely, I feel like people would criticise me…belittle me.

Recently, I have realised that well-meaning ‘friends’ have offended me greatly.  I read a quote today,

It is easier to forgive an enemy than forgive a friend.

William Blake

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It is true though…because we actually care what our friends say and when they make us feel like shit without knowing it, you ask yourself are they even your real friend? They don’t know the struggles you are doing through and are insensitive bitches. This is why I boycotted pretty much all social media. I feel like I am dead, like hardly anyone talks to me now, except family and a few selected friends overseas through Line and Wechat. When did our world become so involved in facebook? Instagram? Snap Chat? When we leave it, it’s like we are dead and forgotten in the world. When we meet someone new, we don’t ask for phone numbers or emails anymore, no we ask for Facebook accounts. SO what if I don’t have one? Are we not going to keep in touch?

It feels weird sending someone a text and them not replying and you not knowing if they have ‘seen it’…but what can we do?

Man, I am getting so hyped up typing this.

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So…. back on topic…how do you isolate yourself from social media? Just delete your apps, log out, delete and deactivate your accounts. Hopefully, those that you are actually close to, will call your phone or send you a text.

Addiction to social media is draining, stupid, harmful and time-consuming. It can definitely lead to FOMO and low self-esteem. Live life how you want to live it and stop looking at what everyone else is doingwhat happened to human interaction? When did we become part robots with phones attached to our hands?

Joy to the World-

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#19 Five ways you can help someone with Depression ; The Dos and Donts

Hi All,

I am going to off with a quote by Thomas Edison himself…The guy who invented the ‘lightbulb moment! and the light bulb too’ …

“Of inspiration one percent; of perspiration, ninety-nine.” -Thomas Edison

So anyway, the point of this quote is that sometimes I don’t feel like writing because I don’t feel inspired to write…but the thing is… If everyone waited for inspiration before they did something great, we would all be waiting around a lot longer for that season 2 of The Good Doctor (shameless plug for my fave show) or the next series of our favourite Netflix Tv Shows (I don’t have Netflix so I am not sure whats on there..). But yes, the main point I am trying to make is that I will try consistently write in this blog, whether or not I am inspired because I have a lot I want to write about but I sometimes don’t feel it is not good enough, interesting enough or it may be written by someone else better. But anyway, everyone has their unique opinion and view and I am interested in hearing your views too.

Also, shout out to ‘The Mighty’ Autism Facebook page and on the main site here for featuring my post on Autism!! I’ve never had anyone except for my sister edit my work and I am forever grateful that they made my text more readable… Hopefully, thanks to the additional exposure to a greater audience, the awareness of Autism will continue to rise!

Anyways, enough babbling from me and now onto the topic of ‘How you can help someone with a mental illness’..The dos and the don’t dos’..does this sentence even make sense? Well, you get my drift right?

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1. Please do take it seriously when we disclose to your our mental illness…

It takes a lot of courage and boldness to share about our internal struggles with the outside world. A lot of hurt, addictions and the stigma that surrounds it can prevent us from sharing. We get affected by how you react, how you might think and the way you may behave towards us after we share with you. No, it’s not just going to go away, it is there for life. Sure, we can manage it with drugs, therapy, and lifestyle changes, but it is a part of us and it has shaped us to be who we are today. So, please don’t belittle our condition, it’s not like we chose to be born with it..or for it to be part of us.

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2. Don’t compare my struggles to your own life-every story and person is different.

This is more so for the people who don’t have the mental condition you have and they try to dismiss your anxieties as something that will pass…They even might say… “I had it worse than you in my own days!” Often this is said by a well-meaning older person to cheer the sad younger person up… but it does NOT help. Your circumstances and mine are different, we are two different people and just because you can’t see my illness, doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. From my own personal experience, being brought up in an Asian Christian family meant that Mental Illness is the taboo topic that no one talks about and it made me believe I was flawed and that I had to keep my struggles to myself. I have nothing against Christianity, but I do believe they need to acknowledge that Mental Illness is real as high blood pressure is and may need treatment! Back when I was going through a really hard time due at an old workplace, I finally saw a GP about my insomnia and he diagnosed me with anxiety and depression. He said I should see a psychologist and that I should start medication. I didn’t really want to start medications, so I said I would think about it. I talked to my leader at that church about it and they advised me not to take medications, but to pray to God to heal me instead. So, I continued my suffering…until it got so bad and the suicidal thoughts were real…I talked to a pastor of the church about my struggles and she was like…start the medication…You are in such a bad place-even faith can’t help you right now. Anyways, point being, mental illness is a real condition and while it cannot be cured, you can ‘manage’ it. 

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3. Do keep in touch regularly with your friend/family member that is struggling in their mental illness and don’t take it personally if they are not as ‘happy and fun to be around’ or ‘outgoing’ as they used to be

Having personally experienced multiple depressive episodes, I know the struggles and difficulties of even getting up in the morning from bed! A social gathering with many people I don’t know very well? That’s like me climbing Mt. Everest mate! That’s a lot of effort for someone with social anxiety and depression. While we don’t want to be alone, we don’t have the energy to interact with people and to pretend to be happy and nice to people when we are dying inside. I have had to cancel on numerous people due to being sick because I have been too anxious and had panic attacks… Most people don’t even know I have them, because I am usually reluctant to go out if I feel one coming on. I once went out with someone, who took my panic attack symptoms to be a joke. Literally. They just laughed at me and did not take me seriously…That…really hurt…and made me want to avoid all social contact for a while ( and avoid them)…until I started to trust and build a closer friendship with people that aren’t like them. There are people who will understand you and there are people who don’t and you don’t have to be friends with them. Eff them.  Sorry for the angry rant and bad language… What was I talking about again? Oh yes, please continue to reach out to them! Maybe you can’t physically meet up with them, but you can message them with encouragement, love and let them know that anytime they need/want to talk that you are there for them..<3

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4. Do Help them with resources to help themselves and encourage them to seek help

If someone tells you they are struggling, don’t think that you are now responsible for their well-being and to prevent them from doing harm to themselves. Yes, you care about them, but well all aren’t a trained professional therapist (that’s great if you are! keep doing a good job) and psychiatrists. So, while we can offer peer support, we can help them with real therapy and medications. Let them know about different helplines, drop in places and understanding GPs that can help point them in the right direction. If they are worried about going to their first therapy alone, maybe offer to accompany them for the first few times, until they feel comfortable going alone. Help them build a support network for themselves and this helps you as well so that you don’t have to bear the full weight and responsibility for their well-being. Recommending good articles, websites, books, music, and movies about mental health also help increase their knowledge about the disease too.

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5. Don’t stereotype people by their mental illness

I’ve touched on this in a way on my post about Myths about Autism. Mental illness manifests differently in everyone and by judging you aren’t helping the situation. Even if we have a common certain mental illness, each person’s experience of it is different. After learning that I might have autism, I have since then had the opportunity to meet many others that also have autism…and I can say without a doubt, that they come in all shapes and sizes. Extroverts, introverts, non-verbals and just your everyday quiet dude and they are mostly all interesting people. There is no point in trying to generalise, but there are common traits. One other thing I thought I may add here, is that I have found sometimes doctors don’t take a certain physical symptom I have seriously because they think it is due to ‘my mental illness’. This can include things like my asthma and recurrent migraines (oh it’s just because of your panic attacks, anxiety, and insomnia!) ..but the thing is I literally can’t breathe MADAM and I also have asthma… Also, I have ended up in the hospital due to my ‘migraines’… Hope you get my point.

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Anyways, I am sure there are many more dos and don’t do in interacting with people with mental illnesses. I am curious as to what people have said to you because of your mental illness – Please comment below.

Sorry, it is a somewhat angry post…I not only want to be angry, but I also to change the situation by writing this in the hopes that you can better support those with mental illness.

Thanks for reading!

En-Joy your day!

Article Recommendation!

What does it mean to get help once you realise you have a mental health illness? This article sums it up pretty well!

Hi,

I just read an article which helped put into words some of the things that I really want to say. Though it is not written by someone in Australia, some of the things the author experienced, I too experienced myself while trying to navigate my way in the mental health sector in Australia. If you have about 10-15 minutes, please read this article! It is quite long, but very detailed, personal and emotionally interesting. She details how (and I am also guilty of it), how mental illness has became somewhat ‘mainstream’ as in people are talking about it, but the thing is the mental health sector isn’t keeping up. There are massive waiting lists for help, the costs involved are great and the medications are expensive. When we tell someone that there is a lot of help available, is there really? I feel like we have come a lonnnng way from a 10 years ago, but there is still A LOT that can be done.

‘It’s nothing like a broken leg’: why I’m done with the mental health conversation –Hannah Jane Parkinson

Here’s so quotes from the article to bait you in!

“It’s never been easier to open up – but hashtag healthcare doesn’t help people like me…”

“Throwing a ball of wool to one another in a circle might be helpful for some people, but it absolutely wasn’t for me…”

“Amy Winehouse, voice of a goddamn goddess. We’ll allow. Kathy, 54, works at Morrisons. Not so much..”

“Enough awareness has been raised. We – the public, health professionals, politicians – need to make our actions count”

Let me know what you thought of the article in the comments! (if you want)..!

Take care,

 

Be- Joy-Filled

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#18 How to be yourself

This is one of the most used statements I have heard recently, what does it actually even mean to be yourself? What if you don’t even know who you truly are?  That’s a scary thought and I think it is one that many ask themselves privately.

I grew up being a little odd and my mother often called me stubborn. Other girls made fun of my hair and people at church talked about me and my obsession with black clothes and fingernails. But, back when I was younger, I didn’t really care what others thought, I just wanted to be left alone and do things that I wanted to.

It is funny how, as I grew up, I became less of myself and more like those around me. I really look up to my sister and sometimes my mum…I always thought, why can’t I be more like them? They have lot’s of friends, they are always going out to parties and social gatherings, they know how to do makeup and style their hair etc…I don’t know how to do anything and I hate going out with people… So eventually, I tried to change my style, I tried being outgoing, I tried paying more attention to the way I looked and talked…

I kind of lost my self along the way, but then again did I even know who I was? When I liked black…okay obsessed with the colour black, was I trying to copy my favourite gothic Jrock band members and back then emo was cool..But who was I really? I didn’t have any knowledge of who I am. The reality is, that the concept of ‘ourselves’ is always changing and it should change as we grow wiser with age). 

I am sure your parents have taught you not to do this and not to do that so that you fit in. At the same time, some parents (not mine), would also want their child to stand out from the crowd! In terms of grades, music and other achievements, they want their child to be the best and also fit in with their peers. It sounds like a recipe for conflicting values…Growing up sounds hard, can I stay a kid forever? 

The purpose of this post is to help you realise (and myself) who you really are by identifying some morals and values that you stand by…

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1. Take some to learn more about yourself 
It sounds weird, but sometimes you might not know yourself as well as you think you do! Sometimes those closest around us are able to see us for who we are, better than we can. We may have distorted representations of ourselves, like an inflated ego or have low-esteem and see ourselves as we really aren’t. It definitely helps to have people around you to remind you of who you are and what you stand for. Maybe start with listing out the morals and values that you stand for and believe in, you can find these out by examining what you do in a week or day and get to know yourself.

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2. Don’t compare yourself to other people
I believe the only time you should compare yourself to someone else, is when you are inspired to be more like them. You also shouldn’t compare yourself to others to feel good about yourself, what good does it make? Do you remember that quote by someone that said, “The only time you should look down on others is when you are helping them up?” …be that person who uplifts and encourages instead of pushing them down. Life is already hard enough, why make other people’s lives harder?

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3. Don’t try to be friends with everyone
I know this sounds like it goes against the bible and such, but just because you aren’t friends, it doesn’t mean you hate them. You just don’t need to be friends with everyone! They can be acquaintances or people you know, no one said you had to be best friends. There are bound to be people in this world that just hate you or you just have this vibe that they are not good people…and it’s okay NOT to try to be friends them. I don’t know about you, but I’ve been trying not to be fake just to get along with people. I don’t think the effort is worth trying to be friends with everyone, coz no matter what I do, as Taylor Swift said…haters gonna hate. Let’s get Swifty!!!!!

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4. Learn to say No
Does this instruction sound familiar? I wrote a whole blog about this here and I will just reinforce a few points. If you feel like you are being forced to do something you don’t agree with, because everyone is- then you are not being true to your own morals and beliefs. You aren’t being true to yourself! Ask yourself, do these people really respect your autonomy to make a decision? You should remember you have a free-will and are able to say NO to things you don’t want to do, within reason of course…unfortunately we still have to pay tax and our bills *Tear*.

Sayingno

5. Don’t let being worried about what people will think to stop you from doing the things you are passionate about!
That was a long sentence…! Well, what I mean is, if you really want to learn hip-hop dancing classes, but everyone else if not interested and thinks it’s stupid and would rather do something else instead. DO you A. back out because you don’t want to be alone and do the other thing that they wanted instead. or B. Don’t give a sheet and just go to those hip-hop classes anyways!#SoloYOLO. I like that quote 😀 I used to feel like I needed people to do new things and go to places with me, now I just prefer it. I am still quite awkward when going to new places myself, no doubt…but I have been doing that and I have found it quite rewarding because I force myself to make new friends that I may not have it I had stuck to my own friends. So, don’t let fear stop you from doing those things you really want to! Take a step of faith and be all you can be! (Much easier said than done I know)…

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Anyways,

 

That’s all from me, I hope you guys can work on knowing yourself more and being truer to yourself. No one likes fake people and no one should have to put on an act all the time, it is tiring and eventually, hat mask may slip. So why not be yourself today?

Till next time,

 

Be Joyful~

 

 

#17 How to deal with controlling people

Hi All,

Hope you have been keeping warm in this insanely cold winter ( in Adelaide :(). I am currently wearing 4 layers of clothing and a scarf to keep myself warm…!
Anyways, a topic came up among some of my friends in regards to “Controlling behaviours” in their relationships with their parents in particular, but I know it can also happen in relationships between significant others or even friends. It can lead to you feel entrapped in a snare of someone else and it doesn’t feel good at all 😦

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It could also be a controlling boss, parent or kid that is messing your life up…and it IS hard to deal with because they mean something to you and you have to somehow deal with their behaviour.  So basically, from what I have read on the internets, we cannot control the way they behave, BUT they believe they are able to control the way we behave. No one has full control over someone else, so it is like this, even if you point a gun to someone’s head and tell them to “SAY THEY LOVE YOU”, they don’t have to, they have a choice to die instead, but most of the time I guess they would just listen..maybe..

So, often for the person being controlled, I don’t want to call them a victim, but I guess they might feel that way? Which is not good! You are allowing other people to walk all over you. I’ve been bullied in high school and in the workplace and I know how bad it can be and how hard it is to stand up to bullies…I wish I was an expert at dealing with bullies and controlling people, but I am not… I have also been guilty of being somewhat a bully/controlling person to my younger brother, in primary school, and in some relationships. I guess what goes around comes around?

But anyways, no point living in the past, that is in the past and now is a new future which we shall build for ourselves, to not be controlling and not be controlled!

So, I have mentioned before that we need to realise:

1. We belong to no one in particular and it is important to develop our own self-worth.

While being in relationships are great and all, you also need to know who you are and what you like. Don’t feel peer-pressured to doing what everyone else is doing just because you want to fit in all the time. Know that it is okay to do things that you like alone-hey it is even better to make new friends this way.-Forcing yourself out of your comfort zone.

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2. Know that dependent on one person is not good-Strive for Independence

If someone forces you to rely on them for everything, that is not a good position to be FOR YOU. What happens if that person dies the next day? You won’t know how to do anything, because they NEVER taught you, because they wanted you to depend on them. IT’S BAD! Even if that person never teaches you, LEARN TO TEACH YOURSELF! YouTube, ask others for help and advice and if its a workplace, probably best to move workplace. They might think they are doing you a favor by doing everything and not teaching you anything, but they are not, they are sabotaging your future as someone that is independent and CAPABLE. They are looking down on you and not helping you up. Sometimes parents may do this unknowingly, but your child is not going to grow up properly, they might be a child for the rest of their lives 😦

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3. Make some plans to improve your position in this controlling relationship

This may mean that you may need a break from that relationship for awhile until you get stronger or think if this relationship is worth it. This can be particularly hard for significant others or Parent-Child relationships…This is why it is important to start planning early, if you lack the funds to move out from your parent’s home, look for a job and start saving up and plan to move out! Ask friends about places to rent and start looking at properties etc. Sometimes distance from that controlling person, helps you realise how suffocated you actually are and how sweet freedom tastes.

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4. Be the bigger person-Age is just a number and experience is subjective

I have been in the situation where I was belittled for being young and inexperienced. I think this is particularly a big thing for people from Asia, they believe that wisdom always comes with age. Some are stubborn and refuse to accept that maybe young people may be right and they aren’t always right…Sigh…It’s hard to communicate with Asian people with their traditional ways of doing things…sure as a kid I didn’t know any better and also believed that Tiger balm heals everything! But, now having completed my 5 year program to become a Registered Pharmacist, I know many things that can help a migraine instead of rubbing Tiger Balm on my head…though maybe the placebo effect is still important… ANYWAY, back on topic. It is good to still be respectful in the way you act towards controlling people, be the bigger person. This doesn’t mean you have to agree with everything they say, but you don’t need to escalate and fight back with spiteful words, you don’t want to sink to their level. Good guys always win in the end right?

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5. Do your best to negotiate and bring in a mediator/therapist if needed! 

If all else fails, you might need to get someone to help you communicate! An emotionally intelligent individual/close friend may be able to help. If not, a good therapist may help to restore or help resolve certain issues between two people. Looking back at my experiences of being bullied, I can see people who were insecure about themselves and wanted to bully those they felt they were better to feel better about themselves. They projected their own insecurities onto someone else and hence felt some sort of enjoyment in that.  A psychologist could help them come to terms with their own problems and that hence stops the bullying or controlling nature- in an ideal world.

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Like I said, I don’t think I am an expert in this area, but this article was quite helpful in helping me get ideas for this post: Wiki-How to cope with a controlling parent. A really good anime movie I would recommend would be “A silent voice”-which touches on the bullying behaviours of high school kids, a really good watch!

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Anyways, if you guys have any experiences you would like to share, please comment below!

Take care and good luck!

xoxo

Joy

I made my own PodCast Style Youtube Video-Titled White Noise

Hi,

So I invested in a microphone for recording Audio…so I recorded myself for 25 minutes long…and have shortened that to a ten minute talk about my favourite motivational/self-help books!

I called it White Noise Podcast, because I literally fell asleep listening to my self talk for 25 minutes…hence I shortened it to around 15 minutes max…hahah

You can watch/listen to it here:

Let me know what you think!

I am not much of a video or animator to be honest…so hopefully voice will still be fine!

Take care!

Joy

#16 How to have more control over your life

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Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Well, recently I have been thinking more and reflecting on what it means to be an “adult”. As Wong Fu’s video on adulting put it as it is about having control over your life and not letting life control you basically. Life is like a game, you need to have control over your player (i.e. you).

I thought that makes sense! But I hadn’t really thought about it much deeper than that…What does it mean to actually have control over your life? I mean, isn’t there a bigger person up there who does all that for us anyway?

I have had a bit of brainstorm and have been reflecting on a few habits that I have picked up lately in my quest to become a proper adult.

1. Control over the use of my time

Putting this first because lately, I have started realising how much time I ‘waste’ on staring at my phone and laptop. More so phone… I think I have an addiction to my phone 😦 While there is no drug or cure for this condition yet, so I have had to take matters into my own hands and decide to set limits on how much I am allowed to use my phone, especially when I am in my bed…

Rules that I have set for myself include, timing how long I spend each night or day using my phone in my bed and recording it on a piece of paper. I have also deleted certain apps and accounts for some social media sites in an attempt to curve my addiction, this includes saying goodbye to my original facebook account and my YouTube mobile app… Not to mention they also kill my data ..R.I.P

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2. Set limits to what time you want to be out of bed and in bed each night…and stick to it as much as you can!

For me, as I am pretty lenient on myself. I usually am up around 7 or 8 am, but I stay in bed for half-an-hour and a half longer…using my phone ..yup so bad. So I have decided to stick a limit of 9am being the latest I can lie in my bed! The latest I want to be in bed is by 1 am… !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hopefully, I can make my sleeping time earlier…It helps setting alarms to not only wake you up but also to remind you to sleep.

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3. Record your spending

I have touched on spending and saving more in another post about “How to Save Money when you don’t have any” and one of the things I had mentioned was that I like to keep a log of everything that I spent money on. So petrol for the car, groceries, gym membership fees, phone bills and everything else. The cool thing about the app (I use Pocket Expense-which is free), is that is has a budget you can set on certain things. However, I do often go over my budgets, but its all a learning process!

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Photo by Public Domain Pictures on Pexels.com

4. Record what you eat

 I only recently downloaded an app that lets you record down your meals, it is pretty cool! I haven’t been logging everything as of yet, but I think it is a good idea to have an idea of what you are eating every day and see what sort of nutrition you are lacking or bad food that you can cut out or reduce to enable you to have a healthier life.

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5. Keep a health diary or a diary at least…

I love diaries and I love blogs! These things enable us to look back in time and remember what things caused what. You can use it to record how many times a month you had a headache, record when your period is (or get an app like I do) and just other stuff…you know emotional stuff too. When you see things for what it really is, it helps you know yourself and the way your body and mind work better.

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6. Have a plan and goal for each day

Do you ever feel like you achieved nothing in a day? Well, head over to the other blog post about how to stop procrastination at it’s worst. Having a clear goal or sense of what you want to achieve in a day, leaves you feeling satisfied and will help you towards your bigger goal in the long run, it also helps you be more disciplined and feel more in control.

7. Make time for the things yourself, the things you love and the people you love

When you are trying to achieve presidency or trying to reach Mars, it can be easy to forget those that are around you or those still on Earth. Don’t forget to schedule in quality time with your loved ones and for doing the things you love. It is not the best feeling in the world to get to Mars and realise that you have no one to share that incredible news with. Don’t forget to #LOVE YOURSELF

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8. Make time to look after your body to do EXERCISE 

Exercise is super important and you shouldn’t neglect its valuableness as a natural anti-depressant and mood lifter! It is important for your physical and mental health that you do exercise regularly. Apple watches, Fitbits, and other fitness apps are making it easier to do and plan workouts! They also make it more fun by making it more interactive and competitive (who did the most steps this week?)

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9. Know who your true friends and fake friends are

Who is there when you are not at your best or at your peak? Who calls you for help and then when you need them, they don’t pick up? Take time to develop and cultivate close connections with those that you treasure. A good friend is really hard to find and is more precious than a pearl…I think I requoted a bible verse here =s?

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10. Allow yourself to be random and uncontrolled…once in a blue moon!

It is okay to have one day where you sleep into like 5pm or a cheat day every now and then. Life isn’t meant to be all serious and adult. When we embrace our inner child, it is a beautiful thing…But as an adult, we can’t be like that all the time…At some stage, we have to put back on our adult mask and trudge on with our healthy food and those squats.

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I am sure there are many other ways we can have more control over our lives….so if you have any suggestions, leave your comments below! 

 

Other than that, take care and I will see you next time!

 

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#15 How to be a humble person

I am not sure about you, but I dislike arrogant people… I mean true they may have done some great things, but by boasting about it- that does not leave a great impression of you on me as a person… Do you really need to boast about what you do? That makes me think you only did those things to boast about it. #rant

So I went to a volunteer induction day to become a First Aid Volunteer for events around my town, Adelaide…So a group of about 20 people, some students, some workers and some health professionals who were interested in volunteering with this not-for-profit organization were there. But there was one lady that kept interrupting the speaker with not one, not two, not even five, but like 10+ questions. It honestly felt like she was having a private conversation with the facilitator, making all of us wait in boredom. Okay, so some of the questions were fair enough, but then she started to make them super-personal about Herself… Plus she felt the need to tell us all about her life like we cared. I found out that she is an Enrolled Nurse (la-di-da I am sure there were Registered nurses, doctors and pharmacists (me!) in that room too that didn’t bother to tell everyone else…so shut up, please! She had to make a comment about everything single thing that guy showed us…He showed us the green whistle in the kit (like portable happy gas) and she was like “Whats that?” =.= because she wasn’t listening…then he was like…it’s the green whistle…and she’s like “OH THAT”… I highly doubt she knew what it was, I’ve dispensed it quite often for the medical centre doctor bags, so I knew but I pretended I didn’t because no one likes know-it-alls. GAWDDDDDDS that woman was super annoying…

I am sorry I am so angry at her for boring me tonight …anyways…It has inspired me to make this post on how to be HUMBLE. Show you are awesome and don’t just spray it. TENKS.

  1. Don’t think of yourself as better than anyone else. Everyone has a unique and special contribution that only they can make. You have probably heard that quote, “Don’t look down on anyone unless you are helping them up”. A good person and team player will see others as equals.
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  4. Good leaders will lead by example and not by dictatorship. A good leader is someone that is approachable and is also open to correction. No one is ALWAYS right and I think if someone cared to point out an error to you, thank them for being so honest and try to rectify that situation!
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  7. A humble person that is having a conversation with someone else doesn’t just talk about themselves the whole time, they are also super interested in the other person. I am not sure about you, but I’ve had friends who love talking about themselves and yeah I can spend a whole night/day learning everything about them, but they won’t ever find out anything about me, because they are too busy talking about themselves. It makes for a boring company when you spend time with them (unless you hate talking about yourself then its fine).
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  10. When talking to people in person, respect them! Give them eye contact, be interested in what they say and don’t play with your phone or cut them off.
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  13. Be early or try your best time to not be late when meeting people! I am still working on this…I think it’s time to get a new watch…Respect that their time is as valuable as yours!!
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  16. Always be open to learning and be a learner for life! Things are constantly changing and you have to keep up to date to stay in the game. If someone shows you a better way than yours to do something that makes it more efficient, safe or whatever, be humble and don’t just discount immediately what they have said, just because they are younger or a junior. Look to learn from others, whether those older or younger, they all have something to offer.
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  19. Admit that you are not perfect! None of us have never NOT messed up at one point. We all have! It is OKAY to make mistakes… as long as we learn from them and work on ways that we can be better…It takes humility to admit that we were WRONG and they were RIGHT…
  20. Give compliments and encouragement to others! Just because you are super good at something, doesn’t mean that you cannot encourage others to do the same…! You never know how much your kind words can make the day of someone else :)! #sharethelove
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  23. Be in nature, appreciate animals and small children! Isn’t that flower so intricately beautiful and perfect? Who created the corgi? Such cuteness in that fluffy butt! SO FLUFFFFFFFFFYY!! That kid’s smile is so adorable! Nature, kids, and animals can teach us so much if we are willing to learn from them.
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  26. Don’t compare yourself to others. There is always going to be someone else that is more beautiful, more talented at something that you are. Just be the best…YOU that you can be. Compare yourself to you from 5/10 years ago! You might not be where you want to be, but at least you aren’t where you were before.

Let’s all try to be a little more humble (myself included)! It’s a lifetime journey thing, so don’t feel bad if you aren’t there yet! At least we are on our way~!

Take care and stay humble bumble bees~!

#13 How to get a JOB and ace an interview

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Photo by Tookapic on Pexels.com

 

So, for those who know me, I’ve recently been applying for jobs…I really want to work now-to travel overseas *drools* #Traveltheworldgoals!!!!!But yes, I can’t go without having money…So this week I was fortunate enough to have not ONE but TWO interviews…and I am no expert at interviews, but I have been to a fair few and all some of the different types.So I’ve decided to put together some tips of mine to help search for a job and how to ace an interview! (Or at least get hired). They are in no particular order.

  1. Get a haircut…and some new smart casual clothes. I mean it has been said that it’s not the clothes that make a person, but the clothes DO HELP. You need to dress appropriately for job interviews, you want to look good and if you look good, you will feel more confident. Black and white is usually a nice formal colour. Make sure your shoes are clean and match your clothes too!

2. Places that you can search for a job! I went to an information session which talked about how 80% of people got their job through non-conventional ways…i.e. Through people they know or in the “hidden” job market. Not all companies choose to advertise through websites like “Seek.COM” or “Career ONE”- though to be fair, a fair few of my jobs were found through there. Thinking about how I got some of my jobs, was through resume dropping at pharmacies or emailing companies who weren’t advertising and expressing my interest in working there with them. I also found a list of pharmacies (when searching for a part-time internship) and just called all of them and asked if they were hiring. It costs a lot of money to post job ads and I think most smaller companies cannot afford to do that or have the time to interview a large number of people.

3. I cannot stress how important it is to have experience– this not only includes working in a paid job but also in non-paid work. This can be work experience, internships or volunteer work. You got to put yourself out there, I mean most people don’t want to hire someone who has never worked a day in their life for a professional role right? Even if that job may not at first be completely related to what you studied you can gain useful skills such as communication, empathy, teamwork or just learning to work independently. It also shows that you care about your career and also you give back to the community-BONUS POINTS.

4. Okay, so you managed to find a job that you are interested in and you apply with your updated and polished resume- you have also checked that all your referees know that you are job hunting (just out of ourtesty)!  You have been asked to attend an interview! Unless the person hiring you has told you do not need to bring your resume, bring one…just in case. Always try to get there at least 15 minutes early! It’s better to have time to sit there, then have anxiety at being late. It shows that you are punctual, organised and an ADULT.

5. Have a nice professional black/brown bag, or borrow one for the interview. Don’t have like bells or anime key rings around it. You want to look professional and like a proper adult!

6. SHAKE the hand of the person who comes to get you for the interview. If you have been introduced to other people in the panel-shake all their hands and greet them one by one. This is super awkward for me, as I normally don’t shake people’s hands…but it means that you acknowledge their presence?

7. If they offer you a glass of water, take it! Because by sipping the water, it calms you down and gives you additional time to think about a question before they expect an answer.

8. Don’t try to be overconfident, while no one wants to hire someone that is a blubbering mess but an overconfident person just radiates out cockiness. BUT also don’t talk yourself down due to your insecurities … You want to have a balance of both, but most of all, I think it is good to be yourself (your professional self) since if they work with you, they will eventually see it anyway.

9. Really do prepare beforehand for interviews, it helps prepare for unexpected questions and just shows that you did your research.  Know the related past experiences you had and think of attributes or qualities that would make YOU an ideal person for the job.

10. If you have a friend PRACTICE interview questions with them,  or you can practice even by yourself…For me, I like to type out possible questions they might ask and write down exactly what I would say…I don’t remember the text word for word, but it helps jog my memory when asked something similar.

11. SLEEP EARLY the night before the interview!!! Eat breakfast, meditate, watch funny videos…just try to relax...No one likes interviews! It IS stressful, make sure you reward yourself with a treat for going something so stressful and making it out alive and hopefully not making a fool of yourself…BUT even if you did, learn from your mistakes!

12. Learning from past interview failures by reflection and some rumination can help you develop better strategies and tips and tricks for the next interview you have! Where you promise yourself not to blabber on about your dog for five minutes when asked about where you see yourself in five years. Wait, what was the question again? Really remember to focus on answering their unasked questions, it is sneaky-but this is how you can learn to expect it and SHINE!

13. Finally, don’t lose hope, if you didn’t get a job, it is OKAY. It might not have been right for you anyway and there is always something better on the horizon that is yet to come! If everyone got the job they interviewed for, then no one would ever face rejection…but some jobs have 100s or 1000s of people who apply for them and they may be only interview 10 out of those people. Just be grateful and thankful that you made it to an interview! It means that they liked what they saw on paper and wanted to know more about you as a person! GOOD JOB and STAY POSITIVE!

Thanks for reading and hope this helps!

A question for you:

How did you get your current/last job?

I hope for all those job seekers out there that you will be able to find that ideal job for you <3!

Remember, to remember why you want to work and keep that as your focus and end goal!
Good luck and see you next post!

LOVE,

Joy

 

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#10 How to find meaning in your life

Having a reason to get up each morning is important, having a reason to eat healthily and to exercise is important…Having a reason to breathe and continue living despite all that happens is important…I hope you see my point?

So, what happens if you realise you don’t know why you are on this earth? What if you are still lost and confused and not sure why you do the things you do?

Hopefully, this post will explore some common reasons why people live and why it should be based on many things and always be evolving and changing… 🙂

1. Some people live for their children or their future children.

They want to leave their legacy and invest the rest of their lives investing in the lives of their children, to help bring them up to be good and successful adults.

2. Some people live for their career. Career driven people may forsake other loves and interests in turn to pursue being the “best” or the “top” of their profession. These people could be astronauts, prime ministers, the wife of a Prince, an actor or someone who devotes their life solely on their work. People like Einstein…

3. Some people live to do good essentially. Similar to those who live for their career, these people however live their lives spreading love and goodness to those who need it. People who come into mind is Mother Theresa or Gandhi.

4. People who live to enjoy their lives . I guess they just live to please them self? They may have lots of money and like to spend it on lavish holidays, newest handbags or latest fashion. If you live to get the newest iPhone or apple watch, that’s cool and that is totally up to you!

5. Living for a spiritual reason. Some people find solace and find peace that they were put on this earth for a reason. This could be those who devote their life to serving in their church, temple or other religious place of gathering. Some may even be called to be evangelists to spread the gospel throughout the world, I guess this could be their calling.

6. Those who live for their hobbies! Some people in their spare time or hobbies, feel like they live to do them. For example, I have many friends who are obsessed with a certain sport such as badminton, volleyball or table tennis. This is the highlight of their week, this is where most of their friends are and where they spend a majority of their time at after work or school. There is nothing wrong to want to live to do these fun things. It is a healthy way to maintain your fitness and also to make new friends.

7. Some people live to look after their pets/animals. I thought I would add this one, in case you don’t see yourself having kids, but you might have 10 cats who depend on you to look after them, that is one important reason to live.

8. Live for those who matter to you, i.e. Friends, family and those who may look up to you. Our circle of influence is wider than we think! If people heard that you did something awesome like volunteer to help kids in 3rd world countries, that story can be passed to some family friends kids nephews cousin and they may be inspired to do the same! There is nothing wrong for living to see your friends and as it has been said before, life is all about the relationships you have. Whether you have a special someone or not, really good friends you can share with make life so much more colourful and meaningful. So take care to develop and care for your friends :)!

9. Live to make a positive difference in the world. This one is quite broad and encapsulates a few points that have already been mentioned. Whether you make an invention, discover a new drug or were the first to fly to Mars, I hope you aim high! Whether it’s small or big, all of us have left our imprint on this earth in some way or other. Whether you are a mother who gave birth to child who continued the line of the human race, or you were the important garbage collector who dutifully did their job to the gratefulness of others….everyone is important, big or small, recognised or unrecognised. Can I just put a note here, that a really good book I recommend you to read is ‘The Five people you meet in Heaven’, that explains this concept well.

10.  To travel and experience different life experiences, like Sky Diving or eating delicious foods!! I personally love traveling around the world and learning about other people’s cultures and learning new languages. I hope I can go to every country before I die! It’s just so exciting and thrilling to leave on a holiday to a whole another world. Some people live to eat yummy foods around the world, just remember to check your cholesterol regularly!

These are some of the suggestions that I can think of to live a meaningful life, I am sure there are many more other reasons!

As I said, we can have more than one reason and I think it is better to have many reasons to live.

A great link that I found on this topic is this article:

Question for you guys:

What do you feel your purpose in life is? 

 

Take care and see you next time!

 

Joy

 

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#5 How to understand someone with Autism -The Myths and Misconceptions about someone with Autism

There are many myths and misconceptions about autism, hopefully this post will help you learn more about autism and dispel some myths about autism.

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*update*

Here is the Video if you prefer listening to reading!

There are many misconceptions about autism, as many people may only know about it from movies and tv shows…but what is it really? Is everyone autistic good at chess, have supernatural savant abilities or are they all non-verbal? Hopefully, this post will help dispells some common myths and misconceptions about autism.

Myth #1: Autism is like how that movie or TV show portrayed autism is for everyone!

When I say the word Autism, what immediately comes to mind? Is it Raymond the autistic savant in Rain man? Or the equally autistic savant surgeon Dr Shaun Murphy in the Good doctor? Or perhaps it is Sheldon from the Big Bang theory who displays autistic traits?

If TV shows and movies are not your thing… Maybe you have experienced a personal encounter with autism in your childhood. Perhaps, you remember that “special kid” in your class that had trouble communicating with the rest of the class or was often disruptive and non-verbal.

Those with autism are often labelled as strange, weird or quirky and often feel ostracised and often become the victims of bullying at school and also in the workplace.

Myth #2: Only boys get autism! Girls don’t!
It was believed previously that there is that there is a 3:1 ratio of diagnosis of autism in boys in comparison to girls. But, current research and efforts to improve the sensitivity of diagnostic testing for autism has revealed that the number of girls is actually higher than they initially thought. The ratio is most likely to be closer to 2:1 ratio autism in boys to girls.

Why is this the case?

This could be from a multitude of factors, but one particular factor is the difference in the way boys and girls tend to act and also the greater understanding of the different signs and symptoms of autism.

In my opinion, girls tend to live a more sheltered life with a lot of them having their behaviour modified at a young age by their mother or father. Girls tend to be better at mimicking and almost like a chameleon trying to blend in with other girls their age. They may have also grown up with ‘neurotypical’ females around them who they copy, either a sister or a close friend/relative, who then teach and mentor them to act like they are “supposed to”. Boy’s don’t tend to do that as much and hence autistic boys are more likely to be diagnosed at an earlier age and if at all in comparison to girls.

These boys are able to get the help they need to help modify their abnormal behaviours and mindsets at an earlier age. Many girls unfortunately who have pretended to be ‘normal’, seep through the cracks in getting diagnosed and thus grow up struggling to understand why they never seem to fit in with others.

Some questions they may ask themselves:

  • Why do I never know what to say or do in certain social circumstances?
  • How come everyone else knows naturally what to do or say?
  • How can I know if this person is my friend or not? Do they like me or not?
  • How does body language work and why does it matter?
  • What does my tone of voice have to do with anything?

These are only some of the questions autistic people may ask themselves…

Myth# 3: You don’t look like you are autistic! You don’t have to look autistic, to be autistic

Often people misconceptions about people with autism may say, “You can’t be autistic, you don’t look like it!” This can make us who may have autistic feel upset, angry or guilty…are you accusing us of lying and fabricating our diagnosis? You haven’t ever lived in or walked in our shoes before.

Let me ask you, “Does someone have to look like they have high blood pressure to have it? Or does someone have to look like they have kidney cancer to have kidney cancer?”

Physical appearance and attributes are not the only diagnostic markers of people with diseases and if at all for autism.

It’s like judging a book by its cover, you can assume ANYTHING about the book, but unless you open it t and read it, you will not know what is inside.

Myth #4: All autistic people are the same

Autism manifests uniquely differently in each individual and one size does not fit all. Autism has actually been redefined as the ‘Autistic Spectrum Disorder’: It could mean you could be on the more severe ‘Low functioning’ side of the ‘spectrum’ here you may not be even able to speak or communicate with others. On the other hand, you could be ‘ High functioning’ side and live a relatively ‘normal life’, like holding down a steady job, get married and even have kids.

Does that mean that some suffer more than the other? Or does high functioning autistic people not count as having autism? No… they are still autistic and they deserve the help and support that anyone struggling with autism needs.

#Myth #5: Autistic can’t communicate at all and don’t understand other people

I’ve had friends say, when I disclosed my potential for having autism, “You communicate so well and I ‘ve known you so long, surely you can’t have autism”. As Myth number 4 says, autism manifests differently in everyone and everyone is at a different place in the spectrum. Some people on the spectrum are better at copying ‘social norms’ better than others and hence they are able to imitate how to act. This may fool others and maybe even themselves that they are ‘normal’.

Myth #6 You can only get autism as a kid and then you grow out of it

Unfortunately, this is not the case, autism is a lifelong condition. It is a neurodevelopmental disorder that happens from birth and at current, there is no known ‘cure’ for it, there is also evidence that it is a genetically passed on disorder from generation to generation, so it can run in families. The only treatment at the moment is behaviour modification from a young age and education for those who may know someone who is affected by autism to be more understanding. However, despite not having a cure for autism, you can still live quite a fulfilling and full life with the appropriate help and support from others.

Fact #7 People with Autism cannot be diagnosed as an adult

As I said, many people, especially females slip through the cracks and can go undiagnosed for many years by acting out their charade. However, when they get found out or if the charade goes wrong, it can lead to mental breakdowns, health problems or relationship breakdowns which may lead them to see a psychologist, doctor or psychiatrist about their mental issues…which they could eventually lead to a diagnosis of autism and this can be as an adult.

Myth #8: Autistic people do not have any emotions and they can never love anyone else or anything

Definitely not true! It’s just that autistic people may show their love and affection in different ways to the way ‘neurotypical’ people may perceive as normal. They definitely are able to love animals and pets, and pets for young kids with autism is a good way to teach them nurturing habits and pets also decrease anxiety in both adults and children. Autistic people can also get married and have kids, they may be at more risk of communication issues in their relationships, but with some work and help from others, they can make it work.

Myth #9 Autistic people can’t be successful or useful people in society

This definitely is the biggest myth of all in my opinion! There are many people in history who are suspected to have had autism or have displayed common autistic traits that may indicate they have autism. Famous people such as Mozart, Albert Einstein, and Isaac Newton have all demonstrated autistic-like traits. Well, known people of today that are suspected to be on the spectrum, (but not officially confirmed) are Bill Gates, Elon Musk, Mark Zuckerberg and Tim Burton. Some well-known people who have come out as saying they are on the autism spectrum is the singer and winner of Britain’s Got Talent; Susan Boyle, the creator of Pokemon, Satoshi Tajiri and Temple Grandit, a famous animal behaviour expert.

Myth #10 People with autism either have intellectual disabilities or have savant Abilities

As you should be well aware by now, not everyone has a special ability such as a photographic memory, and everyone with autism doesn’t have a learning disorder. Autistic Savants are actually quite rare and please do not assume all autistic people have difficulty learning, yes they may have some difficulties understanding abstract concepts and some learning methods, but their IQ is often normal or above average. In saying that, it is possible for someone with autism to also concurrently have learning disabilities.

I hope this post has been helpful in dispelling some of the myths in regards to autism! If you noticed anything incorrect or you want to add something, feel free to leave a comment below! Like always, follow, subscribe and like if you enjoyed or found this post useful! As this is an important issue for me-I am going to post a video with the same information too…

See you next week!

Joy