What happens after we die?

When we die, I would like to think that we go to better place, but what if you are are at an even worse scenario than before?

Everything is uncertain, is your life after this going to be a better one? Is there such thing as a guardian angel that prevents us from dying…from suffering. From making the same mistakes that we were going to do in the past? In context, is this life any harder than one that you may or may not encounter in the past?

As I googled all this and read about this. I ponder in this dark place I am in right now, is there really any light at the end of the tunnel? Is there any options for me? There seems to be no easy fix. There must be more to life.

What happened to me?

What has happened to me? I feel like I am falling back into old habits… into past fears, into avoidance, into the black deep hole. I thought I was strong enough to overcome all this, I thought I would never go down that path again.

Where did it go wrong? How can I fix this? What did I do before? I can’t remember anymore. Is this because of the situation that’s been thrown at me or is it because I was already suffering inside but because I had put it off for so long that I failed to see it? How did I become like this?

My hopes and dreams feel meaningless. Everything is meaningless. What’s the point in trying if you are going to fail anyways. Why am I so negative :(.

Is it because I moved here? Should I move back? I am so confused, worried, and exhausted. Is it because I spent so much time alone? This endless lockdown and constant worries of getting the virus. Constant fears of having to quarantine… I am so very tired and unmotivated 😞

Depression

Where the world is all colours of grey, black, lacking colour.

Everything is bleak, mundane, routine, and boring.

Everyone else seems to be happy, colourful, blissful, it hurts my eyes to see.

Socialising is too hard, requires too much effort , too much energy.

You feel like you are being swallowed up in darkness and you can see no way out. How did you even get yourself here?

You feel trapped and see no way out, you can’t find a way out :(.

You forgot how to smile, how to life, how to enjoy the small things.