Tired of all the BS

I am so tired of people breaking the rules, this lockdown 6.0 goes on and on because of those rule breakers

Why can’t you just suck it up? And do the right thing so ALL of us have to suffer.

Then on the other side, people are flaunting the generosity of payments from the government. I want to pretend I didn’t hear or know about it, now that I know I feel. Defeated. That this is Australia. The people who need help dont get help. The people who are fine are abusing the system

People can get vaccinated but choose not to.

How the hell are we supposed to get out of this if people keep choosing to do the wrong thing?

The people Actually DO do the right thing are not rewarded in anyway and in the end, they keep fighting for some made harder by a few selfish people.

I am really sick of lockdown and I just really really wish I could go home.

Slow down

A patient of mine told me to, SLOW DOWN. My job gets repetitive after doing the classic antibiotic and pain killers talk for the 100th time during this rotation.

I haven’t realised that I have gone 100 miles per hour, until a person from a non-English speaking country told me to “SLOW DOWN”. And I stopped, I really do go TOO FAST. Maybe due to the workload, partly because I am an inpatient person. I always want to be fast, effective, and try to do everything. But, I realised, what is the point in doing all this? To achieve everything so soon… to work yourself into a sweat trying to bend your head over for someone who really doesn’t care?

My goal from now on, is to slow down, take a deep breath and ask myself, “Why am I rushing”? What for? Am I late? Then I should change my habits and start being early. Am I not going to get things done? Then maybe it’s time to ask for help or see what else can be streamlined, prioritised to be done later.

Life flies by, and then you realised you haven’t even stopped to smell the flower, enjoy the food, make some friendships. What happened to me that all I became was someone so focused on goals, achievements, and I slowly became someone without a soul, perhaps coming off rude, and a loner.

Bucket list for 2021

I have started reading a webtoon all about bucket lists…but I realised I never seem to keep track or remember what I put down…

So my list for the remainder of 2021 is to:

-Take classes to learn a new instrument! Recently I have taken an interest in the Japanese harp-like instrument, the koto…I have enquired about classes.

-Play a new sport! The only sports I play now is Badminton…and I guess when you are super comfortable with a sport, you might not want to try other sports.. well for me anyways. After asking my friends, I found out a colleague who plays table tennis and have contacts/places to play….

Work on my personality, in particular-to treat everyone like a friend. Not a close friend, but like a friend. A recent random encounter with a rude person, made me reflect on what kind of person I am and what others may perceive I am. But, like someone once said, you never know who you are being rude too.

Travel somewhere I’ve never been to before. This one, I kinda have done on my own to Phillip Island and hopefully I will make my way up to the snow this year??

Assertiveness. I am always saying yes, to the point I get angry and grumpy about it. I overthink too much about what others may think of me. I am going to practice saying no, and I’ll start with small steps and saying now to people wanting to steal my weekend shifts 😒😒😒…I need the money too!!!

Be a better friend to my existing friends. Being there for them, spending time to catch up with them, and overall just strengthening existing friendships. Both in Adelaide and Melbourne.

A decision on a house….!! By the end of this year …hoping to either.

1. Have a mortgage and living in a house/apartment in Melbourne / have saved up 100k by end of 2021 for a deposit

2. Investment property in Adelaide

3. Moved out to a bigger place that allows pets/own furniture

I think this is all that comes into mind at 11pm on a Weeknight. Have you made a bucketlist for yourself?

All the Reminders of the Memories

Now that you are gone, all I have left is fragments of moments in times that are embedded into my memory.

There are so many triggers to the reminiscing that takes place.. It can be a smell, a song, an image, a place.. everything reminds me of you

It’s like the world doesn’t want me to forget you, but I NEED to forget you. How can I move on when I am constantly living in the past?

I hope these feelings of sadness will not last.

Did the bed always feel so cold? Was food always so tasteless? Was life always this mundane?

You lighted up my bleak world with colour, flashing lights, and bells… but now it is quiet once again.

I can only move on when I make fresh memories, try new places, meet more people.

Does a place exist where nothing reminds me of you?

If it’s too good to be true, it probably is fake

In the moment, you feel like everything is but a dream.. it feels too good to be true

You don’t want to wake up from your dream

Entranced by the surreality of the the life you live in

Chasing the end of the rainbows, seeking the treasures that you find

Heads in the clouds, hearts flying with the birds in the sky

When everything ends, you know you proved yourself right

It was really too good to be true. 💭

Feeling Dry

Contrary to the title of this post, Melbourne has been rainy and wintery all week. However, I am dry and dehydrated..I have mouth ulcers in my mouth, my skin is dry and bleeding, and overall I feel unwell. But, I can’t explain why I am unwell. I feel guilty that I feel sick and so so tired.

I am feeling my zest in life is slowly fading. I feel dizzy when I play badminton…I am scared that I will injure myself once again. What are hobbies again? Everything just is hard to concentrate when I feel like I need to continue working

I am aware that I am thinking about work was too much…even on my lunch breaks and at home, I am checking my email constantly. My team leader calls me before and after work…It’s just ongoing and infiltrating my life and it is mostly my fault. I always take on too much and too often, I never learn my lesson but I love the exhilaration of being on so many committees and so many projects. But spare time is no longer mine. Maybe it’s time to take a step back and let others help.

When did I become so bad for asking for help? When did I become so independent? It must be pride, arrogance, and distrust…

Things need to change, I can’t go on like this in fear that I will crash and burn.

2021 House Hunting!

Happy New Year everyone! I can’t believe I haven’t posted ALL YEAR. How lazy of me.. XD

I just completely forgot that I haven’t blogged for awhile, I keep thinking I did…but like a lot of things in my life…I started out strong, then fizzled out, and now restarting. It’s the end result that matters right?

To say this week has been hectic is an understatement and I have slipped. back into some unhealthy habits :(.

My sleep has been so SHIT lately…I put it due to the hot weather (it is summer here), the late night HOON driving that continues to 1-2 am…I don’t even call the cops anymore as it has made ZERO difference. I just am hanging on to the hope that I will be able to move places soon. I was hanging on from moving, because I still hadn’t recieved my drivers license in the mail. LONG STORY SHORT, they never posted it…and I was waiting for over a month for it…it is only when I sent THEM an enquiry to why it was taking so long that I found out that apaprently they fcked. up my photo and didn’t even bother telling me. Apparently I have to go in there to take a photo and they are unable to give me a license without retaking my photo, EVEN THOUGH they were the ones who took my photo. Vic ROADS SUCKS. VIC POLICE SUCKS. and VIC REAL ESTATE Agents SUCK. I sound like an angry person, but I guess I am comparing this to my home town in Adelaide where I haven’t had to deal with these issues. LE SIGH.

Enough WHINGING! Anyways, in other news! It’s decided. I am planning to move in the next few months! Instead of renting this time, I am on the look out for HOUSE TO BUY. When probably can’t afford a proper house yet, but a TOWNHOUSE!! I don’t know why, but I am in love with town houses..! It just feels so quaint, cute, and comfortable to have a 2-storey house that maximises space and utilises space well. I don’t have anything against single storey units, but it’s just something about town houses that make me want to buy one…hahah the one I have my eyes set on has an asking price of $490000 to $520000…which sadly is out of my original budget…BUT hopefully fingers crossed I will be able to sort out finances prior to the auction at the end of the month. I have been talking to banks directly and bypassing the mortgage broker. It just takes TOO LONG with my mortgage broker…I am just going to do more research on my own and from what I can see, it doesn’t make much difference in terms of cost.

I feel like most things can be done on your own, but most people are probably too lazy to make the effort to do it on their own…

I am so excited to get a place!! But first have to jump the hurdle of getting a PRE-APPROVAL first…I don’t have a 20% deposit saved up yet sadly… coz I put some money into shares…and lost some money…

But the longer I rent, the more I am paying for someone else’s mortgage…

I inspected 5 properties today (I am exhausted!) but narrowed it down to 2 properties and one in particular I am hoping to buy. Both have their perks and down falls.

  1. Single story unit.

    Good: More land and garden space. Great for a dog as fenced…seems like they have a dog! As there was a dog kernel. The living room and outside space is really nice! The garage is oversized and can fit more tha one car easily! The house is in a pretty decent suburb and it is hidden at the back of a group of 6 units ((Good and bad thing). Apparently it is near a farm area, so there may be many big trucks driving stock in and out…Also not sure about hayfever?!?! It is also close to work and is safer than the other property..probably higher resell value and rental value.

    Bad: There is only one toielt an it was broken…The doors keep slamming when the windows are open. Saw some cobwebs in the window…The garage was really messy. This has a higher asking price of 50,0000 to 550000. Strata fees are around $800 a year. It can also be a bit hard to find the entrance to this house as it is at the back of a series of units…

2. Two storey town house:

Good: Newer than the single story unit and was quite well kept upon inspection. It looks great for a first house as the garden looks easy to maintain. There are just properties around the area. The BIR in both rooms look more modern and for the MAIN bedroom it has a really neat mini desk inside the WIR. It has a nice bathroom and I especially love the sink in the bathroom. The garden is really nice with a bench for entertaining outside..there was also a BBQ and a Water tank… (I am not sure if these stay if they get sold)? Two sheds and a built in clothes hanger. There are aircons in both rooms and also in the loung room. Strata was abou $300 per quarter ? or was it per year.??!?!

Bad: It is in a ‘bad suburb’ that is known for the lower SES in the past. There is not many schools nearby…There are a lot of migrants in the neighbour hood and people say that there is many burglaries in the past and that it is not safe to go out walking at night on your own. There is less space upstairs…For the same price i could possibly get a three bedroom unit in the same neighbour hood.. I need to check if there are security camers for this place…as I want to feel safe!!!!!!!!

My aunty and uncle who own a few properties already have advised me to drive down to that neighbour hood during night and during the day to see what sort of neighbours and people who live there and to check sound levels…which I will do at some stage.

Other than that, it’s back to the banks to ask if I can loan more money…

Wish me luck.

I will keep you posted!

Adulting is so tiring…after all those inspections, video chatted with aunty and uncle, then 1 hour meeting with a BANK representative… I took a 2 hour nap and ate the rest of the green ice cream for dinner. Covid cases have started up again and there was as local outbreak at the shopping centre I normally go to…so I have been trying not to do groceries there and only go to the one near my work instead…HOWEVER it means I can’t just get groceries that easily anymore :(.


Fingers crossed we will not have to do a lockdown again :(. Masks are mandatory indoors again..but TBH that never changed for me anyways as I work in a hospital.

Take care and stay safe peeps.

Returning Home to Adelaide

Coming back to Adelaide for the first time since I left was weird… at times it felt like nothing had changed… but underneath the surface, when you looked a little closer, things has definitely changed.

Since I made the move to Melbourne in August, my friend had a baby, 2 of my friends separated from their partners, my sister finally moved into their new home, my dad was diagnosed with diabetes….my brother bought an ipad for $13!! Houses have been built, buildings have been knocked down, many shops have been forced to close, the covid-19 situation leaves its sting on each business. There are QR codes at each business so that people can check in.

My home hasn’t changed … it’s still as messy and full of hoarded stuff.. everytime I see it, I feel sad.. I feel like I want to clean it up, but it’s not really up to me to tell my parents they need to start throwing away…. for example, I tried washing my clothes this morning and the Washing Machine started shaking, vibrating, and stopped working completely… I had to HANDWASH every item and I know I did a shit job. Lol. Haven’t handwashed anything in forever. I dont even have a bucket to do that in Melbourne.. and of course we don’t have a dryer so some of my clothes are still wet 😅😅😅….

My pet turtle is hugeeee now!! Maybeeeee coz I haven’t seen her for so long!! But she looks hugeee! I am so sure my dad is feeeding her wayyy too much.

My little nephew is as cute as ever!! He has been growing taller and since he has started walkingc he has been losing his baby fat! No longer the chubby baby I once knew! He can saw random words on demand..i.e. the colour BLUE, the name EMMA (the yellow wiggle), and the numbers 8 and 9.

It’s weird feeling like a stranger in your own home, I feel like a guest, but then I also feel like I am not. Hard to explain.

Was this whirlwind last minute trip worth it? Definitely… I just hope there won’t be any last minute breakouts which mean I have to immediately self-isolate or quarantine when I head back to Melbourne… fingers and toes are crossed.

Now, let’s all enjoy that weird time between Christmas and New years.

Cheers to a better year in 2021 🥂

Mask wearing evaders

I went for a walk today and saw a man standing still, not wearing a mask, and using his phone. I try to evade him, he is clearly not exercising but is wearing sports gear as if he was. Lame. Mask evaders, hope he gets fined.

I guess if anyone is caught outside not exercising, they could always just say they are going grocery shopping.

Where are the social distancing police when you need it? :0.

Other than that, the situation seems to be getting better. I ordered Uber Eats for the first time!! Since buying frozen eel…I am obsessed with eel.. it’s so delicious. 🤤 I finally got paid on Thursday! I guess this is my small private celebration 🎉..

Treating yourself Kindly

I find that I am the harshest critic upon myself… when faced with uncertainty, I often doubt myself.. my qualifications and my ability to get the job done.

Amongst other things, I am quick to compare myself to others and hence, usually feel bad for myself. 😔😔 But what for? Everyone is different, unique, and has their own journey. There isn’t any point comparing your journey to someone else’s. That’s what I SHOULD think.. but anyway, other people will do it, even if you don’t.

But you just gotta drown that thought out and don’t pay attention. Just do your best! That’s all you can do. 😊

Week five of our stage 4 lockdown… we are due for review on September 13th.! Fingers and toes crossed we will have some restrictions lifted ✌️✌️🤞🤞🤞

Episode Three of Working in Melbourne up!

I haven’t been very consistent with the naming of the podcast .. is it even a podcast? More like a lazy way to diary my life… my sad Iso-life.

Click here for Episode Three!

I promise to write a proper blog post soon! P.S. adulting achievement unlocked! Finally managed to make the skin on my salmon CRISPY!! 😍😍😍

Communal Laundry

So the thing about having a communal laundry means..you can’t just do your laundry whenever and wherever you want. You gotta lift all your clothes down to the washing machine.. and then load multiple loads coz it’s sooo small. You then set your timer so that you know when to come and take it out of the machine. But for some reason, it always takes longer so you are just waiting around.

I just want to whinge lol. But i am getting better.. its 2 pm and I am down to my last load! Woo hoo

Day -Zero

I just spent a whole entire day literally in my car.. my car is a mess 😦 I normally wouldn’t eat in my car.. but with all the restrictions in place, I really had no choice :(. It’s so dirty now…and carwashes and stuff are all closed as per the stage 4 lockdown :(.

I am exhausted.. but just wanted to write a quick post to let you guys know I’ve reached Melbourne after driving solo across from Adelaide. It was scary.. but it was also exciting and exhilarating experience as well. I wonder if I would enjoy it more with company…probably? Depending on who it is.

I saw a few cool things along my journey.. including SILO art and a giant Koala! I have added these photos to the post.. it made the trip more worthwhile.

This was my first roadtrip on my own…and I gotta say.. it’s quite sad seeing all the dead wildlife that are strewn across the roads :(. I counted at least 12 kangaroos and 1 possum that was dead. For some reason, some dead kangaroos had a red X marked on them :S. Something did jump out In front of me, not sure if it was a possum or a black cat.. but luckily I did not hit it.

Another thing that I noticed there was a lot of police presence on the the side of the road towards Adelaide. When I unknowingly reached the border between Adelaide and Melbourne, the other side of the road had a checkpoint set up to make sure everyone entering Adelaide had a permit. Good to know the borders are keeping the Adelaide people safe.

What people are surprised at is I didn’t get stopped at all by anyone at the borders. I didn’t need to worry about it at all! It was literally cross no questions asked.

I have some house inspections to do tomorrow and some paperwork to do for my new job. Hopefully all goes well and I don’t get in trouble for going out >.<

Silo art

2 days to go…

Been soooo busy these days.. doing lots of things.. but also feeling like I am not doing anything productive…

Been going out wayyyyy too much. I am not a very sociable person, so sometimes its a bit awkward…but I don’t regret it. It makes me feel sad that I am leaving behind all these wonderful people whom some I haven’t seen for months and months! It’s only because I am moving away that I am seeing them..

Packing… it has started and what started as one suitcase has turned into two suitcases, 2 crates, eight bags of clothes, and one more to come.. dont forget the badminton stuff… gym mat… laptop.. chargers.. last minute toiletries…hair dryer… contacts lens… pillow quilt.. soft toys.. snacks and drinks for the trip..I feel like I want to bring everything.. but my car is tiny.. ;(

So much to do.. but so little time 😦

Lasik failure :(

I was so worried about post surgery complications, I didn’t even consider that the procedure would be a failure…

Prior to the surgery, I was given the choice to take some sleeping tablets to help “relax me”.. and of course I took it.. I was nervous as hell.. but little did I know what would happen next.

I don’t know how often this happens, but I was all gowned up with the hairnet, shoe covers, and ready to get lasik. I had to go through numerous stinging eyedrops, face disinfected, text over my eyes…and then they propped openmy eyes with something so I couldn’t blink.. that was a bit painful. I had to stare at a green light above me that sort of suctioned onto my eye. It was uncomfortable, there was drilling sounds, I was scared shitless. I think I knew something was wrong because the machine kept coming off and back on to my eye…what felt like an eternity later (but was probably a minute later), the doctor aborted the surgery. He had made two incisions in the flaps of my eye to try lift them, but apparently couldn’t because the shape of me eyes were weird. But mate, aren’t you supposed to check that pre-surgery? At that time I was too drowsy to say anything and really remember much.. I was taken to a recovery area with a ned.. and given an icepack for my now inflammed rye.. they were talking about there being bubbles in my eyes. WTF.

The doctor pulled me back into his room and tried to explain what happened, but he used all this medical jargon (about eyes) which I didn’t understand and was too sleepy to ask about. Why do they do that? After drugging you up telling you all this important stuff? He took out the after lasik pack which had been shown to me by a optometrist assistant prior to going into the surgery. He chucked away the antibiotic eyedrops and said “You won’t need this”. But what if I do? You have made two cuts in my eye! I can see the blood lines there and it freaks me out.

I can’t remember the last time I felt so disappointed, dissatisfied , disgusted, depressed, and yet damn angry. I have been knocked out the rest of the day. All that damn anxiety and dread leading up to the surgery day…

They also made me pay upfront BEFORE i had the surgery. What scammers. In the end they apparently “refunded” it to me on my credit card.. but honestly I can’t see it there yet…I won’t let them get away with that one. 😤😤😤

Some of my friends have told me to sue them for medical negligence. Whilst it sounds like s annoying and long-winded expensive process… I wouldn’t want anyone else to go through what I did and who knows how long my eyes will take to recover? They didn’t even tell me if I can wear contacts again.. do I have to wear sunglasses everywhere? Am I not allowed to wash my hair with shampoo? Which is what their information sheets say, but they didn’t write one up for botched surgeries.

A mixture of guilt and sadness also lies within my mind. Why did I want so bad to not have glasses? I guess they might be the safest option now…

-Sad