What happened to me?

What has happened to me? I feel like I am falling back into old habits… into past fears, into avoidance, into the black deep hole. I thought I was strong enough to overcome all this, I thought I would never go down that path again.

Where did it go wrong? How can I fix this? What did I do before? I can’t remember anymore. Is this because of the situation that’s been thrown at me or is it because I was already suffering inside but because I had put it off for so long that I failed to see it? How did I become like this?

My hopes and dreams feel meaningless. Everything is meaningless. What’s the point in trying if you are going to fail anyways. Why am I so negative :(.

Is it because I moved here? Should I move back? I am so confused, worried, and exhausted. Is it because I spent so much time alone? This endless lockdown and constant worries of getting the virus. Constant fears of having to quarantine… I am so very tired and unmotivated 😞

Lockdown Fatigue

So very tired these days.Work. Home. Cook. Clean.Groceries. Laundry.

Sad. Sleep. Study. Repeat.

I happen to work in another hospital that focuses on mental health…and I can definitely see the effects of the lockdown on their mental health…Not being able to see friends and attend university in person…really affects young people and old.

New covid cases are decreasing in Melbourne which is great…I think everyone is looking forward to having the lockdown restrictions lifted..

On a side sad note..I have gone over my monthly data limits… Working from home really cost a lot more than I imagined T_T…plus I forgot to set up a direct debit for the internet bill..so I was 5 days overdue..OMG…… on a side side note…I am now connected to the nearby University Wifi…using my old university login… WIN ..HAHA ?? for now??