Random Rant: On Forgiveness

Forgiveness…it’s hard to describe exactly what it is.

It’s something that I heard a lot when I used to attend church.

“God forgave your sins so you should forgive other people”. I took this literally, people treated me like shit, I took it. I decided to try “see the best in them” and let them do it again and again. I don’t think I really understood that there is a difference between forgiving someone and letting someone step all over you.

I have learnt that forgiveness does not mean forgetting or condoning the wrongdoing, or reconciling a relationship, we are able to forgive and never say a word to them ever again. In the same way, we could say the words “I forgive you” or “I accept your apology”, and actually forgive them.

Forgiveness instead is an emotional change that happens inside someone who has been wronged. Forgiveness is not for the wrongdoer, it is actually for the person that has been wronged. I think this is what many of us get confused about. Forgiveness is not a gift for the other person it is a gift FOR YOURSELF, it allows us to overcome the pain that is inflicted by someone else. This is a process of letting go of our anger, resentment, shame and other emotions towards the other person or even towards ourselves.

It also treats the offender with compassion, even though they are not entitled to it.

I don’t understand forgiveness, but I hope I can slowly understand it someday.