The last post for 2020

2020. What a year. So much has happened…so much also …didn’t happen. So this is going to be a bit of reflection of what happened in 2020 to me. The good. The bad. The sad. The happy. The whatever.

  1. Feb 2020: I finally fulfilled my dream of travelling to New Zealand for a trip! It was an awesome trip in which I caught up with my good friend living in Brisbane…we did a lot of hiking, horse riding, running, and also went on a boat trip! New Zealand is such a beautiful place and I would highly recommend it. I am also extremely lucky that I was able to go overseas before the borders to Australia has closed.
  2. March 2020: I finally saw my ALL time favourite band, ONE OK ROCK. Having missed out on seeing them when I was in Japan for exchange, I can finally say I have been to my second J-Rock concert. However, this time I actually knew and could sing a long with their songs! I also paid for the VIP tickets and also got to meet them, exchange a few words, and get my photo with them. The night was surreal and it was a great memory I will treasure for many years to come.
  3. Later in March 2020: The lockdown of Australia began as the Coronavirus made it way uninvited into all of our lives. You couldn’t escape it. No matter how hard you try to close your eyes….everyone was talking about it, the supermarket shelves were bare with no toilet paper or hand sanitiser to be seen. Gyms, pools, indoor/outdoor sports, cinemas, schools, universities, and shops, restaurants were closed for dine in. Social distancing was the new norm, everyday we were wiping all the surfaces we touched…everyday I would follow religiously the numbers, the tallies, the hotspots…what rules were changing…The hardest part of all was not being able to see my family and friends…I wasn’t able to see my nephew for the longest time and I was so worried he would forget who I was… It was also during this time that I began spending a lot more time with my family that still lived at home. Yes, we got on each others nerves at some stage…but because there was no where to go and nothing to do, we were just at home. My mum began planting and gardening more and more flowers, fruits, and vegetables…I began learning how to work out at home…For my brother and dad, nothing changed much for them…They usually just stay at home anyways. Skype calls were the best, and I am so grateful for technology that keeps us together, but nothing beats the ability to spend time in person with people.
  4. June 2020. The rules has started to relax in South Austraila. We were finally allowed to have up to 10 visitors in our homes! That meant we were able to gather as a family again and to eat out in restaurants with friends! This was the 1st birthday of my nephew…unfortunately because of the restrictions, my sister only invited the immediate family to celebrate….then they broadcasted it live to their other friends via zoom. My little nephew was sooo spoilt with soo many gifts from family and friends! He got Gucci branded shoes, a small ride on Mercedes, and sooo many toys. June was also the month that I found out that my full-time contract job was not going to be renewed…It was not entirely unexpected, but still a shock to hear it. It meant I had to job hunt all over again…and during a pandemic, that was depressing and a very stressful time…there was not much up for grabs in Adelaide in terms of Hospital Pharmacist positions, so I widened my applications to interstate hospitals. I had 3 sets of interviews for a position in Melbourne and that how I ended up where I am now!
  5. July 2020: I found out that I got the job in Melbourne and I would have to start planning my move…Where was I going to stay? Can I even go there during the pandemic? My aunty and uncle helped me immensely in looking for suitable places that I would inspect when I got there. I also had friends help me plan the trip to Melbourne and what I needed to do to make sure my car was okay. Then there was catchup after catchup with all the people I would be seeing for who knows how long? It was more like a one way trip at this stage…once I went to Melbourne, Adelaide would close it’s borders to me…they would see me as an outsider…I wasn’t sure when I would be able to see my family again…This was a really sad realisation and something that made me so anxious and sad. I would be heading to the city which was undergoing the second wave of Coronavirus…and was in stage 4 lockdown, a curfew, and mandatory masks everywhere. I was going into a virus striken city and working in one of their hospitals that have Covid- positive patients…as someone who hates germs, it was a big risk. Saying good bye to my family was the hardest thing, especially my sister whom I am closest with…I hadn’t cried at all at any of my other farewells, but saying goodbye to my sister for the last time was so hard.
  6. August 2020: I made the long ass drive with my car full of lugguage, toilet paper, and stuff to Melbourne. I was not welcomed with any police or officers at the borders, but it wasn’t the same the other way round. South Australia was quite strict with who was able to enter their state…Melbourne however, didn’t give a hoot and still doesn’t. After staying with my aunt for a few days, I found a place pretty quick and moved in on the same week. Then began the journey of living solo and managing to not live in a pigsty. I had to figure out what I needed and what I wanted…money didn’t grow on trees unfortunately… Then I started working at my new job and that was incredibly tough at first because of all the competency standards that I had to meet to prove I was worthy as a pharmacist.
  7. August-October: So basically nothing happened. I may have took Gamsat…but other than that I rarely went out. I think the lockdown was still ongoing, so there was no house visitors allowed and everything was Click and Collect or buy online. I think I did a lot of cooking…and buying stuff for my house. The video calls with my family and friends in Adelaide continued…We did group chats, group games, and I played ‘Amongst Us’ Once… lol…. I also did a seminar entirely online at home for work…that was interesting, but also made me extremely sleepy.
  8. Nov 2020: Somehow we managed to have 60 days free from Community Transmitted Covid- Cases! The city slowly opened up and restrictions eased in a gradual step by step process. Restaurants were finally open for dine in, but for limited numbers…Retail shops were allowed to open again! Gyms, schools, universities…and most importantly BADMINTON RESTARTED!!!! This is what I missed most (Asides from family and friends in Adelaide)!! Was the desire to hit a shuttlecock! I write this as my whole body hurts from a great baddy session yesterday night….
  9. Dec 2020: My sister messaged me and told she was coming to Melbourne and that we should catchup !! I was so excited!! I wasn’t sure if I was able to go back to Adelaide as they have stricter border than Melbourne, but if my sister could come and go back, surely I would be able to? In the heat of the moment I quickly looked up how much flights would be to Adelaide and back…and it was pretty reasonable! Then I remembered I have a whole bunch of Frequent Flyer Points which I was hoping to use to go to England (dreams crushed this year) and I used those points to pay for the return fare in its entirety! It also included checked baggage both ways! BONUS! I was so happy that I was able to come back home to Adelaide and spend Christmas with my family and to see some of my friends! It was a rushed 4 days…as I hadn’t booked any extra leave I was only there over the public holiday and weekend. Adelaide itself hadn’t changed much, but the people had changed…a bit. Since I left, a friend had a baby, another friend told me she is moving to Brisbane for a new job, two friends had broken up with the long-term partners, and I think that is it?
  10. Dec 31st 2020: The last day of the year 2020, I slept in! Because…I can :)! I had a day off today! It was an accrued day off that just happened to land on the last day of the year. Lucky me! I met up with my sister and her family for lunch and did a bit of window shopping in Melbourne city. A friend told me about a special Free parking voucher that could be displayed to park for free in Melbourne city…Then I came home, cooked the last meal of 2020, and did my last round of laundry for 2020…had my last shower, called my mum for the lastst time, emptied the trash for the laste time, and now I am typing the blog entry for 2020 on here. So many last times for everything. Oh, did I mention that the annual firework display for NYE has been cancelled for both Mellbourne and Adelaide? The Sydney famous ones are still going ahead, however they will not allow people to watch it from the shore. Also, sadly in the last few days we got a few cases of local transmission and now we have some restrictions reinposed, i.e. maximum 15 people in a house at one time…so the Family New Years Lunch is cancelled for tomorrow sadly…

    Happy New Year everyone! Let’s hope fingers crossed that 2021 will be a better one!! Stay Safe, Wash your hands, stay 1.5 metres a part, and wear your mask!

The journey to becoming a pilot -podcast!

Hey guys, I recorded the first of I hope many .. podcast interviews with people studying or doing different professions! I hope you enjoy this first podcast and sorry for all the background noise.

Priorities

I had an argument with someone who was once a friend…I was constantly trying to make plans to meet up with them or talk to them, yet they were always TOO BUSY to even talk. They would take forever to reply to simple texts asking if we were meeting up that day or not. It was just getting really annoying and frustrating for the lack of communication.

Call me pushy or too clingy…but honestly, sometimes you do wonder why you even bother? If the other person is putting in zilch effort towards a relationship that is one-sided, what even is the point?

Apparently, they are ‘too busy’, apparently their schedule is ‘too unpredictable’. But honestly, with a bit of communication and planning, there is always time. But, that’s only if you want to make time.  I got angry because I know that I have been incredibly busy and run down lately…but I do try my best to spend time with loved ones…because they are the ones who keep me sane, to help me relax. It wasn’t always like that, I used to just concentrate on work and study and no play. But that is no way to live.

We make our own schedule…essentially we choose what we do. Sometimes we feel like that isn’t the case. Despite knowing this, I still complain that I work too much…13 out of 14 days…but that’s IS MY OWN CHOICE and I have my reason to do so, but I don’t use that as an excuse for not meeting up someone when they ask me. Friendships and those close to us are a treasure. Those that are real friends will stick around when the going gets tough…when you are feeling down…and sad. If you neglect your friendships and just concentrate on something like your career, or earning money, or just one single relationship…and neglect the rest. If you lose that one thing, you have nothing.

I get angry at people like that because I was once like that…and still like that to a small extent. I know I need to change, it’s hard I KNOW. I am super guilty of just want to put my all into something. I am the first to compare myself to others and want to have what others have. Those who seem like they are succeeding in what they do, do you see all their sacrifices to get to where they are? Do you see their blood, sweat, tears, and the loneliness that they face?

I guess it all comes down to your priorities and your values. Maybe career is all you care about and is what you live for. But for me, I don’t want to go to the end of my life and realise, yes I got the job that I wanted…I had so much money…but I had no one with me in my final days of life.

I have a wall sticker on my wall it says, “The best things in life are the People we love, the places we’ve been, and the memories we’ve made along the way.”

and the other stick on my other wall says “If you can dream it, you can do it”.

Two very conflicting values that I hold strongly too. I want to live my dreams, but I also treasure every moment with my friends and family. Because they are truly the best things in life to me.

 

Nobody knows

Nobody knows what goes on inside your head

In turn, you don’t know what goes inside theirs.

We go through life guessing, assuming, and dictating what we think others are thinking. Little do we know how wrong or maybe right we are.

How can we know someone, better than we know ourselves? We could know someone, but maybe they changed or perhaps you were only seeing an act that they put on?

How do you really really know someone? I guess you can’t. You can just hope that you do and trust they are who they say they are.

Random rants: On Replay

Do you ever have times .. usually at the middle of the night.. when you are trying to sleep because you have work or a flight early tmoro morning… and you cannot sleep.. because you keep ruminating over something again and again… so much so that the story becomes twisted and strays from the original. Your emotions, feelings, and thoughts taint your memory of what really happened…

The story becomes what you want it to be instead. A fragment of the truth, but what is the truth? Each person will tell it in a slightly different way. Just look at the bible, in the New Testament there are several books written about the same event but by different people.

Alas, this late night post to try to get off my mind what has been weighing on my mind for the last few weeks. I think, I need closure, I have to settle things, for once and hopefully for all.

Scared to be Lonely

When we are lonely, we wonder when we will ever find someone to share our life with…

When we finally get into a relationship, we are worried how long will it last for, what obstacles will we face.. what is our future? Are they the ‘one’ for me?

Is there even the ‘one’ for me? What if there are many others better than this ‘one’? Should I stay or should I go?

When we are in a relationship we should really let go of, we fear the loneliness again…

When we let go of that relationship, we fear if we make the right choice, but we are afraid to show our feelings…because you don’t want to be vulnerable…

When we try running back to the relationship, we may find out that they have already moved on and we are hurt again…even more hurt and lonely than before

When we are at this point, we ask ourselves, did the relationship make us anymore less lonely or more happy? Who said we had to be in a relationship to be happy?

When we realise this, we realise we can be happy now…and that being a alone doesn’t mean you are lonely. We have great friends, family, and most of all-pets to take away our loneliness

Don’t try to Fix Me

Have you ever wished that you could take away someone’s sadness…anger issues..bad habits?

Have you, despite knowing you can’t change them- gotten angry, frustrated, and upset that despite all your immense efforts and hard work – they don’t change…or they change for a bit-then they go straight back to their old habits.

Why do we do that? Why do we try change people?

Sometimes our intentions may be good ones..we just want the best for them…you can see that they are acting toxic towards themselves or others…and you think alright…just need to change them…

But, as you might have realised..it’s incredibly hard to change someone, who doesn’t want to or understand why they need to change. If the self-determination isn’t there, they won’t be able to change…They will just continue thinking what they are doing is right. Unless they can see clearly why they need to change their behaviour…telling them… yelling at them…incenticising them will only lead so far 😦

 

Click here Support me to write a book !! 

The World of Work

I think, innately everyone desires to have a nice work place..A place where you look forward to seeing your colleagues, a place with nice patients/clients and a place where you feel safe.

When one or more of these things are not there, it can make it a very depressing and difficult time…especially if you work and spend extended periods of time in the same place with the same people.

Difficult Colleagues:

I’ve noticed when there is someone I don’t like at work, I do my best to avoid them. I know, I know it doesn’t solve all the issues. But, if I can run away from confrontation I will..try my best… to run away…

In the end, it doesn’t really matter (cue Linkin Park sound track)…very rarely does it solve the problem…but by being more confident, by standing up for yourself and doing something about it…things can change. Well, I least I do hope so.

Difficult Clients:

I’ve worked/working in a few workplaces that deal with extremely difficult clients, whether drug seekers, criminals or just mentally disturbed…it can be hard! I’ve had to call the police a few times, threaten to and just been scared for my life. I get it, it can be hard and sometimes you wonder…is it worth it? Feeling scared all the time going into work…to get mentally, physically or emotionally abused by clients?

I hate retail. You feel like you have to constantly suck up to your customers or they wont buy your stuff! You have to please them and they can kick a fuss about absolutely anything and I hate that word “The customer is always right”. Because they are not.

Unsafe Workplace:

Unsafe work places are just hazards just waiting to occur…This could be unsafe because of the machinery/equipment at work…like having boiling water all around  you…carrying steaming hot hotpots… or slicing numerous amounts of meats with a dull blade. Unsafe work places can’t be happy places… 😦 If people are constantly getting injured or being affected by the toxic (literally) unsafe work place, it can’t be a very happy place to work in in my opinion.

 

Good workplaces can be a extremely hard thing find, so if you do find one, stick to it!

Otherwise, start your own business and work for yourself 😉

Kid vs Adult mindsets

I’ve been reflecting upon the difference in thinking of when I was child and in comparison to now (I was about to say when I was an adult…–..–“)

I am going to put my thoughts on what a kid Joy might have thought and what an adult Joy might think.

On finding their ideal partner:

KID : I want to fall in love with a tall, handsome, rich blonde eye blue eye man with a six pack. He will also have a golden retriever and possibly be a prince.

ADULT: I just want to find someone who will accept me for who I am and how I look and act. That accepts the way I look like slob that I am at home and when I have no make up on…

On Beauty:

KID : I wanna look like an adult…I wanna make my skin super white and cover up every blemish..! I wanna do eyeliner to make me look older…fake lashes..permed hair and red lipstick..high heels…

ADULT: OH GAWD I need to buy this expensive as MAC primer, blue and BB cream to make my face look like it has no make up…! Actually, stuff this…rather just be insecure about myself, how about I just learn to love and accept myself for who I am and stop wanting an ideal version of me that I will never assatain?

On Fast FOOD:

KID : Mum said I can have Maccas if I don’t cry when I get my flu vaccination! I can’t wait..it’s sooo rare we get maccas! I am so excited. Filet-o-fish here we come!!

ADULT: OH GAWD this is the 3rd time I’ve been to maccas this week..! #$#$ I wish I had time to eat better food..?!?! Why does maccas have to be the closest restaurant to work?!?! Time to diet T_T

On Doggos:

KID : OMG I WANT A DOG PLZ CAN I HAVE A DOG PLZ . I promise to take it on walks everyday and pick up all its sheet!

ADULT: OMG I want a dog. BUT I don’t have the time to look after the dog at the moment. I want to be a responsible dog owner. T_T

On cars:

KID : I CAN’T WAIT TILL I TURN 16 and get my Ls! OMG I can finally drive! I am going to go out everyday and party! Finally I will be come a social butterfly and be the most popular girl in my friendship group! I am going to pick up all my friends in my mums car..ohohoho

ADULT: FML . I don’t wanna drive in this #$#$ heavy peak hour traffic. SIGH why didn’t I catch a bus? Why can’t someone drive me? Why do I have to pick up ______ again? DAMMIT this car… OH SHEET petrol is so expensive again..FML this car is so expensive to maintain…OH WAIT rego is due again..there goes another $760…and oh no service next month..$400++ oh sigh. Why is it so expensive to keep a car? I rather a dog instead. lols. woof.

On shopping:

KID : NOOooo I don’t wanna go shopping with you mum its soo boring…@@

ADULT: Oh gawd…I can’t stop buying things on eBay.com and amazon…HOW DID I SPEND SO MUCH MONEY?!?!?!

On SLEEP:

KID : NOoooooo I don’t wanna sleep! Its only 9pm!!!!!!! I wanna stay up and read my book…I wanna talk with my friends..I wanna…eat….

ADULT: I am so sleep deprived. I just want a day to do nothing but sleep.
FML I only get 5 hours of sleep if I sleep straight away..! SIGH why do I have to get up so early for work everyday. I am so tired…all the time..I am addicted to caffeine.

and last but not least…

On Work/dreams:

KID : I can’t WAIT TO GET A JOB and earn money! Then I won’t have to rely on the merger amount of money that I get free from my parents! I CAN’T WAIT TO BECOME AN ADULT…

ADULT: FML . I wanna quit my job. it’s too stressful, it wasn’t what I imagined it would be, the other staff are bullies, the pay sucks, the patients suck, my hours suck, my life sucks. I am depressed. OH GOD I NEED A HOLIDAY. STAT. Why does working life suck so much? Why does being an adult suck so much …can I be a kid again?

OH lol this isn’t all true! Just for lols…hahah I was just thinking…about how much we change huh? If we think about who we used to be as kids and who we are now, would we tell ourselves? It’s like we are two completely different people that have existed.

Is there anything that you’ve noticed that has changed in your perception of life from when you were a kid and has changed now that you are an adult? If you want to, please leave your comments on those things below!

Take care,

Joy to the World~

 

Time to get that 5.3 hours 13 minutes and 2 seconds of sleep….

Tortoise and the Hare

At the gym I go to, they were still open 24/7 over the Christmas/New Period but they stopped running the live classes…

This was a real struggle for me … as I force myself o go to the gym for those classes… so I really had no incentive to go…so I went like once a week.. and that’s mainly coz I am cheap and I hated seeing my membership fees being deducted from my bank account and realising they are getting free money…

Anyways, what I am trying to say is… I normally do not do weights and cardio work out by myself… I am someone highly motivated by having people around me working hard…hence love those classes…!

So I went to the gym twice over the holiday period.. On the first visit..I went on the treadmill… I was like .. hmmm this sure looks like a good way to get my 10,000 steps on my fitbit..!! So I started off slow 4.5km/hour speed.. up to 8.0km/h (not fast I know)… did that for about a minute or so (seriously out of breath…unfit 😦 ) and them took a bit of a break by slowing down to 4.5 km/h just to get recover my breath… coz tired..!! I did this for 20minutes… and was super tired.. I managed to do 2km distance in that 20minutes! Not bad..? For me 😂

On the second visit.. I was feeling really lethargic of late ( prob due to iron deficiency).. and I decided I wouldn’t do those speed intervals because the sprinting really takes the wind out of me… but I also hate walking really slow on the treadmill😭 I am a pretty fast walker…probably due to the fact I work in a lot of faced-paced environments where I cannot walk slow :(.. so I set it at a constant speed of 6.5km/hour.. so mid way between what I did in my first visit…

And it was great .. I didn’t have to constantly look at the little time and have to keep changing the speeds on the right up and down.. and I didn’t feel as exhausted and worn out at the end of 10 minutes.. And I did the same…! At the end .. I got the same result. 1km/10 minutes essentially!

But this way.. was better..easier and didn’t tire me out…

it was interesting how I feel like that can relate to me and how I have been living my life… I go through periods of extreme stress .. leading to anxiety, depression and mental breakdowns…to a point where I can’t take it amy more.. then I am forced to rest… my body shuts down in sickness .. and thats when I recover.. start to remember my health and my sanity again…

The reason why I’ve been working so hard for the last six months with no break (literally working 7 days a week for I am not sure how many weeks it is now)… is because I felt I was so behind in life… in comparison to my friends… those my age are getting married, have moved overseas to work… buying houses.. doing all this exciting stuff and what I feel is “adult” stuff.. and there was me… who blew my savings recklessly on an expensive holiday overseas… and on some scam medicine entrance exam course….I felt I needed to catchup by working myself to almost death -? Because I am so tired all the time, worn out… burnt out… sick so often and can’t even relax…get irritable… can’t eat properly.. don’t have time or energy to see friends…

I am asking myself..? Why do I meed to do all this sprinting to try catch up to everyone else? I am just going o get exhausted and need a really good rest-where I might have to stop work altogether for s break… because if I am constant with myself.. mot too much.. not too little.., I can reach that end goal without over exerting myself.. and still enjoy a good work out that is life…

Thanks for reading my weird analogies o life.. i literally wrote this at 4am because I woke up with blood running down my face from my nose… oops

Stay Joyful guys!

Have yourself a melancholic Christmas

How many times did you say “Merry Christmas” to the people around you this year? Online, on cards and God forbid maybe IN PERSON. For the majority of the year we rarely seem to use the word Merry and then suddenly bam December hits us and we using that word like no tomorrow.

According to google, merry means ..

merry
/ˈmɛri/
adjective
cheerful and lively.
“the streets were dense with merry throngs of students”
synonyms: cheerful, cheery, in good spirits, high-spirited, blithe, bright, sunny, light-hearted, buoyant, bubbly, lively, carefree, without a care in the world, joyful, joyous, rejoicing, jolly, jocund, convivial, festive, mirthful, gleeful, happy, glad, laughing;

Well I ain’t the Grinch, but excuse me, why must we Cheerful and lively during this season?

Are we not allowed to be sick, sad and lonely during this time?

I bet you, there are people who hate Christmas…not only the grinch…but others. This time can represent a time where they realise they are alone, just like how singles hate Valentines day -because it is a remember that they are alone. Christmas is a bit worse, because it is a public holiday, there is nothing to do. Where you still have to work on Valentines Day, Christmas is like…is like the worst time to be alone… People ask you what your plans are? What are you going to do? Did you buy your presents yet?

…What is you don’t have family? Or friends? Or anyone to spend Christmas with?

What if you cannot afford to buy any gifts for those around you? You can’t afford to have a feast..because heck you don’t even have a place to stay.

Christmas is not always a Happy time.

It is more like a temporary fix.. where you can pretend all is well, but it actually isn’t.

So sorry for not spreading Christmas cheer this season, but spreading awareness…It ain’t always jolly good.

On a side note, I liken Christmas to be the birthday of Jesus..however often we forget to invite the birthday boy to our parties…so we hold empty parties , celebrating the birthday of someone who isn’t even present. We forgot to invite the main attraction.

Anyways,

Hope your Christmas was good, but if it wasn’t, that is okay too 🙂

Joy to the World~

The definition of Beauty

If a tree fell down and no one was around to see it, did it make a sound?

 

+I am not sure if I got that quote right, but the point that I am trying to make is…if there were no others around us to define beauty, would there be someone to decide whether something is beautiful or ugly?

 

Or is it a society created construct that is totally subjective. Who defined that a face lacking pimples, scars, birthmarks or deformed teeth is ugly?

Who said that a women with large breasts and a nice butt is sexy?

Why must guys have six packs instead of one backs to be hot?

What has society come to that we are all obsessed with our bodies?

There are plastic surgeons, orthodontists, stylists, make up artists, personal trainers and diet experts to all give us tips to make our body the best it could be possibly; according to standards set by society.

I am not saying these things are bad in itself…

I myself never smiled as a kid, because I hated how crooked my teeth was. I was so self-conscious about my teeth-I was adamant that no one would like me or think I was pretty because of my ugly teeth. So my parents invested a lot of money to set my teeth straight and gave me a smile.

In a way, these procedures for cosmetic procedure are costly, time-consuming and often painful. Having spent four years of my life with metal train tracks on my teeth, countless nights of pain after tightening of braces and soooo many mouth ulcers from the sharp wire that I swear the the evil orthodontist left there on purpose to punish me for being late to all my appointments.

Four years and $6000 for a smile? I still have a wire behind my teeth and I had to go back every year for orthodontic reviews (which I have avoided this year-since I’ve been not wearing my retainers). There are the retainers that you need to wear at night and occasionally get new ones to be made.

There was the psychological pain of it all..being self-conscious of pieces of food that are displayed for people to see…and the chewing gum that you weren’t supposed to have ..getting stuck.

ANYWAYS, what was I trying to say?

Yes, society, especially the female species…seem to spend a great deal of time on trying to make themselves look more beautiful by the standards of this world. Perfect smile, shiny hair, blemish free skin -if this is not possible-a heavily caked face, a skinny body and a nice ass and maybe some push up bra or…if they have money breast implants.

 

Why are we so obsessed with beauty? Why do we all judge each other on people’s looks?

I am guilty of this as well…is it something innate within us that associates beauty with other good traits like, manners, kindness…I don’t know.

I can’t seem to understand it… but isn’t it all subjective? Then how can we agree that a certain poster, singer or actor is beautiful and others aren’t?

Does love actually exist? Or are we just ensured and trapped by the fleeting beauty of the other? When it fade, we just stay with them anyways?

Does anyone like someone else for themselves and without caring about how they look like?

I remember watching a Korean youtube video of two couples that had literally a blind date.

They had a cloth between them when they met, so they were forced to learn about each other without seeing each other. What are your thoughts on this?

They were forced to get to know each other and not judge each other on how they looked.

If only interviews, jobs and real life was like this.

Who said those that aren’t considered beautiful in this world are not the super stars and idols in other worlds?

 

Perhaps those considered beautiful in this day and age, in the alternative universe was those who are looked down upon, frowned up and ostracised because their skin lacks pimples, because they are too SKINNY, because they are TOO FIT, because their hair is TOO shiny and not messy enough.

Anyway, that is my rant about beauty and how superficial it all is.

In our old age, does beauty even matter anymore?

How about we become deep people instead of shallow?

 

The art of growing up? What does it mean to be a ‘grown up?’

This year, 2018, I have learned a lot of things…as people do.

The notion of taking time to do nothing…has lead to the very best of something. [Winnie the Pooh,2018].

My parents go away every year for a minimum of 2 months to Asia every year.  I mean, I am a big girl, right? I should know how to look after myself because I am 2[censored]* years old now!

WIth age, does not come wisdom automatically and if you are used to living with your parents for most of your life at home, how is one supposed to know how to become an adult if not given the opportunity? How is one supposed to know how to look after themselves?

Being the second youngest in my family…has its perks and also its downfalls. I am not the oldest, so I am not the bravest. I am not the youngest so I am not the most spoiled.

I am just kinda in the middle…Torn between acting like an adult or acting like a child.

Age is all relative, isn’t it?

If you put a baby next to a teenager, of course, the teenager is the old one out of them.

If you put that same teenager next to an 80-year-old man, of course, the teenager looks young.

If you put that 80-year-old man next to a prehistorical 3000 BC man, of course, that 80-year-old man is the young and still ALIVE one.

Hope you get my point.

Anyway, what was I talking about again?

So, back to my story. So this time when my parents went away, things were better. Because. My brother finally got his license and this means I don’t have to transport him everywhere and, in previous years I’ve been doing the majority of the grocery shopping because he claims, ”I can’t drive” and also if I asked him to come with me, he was like “You got this, I don’t need to come”. I think that would piss anyone off and plus he would not contribute to the groceries cost unless I asked him.

This made me extremely angry. BUT, then I asked myself. Aren’t I just as bad as him?

Yes, I am not his mother. But, my parents provide for me for the 10 months of the year…bills…water…food…groceries…toilet paper…etc and they don’t ask me for money…well I kinda give it to them anyways.

My brother and I live a privileged life because my parents pampered us and did everything for us.

When they were gone, I realised how dependent I still was. I had to cook, I learned to clean and to be more organised because time is more precious now and I can’t afford to waste money eating out all the time.

Things came into perspective…when I got into fights with my brother about doing chores or who had to pay for what. I realised…that my brother was taking advantage of me because I was older than him…he expected me to do everything for him. He treated me as if I was an adult.

But, I insisted that he TOO was an adult.

As much I was telling him to be an adult, I realised that I needed to as well.

The ball dropped. I was an adult when my parents were here too. It doesn’t..shouldn’t matter if they are here or not. I do not revert back to a helpless kid when they come back. I am an adult, I can and I am continuing to learn to look after myself.

I think I finally understand what WongFu Productions video on adulting was trying to say, it is not about eating healthy, exercising or getting more money. It is really about taking control of your life, of your finances, of your health and using your time wisely. It is about being the bigger person and really looking at your life and to see if you are doing something that you really want to do.

This video really changed my life.

Thank you, Wong Fu.

We are ALL adults. Relatively speaking.

The secret Addictions nobody mentions

When you think of the word addiction what comes to mind?

Do you automatically think of those who are drug addicts, alcoholics, smokers, gamblers or even sex addicts?

But what about those more..subtle addictions, which gnaw away your life the same way, yet unnoticed and untreated…not recognised… no support..because you can’t be the same as them. 

 

We like to separate us and them whether that is to make us feel better or just to trick ourselves into denial…that there is nothing wrong with…

Playing too many video games…the game addict…

Taking multiple selfies a day and posting it on social media..facebook..instagram..snap chat…social media addict

Doing nothing but study everyday and all day….the study addict

Working non-stop for weeks on end without a single break in between… the workaholic

There is so many addictions out there..I can’t even think of the name of it?

 

What we fail to realise is that these unrecognised addictions can slowly ebb and destroy our lives…our careers..our health…our friendships and our sanity.

Those who stay cooped up in their rooms all day may not have many friends…poor hygiene…most likely low vitamin d levels from staying indoors all days…back problems..eye problems…Life is more than a game. Open your eyes and see the real world around you that you have neglected.

Those who are ‘addicted’ to their phones…they don’t realise there are people in front of them. Everything is about taking the perfect photos…the selfies…they don’t care about living in the moment, but just how the moment  looks in a photo. It gives them a false sense of security..that I have friends..that I look pretty…that I need to show the world that I am happy, successful and beautiful. But inside we are empty and alone. It stems from our insecurity and it can become an addiction hard to break…as peers pressure peers to join them in their addiction. How many of us can resist not looking at our phone multiple times a day? It’s hard to imagine how life was like before we all got mobile phones…

Those who do nothing but study all day are similar..people think that this is okay..this is better than then playing games all day~ but they never develop any social skills..they cannot fare well in the real world…when they finally realise that they need to work with others..they do not know how… social life? What’s that? Then those in Asia who have been pressured by tiger parents to do well…school..cram school..home work…wake up and repeat. Is that living? Life is more than just study and the pressure that has mounted to kids have led many students to take their lives in Japan and China.

Then there are those who grow up and then become addicted to working. That can’t be bad right? What is so bad about being hard-working? Isn’t that what we strive for? If you look at countries like Japan, the working population are working 12 hour days, 6 or 7 days a week. This has led to a decrease in in birth rates and the population is growing smaller and smaller as who has time to look after kids, have babies when working such long hours? It seems like no one even has time to date! People aren’t happier when they are stressed. Over working comes at a price, the animator for the popular series Naruto Kazunori Mizuno was found to have died from over work.  The Japanese even have a name for deaths from overwork, it’s just that common, this word is karoshi and it characterises death that is from stress, heart attack and a starvation diet. 

 

 Have a think about what you could be addicted to and not even realise… 

The difficulties and barriers in disclosing a mental illness to others

Hey I am finally back,

sorry for the long hiatus.. I’ll be a bit more freer for the next two months, until the exam results come out and then which I will start the cycle all over again and prepare for the next exam in March 2019. Persistence and resilience or is it stupidity and foolishness? It’s not clear any more.

Anyways, hope you guys have been well.

Today I would like to discuss why it is so hard to discuss Mental Health…There is more “awareness” of it, but I feel very much so, people are still hiding it and are still afraid. Just like how the homosexuals are more welcome, many still hide their sexual preferences for fear of stigma. People with mental health issues want to pretend that they are normal, they fear people will treat them differently if they disclose…or that they will be afraid/mean or spread rumours.

People can be so mean and cruel, by the things they say intentionally or unintentionally.

To be honest, things like “Mental Health Awareness Month” or “RU OK” days…to me its just “Going through the actions” …no one is going to disclose to you their hidden secret of 10 years of struggling with suicidal thoughts, just coz u asked them if they “R OKAY?”

I suspect the real answer they would give. “Yeah I am fine.” – Hiding, because it takes a lot of courage and strength to admit to someone you are struggling and even more to admit you need  help.

 

I believe through developing our existing relationships better to facilitate more open relationships will instead help build a more caring environment around us so that less people will feel so isolated and alone.

 

From experience, once someone opens up to you or you to them, you will realise that so many of the things you fear, experience and have gone through, is more common than you think. Your brain tells you, YOU are the only one going through this trial and that NOONE else understands, BUT the truth is, if you reach out, you will find others who DO understand. …

 

So why not give it a try?

 

If it’s hard to open up in person to those around you, I see no harm in posting in trusted mental health websites like Beyond Blue or Black Dog Institute. Even on the Mighty websites I have read so many articles that describe situations just like mine, I believe if you start realising that others have gone through, and managed things before you, their wealth of knowledge and experience can be a very valuable thing to have.

 

Take care ,

 

Love and Joy