Being able to Eat out again

Don’t mean to brag or anything, but in South Australia, as I have mentioned before, things are almost back to normal. For the first time since forever, I dined in at an actual restaurant and had table service and all! The food was the best I have had this year, hands down. Maybe, it’s because all I have been having is takeaway and food court style foods…it’s the small things in life you didn’t know you will miss until it’s gone.

Shopping centres are open once again and it was filled to the brim with people. Sure, there was still reminders to social distance in the shops and on escalators. But it is hard to do when there is soo many people around. We still aren’t allowed to dine in at the food courts, so they have banned people from sitting on the tables and chairs, however there were groups of people sitting and eating on the floor….I think that’s even more unhygienic…but yeah.. lol… Who would imagined that Australians would be sitting on the floor of a food court eating?!?!

As there is still a limit to how many people can dine in at a restaurant, my friends and I put our name and number down at the restaurant we wanted to go to and walked around the shopping centre until they called us to say the table was ready.

Felt like a century ago since we were able to meet up, eat together, and shop together.

Super grateful.

2020 Values

Another year has passed, another decade is here. Strange to think that I can still remember when it was the year 2000, and we were in a new Millenium…I remember these gummy lollies that started selling pretty well back then, I think it was the Millenium bugs or something..so tasty.

I sometimes wonder how the mind chooses what to remember and what not to. I would say it would remember the happiest moments and also the saddest moments of our lives…then anything in between could be a coincidence or something out of the ordinary that made us remember it.

If I were to reflect again on 2019, it would be a year where others have already said, a year of ups but also downs, love but also heartbreak, regret and the fear of not trying.  I honestly look back at myself and think I was a different person than to who I am now and I think this will always be the case as I continue to grow, continue to make the same mistakes in the past, one step forward, how many steps backwards…as long as I am moving somewhere.

2020. A year in which I put high hopes for. It is the year that I leave my 20s…how scary. A year in which I hope is full of travel, goals being met, and relationships strengthened. Hopefully. 2019 drained me…in a whole different way. I think it’s a combination of working too much, committing so much, and studying too much. Too much of anything is bad, isn’t it? All work and no play makes for a sad joy. I always seem a bit out of balance in all things..either I do nothing or I try to do all over it. Either I love someone or I hate them. A black and white world, that is a scary thing.

I faced many trials while working at my casual job, from workplace injuries to bullying, the anxiety of not having worked…because my manager hated me. To becoming a nervous wreck at my other job from dealing with clients that are abusive. Why did I try so hard? But, I am thankful for my new job, where it seems alright. The only major anxiety now is that 1. I can’t progress from where I am at the moment. 2. I don’t know how long my next contract will be. But, I like the immediate management..and the pay is good. So I should, not I am grateful.

2019 was the year my gym closed down. I didn’t gym for two months while I contemplated where I should go. I felt like a headless chook not knowing where to go. It was a big thing for me because it made me lose my routine…exercise is so important to keeping you feel sane after a long day at work. I had my favourite Zumba class where I can dance away my worries…when it closed…I didn’t know what to do..so I did nothing… I am grateful now for my new gym..no it’s not the same…1. It’s a mixed gym, not an all-girls gym that I am used to. 2. The Zumba classes there aren’t that great. 3. It costs a lot more than my previous membership, but the benefits are that parking is easier as it located near my house and not in the city. The distance between home and the gym makes it easier to bring me to go to the gym. Exercise and staying fit will always be an important part of my life, and I can tell when I haven’t exercised my mental health going downhill. SO make sure you guys exercise okay!

2019 I worked on building my self-confidence. I still am working on this and will continue in 2020. I learnt instead of focusing so much on makeup to cover my flaws, to instead trying to take proper care of my skin instead. To be preventative rather than treatment orientated. I am not sure if it’s a side effect of the pills I take, the lesser use of makeup, or the skincare products I am using…my skin is far from perfect and I still get the odd pimple here and there, but I am comfortable going to work or out with no makeup on. I have also been trying to lessen the use of my hair straightener (I sold the old one and bought a new one last year) and try to leave my hair as natural as possible. When it’s messy, I tie it up in a way that looks nice and no one would guess how messy it is! I realise, that by not using the straightener as much my hair has never been as healthy…I use daily some leave-in conditioner as well… With the exercise thing that I mentioned above, I want to be more comfortable with my body shape. I have always felt shy about my body shape, thinking I am too fat and wearing just loose clothing…safe clothing I say. But I would say I am broadening my “look” and trying to “my style” that makes me look good (in my eyes).

Something which I am going to focus on 2020, is “Saying NO” and taking a risk. I feel my health is deteriorating because I place a lot of importance in working a lot…and for the last five months, getting one day off every two weeks is my norm. It’s exhausting. But, I fear the consequences of what will happen if I stop one of my two jobs. Money is so alluring. It makes me temporarily “Happy” when I get paid. But…working so hard and not having the ability to enjoy it or friends to enjoy it with me…makes me feel empty.

Relationships. I had a lot of failed relationships this year. Whether short, long, or fleeing. I made a lot of “new” relationships, but whether or not I really made any super close friends…I don’t know what I was trying to achieve, but I think I was trying to fill that emptiness inside of me.  This year, I want to be wiser. Learn to love my own company. Let’s hope 2020 will be a good year to strengthen relationships with those I do want to…and break free from some that are not healthy.

Studies. 2020 will be the year I finally finish my graduate certificate in disability studies… phew…Took me two years to get there…but I got there. I also am planning to take the Gamsat in March this year. Again… I think its 5th or 6th time? All that money… is an investment I hope, it’s only wasted if I don’t keep trying…right? I remind myself, by studying Gamsat materials, it is a good exercise for my brain and to help me think outside the box more. Yesterday, some friends and I went to do an escape room activity, and it’s so exciting to be able to crack codes and figure out riddles. Let’s do our best! I remind myself here, that it is about the quantity of time I spend studying in books and text, but the quality and the way that I can learn and prepare for the exam. This time, I will think outside the box for different ways to prepare for the exam. Maybe reading books, maybe talking to people, maybe doing a new hobby…who knows…But I will make the journey a more enjoyable one than before.

Cleaning, almost forgot about this. I had a major clean up in 2019 and I hope that I can continue ‘cleaning up’ the rest of the house in 2020. I did the Marie Kondo style clean up in my room/..I got rid of a mountain full of coat hangers…clothes, and things I never use. Who knows how much rubbish we can collect over the years? It’s liberating to know where things are (most of the time), and having things so neat and easy to use. I hope I continue the Marie Kondo way in 2020 and improve upon it and continue to be disciplined daily to put things away.

Family. So important, I am so lucky to still have both my parents and my siblings here in Adelaide. I also have an awesome aunt and uncle who live so close by and the really feel like my substitute grandparents who have already passed. I have to say, I am so guilty of not spending as much time as I should with them…Also, I can’t forget, 2019 was the year my nephew, Jaxon, was born! This bundle of cuteness lighted up so many of my dark, sad, and lonely days. Here’s to hoping I can spend more time with him and enjoy his first few years of life.

Travel. I didn’t travel anywhere overseas in 2018 or 2019. But now, that I finally have the funds and the annual leave to travel. I am happy to say I have booked my first overseas holiday in three years for next month! Yes, it’s just to NZ, but that’s still counted as overseas for me! I am so excited, it’s always been a place I needed to visit at least once, just as Canada was…I am excited to see beautiful scenery and amazing sights, it will also be a good chance to become closer to my friend whom I haven’t spent a lot of time with in the last few years…I hope I can travel to somewhere new each year in the upcoming years! Travel is like medicine for the soul.

I think these are all the values I have worked on in 2019 and hope to continue building upon in 2020. If I think of anything, I guess I will edit or post again.

 

Thanks for reading my random ramble!

 

Happy 2020 to you!

 

EDIT: Just remembered as I posted, I forgot to say that 2019 was also a great year in which I gained new subscribers to my blog! i am amazed that there are so many people from so many different countries randomly coming here and reading my blog. Thank you to you all! I hope I will continue writing my random thoughts and feelings towards life, adulting, and etc in 2020.

Priorities

I had an argument with someone who was once a friend…I was constantly trying to make plans to meet up with them or talk to them, yet they were always TOO BUSY to even talk. They would take forever to reply to simple texts asking if we were meeting up that day or not. It was just getting really annoying and frustrating for the lack of communication.

Call me pushy or too clingy…but honestly, sometimes you do wonder why you even bother? If the other person is putting in zilch effort towards a relationship that is one-sided, what even is the point?

Apparently, they are ‘too busy’, apparently their schedule is ‘too unpredictable’. But honestly, with a bit of communication and planning, there is always time. But, that’s only if you want to make time.  I got angry because I know that I have been incredibly busy and run down lately…but I do try my best to spend time with loved ones…because they are the ones who keep me sane, to help me relax. It wasn’t always like that, I used to just concentrate on work and study and no play. But that is no way to live.

We make our own schedule…essentially we choose what we do. Sometimes we feel like that isn’t the case. Despite knowing this, I still complain that I work too much…13 out of 14 days…but that’s IS MY OWN CHOICE and I have my reason to do so, but I don’t use that as an excuse for not meeting up someone when they ask me. Friendships and those close to us are a treasure. Those that are real friends will stick around when the going gets tough…when you are feeling down…and sad. If you neglect your friendships and just concentrate on something like your career, or earning money, or just one single relationship…and neglect the rest. If you lose that one thing, you have nothing.

I get angry at people like that because I was once like that…and still like that to a small extent. I know I need to change, it’s hard I KNOW. I am super guilty of just want to put my all into something. I am the first to compare myself to others and want to have what others have. Those who seem like they are succeeding in what they do, do you see all their sacrifices to get to where they are? Do you see their blood, sweat, tears, and the loneliness that they face?

I guess it all comes down to your priorities and your values. Maybe career is all you care about and is what you live for. But for me, I don’t want to go to the end of my life and realise, yes I got the job that I wanted…I had so much money…but I had no one with me in my final days of life.

I have a wall sticker on my wall it says, “The best things in life are the People we love, the places we’ve been, and the memories we’ve made along the way.”

and the other stick on my other wall says “If you can dream it, you can do it”.

Two very conflicting values that I hold strongly too. I want to live my dreams, but I also treasure every moment with my friends and family. Because they are truly the best things in life to me.