Recipe for Burnout

Covid is a great excuse to become burnout in my opinion. Asides from work, I usually make time to go to the gym around 3 times a week for classes and try to play badminton 1-2 times a week. I would visit my elderly Aunt and Uncle whenever I had time and also visit my sister and her baby whenever I could. Due to Covid restrictions, badminton, gym, and social outings were gone from the calendar and I didn’t visit my aunt and uncle as much because I could be a risk to them. Take away all the things I did out of work, it just left me with work..and more work. Oh yeah, also study… I am almost finishing my graduate certificate in disability studies…

If anything, I had to work more hours, longer days without break. So of course, I am not a great machine that can keep going and going. I stopped working. Literally. Couldn’t work, because I had become so sick. Sick of the unpaid overtime, sick of not being able to say no to an extra shift because I felt guilty, sick of looking after sick people. It’s a real thing.. this vicarious trauma…

Due to the stress at work, I was so exhausted when I got home, but I would still force myself to do some work out. Gone were all the things that I had preached on this blog and to others… Healthy Eating habits? I craved and gave into KFC every time the migraines came back…I have never spent so much money on SNACKS and they aren’t all healthy snacks either :(. I have been so busy at work, I don’t even drink enough water because that would mean having to go to the toilet!! I am just overeating snacks… and it’s terrible! I’ve also been splurging on things I don’t necessarily need with my new credit card.. Oh..what I have done.

Anyways, I am not writing all this JUST to complain about my situation, because I know we have it pretty good in Australia. It will get better, I hope, because the situation is ever changing! Just as fast as we were put into restrictions, the restrictions are being lifted faster than I imagined too. Life will become better soon. But until then..Just keep fighting on, because it can only get better from now.  Take time to look after your mental health, have you done something just for you today?

Maybe, it’s okay, that I am acting the way I am now…As long as I realise that I can’t stay like that forever! Now that I am aware, I will be more conscious when I go pass KFC or purchase something I REALLY do not need.

2020 Values

Another year has passed, another decade is here. Strange to think that I can still remember when it was the year 2000, and we were in a new Millenium…I remember these gummy lollies that started selling pretty well back then, I think it was the Millenium bugs or something..so tasty.

I sometimes wonder how the mind chooses what to remember and what not to. I would say it would remember the happiest moments and also the saddest moments of our lives…then anything in between could be a coincidence or something out of the ordinary that made us remember it.

If I were to reflect again on 2019, it would be a year where others have already said, a year of ups but also downs, love but also heartbreak, regret and the fear of not trying.  I honestly look back at myself and think I was a different person than to who I am now and I think this will always be the case as I continue to grow, continue to make the same mistakes in the past, one step forward, how many steps backwards…as long as I am moving somewhere.

2020. A year in which I put high hopes for. It is the year that I leave my 20s…how scary. A year in which I hope is full of travel, goals being met, and relationships strengthened. Hopefully. 2019 drained me…in a whole different way. I think it’s a combination of working too much, committing so much, and studying too much. Too much of anything is bad, isn’t it? All work and no play makes for a sad joy. I always seem a bit out of balance in all things..either I do nothing or I try to do all over it. Either I love someone or I hate them. A black and white world, that is a scary thing.

I faced many trials while working at my casual job, from workplace injuries to bullying, the anxiety of not having worked…because my manager hated me. To becoming a nervous wreck at my other job from dealing with clients that are abusive. Why did I try so hard? But, I am thankful for my new job, where it seems alright. The only major anxiety now is that 1. I can’t progress from where I am at the moment. 2. I don’t know how long my next contract will be. But, I like the immediate management..and the pay is good. So I should, not I am grateful.

2019 was the year my gym closed down. I didn’t gym for two months while I contemplated where I should go. I felt like a headless chook not knowing where to go. It was a big thing for me because it made me lose my routine…exercise is so important to keeping you feel sane after a long day at work. I had my favourite Zumba class where I can dance away my worries…when it closed…I didn’t know what to do..so I did nothing… I am grateful now for my new gym..no it’s not the same…1. It’s a mixed gym, not an all-girls gym that I am used to. 2. The Zumba classes there aren’t that great. 3. It costs a lot more than my previous membership, but the benefits are that parking is easier as it located near my house and not in the city. The distance between home and the gym makes it easier to bring me to go to the gym. Exercise and staying fit will always be an important part of my life, and I can tell when I haven’t exercised my mental health going downhill. SO make sure you guys exercise okay!

2019 I worked on building my self-confidence. I still am working on this and will continue in 2020. I learnt instead of focusing so much on makeup to cover my flaws, to instead trying to take proper care of my skin instead. To be preventative rather than treatment orientated. I am not sure if it’s a side effect of the pills I take, the lesser use of makeup, or the skincare products I am using…my skin is far from perfect and I still get the odd pimple here and there, but I am comfortable going to work or out with no makeup on. I have also been trying to lessen the use of my hair straightener (I sold the old one and bought a new one last year) and try to leave my hair as natural as possible. When it’s messy, I tie it up in a way that looks nice and no one would guess how messy it is! I realise, that by not using the straightener as much my hair has never been as healthy…I use daily some leave-in conditioner as well… With the exercise thing that I mentioned above, I want to be more comfortable with my body shape. I have always felt shy about my body shape, thinking I am too fat and wearing just loose clothing…safe clothing I say. But I would say I am broadening my “look” and trying to “my style” that makes me look good (in my eyes).

Something which I am going to focus on 2020, is “Saying NO” and taking a risk. I feel my health is deteriorating because I place a lot of importance in working a lot…and for the last five months, getting one day off every two weeks is my norm. It’s exhausting. But, I fear the consequences of what will happen if I stop one of my two jobs. Money is so alluring. It makes me temporarily “Happy” when I get paid. But…working so hard and not having the ability to enjoy it or friends to enjoy it with me…makes me feel empty.

Relationships. I had a lot of failed relationships this year. Whether short, long, or fleeing. I made a lot of “new” relationships, but whether or not I really made any super close friends…I don’t know what I was trying to achieve, but I think I was trying to fill that emptiness inside of me.  This year, I want to be wiser. Learn to love my own company. Let’s hope 2020 will be a good year to strengthen relationships with those I do want to…and break free from some that are not healthy.

Studies. 2020 will be the year I finally finish my graduate certificate in disability studies… phew…Took me two years to get there…but I got there. I also am planning to take the Gamsat in March this year. Again… I think its 5th or 6th time? All that money… is an investment I hope, it’s only wasted if I don’t keep trying…right? I remind myself, by studying Gamsat materials, it is a good exercise for my brain and to help me think outside the box more. Yesterday, some friends and I went to do an escape room activity, and it’s so exciting to be able to crack codes and figure out riddles. Let’s do our best! I remind myself here, that it is about the quantity of time I spend studying in books and text, but the quality and the way that I can learn and prepare for the exam. This time, I will think outside the box for different ways to prepare for the exam. Maybe reading books, maybe talking to people, maybe doing a new hobby…who knows…But I will make the journey a more enjoyable one than before.

Cleaning, almost forgot about this. I had a major clean up in 2019 and I hope that I can continue ‘cleaning up’ the rest of the house in 2020. I did the Marie Kondo style clean up in my room/..I got rid of a mountain full of coat hangers…clothes, and things I never use. Who knows how much rubbish we can collect over the years? It’s liberating to know where things are (most of the time), and having things so neat and easy to use. I hope I continue the Marie Kondo way in 2020 and improve upon it and continue to be disciplined daily to put things away.

Family. So important, I am so lucky to still have both my parents and my siblings here in Adelaide. I also have an awesome aunt and uncle who live so close by and the really feel like my substitute grandparents who have already passed. I have to say, I am so guilty of not spending as much time as I should with them…Also, I can’t forget, 2019 was the year my nephew, Jaxon, was born! This bundle of cuteness lighted up so many of my dark, sad, and lonely days. Here’s to hoping I can spend more time with him and enjoy his first few years of life.

Travel. I didn’t travel anywhere overseas in 2018 or 2019. But now, that I finally have the funds and the annual leave to travel. I am happy to say I have booked my first overseas holiday in three years for next month! Yes, it’s just to NZ, but that’s still counted as overseas for me! I am so excited, it’s always been a place I needed to visit at least once, just as Canada was…I am excited to see beautiful scenery and amazing sights, it will also be a good chance to become closer to my friend whom I haven’t spent a lot of time with in the last few years…I hope I can travel to somewhere new each year in the upcoming years! Travel is like medicine for the soul.

I think these are all the values I have worked on in 2019 and hope to continue building upon in 2020. If I think of anything, I guess I will edit or post again.

 

Thanks for reading my random ramble!

 

Happy 2020 to you!

 

EDIT: Just remembered as I posted, I forgot to say that 2019 was also a great year in which I gained new subscribers to my blog! i am amazed that there are so many people from so many different countries randomly coming here and reading my blog. Thank you to you all! I hope I will continue writing my random thoughts and feelings towards life, adulting, and etc in 2020.

Out of my comfortzone

Today marks a new day where I joined a new gym. Long story short, the all-girls exclusive gym where I had half-price membership – closed down last month 😦 After being a member there so long.. I really really do miss it :(. Unfortunately they will be moving (next year) to a different location that is not close to me anymore. Due to being busy with life, I stopped gymming for a month and just increased the days I played badminton. So instead of once a week, I played about three times a week. I mean, badminton is good and all for stamina development and cardio.. but not so much gaining a more toned body.. which I much desire.

Anyways, this is a momentous occasion, because I’ve never joined a mixed ggm before… I do admit I feel intimidated seeing the guys (and some buff girls) pumping weights heavier than me. 😦

I kinda feel like I’ve been going to a private all girls school and to a public Co-Ed school. LOL. Well, on impulse I’ve joined up for 12 months (more lols coz i wanted to live overseas next year)- guess i ll worry about the consequences of that later.

I’ve been really put out of my comfortzone lately. Flying to Sydney for a wedding in which I only basically knew the person getting married. :/ Sitting on a table in which I knew absolutely noone. Brave? Maybe. I was scared shitless though. So many things. The wonders that travelling to another city makes you do. Syndey.. is not bad actually. Could i live there? Maybe. We’ll see. So many things to do. Yet, Where do I even start?

Hmmm new gym. New job. New haircut… new..??? New instrument to pick up??

That reminds me, I’ve been watching a Chinese Drama called “Untamed”… soo good. Highly recommended if you don’t mind handsome guys, pretty girls, and lotsa action and suspense.! They feature quite a few traditional Chinese instruments and it just looks so cool and I want to learn to play the flute LOL. I swear I used to have one or two of them.. but no idea where it went ;( .

Do you guys often get that sudden inspiration to learn something after watching a show, movie, or reading a book? What inspired you?