A New Chapter- Mental Health

This was my first week in a Mental Health ward, this time as a clinical pharmacist. Honestly, don’t think I made as many interventions as I would have liked…I feel.. lost… in my old rotation , I got into a groove of checking for VTE prophylaxis, checking the antibiotics were appropriate, checking pain relief was appropriate, and that regular medication was started/stopped as appropriate…. then I go go mental health.. where bloods could be done monthly.. my longest stay patient has been there SIX years..😱😱😱 and I am unsure what my role is …. it’s very “What the consultant wants”… and reminds me of the old days where I would have a chat with the consultant regarding some questionable things 😅. Consultant isn’t always right…

I feel like I am surrounded by unknowns and that sort of builds up my anxiety of what I don’t know. The anxiety of being in another hospital and not knowing how they do things and their practices.. messes with my head 😭😭… it’s only week one, but everyday just feels that I am unproductive and everything takes a long time to get used to …😓😓😓 Planning go do some learning this weekend!

In addition to that, its so strange to be fully into mental health. In mg surgical rotation I got a small taste of mental health, but now it’s like really full on in your face mental health…😭😭 Another big learning curve is coming for me..

People are so unreliable

I’ve pretty much all but given up relying on people. It seems like everyone is fickle, unreliable, and do not take responsibility for their actions. It’s been waves of disappointments on disappointments. I am just highly disappointed in so many people. It’s so frustrating for me, that my life is made harder by unreliable and inconsistent people. I really hate people honestly. At the end of the day I am still a person, so do I hate myself too? I should just become like them. Unreliable. Useless. And a liar. It is what it is I guess.

Reflecting on Growing up

Having moved out of my home town and into a new city for over a year now. I can’t even imagine my life back in Adelaide. So much has happened. So much has changed. So many ups and so many downs. What does the future bring? It’s all up in the air. What do you want to do? What so you want to go?

Do we even have a choice? Just gotta keep going and go with the flow. What are plans anyway? Covid is always here to disrupt them 😒

Tired of all the BS

I am so tired of people breaking the rules, this lockdown 6.0 goes on and on because of those rule breakers

Why can’t you just suck it up? And do the right thing so ALL of us have to suffer.

Then on the other side, people are flaunting the generosity of payments from the government. I want to pretend I didn’t hear or know about it, now that I know I feel. Defeated. That this is Australia. The people who need help dont get help. The people who are fine are abusing the system

People can get vaccinated but choose not to.

How the hell are we supposed to get out of this if people keep choosing to do the wrong thing?

The people Actually DO do the right thing are not rewarded in anyway and in the end, they keep fighting for some made harder by a few selfish people.

I am really sick of lockdown and I just really really wish I could go home.

Vaccine Incentives

Australia has finally decided to add incentives for Australians to get vaccinated. They are offering a lottery potentially from November! Hopefully we will hit 80% vaccination rates by November.

Different airline companies in Australia are also offering incentives to their customers to get vaccinated which is exciting! This includes free business class flights and frequent flyer points.

Uber and Didi are offering rides to the vaccination hubs.

😊😊😊

Lockdown 6.0 Activities

Our lockdown has been extended for another week, this doesn’t come as a surprise to me at all. I think, we have al just learnt to deal with it. The only unfortunate thing for me is that I am on annual leave right now…so the days just pass by meaningless and occasionally I feel like I am wasting away not doing anything. Thankfully I have my family in Adelaide thate I can call from time to time!

I was also able to get a few weekend shifts at work and was lucky to be able to cancel 2 days of my annual leave to get dose preparation for pfeizer! This is one of my goals for coming to Melbourne! It was to be involved in the fight against covid! It feels great to be part of the bigger picture and not just in our own ‘Pharmacy world’. Working at the Covid Vaccination Centre means we work closesly with nurses to draw up the right amount of patients. They are really strict about how many doses we draw up and how many get wasted. The vaccine is a precious commonidity and I guess we have to be really careful how the doses get used. We unfortunately don’t have enough doses to vaccinate everyone as of yet.

Something else I started doing was playing League of Legends again…I played briefly around 9 years ago with my first ex! But since we broke up I deleted the game and haven’t touched it since…so it was super exciting to re-download the game on my Mac Book and see everything that has changed since 2012! It’s amazing how nice the graphics look and they even have tutorials to help teach you how to play the game!

Recently I have spent a lot on health care and I am really thinking perhaps I need to buy a higher level of health insurance :(. I’ve been started on medicine that costs around $70 a month…I’ve also been seeing the Physio for my shoulder which costs $60 per 20 minute session. Today I saw a dermatologist for the keloid in my ear and it was $200 out of pocket for a 20 minute session! The total cost for the session was $336! You have to be super rich to be able to afford to be healthy….that’s what I personally think :(. I put everything on my credit card of course…sad..Costs so much to see a specialist for such a short time..I tried to hide my shock at the costs.. -.-”’

Thirdly, I’ve still been trying to get my daily count of 10,000 steps when I can! I’ve been taking walks around the university campus near my house and it’s nice and relaxing! A lot of people have been going outdoors to exercise! Playing on basketball courts, soccer, or jogging around the campus. I guess this is one of the perks of living near a university campus. As per my Physio, they have asked me to buy weights to help strengthen my arms…I’ve also been using them to exercise too! Slowly I am going to make a tiny home gym! Lockdown has really forced ourselves to be more creative in the way we exercise…

Fourthly and finally, I tried cooking a new recipe today…! Mexican tacos! Well, not really cooking since I had the kit with all the spices and sauces inside already…But I still had to assemble and cook the chicken! In my tacos, I had chicken, capsicum, and spinach! It’s nice to something different every now and then…Because I occasionally get bored of the same thing everyday…

I hope you guys have been well! If you have experienced lockdown, do you have activities or new skills you started doing in lockdown?

Green is my favourite colour

If you asked my friends and family what my favourite colour was… I suspect they would say.. Pink. Why? Because I own so many pink things. But, the thing many of these things were gifts from people thinking I liked pink and further spreading the rumours. So much so, I subconsciously started buying pink things.

But today, on my daily walk during lockdown. I looked at my green phone case and my green jacket, and the beautiful greenery around me… and I thought to myself. Green is beautiful, green is the colour for me. Green symbolises life. It also is the colour of matcha 😌..

Do you have a reason why you have a favourite colour?

First year Anniversary in Melbourne

I can’t believe one year in Melbourne has already passed soo quickly in a blink of an eye 😅😅… I spent half of the time in a lockdown, but honestly it hasn’t been too bad. So grateful for the good times I have had during my stay here, the people I have met, and the food I have eaten.

Cheers 🥂 to another year to go. 😌😌😌Where will I be in one years time?

Depression

Where the world is all colours of grey, black, lacking colour.

Everything is bleak, mundane, routine, and boring.

Everyone else seems to be happy, colourful, blissful, it hurts my eyes to see.

Socialising is too hard, requires too much effort , too much energy.

You feel like you are being swallowed up in darkness and you can see no way out. How did you even get yourself here?

You feel trapped and see no way out, you can’t find a way out :(.

You forgot how to smile, how to life, how to enjoy the small things.

Dear Diary

Dear Diary,

This week has been an incredibly hard one. Time after time new challenges are popping up and my reserve for dealing with them have become so low. My ability to problem solve and to manage my time has absolutely disappeared without a trace. Has it always been so hard? Are things always so tough to manage. Why do things never seem to go my way? I am so close to giving up, so close to throwing in the towel, so close to closing this chapter of my life. Can anyone give me a reason not to quit? Why am I even doing this to myself? There are so many questions I have, but no one can seem to provide me with any answers. Life wasn’t meant to be easy, if it is, then some thing has got to be wrong…

From a tired soul.

Taking time to appreciate the Sky

I left work only half an hour late today, for the first time since forever. I saw the sky still lit up so pretty. I was in awe. Was it always so pretty? I’ve been staying at work late into the night, so the sky always has been black and dark.

It’s funny how you dont notice the beauty that’s around you when all you can see, feel, and hear is the problems going in the world, in your own life, in health and work.

There’s gotta be more in life than work… but at the moment I feel I am becoming consumed and engrossed in just work. It was so unbearable today I developed a headache 😭😭😭

Assertiveness, efficiency, attention to detail, timelessness, safety, how can you do all of above and please everyone?😭

How to Survive Winter in Melbourne

Living through my first Winter in Melbourne, I had to make some changes 🥶… especially since I came from Adelaide which is more often than not, hotter rather than cold.

1. Get a really thick and warm quilt cover or throw. You are gonna need it if you want to he able to sleep through the night in the cold!

2. Get an electric blanket to heat up your blankets 1-2 hours before sleeping! Get the ones that auto turn off, just incase you forget to switch it off. when I get in bed, its amazing! The bed is already warmed up for you! Really feels like a kotatsu if you know what that is!!!

3. Get a nice thermos to keep hot water near you at all times! Nothing warms you up like some hot water, why drink normal room temperature ever again?

4. Get loads and loads of super moisturising handcream!!! The freezing cold makes my hands even more dry and peel than ever…:(

5. Same goes with moisturising your whole hody especially after a shower… otherwise you’ll get itchy!

6. Invest in a small portable heating fan just for the shower to help you not die of hypothermia after getting out of the shower.

7. Make sure you have plenty of fluffy towels and spares! As your towels might dry in time before the next time you need them.

8. Have plenty of instant soups or teas available when you need to be warmed up.

This is just my list of things I do to keep warm during winter! Do you guys have your own?

Being a Pharmacy Resident

Someone asked me today, is it worth becoming a pharmacy resident? Well here are some pros and cons.

Pros:

1. Your contract is usually longer than everyone else’s. A residency is usually two years long, so your contract is basically the same.

2. It looks good on your resume that you completed some sort of “qualification” during this time. It can detail that you are sort of well rounded in the different areas of pharmacy, for example we all do a stint in operational pharmacy, surgical, medical, and an elective rotation.

3. You are appointed an “official preceptor” whom you can ask for help whenever you need in each rotation. Usually it’s the same person that id your Team Leader.

4. You get to be involved in a lot more things whether you like it or not, for example you are part of committees, take it in turn to look after quality boards, conduct presentations and can put your hand up for extra training as a resident.

Cons:

1. People might talk behind your back or judge you for getting one of those ‘coveted residency’ positions as they are far fewer than the normal advertised contracted roles.

2. You have to conduct a research project AND it is basically all in your own time as well. So week nights, lunch breaks, weekends, any free time basically. I absolutely detest research after doing my honours project 😰😰😰.

3. The support that you thought you would get wasn’t actually as good as you thought it would be unfortunately.

4. There are so many extra things you have to do as an resident… as mentioned earlier, not only do you have to present in each rotation, you also have to participate in the committees, do assessments during work, get people to do surveys about you… Basically, a lot more on your plate than the average worker.

I am almost mid way through my residency, and in summary… despite stressing so much my hair falls out, I really did get an opportunity to learn so much while doing this residency. My eyes have been open to so many types of medicines and procedures I haven’t heard about before. In my old hospital, I asked so many times if I could learn clinical pharmacy and they always gave me the same excuses, your contract isn’t long enough to train you up. Etc, etc.

And that’s why I stayed back twice this week until 8pm doing ‘residency’ stuff.. since we are in lock down anyways, it didn’t really matter… it’s almodt like I locked myself down haha…

Melbourne Lockdown #5

Welp, I stopped reading the news for a few days and nekminit we are in lockdown again. It starts tonight at midnight and hopefully finishes this Tuesday.

It was bound to happen I guess due to the current outbreak in Sydney who is our neighbour 😅😅😅.

It is what it is I guess! I took this whole week off from playing badminton to rest my arm, which has become super sore from overuse at badminton. Post the Lockdown #4, I went straight back into playing my usual amount of Badminton… but I think that was way too much for me and the soreness never went away.

Now lockdown has fully taken away all my freedom! This kind of sucks as I have an accrued day off this Tuesday… but, it is what it is. I guess its time to knuckle down and work on my assessments and do some self study.

Will keep you updated how this lockdown goes 🙏🏻

2021 Bucket List weekly progress

1. I went to a trial class to learn the Japanese instrument the Koto. I honestly was inspired to learn after accidentally stumbling across the track ‘Tenkyuu’ from the anime ‘Kono oto omare”. You should listen if you haven’t! If you know me, I get easily moved by music, anime, and art… and it really spurs me on to try and do different things. It was only a 30 minute lesson and I was nervous as hell, so much technique and quick thinking is needed. However, the music sheets are easier to read than I imagined! We go off numbers (Japanese numbers) and there are still 4 beats ro a bar. I love how music and magic seem to go hand in hand… I am excited for my next lesson on Saturday, but I need to think how I will practice?? I don’t own a koto… and renting one.. where am I going to put it ?? My studio apartment is tinyyyyyy 🥲🥲🥲…anyways, other costs that are involved is the picks that you need to put on your right thumb, right index, and right middle finger. These need to fit onto your fingers properly to allow the clear sound… I have to say the sound of the koto is as beautiful as it is through my phone. I feel like, I am entranced by the sound that comes through. It’s different to when I play the guitar, and I am mostly strumming to sing…

2. Post koto lesson, I decided to also start on another goal in my bucket list for this year. Ot learn to play a new sport…not really new, but I haven’t played in ages, I classify it is new. TABLE TENNIS. I bought my own racket guys! It is a small start?!?! Now to find a social to join to play…I’ll keep you posted… it was $45 for the racket and the rubbers. So basically, I asked for a beginners racket, and they said there are ones where they already have the rubbers stuck on , but its mostly for kids. The better ones and more expensive ones are the ones you buy the blade (wooden part) by itself and then you buy the rubbers separately. The rubbers are coloured red and black, apparently they MuSt be different colours, I wasn’t sure exactly why..?!?!? Some rule from table tennis?!!? Anyways, the dude in the shop was like I will stick the rubbers for you and also stick something on the sides and provide a clear film that you have to stick on the rubbers after you clean it after playing. I always see my mum having the plastic stuck on her rubbers, I always thought she just didn’t want to throw away the plastic 🤣 who knew she did it to protect her rubbers?!?!