Short Story Series- You got Scammed – Chapter 7

Saturday rolled around faster than she expected and now she was getting ready for the date. She was tossing up between two different dresses, one was a low cut sexy black mini dress while the other one was a cute long green dress which didn’t show her body shape at all. In the end she chose the green dress, she didn’t know who this guy was and he could turn out to be a creepy stalker after all. She put on some make up and straightenedd her hair, smiled at herself in the mirror, grimaced at herself and then grabbed her keys and went out.

She had just parked her car at the station when the message alert rang out on her phone. It was Hiroshi….

“Hi Lilly. Sorry, I am running a few minutes late today because the train was delayed :(. Just to let you know I am wearing a maroon backpack and wearing a brown jacket. See you soon!” He then also sent a photo of him in his mask sitting in the train…

Damn, she had time to kill, time to do more investigating. If Hiroshi didn’t have social media accounts, he might still use things like LinkedIn or surely she would be able to find some information on him, Hiroshi didn’t seem like that common of a name. As she didn’t know his last name, she typed in his first name and changed the location to “Melbourne, Victoria”. She then tried with the keywords, “Chef, Japanese, Hiroshi, Melbourne”. There was absolutely nothing. It was like this guy really did not exist. Who was he? Was she safe? Should she back out now? Now she was somewhat afraid, this was a complete stranger that seemed like he had something to hide…She rubbed her temples and thought deeply, she could leave now, but then she would never get the answers she wanted to find out. Before she could come to a conclusion she heard her phone alert go off.

“Hi Lilly. Are you here already? I see a girl in a car that looks like you. Look out the window to the right.”

Short Story Series- You Got Scammed- Chapter 2

Lilly looked at her phone in surprise, the tiredness slipping away momentarily. Another two “Ding! Ding!” sounds went off on her phone as Hiroshi send another two messages. She pressed the notifications, the first message read, “Hi Lilly! How are you? Thank you so much for matching with me!”. The second message said, “I am so happy you matched with me, I promise I will be loyal to you forever if you let me. Lmao”. The third and final message said, “Now that I have found you, I am going to delete Hinge. Can I have your mobile number please?”.

Lilly stared at the messages not knowing what to think. This guy was so…forward? She liked that in a guy and he promised loyalty too…She had bad experiences of exes who had cheated on her or were constantly flirting with other girls in front of her and she wanted to avoid any guy that was like that. Sure, maybe he was bullshitting. But to ask me for my number this early on? She wasn’t sure that was a safe thing to do this early in their encounter. Hmmm, she was not going to give her number straight away, but how should she respond to him…? She typed, “Hi Hiroshi! I should thank you for matching back with me. So can you tell me about yourself? Can we talk on Facebook or Instagram instead? I don’t like giving my number out to people who I don’t know that well yet.” She sent the message and waited for a few minutes. Not seeing a response, she decided to go to sleep….

That night she dreamt about her first love, the one who had promised to love her and only her for the rest of her life. They had plans of getting married, having kids, and the future of things that the planned to do. But, all of that burnt into the ground as ashes when she found out that he had been cheating on her. She couldn’t forgive him, she couldn’t imagine trusting him again…and from there on she was scarred, deformed, and hesitant to trust men again. Trust issues…SUCK… Why does trust take so long to build, yet can be so easily destroyed?

Would this new guy she just met be able to be the guy for her? I mean it was just words. Do words even really mean anything these days? But Lilly was lonely, if you never let your guard down and let anyone in, you will forever remain all alone. But, when you let your guard down, you can get hurt….I guess you just have to choose whether it’s worth taking the risk or not…

Random Rants: Generous Giving

 

Even as a child, I was always a giver. It was ingrained into me from a young age from my mother, “Why get fat by eating it all by yourself, when you can share it around and not be fat?”. With that mentality, I would share whatever snacks or food I had with others, I felt extremely uncomfortable to be the only one eating. If no one else was eating, I didn’t want to eat. It made me feel like a little selfish pig and gave me this really guilty feeling. I am not saying that is a healthy thing to have! Now, I am almost the opposite, I can’t stand the sound of people chewing or eating really loudly, it’s so off-putting and distracting. But I do still like to bring food to share and to give to others…

 

Not trying to say I am a saint or anything, but when I was younger I was sympathetic the beggars I saw on the street, despite not having money, I would try to give them something useful like food or a pocket hand warmer…  When I finally had a job in university, on my 22nd birthday, I remember signing up to sponsor a child in Africa who had the same birthday as me. Despite sponsoring her for many years and receiving the periodic update letters from her, I never responded to a single one. I was like an anonymous sponsee that never seemed to have time to write a letter to someone I didn’t know.

 

One day, my brother told me, instead of just throwing money to random organisations and where the money goes into paying for the staff working in the organisation in a place far away. What about instead of focussing on the people across the world, what about the people around you? This led me into a phase where I was trying to find the right place to volunteer and tried all these different places. I felt while the work I did there was alright for the moment, I felt there was so much more potentially that I could do.  There was so much I wanted to do, but so little time. I loved animals, I loved kids, I cared about the disadvantaged, people with disabilities, the medically sick…I wanted to go on medical mission trips across the world and help people in development countries, myself. That was my dream, I do still hope to do that someday. But reality hits, this all needs money. It doesn’t come for free…to get there I need to study hard to get into the degree, I need to get experience, and become qualified. I guess you can call it perhaps my calling in life for the desire to help others and to give.

It’s not always just about giving money, but thinking what can you actually DO and just to be kind to those around you, even if they are hard to love. Be wise with where you invest your money and time and don’t just throw it around blindly, also don’t just keep all the money for yourself!

Grief

Somebody once said something along the lines of, “It is better to have loved and lost, rather have never loved”. I believe strongly in this statement, as we would never have realised how much someone or something meant to us until it is gone. This post will examine a few different aspects of the subject of grief.

I still remember the first time I experienced grief and loss. I was in the week before my final exams in my last year of high school and I was just about to attend a maths tutorial class when I got the phone call. My mother had found my dog, ‘Coffee’ lying on the ground and vomiting in the morning. They rushed to take him to the emergency vet and hopefully they would be able to save him. A few hours later, after the class had finished, I received a text message…Coffee had to be put down, the snail poison he had accidentally ingested had gone throughout his whole body, and there was nothing they could do about it. I took the bus home, and while walking towards my home…the reality became clearer and clearer…he was gone…he really was gone… There would be no one waiting for me when I get home…no one to accompany me on my walks around the neighbourhood…no one to hug and talk to. As I walked into the backyard where his body lay in a box, I broke down in tears and overwhelming sadness washed over me. I didn’t know what true grief was until that day…so many feelings washed over me…Regret. Why hadn’t I gone with them to the vet? I could have caught a taxi…who cares about how much it costs? Money cannot turn back time. Why did I care so much about attending some stupid course that probably won’t be beneficial at all…especially since all I could think of was of Coffee during that time. I questioned myself, did I ever get to say ” I love you” to my dog and appreciate him for all he did for me? All the times we spent together…my first-ever best-friend.

In saying that, after the passing of my beloved dog, who had been part of my family for over a decade of my life…I did fall into some sort of depression, (not that I knew what that was back then)…I did not feel like studying, could not concentrate on whatever I did, and I would tear up when the feelings of grief became so strong that it overwhelmed me. Even now, writing this blog makes me relive those feelings of sadness to me. Grief makes you afraid to love again, because the fear of losing a loved one again is one that is hard to forget, no matter how hard you try.

Grief is a powerful and overwhelming feeling, it is not pleasant, but it is somehow necessary to teach us to appreciate what we have. It is an inevitable part of life, unfortunately. However, prolonged grief can, unfortunately, lead to mental illnesses like depression.

 

 

Can you remember the first time you felt grief?


 

Random Rant: On Forgiveness

Forgiveness…it’s hard to describe exactly what it is.

It’s something that I heard a lot when I used to attend church.

“God forgave your sins so you should forgive other people”. I took this literally, people treated me like shit, I took it. I decided to try “see the best in them” and let them do it again and again. I don’t think I really understood that there is a difference between forgiving someone and letting someone step all over you.

I have learnt that forgiveness does not mean forgetting or condoning the wrongdoing, or reconciling a relationship, we are able to forgive and never say a word to them ever again. In the same way, we could say the words “I forgive you” or “I accept your apology”, and actually forgive them.

Forgiveness instead is an emotional change that happens inside someone who has been wronged. Forgiveness is not for the wrongdoer, it is actually for the person that has been wronged. I think this is what many of us get confused about. Forgiveness is not a gift for the other person it is a gift FOR YOURSELF, it allows us to overcome the pain that is inflicted by someone else. This is a process of letting go of our anger, resentment, shame and other emotions towards the other person or even towards ourselves.

It also treats the offender with compassion, even though they are not entitled to it.

I don’t understand forgiveness, but I hope I can slowly understand it someday.

Be yourself

Find yourself someone who can accept you for who you are. Your faults, your strengths, who can understand the way you think..if they make you feel bad for being yourself, then they probably aren’t the right person for you.

I read somewhere before, that just because a relationship didn’t work out.. doesn’t mean that there is something broken or unlovable about you. Yes, maybe there is things you need to work on.. but that doesn’t mean that no one will ever love you. It can be sad when you get your heart broken… but sadly that’s part of life.

I don’t know if I believe in ‘The one’ anymore…maybe there will be many ‘The Ones’ and maybe there will just be one. But I truly believe if you put all your effort into something and it didn’t work out.. it’s not the end. It’s the beginning of something else. You change your perception.. you know a little bit better what you like and don’t like… you grow a little stronger.. even though you feel so weak.

Maybe there isn’t even ‘the one’ for you… and that’s fine. I think it’s fine. I believe You can live comfortably by yourself.. and that’s okay too. No one to hurt you, to worry you or cause you to be angry. Maybe a dog or cat. Who knows.

I don’t know. I just think take it as it is. Sometimes life doesn’t go your way.. but just gotta reflect on it and try bounce back.

Book Reviews: The subtle art of not giving a f*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life

I just finished reading the “The subtle art of not giving a f*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life” by Mark Manson. Funny way I got introduced to this book…it was actually from an ex-suboxone client of mine…I saw it and asked about it when he brought it into the dosing room with him…he highly recommended reading it..and finally after about 6 months later of procrastinating…I finally read it.

He presents some interesting concepts and thoughts to really challenge my mind and thinking patterns. I like how he says, “Don’t try to know yourself”. If we get into that trap of thinking we act a certain way, then it can become very hard to change that way of thinking. We can prove ourselves wrong and surprise ourselves…

I really enjoyed the personal stories he told of his own adventures of adulthood…he also used a mixture of anecdotes from a number of well-known people…and he told them in a way that is both enthralling and captivating. His topics encompass a lot of topics including career, death, life, decisions, and love.

My personal favourite story he told was when he said he walking towards the edge of a cliff…what was only a few seconds in reality…was like an eternity for him…as he was inches away from dropping to his death…he described how he never felt so alive. I don’t think I have done his recollection justice…you have to read it for yourself :)).

This book teaches you the basics of knowing what your values are and choosing what not to give an f*Ck about. Interesting concepts that are taught in an easy to understand and jargon-free book. If you don’t normally read self-help or non-fiction, I would highly recommend this book to you. It will hopefully offer you a different perspective or way of viewing this complicated life.

I am thinking of checking out the other book he has written…!

If you have read it or are planning to, please let me know your thoughts on this book.

 

The evolution of the online dating<3

I would not call myself a trendsetter, or even someone that possesses the latest piece of technology..it was just by chance that when I needed a new laptop and was planning to get a MAC-the new MacBook Air came out..so I was like why not? *shrugs sheepishly*

ANYWAYS, online dating websites and apps have been around for ages…meeting people online (think Tinder, Ok CUPID, East meets East, bumble..) has always been a thing, but it still has such a stigma attached to it…because half-remembered quote from “Ralph Wrecks the Internet” – When something new comes along, the best thing for people to do is to fear it”.. something like that!

So..if we go back 18 years to when I was 10 years old (age reveal) and I made my first hotmail address which was something like sugar*****10@hotmail.com ..we used to all use something called MSN messenger! This is where online chats and adding random people on the internet became the new trend..suddenly …you could be whoever you wanted to be..!    You could change your name to Blonde_Hunk_with_Blue_Eyes or Sexy_Asian Chick_that_looks_like_Mulan_and find some random picture on the internet and pretend it was you…then you can proceed to what we now call “Cat fish” random strangers on the internet and pretend you are the love of their life, when you are NOT. True story, I have to confess my sister and I might have been chatting up a “young girl” and pretending to be a sexy blue-eyed blonde haired Australian lifeguard…but anyways…

This is before the world started caring so much about verified identity and privacy…when people said the internet was bad! Because young girls were being baited by old men behind the screens posing as handsome men, when in reality, for me it was the other way round.

I still remember playing Neopets obsessively for a period of time during my primary school days… and I also made friends on those guild websites..one guy called Ryan helped me build a website for my Naruto Guild…Another girl obsessed with Naruto, called Tiffany told me about her home town Canada, and at that young age I decided I would go to Canada to visit. It made the world suddenly seem smaller. I looked up the sky one day and thought to myself, somewhere on the other side of the world, perhaps in Canada, someone else is staring at the same sky.

In summary, the online digital world is changing…and why shouldn’t the way we meet people change as well? We can meet people not online in our proximity but interesting people all over the world with many fascinating stories…why limit yourself to those around you? What is to say that it safer to date and meet someone at a bar, where you know nothing about them in comparison to a guy you have been talking to for weeks online (and you’ve stalked their fb and insta to make sure they are who they say they are)..?

Why is there stigma surrounding online dating?

I realised myself, I have been really afraid to tell people I joined dating apps and I only told a few people. They didn’t judge..but I can see it in their eyes..When they asked, where did you guys meet?

Online is where we meet people with similar interests, buy stuff off them or find study groups…we’ve all done it before…there are actual people behind those screens…its not robots and they aren’t all serial killers.

 

But in saying that, it is always a good idea to let people know you are meeting someone online, have your phone on you (GPS on) and meet in a public place in day time…and make sure you have your own transport home and scapegoat excuses if you need to leave early… But yes, only meet after making sure that person is legit!! Stalk their fb…ask around and play detective. The more information the better…people that are real will act real, they won’t be ‘perfect’ you know? You will know…

 

I knew one happily married couple who met online like over 10 years ago..I’ve always assumed that that was a abnormality…I never asked what website..but I had my reservations..but hey..it worked..

 

But..I’ve always been somewhat traditional…I prefer writing traditional Chinese to simplified, I like writing and sending letters and cards than emails and I love receiving hand-written and made things…But at the same time, I am always open to trying new things that can make your life more interesting, better, and more efficient.

SO probably a ,year ago I decided to revisit my hobby when I was 10. I made an account on a dating website, but since I felt so ashamed-and didn’t want to get found out… and just wanted to try it for fun ( I wanted to see which other people I knew also used it!! haha) …I put a fake name..but being a but stupid I put a real photo (filters and stuff) on there..DOH..someone I kinda knew saw it and told a friend of mine…and I was found out…felt so guilty LOL..Coz fake name..I think I MAY or may not have also put some interests, languages and changed my ethnicity that was not true *Cough cough*..guilty as charged….but I am still the one behind the screen right? I am still real…but maybe not being as honest as I should…aint a good start to any relationship…

I talked to a few people..but the only one I almost met -some doctor from Melb- flaked at the last second…saying he was sick. I think it may have been due to the fact I invited two other people to join us for dinner (for our first meeting)….LOL yes I am super noob…I don’t do online dating remember ? Anyways,,, after that I was like screw this and deactivated the account.

Meeting people in real life is easier….or is it? Maybe it is for people that go out heaps…That enjoy partying, clubbing or whatever..but what about those introverts?

Those who hate loud music and don’t drink (or do drugs)! Also, they don’t really like meeting new people because it takes a lot of effort to make small talk.. and plus shy too. Yeah…fine… okay, people like me…to me…online dating feels safer,  I feel like I have more control…I get to find out a bit about these people online and ALSO you know that they are looking (most of the time) for a relationship too…and if they just want hookups-it’s usually written conveniently on their bio too..so you can swipe left for them -unless that’s what you want.

Suddenly you have an option to find the type of person you are looking for,  depending on what app.website you new using..it could be due to physical attributes (like height, ethnicity or body type..) or due to common interests… It’s interesting…because don’t you hate meeting someone new...and finding out that you have absolutely nothing in common and you don’t know what to talk about?

That’s me…I just…talk about the weather..yes lame..

ANYWAYS…to be honest, in my past relationships…at the start..it was always friendship and getting to know each other more online -through facebook messenger/watsapp/text a lot more than meeting up…

There is always a risk that you will get ghosted (ignored) by potential new connections..and it does hurt ..ALOT.. but if they ghosted you, it doesn’t reflect anything on you- it’s them with the problem…it is polite to let someone know if you aren’t interested instead of leading them on.

There is a risk of being cat-fished…I mean …people age right? Some people I know put photos of them 10 years earlier…when they were skinny and handsome…WHEREAS when they finally send a recent photo they are about three times wider around the middle, acquired glasses and lost some hair…YES u know what I mean..

In my opinion now..some tips on online dating (not that I am a pro)

If you are really serious about online dating, dare to be yourself. There is no point in trying to be someone else…because if you are there to meet your soul mate, don’t you want them to accept you for who you are and not what they think you are?

it is tiring pretending to be someone else that you aren’t. trust me… I learnt this the hard way.

They will eventually find out anyways!!

 

No point putting up a fake picture and then disappointing them when you meet up, if you don’t like being deceived , don’t do the same!

GO Dutch – don’t let one person pay for everything..esp on the first date ..because the person paying might feel like you are just there for a free meal…and the one receiving may feel obligated to be kind to them because they paid….I personally don’t like people I don’t know well paying for me…I’ve always been told by my mother..unless they are your boyfriend-never let them pay for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!SO yeah, go half and if it doesn’t work out, don’t need to feel bad for the =meal they paid for!

Not sure about you, but funny people are more approachable than people who seem too mean or serious.

I legit saw a bio where the guy was saying how he was still there because he still hadn’t found love…but he paid for 3 month subscription…it sounded like he had bad experience with online dating… he was like- no flakey people-no people who just want to be friends and aren’t looking for a relationship (wth-rood?) AND he also said that he wont pay for the first meal and that they will go dutch. I think he said at least THREE times that he only wants people who want serious relationships…

I think this dude is just too serious…man…you be scaring off and putting off any girl…I dunno…I felt like he was judging everyone else for being gold digging hoes or something…

Anyways,

In conclusion, while there are both pros and cons to the world of online dating- I do believe it is very useful for helping people meet other people that they normally wouldn’t in their normal circle of friends.
It is still very important to think about safety, privacy , and mannerisms when meeting people online for the first time, but with careful planning, research and getting to know the other person, I believe it can be a very rewarding experience. I think and hope in 10 years now, meeting people online will be the norm and not be stigmatised.

These are my own opinions and thoughts and I know everyone may have different views…

 

Joy and Peace to you and if you have any thoughts and opinions on online dating, please let me know below 🙂

 

Have a good day!

#8 How to Love Yourself

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Howdy! Hope you guys have been well? If not, I hope this post will cheer you up!

I have been getting lots of inspiration for future posts lately! From friends, family and from watching or reading other people’s works…some of the upcoming posts will be about…how to be happy, how to not procrastinate and also one about things we wish we were taught in high school.

But, before I do these other subjects, one subject that hits close to home and that’s about learning to Love Yourself. 

Before we can learn to try love others, I think an important thing to do is to learn to love yourself, in my opinion, I don’t think you can’t truly love someone else, without first loving yourself first. I think so many girls and boys crave a relationship because they feel unloved, unfulfilled and they believe that by finding someone to love and to be loved, that they will become more loveable?

But this is not true…finding that significant other does not mean that all your troubles, insecurities and bad habits disappear…far from it if you ask me…more insecurities, troubles, and problems come than go…

Anyways! Here are my top tips for learning and taking the step to loving yourself today!

#1. Reflect on your past and give yourself a clap on the back in how far you have come.

You might not be there yet, but you have come so far and I am so proud of you *clap clap*. You may think you have not achieved anything, but did you graduate primary school? High school? Uni? Get your license? Get your own car or house? A part-time job? You’ve done more than you thought!

#2. Look at yourself in the mirror and appreciate how you look right now!

You won’t ever look this young or old again! You are you and people will see the real beauty if they get to know you more.

#3. Be grateful for the things you have.

It is easy to get jealous or unhappy that you do not have the latest Michael Khor handbag or can’t afford that awesome cute mini cooper that girl at work has…but hey you have your little trusty grey 2012 Toyota Yaris and it still works! Hurrah!

#4. Take care of the wonderful beautiful body you have been gifted with!

Take care of what you put in your mouth ( make sure its nutritious!), exercise, do meditation or yoga to look after your mental and stress levels…and remember to laugh each day! 🙂

#5. Notice and realise when you are having negative thoughts about yourself or if you start to compare yourself to other people.

You can write in a blog or diary to help clear your mind of negative thoughts. Negative thoughts don’t need to be killed, you can acknowledge them and then choose not to act upon them, they are just THOUGHTS…they will not control what you do, UNLESS you act upon them.

#6. Remember, you are YOU and you are a work of art, you are a masterpiece.

People like you for who YOU are…not who they “THINK” you are.  Find people who think like you and have similar interests, who don’t put you down for being YOU. They don’t deserve you! Coz you are awesome!

#7. Don’t take yourself so seriously!

So, you failed…so you screwed up? It is not the end of the world! Lot’s of successful people screwed up when they first started doing something, the reason why they are successful is not that they gave up or had it easy, it is because they did not give up when the going got tough…the tough get going!

#8. It is never too late to start again or to start something new.

The only regret you can have is not trying at all. It is easy to make all sorts of excuses that it is too late, I am too old, I can’t do it…These are negative self-talk to stop us from leaving our comfort zones! This stops us from making progress to things and goals that matter to us, it is never too late…okay! Unless you are dead. Then its too late.

#9. Try smile once a day!

You look beautiful with that smile! And you will also make friends too 😉 [Read my How To make friends post ]

#10. Remember, you are awesome!

If you can’t think of one reason why you are awesome, I will tell you now…You are reading this post from some random person you may have never met and you are going to share this with one friend who you think needs to love themselves!

#loveyourself

Thanks for reading and please remember that in order to love others more effectively, yo have to LOVE YOURSELF FIRST!

See you next post!

LOVE YOU! ❤

Video to be up soon!! (When I am feeling better zzZ)

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