Almost the end of 2019…

I think it’s time for a reflection.

Big things, small things, decisions… risks, investments..friendships, relationships, money, time, study, work, career….goals and dreams.

If only we were able to do it all and achieve it all… Sometimes you feel that one life-time is not enough. You feel like there is much to chase after, yet you also fail to appreciate what you have achieved already and what you have.

Sometimes I feel regret at what I sacrifice in order to get closer to what I want to achieve. I question myself, is it worth it? To be so driven towards something that gives you temporary joy when you achieve. I am somewhat afraid that when I finally reach the goals and final destination to where I want to go, I fear it won’t make me as happy as I had hoped.

This fear… will it stop me from trying? I think I will regret most not trying hard enough. But even though i am striving towards my goal…I am also trying to pursue my career goals… and then there’s my bucket list of things I wanna do before I am 30.

I think I am going through what I call a “one third of life crisis”. Not sure what I want, but everyone around me seems to me talking of marriage, getting married, having kids, buying houses… and then there’s me.. not sure what I want to do. I am sure I am not the only one who feels that way though… life is meant to be more simple than we make it. We complicate it by over thinking, by worrying about what hasn’t happened yet… or worrying that something will never happen.

FOMO is so real. I try to avoid it, aside from Linked In and a fake FB account.. I don’t go on social media. But even in the brief moments I have gone on these apps…I’ve managed to make myself feel bad.. I compared myself to this person because they got into medicine this year… oh and this one got a “Senior Pharmacist” position, even though I graduated first!! Or this one got into the hospital residency program…so much to compare myself to…you get my gist. I know I am supposed to feel grateful for where I am, so many would kill to be in my position..two well-paying jobs… good work place… mostly good colleagues…

But sometimes, your brain just shuts down and just wants to run away from it all and just have a break, before your break.

Scared to be Lonely

When we are lonely, we wonder when we will ever find someone to share our life with…

When we finally get into a relationship, we are worried how long will it last for, what obstacles will we face.. what is our future? Are they the ‘one’ for me?

Is there even the ‘one’ for me? What if there are many others better than this ‘one’? Should I stay or should I go?

When we are in a relationship we should really let go of, we fear the loneliness again…

When we let go of that relationship, we fear if we make the right choice, but we are afraid to show our feelings…because you don’t want to be vulnerable…

When we try running back to the relationship, we may find out that they have already moved on and we are hurt again…even more hurt and lonely than before

When we are at this point, we ask ourselves, did the relationship make us anymore less lonely or more happy? Who said we had to be in a relationship to be happy?

When we realise this, we realise we can be happy now…and that being a alone doesn’t mean you are lonely. We have great friends, family, and most of all-pets to take away our loneliness

Leave the world in a better place than you found it

I read this sentence a farewell letter by a leaving University President- he said “I am glad I am leaving the University in a better state that I found it in”.

I have been meditating on these words and thinking how this could apply to all of us…in every situation… a goal that we could all strive for.

Can we challenge ourselves to leave the world that we live in, in a better state than we found it?

I certainly am up to this challenge…for example, in my work places…if I see problems, hazards, bullying,  and things that I could see can be improved, I do my best to try improve/do something about it.

I wasn’t always like this though, I used to think that things get better because it was other people’s responsibility to make it better.

I taught myself from a young age that I wasn’t a leader, I was just a mere follower. I never put my hand up to be an Student Representative or on any student boards, because I didn’t care enough about others. I expected things to come handed to me on a silver platter and wanted other people to do the hard work, the rallying, the change and take action.

I’ve slowly realised, even if you see yourself as a mere follower,  you are still a leader in your own way. Whether it is your influence on family, friends or colleagues around you, you still have influence. You don’t need to be the president of the United States of America or head of the student council to be someone that people want to follow.
Even when you train up a new employee or help someone, you are showing love, leadership and leading by example.  You can change the world in all different ways, whether its by recycling, finding ways to use solar power, saving water or cleaning up the environment…we can all do our bit, small and large. ..

I think I have gone slightly off tangent… BUT I hope you will join me in this journey of life, to not make it a selfish one, but one where we can leave this world in a slightly better place than we found it. 

Tortoise and the Hare

At the gym I go to, they were still open 24/7 over the Christmas/New Period but they stopped running the live classes…

This was a real struggle for me … as I force myself o go to the gym for those classes… so I really had no incentive to go…so I went like once a week.. and that’s mainly coz I am cheap and I hated seeing my membership fees being deducted from my bank account and realising they are getting free money…

Anyways, what I am trying to say is… I normally do not do weights and cardio work out by myself… I am someone highly motivated by having people around me working hard…hence love those classes…!

So I went to the gym twice over the holiday period.. On the first visit..I went on the treadmill… I was like .. hmmm this sure looks like a good way to get my 10,000 steps on my fitbit..!! So I started off slow 4.5km/hour speed.. up to 8.0km/h (not fast I know)… did that for about a minute or so (seriously out of breath…unfit 😦 ) and them took a bit of a break by slowing down to 4.5 km/h just to get recover my breath… coz tired..!! I did this for 20minutes… and was super tired.. I managed to do 2km distance in that 20minutes! Not bad..? For me 😂

On the second visit.. I was feeling really lethargic of late ( prob due to iron deficiency).. and I decided I wouldn’t do those speed intervals because the sprinting really takes the wind out of me… but I also hate walking really slow on the treadmill😭 I am a pretty fast walker…probably due to the fact I work in a lot of faced-paced environments where I cannot walk slow :(.. so I set it at a constant speed of 6.5km/hour.. so mid way between what I did in my first visit…

And it was great .. I didn’t have to constantly look at the little time and have to keep changing the speeds on the right up and down.. and I didn’t feel as exhausted and worn out at the end of 10 minutes.. And I did the same…! At the end .. I got the same result. 1km/10 minutes essentially!

But this way.. was better..easier and didn’t tire me out…

it was interesting how I feel like that can relate to me and how I have been living my life… I go through periods of extreme stress .. leading to anxiety, depression and mental breakdowns…to a point where I can’t take it amy more.. then I am forced to rest… my body shuts down in sickness .. and thats when I recover.. start to remember my health and my sanity again…

The reason why I’ve been working so hard for the last six months with no break (literally working 7 days a week for I am not sure how many weeks it is now)… is because I felt I was so behind in life… in comparison to my friends… those my age are getting married, have moved overseas to work… buying houses.. doing all this exciting stuff and what I feel is “adult” stuff.. and there was me… who blew my savings recklessly on an expensive holiday overseas… and on some scam medicine entrance exam course….I felt I needed to catchup by working myself to almost death -? Because I am so tired all the time, worn out… burnt out… sick so often and can’t even relax…get irritable… can’t eat properly.. don’t have time or energy to see friends…

I am asking myself..? Why do I meed to do all this sprinting to try catch up to everyone else? I am just going o get exhausted and need a really good rest-where I might have to stop work altogether for s break… because if I am constant with myself.. mot too much.. not too little.., I can reach that end goal without over exerting myself.. and still enjoy a good work out that is life…

Thanks for reading my weird analogies o life.. i literally wrote this at 4am because I woke up with blood running down my face from my nose… oops

Stay Joyful guys!

The definition of Beauty

If a tree fell down and no one was around to see it, did it make a sound?

 

+I am not sure if I got that quote right, but the point that I am trying to make is…if there were no others around us to define beauty, would there be someone to decide whether something is beautiful or ugly?

 

Or is it a society created construct that is totally subjective. Who defined that a face lacking pimples, scars, birthmarks or deformed teeth is ugly?

Who said that a women with large breasts and a nice butt is sexy?

Why must guys have six packs instead of one backs to be hot?

What has society come to that we are all obsessed with our bodies?

There are plastic surgeons, orthodontists, stylists, make up artists, personal trainers and diet experts to all give us tips to make our body the best it could be possibly; according to standards set by society.

I am not saying these things are bad in itself…

I myself never smiled as a kid, because I hated how crooked my teeth was. I was so self-conscious about my teeth-I was adamant that no one would like me or think I was pretty because of my ugly teeth. So my parents invested a lot of money to set my teeth straight and gave me a smile.

In a way, these procedures for cosmetic procedure are costly, time-consuming and often painful. Having spent four years of my life with metal train tracks on my teeth, countless nights of pain after tightening of braces and soooo many mouth ulcers from the sharp wire that I swear the the evil orthodontist left there on purpose to punish me for being late to all my appointments.

Four years and $6000 for a smile? I still have a wire behind my teeth and I had to go back every year for orthodontic reviews (which I have avoided this year-since I’ve been not wearing my retainers). There are the retainers that you need to wear at night and occasionally get new ones to be made.

There was the psychological pain of it all..being self-conscious of pieces of food that are displayed for people to see…and the chewing gum that you weren’t supposed to have ..getting stuck.

ANYWAYS, what was I trying to say?

Yes, society, especially the female species…seem to spend a great deal of time on trying to make themselves look more beautiful by the standards of this world. Perfect smile, shiny hair, blemish free skin -if this is not possible-a heavily caked face, a skinny body and a nice ass and maybe some push up bra or…if they have money breast implants.

 

Why are we so obsessed with beauty? Why do we all judge each other on people’s looks?

I am guilty of this as well…is it something innate within us that associates beauty with other good traits like, manners, kindness…I don’t know.

I can’t seem to understand it… but isn’t it all subjective? Then how can we agree that a certain poster, singer or actor is beautiful and others aren’t?

Does love actually exist? Or are we just ensured and trapped by the fleeting beauty of the other? When it fade, we just stay with them anyways?

Does anyone like someone else for themselves and without caring about how they look like?

I remember watching a Korean youtube video of two couples that had literally a blind date.

They had a cloth between them when they met, so they were forced to learn about each other without seeing each other. What are your thoughts on this?

They were forced to get to know each other and not judge each other on how they looked.

If only interviews, jobs and real life was like this.

Who said those that aren’t considered beautiful in this world are not the super stars and idols in other worlds?

 

Perhaps those considered beautiful in this day and age, in the alternative universe was those who are looked down upon, frowned up and ostracised because their skin lacks pimples, because they are too SKINNY, because they are TOO FIT, because their hair is TOO shiny and not messy enough.

Anyway, that is my rant about beauty and how superficial it all is.

In our old age, does beauty even matter anymore?

How about we become deep people instead of shallow?

 

The definition of things- What does it mean to cheat ? (in a relationship)

This is a new series of posts that I will be starting on that I will focus on defining the undefined…There are so many murky  grey areas of life, where it is not black and white…

And the first one being..

“What does it mean to cheat in a relationship?”

So in a random (slightly biased) ask of a few of my friends who hopefully won’t judge me..I poised to them this question and the answers I got were far and wide..

There was no consensus that was reached..but the most common answers I got were:

-When you hide the fact that you are talking/meeting to someone else behind your partners back, i.e. you lie about it.

-You have other intentions with people that you are not in a relationship with.

-You talk to that person more than you significant other (SO)

-Kissing, holding hands or sex with someone other than your SO

Where it became kinda grey :

Is thinking about someone else sexually..tempted??

What about porn? Sex workers? Actors? Who do stuff you normally wouldn’t do with others?

Coz it’s ur job, does it not count?

Emotional or physical cheating?

Where does the line begin and the other end?

Is it blurred?

What are your thoughts?