Almost the end of 2019…

I think it’s time for a reflection.

Big things, small things, decisions… risks, investments..friendships, relationships, money, time, study, work, career….goals and dreams.

If only we were able to do it all and achieve it all… Sometimes you feel that one life-time is not enough. You feel like there is much to chase after, yet you also fail to appreciate what you have achieved already and what you have.

Sometimes I feel regret at what I sacrifice in order to get closer to what I want to achieve. I question myself, is it worth it? To be so driven towards something that gives you temporary joy when you achieve. I am somewhat afraid that when I finally reach the goals and final destination to where I want to go, I fear it won’t make me as happy as I had hoped.

This fear… will it stop me from trying? I think I will regret most not trying hard enough. But even though i am striving towards my goal…I am also trying to pursue my career goals… and then there’s my bucket list of things I wanna do before I am 30.

I think I am going through what I call a “one third of life crisis”. Not sure what I want, but everyone around me seems to me talking of marriage, getting married, having kids, buying houses… and then there’s me.. not sure what I want to do. I am sure I am not the only one who feels that way though… life is meant to be more simple than we make it. We complicate it by over thinking, by worrying about what hasn’t happened yet… or worrying that something will never happen.

FOMO is so real. I try to avoid it, aside from Linked In and a fake FB account.. I don’t go on social media. But even in the brief moments I have gone on these apps…I’ve managed to make myself feel bad.. I compared myself to this person because they got into medicine this year… oh and this one got a “Senior Pharmacist” position, even though I graduated first!! Or this one got into the hospital residency program…so much to compare myself to…you get my gist. I know I am supposed to feel grateful for where I am, so many would kill to be in my position..two well-paying jobs… good work place… mostly good colleagues…

But sometimes, your brain just shuts down and just wants to run away from it all and just have a break, before your break.

Random rants: On Replay

Do you ever have times .. usually at the middle of the night.. when you are trying to sleep because you have work or a flight early tmoro morning… and you cannot sleep.. because you keep ruminating over something again and again… so much so that the story becomes twisted and strays from the original. Your emotions, feelings, and thoughts taint your memory of what really happened…

The story becomes what you want it to be instead. A fragment of the truth, but what is the truth? Each person will tell it in a slightly different way. Just look at the bible, in the New Testament there are several books written about the same event but by different people.

Alas, this late night post to try to get off my mind what has been weighing on my mind for the last few weeks. I think, I need closure, I have to settle things, for once and hopefully for all.

Scared to be Lonely

When we are lonely, we wonder when we will ever find someone to share our life with…

When we finally get into a relationship, we are worried how long will it last for, what obstacles will we face.. what is our future? Are they the ‘one’ for me?

Is there even the ‘one’ for me? What if there are many others better than this ‘one’? Should I stay or should I go?

When we are in a relationship we should really let go of, we fear the loneliness again…

When we let go of that relationship, we fear if we make the right choice, but we are afraid to show our feelings…because you don’t want to be vulnerable…

When we try running back to the relationship, we may find out that they have already moved on and we are hurt again…even more hurt and lonely than before

When we are at this point, we ask ourselves, did the relationship make us anymore less lonely or more happy? Who said we had to be in a relationship to be happy?

When we realise this, we realise we can be happy now…and that being a alone doesn’t mean you are lonely. We have great friends, family, and most of all-pets to take away our loneliness

Random Rants: Regrets

Just got hit by a wave of regret today…

You know that feeling how you think you have it bad…but then you lose someone or something that had always been by your side and you regret taking them/that thing for granted? It could be a relationship, a beloved piece of clothing, or a job.

Maybe your mind might play tricks on you by making it seem better than it was, you remember all the good times and things that that they/it gave to you, but you forgot the way the relationship didn’t work, the item was not working as well as it once did, or the reasons why you left that job in the first place.

Alas, every end of something great can only open the door for things that are even greater.

You will meet someone or encounter something new that will blow your mind away… I guess in order to make room and time for something new, the old has to pass by.

But, it’s okay to feel sad, it’s okay to mourn for what you once had and lost. You don’t need to ‘cheer up’ or ‘look on the brighter side of things’…Because otherwise, you miss out on learning more valuable lessons.

Lessons about learning to take care of things more properly in the future, of not taking relationships or people for granted, and treasuring what is important to you most.

So, take your time, feel the regret, sadness, and loneliness. Embrace it. Fully. Let it do all it wants to. And then, embrace the next new thing.

 

 


 

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The Art of introducing yourself

I read in an article somewhere about how introduce yourself to others in a way that they would remember…and basically it made me question myself and my interactions with people that I have not met before.

Why do we like to assign people to certain occupations and things that they predominantly do to contribute to society, be it a student, teacher, or doctor. Does knowing someone’s occupation really help us to get to know someone better? Or does it help us categorise that person into a certain category..? I.e. They are librarian-they must be a nerd, engineer they must be good at numbers…chefs- hopefully good at cooking!?!

Should we change the question from”What do you do for a living?” To “What makes you feel alive?”

What if you weren’t working? There was a period of time where I took a break from work and study.. and I super avoided meeting new people.. coz then I would have to tell them how I wasn’t studying or working.. and they would be like so what do you do with your time? And in that case you talk about your hobbies, interests, sports etc. But in a way, you are also made to feel somewhat inferior or embarrassed that you may seen as “not contributing to society”.

People choose to spend their time differently and sometimes you may feel tempted to judge or criticise their time, as I do… but hey just cause you don’t think someone gaming 13 hours a day is being productive, you don’t know… maybe they will be a game changer in the future..? Maybe?

 

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Work Vs Leisure

Sooo I tried for the first time the Lime-S Scooters that are on almost every corner of the city centre…for those who might not know how they look like..it looks like this:

lime-scooter-lineup-3-1220x813.jpg

These some what stylish scooters have been seen everywhere….in the streets, on the road, on the floor… Finally I got sick of seeing everyone riding them…my curiosity got the better of me and I downloaded the Lime App and signed myself up!! I was going to see what the big fuss was all about…I mean I used to have a (cheap and low quality) scooters as a kid…what was so special about this bigger, better, and green scooter?

Anyways,  after about 10 minutes of trying to get it to work…it finally worked…and off I went..sorta…I struggled for a long time trying to tighten the helmet…in the end I gave up …left it loose and just hoped it won’t fall off while riding the scooter..

These scooters differ from the cheap scooter I had as a kid…because its an ELECTRIC scooter!! But to be very honest…It was scary pressing the accelerator for the scooter…so I just pushed with my foot because…

  1. There was too many people on the pavement (it IS in the city)
  2. The pathways are not flat…but bumpy… 😦 and I almost fell off.
  3. It’s not smooth…it would jerk forward suddenly

Anyways…. It’s fun. and probably worth the $5 I spent on it for 10 minute joyride…

But it got me thinking….people enjoy using these scooters for fun, as well as transport…but what about our normal modes of transportation?

articleLeadwide-toyota-yaris-yr-five-door-hatchback12ppq

^My Toyota Yaris:

But then why do I find it a chore to drive a car to work and to places? I don’t seem to have the same joy I did when writing that Lime scooter. There was no thrill or excitement as I drove past the streets of Adelaide. I am not paying for this experience of driving…but isn’t it funny how we pay money to pretend to drive in driving games…or play games where we are impersonating real life..like running a farm or a restaurant LOL..funny.

Then I thought to myself, why don’t I pretend I am doing this for fun! Let’s pretend this is a game…a game where you get to drive and navigate through the streets of Adelaide…Then I drove down some underpass bridge thing and thought..this is actually a really cool game.

So what do you think about treating like a game? Makes it a bit more enjoyable maybe? =S

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