Feeling Dry

Contrary to the title of this post, Melbourne has been rainy and wintery all week. However, I am dry and dehydrated..I have mouth ulcers in my mouth, my skin is dry and bleeding, and overall I feel unwell. But, I can’t explain why I am unwell. I feel guilty that I feel sick and so so tired.

I am feeling my zest in life is slowly fading. I feel dizzy when I play badminton…I am scared that I will injure myself once again. What are hobbies again? Everything just is hard to concentrate when I feel like I need to continue working

I am aware that I am thinking about work was too much…even on my lunch breaks and at home, I am checking my email constantly. My team leader calls me before and after work…It’s just ongoing and infiltrating my life and it is mostly my fault. I always take on too much and too often, I never learn my lesson but I love the exhilaration of being on so many committees and so many projects. But spare time is no longer mine. Maybe it’s time to take a step back and let others help.

When did I become so bad for asking for help? When did I become so independent? It must be pride, arrogance, and distrust…

Things need to change, I can’t go on like this in fear that I will crash and burn.

Work Addicted

I just spent like almost an hour researching something for someone I don’t know in another town, which has nothing to do with me and this is after I have had dinner and am at home. I think I have a problem switching off work.

I work in a mental health hospital dispensary, yet I get phone calls from around South Australia from people asking for advice about psychotropic medications. I would just like to clarify I am not a medication expert hot line, there are people who are paid simply to answer these medication information questions.

Yes, I might know a bit more about antipsychotics and other psychotropic medications than some pharmacists, but I am by no way close to a specialist of any kind in mental health.

When asked a question I don’t know, I get obsessed with trying to finding the answer and unfortunately there isn’t an answer as it was with this case.

I’ve just come off from 3 days of being on-call and being asked all sorts of questions that put me outside my comfort zone and made me think on my feet… So I guess an email about a question relating to long-acting anti-psychotics didn’t seem too bad at first. But unfortunately, I am not paid to just answer people’s questions all day and hence, I did it at home…not good, but at least I learnt a ton lot about antipyschotics!! Too bad it’s my last week at this mental health hospital.

Sometimes I wonder why I try so hard…

*lifts up glass of milk*. Cheers to new chapters.

The end of a chapter and the start of the next

The cogs of change are changing again and life as I had known it for the last 9 months , funny how it started as a 4 week gig. When did it change? When did I stop caring, stop striving, and lost my focus?

I think I did bring it upon myself…too scared to let go of what is safe and what is familiar and immerse myself into the unknown. I am not sure if that is partly the reason why I find myself in this predicament. But then ironically, I prove myself right. It didn’t work out, but at least I have a some form of security in knowing that I have the second job while looking for something new.

It’s scary. Not knowing what my future will be like. But hey, this has been happening every few months before a contract ends. I still remember the terror and anxiety I felt when my first contract was almost ending…I was worried did I make a good impression? I’ve always worked hard and did my best to be nice to everyone. But I guess when you so hard and with no recognition, you start feeling under appreciated, tired, stressed, and burdened. Too scared to complain because you want to be chosen to stay there, yet everyday feels harder than the day before.

This good bye was inevitable. There are regrets, but there are also moments where I had a confidence that I did not have before and I am proud that this difficult situation developed that in me. Standing up for my rights and of others is something that I strive to do. I think it has something to do with respecting yourself and speaking up when something things off or wrong. Working in a mental health institution has always been a goal of mine and I have fulfilled that and believe this was be a stepping stone into something greater.

Apparently, with this company there will be an exit interview…this is not something I have done before, despite working in so many places previously. There is so many things I want to say, but I need to be careful of saying anything too bad,  because I need this people to be referees. There is never a way to win is there? Better to leave on good times than bad. I am both scared, yet also looking forward to a change of scenery. Bring on the last 3 weeks of full time work…

Stay Tuned for updates

The Breaking Point

I think we all have a limit.

A point where just one small thing can put you over the edge.

Something small that usually wouldn’t bother you.

But you have had enough.

I think you know it’s happening, even when you try to convince yourself everything is okay.

People think you are fine when you are barely holding yourself together.

You try to brush it away, pretend it is not real…BUT IT IS there and it eats away like you like an internal parasite.

The parasite is eating away at your and slowly it takes over your whole body.

Slowly you become an empty shell…Where you feel nothing, care about nothing, and do things you didn’t care about.

It’s a ticking timebomb and someday…you are gonna explode.

Then you will know.

It’s too late.

You’ve reached your breaking point.

Recipe for Burnout

Covid is a great excuse to become burnout in my opinion. Asides from work, I usually make time to go to the gym around 3 times a week for classes and try to play badminton 1-2 times a week. I would visit my elderly Aunt and Uncle whenever I had time and also visit my sister and her baby whenever I could. Due to Covid restrictions, badminton, gym, and social outings were gone from the calendar and I didn’t visit my aunt and uncle as much because I could be a risk to them. Take away all the things I did out of work, it just left me with work..and more work. Oh yeah, also study… I am almost finishing my graduate certificate in disability studies…

If anything, I had to work more hours, longer days without break. So of course, I am not a great machine that can keep going and going. I stopped working. Literally. Couldn’t work, because I had become so sick. Sick of the unpaid overtime, sick of not being able to say no to an extra shift because I felt guilty, sick of looking after sick people. It’s a real thing.. this vicarious trauma…

Due to the stress at work, I was so exhausted when I got home, but I would still force myself to do some work out. Gone were all the things that I had preached on this blog and to others… Healthy Eating habits? I craved and gave into KFC every time the migraines came back…I have never spent so much money on SNACKS and they aren’t all healthy snacks either :(. I have been so busy at work, I don’t even drink enough water because that would mean having to go to the toilet!! I am just overeating snacks… and it’s terrible! I’ve also been splurging on things I don’t necessarily need with my new credit card.. Oh..what I have done.

Anyways, I am not writing all this JUST to complain about my situation, because I know we have it pretty good in Australia. It will get better, I hope, because the situation is ever changing! Just as fast as we were put into restrictions, the restrictions are being lifted faster than I imagined too. Life will become better soon. But until then..Just keep fighting on, because it can only get better from now.  Take time to look after your mental health, have you done something just for you today?

Maybe, it’s okay, that I am acting the way I am now…As long as I realise that I can’t stay like that forever! Now that I am aware, I will be more conscious when I go pass KFC or purchase something I REALLY do not need.

Staying Fit During Covid-19

Hi All,

Thought I would like to share my personal first experience of trying to do some workout at home!! While I was quite disappointed that my gym was closed due to the pandemic, I understood that this was for not only my health, but the health of many others too. I have to admit, I was hoping the Covid-19 restrictions would only last a few weeks or so, but it looks like it will be much longer than that! So, I had no excuse to keep putting off the exercise, just because gym was closed.

So like most things, before I start anything new or out of the ordinary for me…I asked those around me what they were doing. How many days did they work out in a week? When did they do it? Who did they do it with? What equipment did they use? It was interesting and innovative the answers that I received. From using your bed, to handbags, and hand sanitisers as weights.

So off I went yesterday. After finishing work, I changed into my sports gear as if I were about to head to the gym or badminton. Grabbed a towel from the bathroom, spread it on the bed room floor, got my laptop and placed it in an easy to see location. Typed in google and brought up Blogpilates (who I know is an online Yoga instructor from some other Youtubers) and clicked on a 14 minute yoga stretch video. I don’t want to get into the hardcore stuff yet, I am unfit and tight from not exercising properly! It was important that I put the phone away, made sure my door was closed, and didn’t stop the video. I have to admit it was a bit hard trying to keep my eyes on the screen while doing some weird position and difficult trying to copy what she was doing. But, at the end of it, I felt a lot better! I needed to do some core work outs too, so I looked up “5 minute work outs” on Youtube and got this video of a man doing 10 different exercises over 5 minutes with no break! There was planks, pushups, and other difficult stuff, but after that I was puffed out, hot, and a bit tired. It was a good work out, I think. Was tired this morning, but I had a good sleep.

I think it is really important to keep exercising amidst this time, as it is not only good for our health but also for our mental well being and SLEEP! My sleep has been so bad lately, probably because I am not using up all my excess energy before I sleep :(. I am going to aim to do exercises at home 3-4 times a week and continue my daily walks during lunch breaks. I hope you can find some time to schedule in some exercise in your schedule too!

Take care and stay safe.

PS: I gave into FOMO and bought an expensive yoga mat from Ebay.. xD Hopefully it arrives before the gym reopens!!

JL

Random Rants: Reporting your colleagues

Today was a tough day. So many challenges, upsets, and unexpected upsets…

In the past, I think I have wrote about how in my line of work I face people that have issues with drug and alcohol withdrawal. They are rude, aggressive, and partly I know the reason why they act that way. However, when today I was faced with a rude and difficult staff member, I was flabbergasted. There are times when I want to throw in the towel, give up, and swear at everyone and storm out, but do I do it? No. Because I want to keep my job and in the Chinese way we describe it “Save our face” (or dignity). As I said in my post about being a ‘Professional‘…

But wow. There was a staff member who lost it. Literally lost it. I don’t work directly with her, but I first talked to her on the phone, let’s call her “X”. She called up asking about whether some “trial leave” medications were ready. I said, well has anyone dropped off the script to pharmacy? She was shocked that a doctor actually had to write a script …I wasn’t rude to her at all, but I was explaining what is the normal procedure for a trial leave. The doctor SHOULD write the script based on how many days the patient will go on leave, they indicate when the leave will take place, and if there is no clinical pharmacist in that ward, then we ask for the medication charts so I reconcile the script to the chart. In this case it was also a Webster pack, so it was crucial to have those drug charts. She asked when it would done, as we hadn’t even got the script I said around an hour…and normally we need 24 hours notice normally for Webster packs and they wanted one on the spot. RUDE. Then she said she was going to put an incident report in…I was like…Are you going to put one in for us? Because this is not our fault that you guys didn’t organise this trial leave at an earlier date… and she said, she was going to write a report reporting everyone involved apparently. Whatever floats your boat mate.

In this case, the doctor wrote the script as a discharge script. He wrote one months worth of all the medications out and did not specify whether it was for leave or for discharge. I tried calling the number he listed on the script, and got no answer. I called the ward to clarify how many days the patient was going on leave and whether or not it was actually a discharge, because occasionally we do one week’s Webster pack (Which is a 7 dose pack that we make up so the patient can punch out their meds easily) and give the rest of the medications on discharge.  This will change how much the patient has to pay and if they have to pay. If it is leave medication, they don’t get charged anything for any of the medications or the packs. If it is discharge meds, the patient will have to pay the full cost of all the medications plus a $6.60 Webster packing fee. If the doctor just wants the patient to only have one week Webster pack, we don’t charge anything for the medications in the pack and just charge $6.60 for the Webster packing fee. As you can seem ,this is important to know as it will affect how much medication is dispensed and who is paying the cost. The person I called on the phone didn’t seem to understand this and I could hear that person “X”, swearing at us in the background, saying “Why can’t they just do their EFFINGJOB”. I was like. … WOW…so I politely asked the person on the phone, “Who is that in the background?”. She said, “Oh I don’t know their name, they are just passing by”. Obviously lies as she put me on hold while the rant in the background continued. I just want to do my job, you shouting and insulting us in the background. Does not help. Not one bit.

Anyways, I told my boss about what I heard on the phone…and she said she would send an email to someone high up and tell them that’s not how you can treat pharmacy staff. Thank you to those in higher positions than mine. I am just a small potatoe that gets bossed around.

About a half an hour later when the managers spoke to one another. The staff member X, whose name I did not know came and asked if there was a “Josie” around. I said, “We don’t have a Josie, but my name is Joy”. Hastily, she said, “I came to apologise for my behaviour earlier, I was stressed out from work.” I said that’s fine, but “what is your name?”  Because I have no idea who she is, she then says “My name is Donna, but don’t worry I have already been reported”, then she stormed out. That was the best apology ever. NOT. Obviously someone told her that she had to come apologise.

I normally wouldn’t stoop that low to do an incident report on a staff member, but my boss did. The politics at work are insane. We work in a mental health facility, but I feel like half the staff should also be patients there. The world is a crazy messy place.

I have dealt with some difficult situations before, but this was really new to me…how can you treat other health professionals in this way?  That’s beyond me.

Well I just had to rant this one out…because I keep lamenting and thinking about it…but I really need to get on with that assignment due next week .. T_T…Wish me luck..and someone remind me why I decided to work two jobs and study part-time too?!?

Almost the end of 2019…

I think it’s time for a reflection.

Big things, small things, decisions… risks, investments..friendships, relationships, money, time, study, work, career….goals and dreams.

If only we were able to do it all and achieve it all… Sometimes you feel that one life-time is not enough. You feel like there is much to chase after, yet you also fail to appreciate what you have achieved already and what you have.

Sometimes I feel regret at what I sacrifice in order to get closer to what I want to achieve. I question myself, is it worth it? To be so driven towards something that gives you temporary joy when you achieve. I am somewhat afraid that when I finally reach the goals and final destination to where I want to go, I fear it won’t make me as happy as I had hoped.

This fear… will it stop me from trying? I think I will regret most not trying hard enough. But even though i am striving towards my goal…I am also trying to pursue my career goals… and then there’s my bucket list of things I wanna do before I am 30.

I think I am going through what I call a “one third of life crisis”. Not sure what I want, but everyone around me seems to me talking of marriage, getting married, having kids, buying houses… and then there’s me.. not sure what I want to do. I am sure I am not the only one who feels that way though… life is meant to be more simple than we make it. We complicate it by over thinking, by worrying about what hasn’t happened yet… or worrying that something will never happen.

FOMO is so real. I try to avoid it, aside from Linked In and a fake FB account.. I don’t go on social media. But even in the brief moments I have gone on these apps…I’ve managed to make myself feel bad.. I compared myself to this person because they got into medicine this year… oh and this one got a “Senior Pharmacist” position, even though I graduated first!! Or this one got into the hospital residency program…so much to compare myself to…you get my gist. I know I am supposed to feel grateful for where I am, so many would kill to be in my position..two well-paying jobs… good work place… mostly good colleagues…

But sometimes, your brain just shuts down and just wants to run away from it all and just have a break, before your break.

Nobody knows

Nobody knows what goes on inside your head

In turn, you don’t know what goes inside theirs.

We go through life guessing, assuming, and dictating what we think others are thinking. Little do we know how wrong or maybe right we are.

How can we know someone, better than we know ourselves? We could know someone, but maybe they changed or perhaps you were only seeing an act that they put on?

How do you really really know someone? I guess you can’t. You can just hope that you do and trust they are who they say they are.

Random rants: On Replay

Do you ever have times .. usually at the middle of the night.. when you are trying to sleep because you have work or a flight early tmoro morning… and you cannot sleep.. because you keep ruminating over something again and again… so much so that the story becomes twisted and strays from the original. Your emotions, feelings, and thoughts taint your memory of what really happened…

The story becomes what you want it to be instead. A fragment of the truth, but what is the truth? Each person will tell it in a slightly different way. Just look at the bible, in the New Testament there are several books written about the same event but by different people.

Alas, this late night post to try to get off my mind what has been weighing on my mind for the last few weeks. I think, I need closure, I have to settle things, for once and hopefully for all.

Random Rants: Judging People

I have always thought I was pretty good at judging people…it’s not the best habit and my sister constantly scolds me for it…Tells me I should be more understanding…What if something happened to them that made them that way?

She explained to me that some people get jealous and they act out and bully people they feel they are stronger than. I asked so many times ‘Why?’ do people treat others so badly? Maybe they are judging us too?

I have started at a new site this week…what I had always dreamed of…working in Adelaide’s mental health hospital!!And boyyyy was my first few days were a bit scary. Left on my own to manage a dispensary in which I had a one-day handover with the person going on leave. Different processes, different people, different patients…It was a bit much. On top of that, there was one lady whom I had spoken to over the phone before working at another site. I had judged her to be extremely rude and patronising-even over the phone~! She was demanding things be done and belittling me. I don’t know if she remembers but I do remember her, and I just so happened to be working at the same place as her now.

I sensed there was some hostility among the group of pharmacists that were working together, there was some bickering…quarrels… We are so understaffed…it is pretty terrible and makes people unhappy. I just try to make the best of it..as someone covering I can only do so much…

But, suddenly this person yesterday…whom I had barely spoken a single word to in the past three… days..Asked me how I was going …if I was settling in? I was taken back..no one else had asked me… I am used to being thrown in the deep end and trying to swim. I asked myself, maybe she just takes some time to open up…maybe there was so much change happening that she assumed I would cause her more work and trouble?

Overall, I like it. To be absolutely honest I am terrified when I walk out to the ward to go to the staff toilet. But I tell myself, it is going to be okay. If they are allowed to walk around the ward, they should be safe! I feel so bad for being scared of them…because this is what I thought I wanted to do? To help people with mental health to get better. But, why am I so scared? I think it’s because I am so used to seeing these people behind bulletproof glass and having security around me all the time, I forget these are normal people. They all seem to have a glazed look in their eyes… of sadness, of loss, of something else. What happened to them for them to send them to a mental health hospital?

So many stories…so many things…I really do hope I can make the most of my time there and learn as much as I can to learn and grow as a pharmacist and as a person.

I am thankful that I am living the dream, even though it doesn’t feel like it. Today we had two fire alarms go off, so there were constant alarm bells ringing. We also got two phone calls from Police officers who needed the deputy director to identify some dead bodies of previous patients…there are patients lying on the ground outside.

I can finally say, “I made it to where I want to be”…But then I also realise that there is more to climb…I went through one door, but this is just opening even more doors and corridors to walk through.

 

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What’s in a name?

I’ve been thinking lately (what else is new?)- about the power of a name..

There are so many uses for a name! People associate themselves with names, land marks and buildings have names, countries have names, and also illnesses have names.

Flowing on from the last post about introductions, I wonder…can you know someone without knowing their name? Like why does it matter what their name is? Yet, it DOES matter in terms of having an identity that you are who you are. If we didn’t have names, would we just be described by our behaviours or how we physically look like? That blind man over there…That fat old lady sitting there…I guess we may that to an extent if we didn’t know their names…

It’s really amazing the stereotypes that we associate with certain things..be it a gender.. “I am a boy, so I should be strong, I should not cry!”…”I am a girl, so I should know how to cook and clean!”. It could be a race, “I am Chinese, so I should be ashamed about the fact I do not know how to use chopsticks properly!”. Sometimes I feel like, due to all the names and labels that are put on us, we feel like we have to be or act a certain way to fulfil other people’s expectations of us. It’s like a self-fulfilling prophecy. You think you should act a certain way, therefore you act that way…and then you think it is because I thought I had to act that way so I did, or did I naturally want to do it? I hope you understand what I mean.

So, in particular I want to highlight why naming has such a big level of influence on someone ‘diagnosed’ with a mental illness. I will explain shortly why I put diagnosed in quotation marks. If you haven’t heard of the DSM, you can check out this link here basically it is a bible of all the known mental illnesses of mankind at this point of time. It is always changing, things are added and things are taken out. For example, homosexuality used to be in the DSM, until people rallied to have it taken out. I imagine it would be a terrible time to live in if you were homosexual…if you revealed to a doctor you had homosexual tendencies…you would be subject to various, often painful, treatments in order to ‘cure’ you and make you ‘normal’ or heterosexual.  Sadly, often these treatments did not work and caused terrible trauma and pain upon those individuals.

The DSM started off as a small thin book and throughout the years it has been continually added to…there are more entries going in than out..it’s now a huge book. So, it causes us to ask the question, “Are we just putting labels on normal human behaviours?“. So basically everyone has mental illness. If we are all mentally ill, then what right do we have to called others ‘Crazy, Pyscho, and Insane?”

But my point is, are we really helping people on their road to recovery by sticking numerous labels on people?

I remember a time when I went to see a doctor about a problem… she initially diagnosed it as “XX” condition…then later she changed her mind and said it was “YY”. Did any of these labels help me to get back on my feet? The answer is N-O. It did nothing, except perhaps make me even more paranoid. I looked up Dr Google and looked up all the symptoms and things that people diagnosed with “YY” had…I went to forums and read how people’s lives seemed to be affected by having “YY”… I was confused, scared, and my anxiety was through the roof. I felt like I had a life sentence upon me, just because of the subjective, narrow-minded opinions of one individual who was useful for nothing except chucking labels. Like a self-fulfilling prophecy, I doubted my self to be normal and got self-conscious of every action that I did, did I do it because I have “YY” condition? Was I going to turn out like everyone else that presumably have “YY” condition..

I am so glad now, I left that doctor after realising how toxic visiting her was… I see a different doctor who does not just throw labels around. She genuinely wants to understand what I am going through and why I am going through those things…It’s not a matter of throwing my labels upon a person…it is trying to understand what they are going through and helping them explore options to why they feel that way. The first doctor had created a large chasm between me and her, she had elevated herself to be the ‘expert’ and I was just a ‘passive clueless’ receiver. Because I listed out a few symptoms that fit into the definition particular condition, she deemed I had it…it didn’t matter  that there were exceptions to the rule, that I had strengths and characteristics not associated with that condition…it was because she used her subjective, stereotypical view and saw me as ‘abnormal’ and I needed to be ‘fixed’. She made it clear something was wrong with me and that I needed to change, she gave the impression she was normal. Now I think back, she was nothing but an evil witch. She didn’t want people to get better, she just wanted herself to feel better about herself by chucking labels on everyone.

I am not saying labelling a condition is not useful for anything…certainly if you want to have mental health sessions subsidised by the government you have to be categorised into having a diagnosis of some sort…the same is needed for insurance company claims etc…but if you are trying to help someone, it is not useful for helping them in their recovery by focussing on their deficits and not their strengths.

I have been meaning to write about this topic for some time now, but put it off.. because I am not sure if I can do it justice..

I would be super interested in hearing your thoughts about this!

 

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50 Shades of Grey… thinking

Sometimes we tell ourselves things have to be a certain way or we won’t be and can’t be happy. People with OCD will understand what I mean…

This is an extremely unhealthy and unproductive way to think.

We tell ourselves things like,  “If only I get that job or promotion, then I will be happy” , “If only that girl/guy liked me then I could be happy“…If only …[insert desire thing here]…then I would be happy…:(

How long is your “happy” feeling going to last anyway?

We are basically just setting ourselves up for failure…with the thinking that we wont ever be “happy” until something we desire happens…Does that mean we are just going to be “unhappy” until we get that thing?

Why do people desire this temporary feeling of happiness? It is such a fleeting, fickle moment in time that simmers down and disappears in a matter of hours, days or maybe if we are lucky weeks.

As I think they say in physics, that if something goes up, then it must also come down.

After we get desired happiness, we are at a limbo…are we happy now? Are we content? Probably not…you probably already found something else to crave for/desire…

Having black and white thinking about our dreams, goals and ambitions is not a good thing..instead we should thinking of them as shades of grays.

Yes, it is good to have these dreams, goals and ambitions, but we shouldn’t let these things determine whether we are happy people. How about we aim for that goal, but if we don’t reach it we can still be content that we are not where we used to be?

Just because that job that you got didn’t turn out to be what you thought it would be, the relationship that you were so sure would end in marriage; ended breaking up, even if you took an entrance exam three times and failed every time…. it doesn’t mean that you failed… it doesn’t mean you cannot be happy now. 

Hey, be content. You have not reached your destination yet, but why not enjoy the journey? Who knows, you may even find a different path that is even greater than the one you had pictured for yourself.  Things don’t have to be black and white, they can be grey. Be kind to yourself,  give yourself permission to be happy now…enjoy the journey, because this journey is life long.

Happiness doesn’t fall upon you. It’s something that you actively have to choose to be, strive for, and work for. It is being aware that everything isn’t great now, but that you can be still content with where you are and know that you are going somewhere among the storm we call life. 

Try live life with a bit of grey in it.

Tortoise and the Hare

At the gym I go to, they were still open 24/7 over the Christmas/New Period but they stopped running the live classes…

This was a real struggle for me … as I force myself o go to the gym for those classes… so I really had no incentive to go…so I went like once a week.. and that’s mainly coz I am cheap and I hated seeing my membership fees being deducted from my bank account and realising they are getting free money…

Anyways, what I am trying to say is… I normally do not do weights and cardio work out by myself… I am someone highly motivated by having people around me working hard…hence love those classes…!

So I went to the gym twice over the holiday period.. On the first visit..I went on the treadmill… I was like .. hmmm this sure looks like a good way to get my 10,000 steps on my fitbit..!! So I started off slow 4.5km/hour speed.. up to 8.0km/h (not fast I know)… did that for about a minute or so (seriously out of breath…unfit 😦 ) and them took a bit of a break by slowing down to 4.5 km/h just to get recover my breath… coz tired..!! I did this for 20minutes… and was super tired.. I managed to do 2km distance in that 20minutes! Not bad..? For me 😂

On the second visit.. I was feeling really lethargic of late ( prob due to iron deficiency).. and I decided I wouldn’t do those speed intervals because the sprinting really takes the wind out of me… but I also hate walking really slow on the treadmill😭 I am a pretty fast walker…probably due to the fact I work in a lot of faced-paced environments where I cannot walk slow :(.. so I set it at a constant speed of 6.5km/hour.. so mid way between what I did in my first visit…

And it was great .. I didn’t have to constantly look at the little time and have to keep changing the speeds on the right up and down.. and I didn’t feel as exhausted and worn out at the end of 10 minutes.. And I did the same…! At the end .. I got the same result. 1km/10 minutes essentially!

But this way.. was better..easier and didn’t tire me out…

it was interesting how I feel like that can relate to me and how I have been living my life… I go through periods of extreme stress .. leading to anxiety, depression and mental breakdowns…to a point where I can’t take it amy more.. then I am forced to rest… my body shuts down in sickness .. and thats when I recover.. start to remember my health and my sanity again…

The reason why I’ve been working so hard for the last six months with no break (literally working 7 days a week for I am not sure how many weeks it is now)… is because I felt I was so behind in life… in comparison to my friends… those my age are getting married, have moved overseas to work… buying houses.. doing all this exciting stuff and what I feel is “adult” stuff.. and there was me… who blew my savings recklessly on an expensive holiday overseas… and on some scam medicine entrance exam course….I felt I needed to catchup by working myself to almost death -? Because I am so tired all the time, worn out… burnt out… sick so often and can’t even relax…get irritable… can’t eat properly.. don’t have time or energy to see friends…

I am asking myself..? Why do I meed to do all this sprinting to try catch up to everyone else? I am just going o get exhausted and need a really good rest-where I might have to stop work altogether for s break… because if I am constant with myself.. mot too much.. not too little.., I can reach that end goal without over exerting myself.. and still enjoy a good work out that is life…

Thanks for reading my weird analogies o life.. i literally wrote this at 4am because I woke up with blood running down my face from my nose… oops

Stay Joyful guys!

The secret Addictions nobody mentions

When you think of the word addiction what comes to mind?

Do you automatically think of those who are drug addicts, alcoholics, smokers, gamblers or even sex addicts?

But what about those more..subtle addictions, which gnaw away your life the same way, yet unnoticed and untreated…not recognised… no support..because you can’t be the same as them. 

 

We like to separate us and them whether that is to make us feel better or just to trick ourselves into denial…that there is nothing wrong with…

Playing too many video games…the game addict…

Taking multiple selfies a day and posting it on social media..facebook..instagram..snap chat…social media addict

Doing nothing but study everyday and all day….the study addict

Working non-stop for weeks on end without a single break in between… the workaholic

There is so many addictions out there..I can’t even think of the name of it?

 

What we fail to realise is that these unrecognised addictions can slowly ebb and destroy our lives…our careers..our health…our friendships and our sanity.

Those who stay cooped up in their rooms all day may not have many friends…poor hygiene…most likely low vitamin d levels from staying indoors all days…back problems..eye problems…Life is more than a game. Open your eyes and see the real world around you that you have neglected.

Those who are ‘addicted’ to their phones…they don’t realise there are people in front of them. Everything is about taking the perfect photos…the selfies…they don’t care about living in the moment, but just how the moment  looks in a photo. It gives them a false sense of security..that I have friends..that I look pretty…that I need to show the world that I am happy, successful and beautiful. But inside we are empty and alone. It stems from our insecurity and it can become an addiction hard to break…as peers pressure peers to join them in their addiction. How many of us can resist not looking at our phone multiple times a day? It’s hard to imagine how life was like before we all got mobile phones…

Those who do nothing but study all day are similar..people think that this is okay..this is better than then playing games all day~ but they never develop any social skills..they cannot fare well in the real world…when they finally realise that they need to work with others..they do not know how… social life? What’s that? Then those in Asia who have been pressured by tiger parents to do well…school..cram school..home work…wake up and repeat. Is that living? Life is more than just study and the pressure that has mounted to kids have led many students to take their lives in Japan and China.

Then there are those who grow up and then become addicted to working. That can’t be bad right? What is so bad about being hard-working? Isn’t that what we strive for? If you look at countries like Japan, the working population are working 12 hour days, 6 or 7 days a week. This has led to a decrease in in birth rates and the population is growing smaller and smaller as who has time to look after kids, have babies when working such long hours? It seems like no one even has time to date! People aren’t happier when they are stressed. Over working comes at a price, the animator for the popular series Naruto Kazunori Mizuno was found to have died from over work.  The Japanese even have a name for deaths from overwork, it’s just that common, this word is karoshi and it characterises death that is from stress, heart attack and a starvation diet. 

 

 Have a think about what you could be addicted to and not even realise…