#21 How to understand how someone with a Mental illness feels going to work

I believe most people don’t like going to work…getting up early when its cold outside? No thanks! But, for those with mental illnesses, it can be torture and takes all their strength and energy to get out of bed. A typical day for me in the past in a retail pharmacy job would be something like this…before I decided to finally get help…

The thought of making small talk with people you might not really like or know is tortuous. Thinking of who will be in the lunchroom with you during lunch time is daunting too. What if your boss asks to speak to you?

adult beautiful bed bedroom
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

The struggle to leave the bed

Maybe you should just stay home today?? But, we can’t do that! That means explaining to your boss that you don’t feel week and that’s lying and what if they fire you? You can’t tell them you have a mental illness, they won’t care, they won’t understand, they will judge you and label you as crazy, they will think you are faking a sickie. No one is going to hire you. You worked so hard to find this job. You thought that you could join a place that is ‘against discrimination’, but we all know that the stigma still exists. It is safer to be quiet, to be silent and to fight the battle alone …for as long as you can.

accuracy alarm clock analogue business
Photo by Mat Brown on Pexels.com

You count the seconds that you can get home

But today, it’s different, the depression comes back…it’s always been there…but you have been fighting it. You are barely able to muster enough strength to go to work. You’ve done it before, you can do it again. Counting down the hours, minutes and seconds till you are back in the comfort of your bed. Where you are safe, where no one can harm you, bully you and make you feel like you are nothing. You don’t know if you are overreacting or if it’s the depression.

adult art conceptual dark
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Lying that you are Fine

On the off chance, someone might ask you how you are. “I am fine thanks. Just tired” That’s the best you can come with. If they ask “Why are you tired?” …”Oh, couldn’t sleep”…Due to my racing thoughts of suicide and anxiety. But you can’t say that, can you? They are being ‘nice’, but hey I am not going to unload to some stranger…Work really isn’t the place for that. I think. Please don’t look at me. I don’t want people to notice my sadness. I don’t want to be noticed, I just want to pretend everything is okay. I don’t think you really care.

man in blue and brown plaid dress shirt touching his hair
Photo by Nathan Cowley on Pexels.com

You are not productive at work

You are surprised you haven’t broken down on the floor crying. You hold back the tears. You feel guilty…There are sicker people who come to get medicine for all sorts of terrible diseases, yet they are still smiling. Yet you, faking that smile, feel like you are dying inside. So many people are on anti-depressants, but I don’t want to get help…what is work finds out? I work full-time…there’s no time to go see a doctor or a psychologist. These things are bloody expensive as well! No one can help me. It’s just a phase…I will get better on my own. I can’t wait for the weekend so I can sleep through it.

adult alone anxious black and white
Photo by Kat Jayne on Pexels.com

I can’t deal with small issues

When something small doesn’t go to plan, I just can’t problem solve anymore. I feel like there’s no alternative, there is no way. I am going to get fired for not being able to solve this. I am afraid to ask someone for help, they are going to judge me and look at me like I am stupid. It’s all my fault…I don’t know how to fix this! Why am I so useless and dumb?

man s face greyscale picture
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

My memory becomes like mush

My brain is constantly fighting with itself, flight or fight. My heart is racing and I am sweating. So nervous… I forget things easily, wait how many boxes of Sertraline do I need to order again? Was it 2 or 4? What was the password again? Oh, I left my keys in the car again. Oh, I also left my phone at home…Why I am so forgetful? Why am I stupid…repeat above. Why do I feel like I am going to cry over this small thing?

woman in black shirt facing mirror
Photo by Ivan Obolensky on Pexels.com

I feel ugly and I hate my reflection

I can barely wake up in time to get to work, let alone care about how shi* I look. My hair is a mess, it’s too long, but I can’t bring myself to get a haircut. It’s too much effort. Who cares anyway? The makeup doesn’t even hide the eye bags due to the constant lack of sleep. I feel like I’ve grown older. I stare at the mirror… Who is that soulless person that stares back at me? I don’t even know her? Why does she look so sad? Why is she so ugly?

No one is going to like her.


I feel apathetic

The normal me, before I became severely depressed, was happy, outgoing and chatty. But when I started at this toxic workplace, I lost it all. I became someone who I didn’t know. I didn’t care about the patients that walked through the door, I couldn’t handle the rudeness with a smile anymore. I just froze and fought back tears. My resilience was gone. The terror of the increasing number of mistakes made the anxiety worse. It made me even slower and made people doubt my abilities even more. I get taunted by the bully, “You are too slow! Why are you so useless?” You don’t need to tell me, I already know.

full frame shot of text on wood
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

The depression makes you stay where you are because it feels even scarier to change

Familiar is not always good. When you stay in a toxic situation, it’s like being in a room full of Carbon Monoxide, it will slowly kill you. The depression lies to you, the bullies lie to you, you can move. You are more than their taunts, you are more than what you think you are. But you don’t know this. You only find out when you leave the toxic place and realise, that a good workplace might exist.

woman dark eye spooky
Photo by Rene Asmussen on Pexels.com

Well, that’s all the blabber from me today.

I am sure there are benefits from working, income, kill time, learn things and make friends…That can be another post.

Sorry for the emo post! Sorry not sorry.

Joy to the World

Advertisements

#16 How to have more control over your life

black and white blank challenge connect
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Well, recently I have been thinking more and reflecting on what it means to be an “adult”. As Wong Fu’s video on adulting put it as it is about having control over your life and not letting life control you basically. Life is like a game, you need to have control over your player (i.e. you).

I thought that makes sense! But I hadn’t really thought about it much deeper than that…What does it mean to actually have control over your life? I mean, isn’t there a bigger person up there who does all that for us anyway?

I have had a bit of brainstorm and have been reflecting on a few habits that I have picked up lately in my quest to become a proper adult.

1. Control over the use of my time

Putting this first because lately, I have started realising how much time I ‘waste’ on staring at my phone and laptop. More so phone… I think I have an addiction to my phone 😦 While there is no drug or cure for this condition yet, so I have had to take matters into my own hands and decide to set limits on how much I am allowed to use my phone, especially when I am in my bed…

Rules that I have set for myself include, timing how long I spend each night or day using my phone in my bed and recording it on a piece of paper. I have also deleted certain apps and accounts for some social media sites in an attempt to curve my addiction, this includes saying goodbye to my original facebook account and my YouTube mobile app… Not to mention they also kill my data ..R.I.P

battle black blur board game
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

 

2. Set limits to what time you want to be out of bed and in bed each night…and stick to it as much as you can!

For me, as I am pretty lenient on myself. I usually am up around 7 or 8 am, but I stay in bed for half-an-hour and a half longer…using my phone ..yup so bad. So I have decided to stick a limit of 9am being the latest I can lie in my bed! The latest I want to be in bed is by 1 am… !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hopefully, I can make my sleeping time earlier…It helps setting alarms to not only wake you up but also to remind you to sleep.

closeup photography of adult short coated tan and white dog sleeping on gray textile at daytime
Photo by Christian Domingues on Pexels.com

3. Record your spending

I have touched on spending and saving more in another post about “How to Save Money when you don’t have any” and one of the things I had mentioned was that I like to keep a log of everything that I spent money on. So petrol for the car, groceries, gym membership fees, phone bills and everything else. The cool thing about the app (I use Pocket Expense-which is free), is that is has a budget you can set on certain things. However, I do often go over my budgets, but its all a learning process!

achievement-bar-business-chart-40140.jpeg
Photo by Public Domain Pictures on Pexels.com

4. Record what you eat

 I only recently downloaded an app that lets you record down your meals, it is pretty cool! I haven’t been logging everything as of yet, but I think it is a good idea to have an idea of what you are eating every day and see what sort of nutrition you are lacking or bad food that you can cut out or reduce to enable you to have a healthier life.

agriculture basket beets bokeh
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

5. Keep a health diary or a diary at least…

I love diaries and I love blogs! These things enable us to look back in time and remember what things caused what. You can use it to record how many times a month you had a headache, record when your period is (or get an app like I do) and just other stuff…you know emotional stuff too. When you see things for what it really is, it helps you know yourself and the way your body and mind work better.

adolescent adult ballpen beautiful
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

6. Have a plan and goal for each day

Do you ever feel like you achieved nothing in a day? Well, head over to the other blog post about how to stop procrastination at it’s worst. Having a clear goal or sense of what you want to achieve in a day, leaves you feeling satisfied and will help you towards your bigger goal in the long run, it also helps you be more disciplined and feel more in control.

7. Make time for the things yourself, the things you love and the people you love

When you are trying to achieve presidency or trying to reach Mars, it can be easy to forget those that are around you or those still on Earth. Don’t forget to schedule in quality time with your loved ones and for doing the things you love. It is not the best feeling in the world to get to Mars and realise that you have no one to share that incredible news with. Don’t forget to #LOVE YOURSELF

kid s plating water on grass field during daytime
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

8. Make time to look after your body to do EXERCISE 

Exercise is super important and you shouldn’t neglect its valuableness as a natural anti-depressant and mood lifter! It is important for your physical and mental health that you do exercise regularly. Apple watches, Fitbits, and other fitness apps are making it easier to do and plan workouts! They also make it more fun by making it more interactive and competitive (who did the most steps this week?)

woman girl silhouette jogger
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

9. Know who your true friends and fake friends are

Who is there when you are not at your best or at your peak? Who calls you for help and then when you need them, they don’t pick up? Take time to develop and cultivate close connections with those that you treasure. A good friend is really hard to find and is more precious than a pearl…I think I requoted a bible verse here =s?

photo of guy fawkes mask with red flower on top on hand
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

10. Allow yourself to be random and uncontrolled…once in a blue moon!

It is okay to have one day where you sleep into like 5pm or a cheat day every now and then. Life isn’t meant to be all serious and adult. When we embrace our inner child, it is a beautiful thing…But as an adult, we can’t be like that all the time…At some stage, we have to put back on our adult mask and trudge on with our healthy food and those squats.

baby children baby models asian
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

I am sure there are many other ways we can have more control over our lives….so if you have any suggestions, leave your comments below! 

 

Other than that, take care and I will see you next time!

 

person holding saucer with mug of chocolate ice cream coffee

#6 How to get rich or die trying

I have a confession to make, when I see someone I knew from high school or primary school that is now rolling in $$ and success…I do feel a tinge of jealousy and a teeny weeny bit of envy! How did they have the idea to create that website or app?? How did they know to invest in Bitcoin 10 years ago?! Why didn’t I think of that!

I am not sure how many people are like me..? But anyways…I have examined some of the common ways that I know people have become successful and how you (maybe) can try and mimic them! Just a disclaimer* These ideas are not full proof! I can’t promise you that it will get you $$, famous or successful…nothing in life is easy! It will require a sacrifice of time, money and is risky and it will take a lot of hard work!

  1. Make yourself internet famous! This is a popular way to get popular these days! Maybe you could start making videos on youtube and maybe one day they will go viral (or not)! There are some famous singers, such as Justin Bieber who were discovered on Youtube! It is like an online virtual stage! You can either be judged as really bad and get boo’ed off that stage..or it could doors being open to you…! Other notable famous Youtubers include Pewdie Pie, Niga Higa, and Wengie! Many of these YouTubers have branched outside Youtube, some have started singing (Wengie) and Niga Higa has gone on to star in some movies! It is also a useful way to sell merchandise or other side projects which can help make you $$. Also, I want to mention on Youtube, not only can you get money from the ads which viewers may interact with on your site, but you can also get it from sponsors who want you to feature products on your videos.
  2. Know how to invest in shares in the stock market, into foreign exchange or into Cyber Currency! I do none of the above, but I do have some friends who are pretty good at this! I have friends who regularly monitor the Stock exchange and do lots of research into different companies which are up and rising and have the potential to be worth a lot in a few years! Apparently, some of my friends say this is like gambling though…There is a risk that your investment may lose you  money in the long run, however a friend who has done quite well has been able to buy a house @_@. Apparently health is a good industry to invest in, especially hospitals -because this is something that is always going to be in demand. My great grandmother that used to live in Hong Kong but is now deceased (RIP) was known to be really good at checking the exchange rates for different currencies and purchasing money when it was at a good low price then selling it when the demand for it went higher! She was able to live comfortably in a nice apartment in HK by doing this and sustaining herself and her children. Pretty smart! I have a few internet geek friends who are good with cyber currency…They know what to invest in and how to make a lot of money from crypto currency…While I do possess a milli-bitcoin my friend gave to me as a gift..aside from that I have been too scared to invest in any online currency myself…It is quite risky, but that’s why people are able to get rich! Because they were willing to take the risk. All I can say is that I don’t advise you to put your life savings into it..have a backup plan and make sure you have done your research thoroughly before investing. The last thing you want to do is accidentally give all your money to a fake dealer and get nothing..! Also, this way requires a lot of time too, daily you probably will have to regularly check the way your currency is doing, to find good times to buy and sell.
  3. Write a good book- we all have heard of J.K Rowling and how she shot to fame with her Harry Potter series!!! This one requires some skills in writing and having creative ideas or topics to write about! I am not an author myself, so I am not sure how you get started… I assume you send your book or manuscript to prospective publishers who you then have to convince to publish your book. I have read that, depending on how much you Publisher thinks you will succeed is the amount of money and time they will put in promoting your book…so Yeah this may require a lot of self-promoting yourself through your own social media sites or other platforms…maybe through your FB group or Podcasts?
  4. Become a Radio Host or Podcaster! Not sure how to do this either..but we have heard of really popular radio hosts, such as Hamish and Andy in Australia! They are just so funny! They have decided to stop being on the radio now and have moved to Podcasts! But yeah they are just so funny, creative and original – so much so the fans of their show will follow them no matter where they go. Comedy Podcasts aren’t the only successful one, another Podcast I follow is ‘No Such Thing as a Fish’ -which is a weekly podcast that discusses four facts that the hosts have thought was interesting throughout the week. Not only is it educational, it is also funny and entertaining. This avenue requires you to be witty, quick on your feet and have an interesting or unique voice! No one likes a monotone voice (usually)!
  5. Start a useful niche application or website! Names that come to mind is the PayPal Website, eBay,  Facebook, Instagram, Google, Amazon or Spotify.  The creators of these websites are really really well off…They are successful for filling a niche or creating something unique that others haven’t done yet. Other people that have been successful with phone apps, is Kayla Itsines ( we went to the same primary school apparently ) who started a fitness app that people could subscribe to. This app includes fitness workouts people can do at the gym. It was a niche at that time and now she is making millions (apparently).
  6. Create a successful drink or restaurant! Has anyone heard of Boost Juice? It actually started off in King William Street in Adelaide, South Australia! Now I’ve seen it around the world in Singapore and Malaysia! It all started with the creator, Janine Ellis doing something that others hadn’t done….making health(ier) option for drinks asides from soft drinks and beers. So yeah! She’s a good example of a drink entrepreneur. Who hasn’t heard of KFC? Some may know the story of how Colonel Sanders first established his now well-known fast-food chain. It is actually a really inspiring type of story of someone going from rags to riches. In a nutshell, after numerous failed attempts at making a successful living, at an old age- he finally found his pot of gold at the end of the rainbow…or should I say the pot of Kentucky Fried Chicken?
  7. Discover a life-saving or create a blockbuster drug! This is no easy process and not all of us are scientists or pharmacists. Well, I can say, those who created the best selling drug- a cholesterol-lowering drug is very very rich. It is used all over the word to lower cholesterol and has lead to people living longer. Discovering new antibiotics is a good way to make money, the only problem is that it takes a very long time from discovery to actually being able to legally sell the drug and hence it takes a very long time for you to finally make money. A lot of money is also needed to invest in clinical trials and drug trials before it can even be marketed to humans. If you want to know a bit more about the process, feel free to email me.
  8. Invent something that everyone needs or everyone uses. I.e. The toilet! The sink! Sanitary tampons or pads! These are just some household things that most people in the first world country use and that each girl may have. Just think of things you can’t live without, laptop, Microsoft, pens, pencils, bras, underwears, toilet paper mirrors ! Etc..and then you have something that people will continue to buy and you will forever make money off until some other new invention removes the need for it.
  9. Study a course that leads to a really high paying and stable job. Some that come to mind are doctors, dentists, optometrists, engineers and university professors. This is probably a very Asian way of thinking…while this may lead to a good income, if you don’t personally like the occupation, I wouldn’t recommend it. In my opinion, it is better for you and your clients/patients to do something you are passionate about.
  10. Get married into a royal family! This one is very hard to do….I mean it’s not every day that Prince Charming is sitting at the bar that you frequently go to… But yeah, If you are lucky enough to marry a Prince, I am pretty sure you are set for life! As long as the monarchy doesn’t die or go bankrupt or you get a divorce…then you are set for life and can have more corgis than the current queen!

    Those are my 10 tips for getting famous and rich! 

    Do you have anything to add?

    Leave your comments below and I will add them to the list!

    Thanks for reading and see you next week!