What happened to me?

What has happened to me? I feel like I am falling back into old habits… into past fears, into avoidance, into the black deep hole. I thought I was strong enough to overcome all this, I thought I would never go down that path again.

Where did it go wrong? How can I fix this? What did I do before? I can’t remember anymore. Is this because of the situation that’s been thrown at me or is it because I was already suffering inside but because I had put it off for so long that I failed to see it? How did I become like this?

My hopes and dreams feel meaningless. Everything is meaningless. What’s the point in trying if you are going to fail anyways. Why am I so negative :(.

Is it because I moved here? Should I move back? I am so confused, worried, and exhausted. Is it because I spent so much time alone? This endless lockdown and constant worries of getting the virus. Constant fears of having to quarantine… I am so very tired and unmotivated 😞

Tired of all the BS

I am so tired of people breaking the rules, this lockdown 6.0 goes on and on because of those rule breakers

Why can’t you just suck it up? And do the right thing so ALL of us have to suffer.

Then on the other side, people are flaunting the generosity of payments from the government. I want to pretend I didn’t hear or know about it, now that I know I feel. Defeated. That this is Australia. The people who need help dont get help. The people who are fine are abusing the system

People can get vaccinated but choose not to.

How the hell are we supposed to get out of this if people keep choosing to do the wrong thing?

The people Actually DO do the right thing are not rewarded in anyway and in the end, they keep fighting for some made harder by a few selfish people.

I am really sick of lockdown and I just really really wish I could go home.

Green is my favourite colour

If you asked my friends and family what my favourite colour was… I suspect they would say.. Pink. Why? Because I own so many pink things. But, the thing many of these things were gifts from people thinking I liked pink and further spreading the rumours. So much so, I subconsciously started buying pink things.

But today, on my daily walk during lockdown. I looked at my green phone case and my green jacket, and the beautiful greenery around me… and I thought to myself. Green is beautiful, green is the colour for me. Green symbolises life. It also is the colour of matcha 😌..

Do you have a reason why you have a favourite colour?

First year Anniversary in Melbourne

I can’t believe one year in Melbourne has already passed soo quickly in a blink of an eye 😅😅… I spent half of the time in a lockdown, but honestly it hasn’t been too bad. So grateful for the good times I have had during my stay here, the people I have met, and the food I have eaten.

Cheers 🥂 to another year to go. 😌😌😌Where will I be in one years time?

Taking time to appreciate the Sky

I left work only half an hour late today, for the first time since forever. I saw the sky still lit up so pretty. I was in awe. Was it always so pretty? I’ve been staying at work late into the night, so the sky always has been black and dark.

It’s funny how you dont notice the beauty that’s around you when all you can see, feel, and hear is the problems going in the world, in your own life, in health and work.

There’s gotta be more in life than work… but at the moment I feel I am becoming consumed and engrossed in just work. It was so unbearable today I developed a headache 😭😭😭

Assertiveness, efficiency, attention to detail, timelessness, safety, how can you do all of above and please everyone?😭

How to Survive Winter in Melbourne

Living through my first Winter in Melbourne, I had to make some changes 🥶… especially since I came from Adelaide which is more often than not, hotter rather than cold.

1. Get a really thick and warm quilt cover or throw. You are gonna need it if you want to he able to sleep through the night in the cold!

2. Get an electric blanket to heat up your blankets 1-2 hours before sleeping! Get the ones that auto turn off, just incase you forget to switch it off. when I get in bed, its amazing! The bed is already warmed up for you! Really feels like a kotatsu if you know what that is!!!

3. Get a nice thermos to keep hot water near you at all times! Nothing warms you up like some hot water, why drink normal room temperature ever again?

4. Get loads and loads of super moisturising handcream!!! The freezing cold makes my hands even more dry and peel than ever…:(

5. Same goes with moisturising your whole hody especially after a shower… otherwise you’ll get itchy!

6. Invest in a small portable heating fan just for the shower to help you not die of hypothermia after getting out of the shower.

7. Make sure you have plenty of fluffy towels and spares! As your towels might dry in time before the next time you need them.

8. Have plenty of instant soups or teas available when you need to be warmed up.

This is just my list of things I do to keep warm during winter! Do you guys have your own?

Being a Pharmacy Resident

Someone asked me today, is it worth becoming a pharmacy resident? Well here are some pros and cons.

Pros:

1. Your contract is usually longer than everyone else’s. A residency is usually two years long, so your contract is basically the same.

2. It looks good on your resume that you completed some sort of “qualification” during this time. It can detail that you are sort of well rounded in the different areas of pharmacy, for example we all do a stint in operational pharmacy, surgical, medical, and an elective rotation.

3. You are appointed an “official preceptor” whom you can ask for help whenever you need in each rotation. Usually it’s the same person that id your Team Leader.

4. You get to be involved in a lot more things whether you like it or not, for example you are part of committees, take it in turn to look after quality boards, conduct presentations and can put your hand up for extra training as a resident.

Cons:

1. People might talk behind your back or judge you for getting one of those ‘coveted residency’ positions as they are far fewer than the normal advertised contracted roles.

2. You have to conduct a research project AND it is basically all in your own time as well. So week nights, lunch breaks, weekends, any free time basically. I absolutely detest research after doing my honours project 😰😰😰.

3. The support that you thought you would get wasn’t actually as good as you thought it would be unfortunately.

4. There are so many extra things you have to do as an resident… as mentioned earlier, not only do you have to present in each rotation, you also have to participate in the committees, do assessments during work, get people to do surveys about you… Basically, a lot more on your plate than the average worker.

I am almost mid way through my residency, and in summary… despite stressing so much my hair falls out, I really did get an opportunity to learn so much while doing this residency. My eyes have been open to so many types of medicines and procedures I haven’t heard about before. In my old hospital, I asked so many times if I could learn clinical pharmacy and they always gave me the same excuses, your contract isn’t long enough to train you up. Etc, etc.

And that’s why I stayed back twice this week until 8pm doing ‘residency’ stuff.. since we are in lock down anyways, it didn’t really matter… it’s almodt like I locked myself down haha…

Melbourne Lockdown #5

Welp, I stopped reading the news for a few days and nekminit we are in lockdown again. It starts tonight at midnight and hopefully finishes this Tuesday.

It was bound to happen I guess due to the current outbreak in Sydney who is our neighbour 😅😅😅.

It is what it is I guess! I took this whole week off from playing badminton to rest my arm, which has become super sore from overuse at badminton. Post the Lockdown #4, I went straight back into playing my usual amount of Badminton… but I think that was way too much for me and the soreness never went away.

Now lockdown has fully taken away all my freedom! This kind of sucks as I have an accrued day off this Tuesday… but, it is what it is. I guess its time to knuckle down and work on my assessments and do some self study.

Will keep you updated how this lockdown goes 🙏🏻

Working at Covid Vaccine Clinic

Today was my first shift at the covid vaccine clinic! My role was to support the people who were drawing up the doses from the multi dose vials for the Pfizer vaccine. I labelled up the syringes with their expiry dates which is calculated from when the syringe was taken out of the fridge. Each syringe can be kept out of the fridge for 6 hours at room temperature.

It was a bit mundane at times, but it helped having a nice team of people to chat to and having background music played by one of the pharmacy students.

It was really nice to do something different from my usual Monday to Friday job in the hospital where it is high stressed, fast moving, and stress+++. This job possibly could be done half a sleep, but it is still an important job to do.

They were very careful about exactly how many vials that were used and all vials and syringes had to be accounted for at the end of the day. It was amazing to see so many people turn up for vaccines, I reckon collectively we prepared and administered around 2000 covid vaccines today.

Today it was a day that nurses and pharmacists actually worked together to deliver another successful vaccine day.

An additional perk of working at the covid clinic was that they were well stocked with snacks, drinks, instant soups for us. There were single wrapped kitkats, biscuits, cheese, and I loved the little packs of fresh apple juice (just like the ones from the planes).

I am not sure when my next shift is, but I am looking forward to the free snacks 🤣and that i can do a job that doesn’t stress and age me too much, but still get good pay. 😌

Embrace Loneliness

I believe you have to embrace being alone. It’s so true how you can be around people, yet feel so alone and isolated.

And when you are alone, you can feel like no one in the world cares about you, if you suddenly disappeared without a trace. If something happened to you, no one would notice, because you are all alone.

Yet, the sounds of people talking too loudly about things you don’t care about, can make you wish for peace and quiet.

So in the moment, appreciate you are alone. You don’t have to make small talk, you don’t have to ask how their day was. Just relax knowing you can eat when you want, sleep when you want, go out and do something you want to on your own. No need to consult with anyone else or what they think. Life is freedom to do whatever you want.

Yet sometimes, society makes you feel bad for being alone. Life and society wasn’t designed for people who are alone. It’s like the loners are shunned in the world.

First time getting Covid Swabbed

So, I’ve been bed ridden and house bound for the last few days. Yesterday, I was finally feeling well enough to get out of bed and get myself Covid tested. Given the circumstances we are currently in in Melbourne with cases literally popping up everywhere and anywhere, I thought it would be better to be safe than sorry.

I decided to opt for the drive through testing clinic nearby my house. No referral or booking was needed before hand. I went pretty early in the morning in the hopes to avoid the long waiting times.

It wasn’t as bad as I thought, it took about 30 minutes from start to finish. There was many questions asked, “have you been interstate? Overseas? In close contact with someone who has covid? Etc etc” and I answered literally no to all of them..they also ask if you have been immunised and if you were a health care worker, which I said yes to both.

The swab itself, wasn’t painful but I wouldn’t say its pleasant either. They first swabbed the back of my throat then each nostril with the SAME SWAB. Not sure if that’s that they normally do? I was just thinking of all the cross contamination with particles from my mouth going to my nose?!?!?

After the test i had to drink water to try get rid of that gross sensation in the nose and throat.

I clicked on the link about what to do post testing and it said I had to quarantine until I got s negative result and that it would take 1-2 days before I got results! Sounded pretty slow to me, but I was sick anyways.

I got the results about 14 hours after getting tested, the results were sent as a text message to me at approximately 11pm at night.

Hurray for a negative result! But sadly, I am still sick. 😦 but at least it’s not covid ?

Lock down lifting

Soooo restrictions are easy across metropolitan Melbourne since yesterday morning. But, I really honestly didn’t feel impact from it. I was home all day yesterday, bed ridden from a sudden wave of sickness. I reckon it had to be the sudden new working hours of the dreaded “Late Shift” week that I had. 11:30am-20:00 pm … so cold, and so dark when I finally finished working….

I fought the sickness for 2 days before succumbing to it and finally breaking down. There was no more juice, a full migraine broke out on top of the background sickness of congestion, cough, sore throat, and hot and cold chills. I actually planned to get covid swabbed, but was feeling way too sick to do so.

Life always has it’s ways of saying to you, it’s time to rest. Like, really! Stop pushing yourself and get well soon.

P.S. i am on annual leave from today, unfortunately I had to cancel my flights to Adelaide as Adelaide has closed its borders to me and I am unable to return home at this stage =\/(

Things I’ve done in Lockdown

During the lockdown, I saw other people start to bake, cook, or go on exercise hikes… for me I haven’t done much out of the ordinary…

1. I’ve continued working as usual, but put my hands up for some extra activities.

2. Got more unfit, but have been trying to get into home stretching and exercises.

3. Been studying up on Covid-19 and their vaccines as I have out my hand up to be interested in being involved with the vaccine preparation.

4. I’ve restarted posting in here.

When will this lockdown end? Who knows?

Melbourne Lockdown 4.0

What can I say? We are pretty used to it now..LOCKDOWN

1. Roll out and clean the dusty yoga mat…it’s time for some YouTube work outd.

2. Stock up on essentials like toilet papers, frozen foods, snacks, and caffeine.

3. Start calling your family and catching up with friends online.

4. Start shopping online again because shops are closed.

5. Start typing into the blogs and online ventures once again.

6. Get really bored and find some interesting new hobby or side hustle to do.

7. Consider buying a pet or alternatively a plant.

8. Consider investing in more lounge wear as you spend so much time at home in your PJs.

9. Wallow in self pity for a while because you can’t travel.

10. Follow the news like a hawk to see what is happening with the lockdown and how many nee cases are there today?!?!?!?

Repeat all of the above again and again.

Freedom

Freedom again.. so we finished our five day lock down on Thursday as promised by our prime minister. The taste of freedom is both exhilarating and also feels foreign, almost wrong… going in and out of lockdowns makes you feel on the edge… when will the next one be? Do you enjoy your freedom now and pay the consequences later? What if you go to a hotspot accidentally?

The constant anxiety of not knowing is both scary and yet exciting times to be in.

I wish I could be part of the Covid Vaccination team… but I am not sure.. I am still undergoing my residency training now and I am not sure how it would work..

I am glad that a vaccine is out, I wonder how the world is going to look like once we are vaccinated. Is social distancing here to stay?