Not Everyone is cut out to become a Parent

Once a couple has been married a few years, the natural questions they most commonly will be asked is, “So when are you having kids?”. Our current society has this expectation of young couples to start families, ASAP. However, we are often forgetting that life just gets busier and busier. People are more focussed on building their careers, travelling the world, and doing other great things, it’s hard to stop and try to fit having kids in there. I solemnly believe that having kids is not everyone’s cup of tea…It might be the right thing for one couple, but shouldn’t be expected for every couple out there.

 

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t hate kids. I absolutely LOVE playing with my nephew or other people’s kids. I used to serve as a Sunday School teacher for many years…people know I love kids and I am good with them, but that does not necessarily mean I will or want to have my own kids. There is a difference in playing with kids during their happiest times and not having enough sleep for the last 3 months because your kid will not stop crying in the middle of the night. There are so many things that are more important in my life at this time and kids don’t fit into the equation. I am working in two jobs, studying a graduate certificate, and also working on this blog, and ideas for my book. I just can’t imagine having time to fit in kids as well and I think that is absolutely fine. Right now, I am still saving up money to buy my own home. I don’t know how I will be able to afford to raise a child, let alone be able to send them to school, and pay for all those additional expenses. Not everyone will make a great parent, some parents are too selfish and won’t look after their kids properly and this leads to some kids getting abused, blamed, and neglected, their parents shouldn’t have kids. Just because you gave birth to a child, doesn’t mean you will always love them and this is why so many kids end up in foster care, orphanages, and on the streets. 

 

In saying that, I have friends whose biggest goal and dream in life are to become a great mother or father. They feel like it is their life purpose to have kids and to make sure that they turn out alright. The human population would slowly die out if we didn’t have kids, it means there will be no younger workforce to look after the elderly and to take up laborious jobs that older people can’t do. The younger generation is our future and I agree it is important to have kids, but the world is already overpopulated in a way and in developing countries, it is a big issue and that is why China implemented the ‘One-Child Policy’ for a period of time to reduce overpopulation in China. Parents and Grandparents often encourage their children and grandchildren to produce offspring because that is what their grandparents and parents wanted from them. Yes, it is good to have kids, but not everyone should have them.

 

I believe you need to have a calling to be a parent. It’s not for everyone and it is not for me. I love kids, however, I can’t imagine revolving my whole life around the raising of the child and blaming myself if they didn’t turn out well. While the majority of heterosexual couples will probably end up having kids, I think it is absolutely fine not to have kids and instead chase your dream career or other aspirations.

 

A reflection on Adulting

Adulting is..

Holding back when you know you are right..but want to avoid unnecessary confrontation and conflict with difficult people.

Paying bills and learning how to save money for the future…by collecting points…buying shares..investments…salary sacrifice…caring about your superannuation.

Enduring difficult circumstances, because you need the experience, money, and know it’s temporary.

Learning how to eat right and not just eat what you feel like (i.e. Maccas every day).

Making exercise a priority and not just an option for when you are free.

Working hard when no one is looking because it aligns with your own values and no one forced you to.

Writing emails in a professional manner, because you need to sound like an ‘adult’

Throwing away those young hipster clothes…coz you gotta look professional now..

Encouraging others, even when you so deeply crave encouragement yourself.

Making time for those important to you, when you barely even have time to sleep or look after yourself.

Enjoying the simple pleasures in life…

Finding that doing chores is therapeutic… like cleaning the room…folding laundry…washing clothes..ironing them wrinkles…washing those dirty plates and making them clean.

Realise you need to take breaks, spend money, go on holidays, do NOTHING sometimes.

Realising you are still the same kid you were..but you gotta pretend you are an adult and also realising you parents are just kids that are older than you.

Finding out you can’t have it all at the same time. But that things come in seasons, periods, and there is a time for everything.

Finally understanding that adulting doesn’t meaning ending up where your parents are and doing what they did.

How Babies change your life

So yesterday, my sister gave birth to a healthy 3.96kg. 52cm long baby boy! Congratulations!!!

It really is a miracle, or magic of some sort…that a baby can grow in the middle of a womens belly every 9 months and become a living being…it is incredible..yet none of us would be here if it weren’t for this miracle.

If you think about it, carrying a baby around with you for 9 months is quite a self-less act…you have to watch what you eat, what you do, and take numerous supplements and things that are meant to be ‘healthy’ for the baby. Your life becomes so focussed on the baby…

It doesn’t stop at just carrying the baby…after giving birth…you are forever scarred in someway by the method of delivery, for my sister a massive scar where the C-section was conducted. Your body may never be the same again… You have a living being that depends on you to survive.

Without you, it is helpless..you are the one who gives it a life source of nutrients..care and love.

You have to pause your life…maternity or paternity leave for however long…

I imagine that your life would start revolving around your child even as they grow older…You have to take them to school, prepare their lunches, buy uniform, books…go to Student-Teacher Interviews…Fundraisers for school, casual days, birthday parties…deal with conflicts like bullying or some other issue.

It sounds like a big commitment…

So why do so many people choose to give up (?) so much of their time, money, and freedom for their children?

It sounds like such a great sacrifice..

Maybe I don’t understand, because I am not a mother. But truly, mothers and fathers are quite selfless human beings when they brought us into the world.

Sure, they may be far from perfect and at times, even annoying. But they made a decision to raise you, to the best of their ability.

 

Thank you