Catch 22 – Research Projects

When you start investigating and looking into doing research, unfortunately you will affect the circumstances that you are in.

Research has not been my strong point or forte unfortunately… I just get overwhelmed, bored, and tired of doing research. Unfortunately, as part of my residency position, I will have to complete a research project. Coming up with a project hasn’t been that difficult, but implementation and designing. Holy shit. So hard..🥲🥲🥲it’s almost been a year, yet I still haven’t been able to even start my project yet. Getting ethics has been a major road block… there are so many hurdles to jump through even before I can even go through to ethics… As a resident, my project has to go through the Education committee before going to the Research Committee, and then finally after they all disseminate my Research Expression of Interest.. then can finally go to the Ethics Committee 🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲 just too hard if you ask me.

It sucks now.. the waiting game before starting the Research.. but I suppose in a years time… maybe I will be pretty happy with where I have ended up? Perhaps I would have finished/close to finishing my research project..

WHO KNOWS

Am I going to make a difference in the world? Maybe not?

I love my project… yet I also hate it with passion. How I long to be a normal employee without all the additional responsibilities, research, and expectations… Yet, I know this is a stepping stone for something greater. Something better. Who knows

The benefits and pains of wearing a facemasks

Since I have come to Melbourne I have been wearing a mask daily and have made a list of the unexpected perks and slightly irritations from wearing a mask.

Benefits:

Obviously to protect yourself and others from coronavirus …

Covers up pimples

Don’t need make up on bottom half of the face

Protection from the sun?

Don’t have to fake smile at people

Don’t have to talk to people if you don’t want

Can look happy or sad secretly

Can yawn whenever and people can’t tell discreetly

Could possibly eat things that smell bad and people won’t be able to tell

Less people smoking in public!

Makes some people look better

Not so good things about masks:

If you don’t have one on (because you want to drink water or eat a snack), you feel guilty and that people look at you weirdly.

I can’t snack as much as I would want.

As above, I’ve been drinking less water. 😦

No one can hear me when I talk and I can’t hear other people.

I can’t tell who is talking to me :(.

Can’t recognise people in general.

The mask plus the faceshield really fogs up the shield or any glasses I am wearing…

Face gets itchy ..

What I have learnt from wearing a mask for 3 weeks:

Feels so good to not wear a mask at home!

You really have to stare at people’s eyes to try tell if they are smiling or not…

It is fascinating to see how people look under their mask…so many people look so much better with their mask on..weirdly! Or maybe it’s because they only put eye make up on? ? ahahahha…

On a different note, I have to collect something from the post-office because I wasn’t home to collect the delivery…sadly their hours of operation are seriously cutting it close to the time I am able to collect it. FINGERS CROSSED I will be able to get it post work tomorrow.

Today was my first day at the hospital in whcih I will be at for the next six months…I am still feeling quite shy and cautious about all the differences that I may face while working at the hospital…however, there are quite a few pharmacists from overseas…I am assuming that would be more different?!

I hope tomorrow I will make more progress and be more confidence and be able to contribute more to the team…

Work Orientation

I was too tired yesterday to update sorry…spent most of the night trying to finish some online training before the live Webinar we had today starting at 7:30am 💤💤. My sleep pattern has been terrible lately!! If it’s not the traffic, it’s just myself waking up at like 1am .. after an epic dream and then go back to sleep 3am..*thinking shit is it time to get up?* .. oh still got three hours… then 5am.. same thing.. by the time my alarm goes off at 6:30am I am sooo tired.. i struggled majorly to get up. Luckily, today we were working from home the whole day!

However, on Monday we had to get to the Hospital for a 8am start. As I didn’t have a carpark permit yet, I parked in the visitors carpark… and made my way through to the front entrance of the hospital… when I went in there was a staff member asking if I was a patient, visitor, or a staff member and I said “Staff”.and she’s like where are you working?? And, for some reason, I felt like I was a fraud. Like I was faking being a staff member.. because I haven’t got my ID badge as of yet… anyways, eventually she pointed me towards the staff entrance, I was asked a few questions and the kind lady at the front asked me where i worked.. and I said, “actually I am not sure, it’s my first day 😂”. She was kind enough to direct me to the right way. I also forgot to mention, they had this infared (?) thermal scanning screen that allowed them and everyone else to see your temperature when you walked pass it.. interestingly, my temperature was quite low as usual..

Anyways, we put our bags away.. got a quick tour of the dispensary… and then went to get our ID badges taken. The security guards here did not take it with a normal camera. They used an existing security camera on the roof and told us to go against the wall (which I did not hear) and look up. I had no idea when he was taking the photo, but let’s just say they aren’t the best at taking photos. I think this is my WORST ID badge ever. LoL. I look sooo freaking ugly and chubby… 😆 coz I was wayyy too close to the camera.. As they wanted people to be socially distanced from one another while waiting to talk to security they had an X in the floor and I stood at the X instead if going back against the wall.. :(.

I am disappointed, but life goes on. The same caveat is, I finally got my parking permit.. which is added onto your swipe card. I am glad.. because for that two hour parking at the visitor’s carpark cost me $18..!!!😱😱😱… and also, apparently we will also get name tags!!!! I haven’t had one in agessssss.. since I worked in community pharmacy a longggg time ago.

Excited. Yes. Well anyways, after getting those horrible ID badges.. we were taken for a small tour of the hospital.. we were shown the staff tea break area…and how we have to sign in with a QR code for contact tracing purposes if a Covid breakout were to occur.. and then we also went next door to the childrens hospital and had a quick visit to the pharmacy there too. After that, we were to go home and continue our orientation online through an online general orientation.

And that folks is how I spent the last two days. I have to say, I am exhausted..and we haven’t even started work properly yet!! So, I will try enjoy it as much as I can!

Upon reflection, I think I had an interview here for a pharmacy placement once. I was so desperate as a student to get hospital experience , that I applied to do a four week placement (where you don’t get paid) in Melbourne and flew there to attend a face to face interview. The interview went fine, but unfortunately they said they would give first preference to students from Melbourne universities… fair enough.. I kinda knew, but wanted fo go anyways 😂. I remember at that time, I also stayed with the same aunt that I stayed with this time. It was meant to be. Maybe.

The end of a chapter and the start of the next

The cogs of change are changing again and life as I had known it for the last 9 months , funny how it started as a 4 week gig. When did it change? When did I stop caring, stop striving, and lost my focus?

I think I did bring it upon myself…too scared to let go of what is safe and what is familiar and immerse myself into the unknown. I am not sure if that is partly the reason why I find myself in this predicament. But then ironically, I prove myself right. It didn’t work out, but at least I have a some form of security in knowing that I have the second job while looking for something new.

It’s scary. Not knowing what my future will be like. But hey, this has been happening every few months before a contract ends. I still remember the terror and anxiety I felt when my first contract was almost ending…I was worried did I make a good impression? I’ve always worked hard and did my best to be nice to everyone. But I guess when you so hard and with no recognition, you start feeling under appreciated, tired, stressed, and burdened. Too scared to complain because you want to be chosen to stay there, yet everyday feels harder than the day before.

This good bye was inevitable. There are regrets, but there are also moments where I had a confidence that I did not have before and I am proud that this difficult situation developed that in me. Standing up for my rights and of others is something that I strive to do. I think it has something to do with respecting yourself and speaking up when something things off or wrong. Working in a mental health institution has always been a goal of mine and I have fulfilled that and believe this was be a stepping stone into something greater.

Apparently, with this company there will be an exit interview…this is not something I have done before, despite working in so many places previously. There is so many things I want to say, but I need to be careful of saying anything too bad,  because I need this people to be referees. There is never a way to win is there? Better to leave on good times than bad. I am both scared, yet also looking forward to a change of scenery. Bring on the last 3 weeks of full time work…

Stay Tuned for updates