Self-fulfilling prophecies

Have you ever been a negative nelly and you believed something bad was going to happen, and when it did you announced. “I told you so!”

How much did our attitude to that problem, situation contribute to what happened?

If you always feel like your partner is going to chest on you, so you are suspicious of every female friend they hang out with…and you accuse him of flirting at every opportunity. Maybe your behaviour contributed to his decision to cheat. He was called a cheat, so might as well do it right?

I am not sure if I am making any sense at all.. I woke up around 5 and couldn’t fall back asleep… I was too cold. Most of the time, I am too hot when I sleep. Life is so hard.

P.S. todays cover photo is of some Frozen Taiyaki I found in my local Asian grocery store :0 $3 for 5 mini ones. A bargain 🤣🤣. I put two in the air fryer for about 5 minutes and it’s super crispy and DELICIOUS. Unhealthy probably but delicious. I am craving one now.. but its like 7am. Lol.

Anyways, in conclusion. We have to acknowledge that we have past preconceptions and assumptions about people and their behaviour. Because men and women are not all the same. Stereotyping people and situations doesn’t help. It should make you more alert, but sometimes the ending can be different. And hence I end thid somewhat sleep deprived chat here.

Is it being lazy or being efficient?

Today I managed to do a weeks worth of cleaning in one day. I was recording in a voice message to my mum what I did today.. and it was a lot (imo)..!

Woke up. Had breakfast. Then took the first load of laundry of undergarments downstairs. waited half an hour or so then took the next load, work clothes -on delicate mode- and put the undergarments in the dryer. Repeat x5. As I was hanging up the work clothes I get a call from my Aunty who was checking to see if I was alright…

After the call I try to do some study.. but I am hungry again :(. So it’s time to cook from all the left over ingredients I bought last week! So today and tmoros menu consists of frozen eel (soo delicious), frozen fishballs, frozen mixed veggies ( so colourful), fresh bokchoy x3 (coz its cheaper), 2 onions, half a garlic, half a box of smooth tofu, left over noodles…and voila! 4 or so meals are done. It tastes good too. You can’t really go wrong with these ingredients. I left of mess after cooking (and eating) as per usual.

So I started wiping down the kitchen bench.. then I realised the floor was dirty.. so I got out the good old two in one mixed head mop.. sprayed some disinfectant and water. Well, one thing led to another… I had the spray out already.. should I just clean my toilet and shower today instead of Sunday? It means tmoro I can just relax… hmmm anyways. So I ended quickly cleaning the bathroom too.. I don’t think I did as thorough as the week before.. but I’ll survive🤣🤣🤣 always feels sooo nice to have a clean toilet, clean clothes, and clean kitchen bench. My sink is still full of dishes tho 🤣🤣🤣…

Some of my colleagues are horrified to hear how I only clean once a week…but hey I live on my own and the mess is my own. If I can live with it, then it’s fine right? As long as no one else is affected 🤣🤣🤣imho.

It is okay to have burger rings for breakfast

…every now and then anyways.

Woke up feeling shi* this morning with a splitting headache… my mouth has been super dry lately and I suspect it had something to do with the Asthma Preventative Inhalers I take… I do rinse my mouth out after each use.. but I still managed to get something called Oral Thrush 😦 thus is basically a fungal infection of the mouth which causes your tongue and maybe the side of your cheeks to become white and patch.. and for me … it’s hard to swallow and in addition to that I have several mouth ulcers…

I don’t think I’ve been taking care of myself as well as I should… it’s hard. We are in the middle of a pandemic and in stage four lock down in Melbourne… I have to follow by the rules.. and that means only been able to eat and drink during designated break times… which often ai will skip if it is too busy. Stress sucks :(.

But anyways, I digress. So I was feeling shi* this morning and because I woke up several times in the night.. I slept in till about 11am? My mouth was super dry and I was always thirsty, even though I drank water! My appetite wasn’t there anymore… I just craved something soft and tasty. I looked in my cupboard.. and ALAS. The Burger Rings which I got on sale for $1 at Woolies.

Should I? It’s breakfast for goodness sake…. screw if. Imma adult now and if I want to have Burger rings for breakfast .. I am going to have it. For those who might not know, Burger Rings are these ring shaped (clearly) orange/brownish delicious snacks packed with Burger Flavour (whatever that is). They are sooo addictive and tasty. I demolished a whole bag 🤣🙃. Guilty pleasure. Yup. Did it hurt my ulcers? Yup. Was it good for me? Nope. Do you think I would do it again?. Yup. But everything in moderation and I don’t have any left anyways..

Anyways, I better sleep.. big day tomorrow ..training is over and the real Residency starts. Wish me luck and also please remind me to buy some oral anti fungal drops…!

P.S. cover photo is of the Japanese Curry I cooked today which I will eat for the next few days 🤣🤣🤣

Mask wearing evaders

I went for a walk today and saw a man standing still, not wearing a mask, and using his phone. I try to evade him, he is clearly not exercising but is wearing sports gear as if he was. Lame. Mask evaders, hope he gets fined.

I guess if anyone is caught outside not exercising, they could always just say they are going grocery shopping.

Where are the social distancing police when you need it? :0.

Other than that, the situation seems to be getting better. I ordered Uber Eats for the first time!! Since buying frozen eel…I am obsessed with eel.. it’s so delicious. 🤤 I finally got paid on Thursday! I guess this is my small private celebration 🎉..

Spilling Water on your laptop

So I bought some white rice the other day… brown rice is great, but it takes about two hours to cook in the rice cooker… well anyways, as you can see I am putting it to good use. As the responsible and clumsy me managed to spill my water bottle over the laptop.

I googled how to dry the laptop.. and apparently I have to wait a few days to dry it… before I can use it. 😭…

Other than that, I went to the Asian grocery for the first time… it felt like an outing… ! The supermarket is sooo huge… and I couldn’t find anything.. but still managed to buy quite a lot of frozen foods! Hopefully it will be healthier than the chinese pork sausages I have been using in my fried rice.

The Chinese pork sausage is so nice with the fried rice!! But so fatty .. cry.. other than that I am going to try do the 2 Week Ab Chloe Ting challenge xD.. hopefully can get a flatter stomach 🤣🤣🤣

Will report in 2 weeks on how I go…

How to fix the lock on your door

Had a really anxiety inducing event today…I going up and down the building and because my door doesn’t shut properly… (it keeps blowing open). I have to lock it each time I leave.. I think I somehow wore out my key so much that when I was about to go for my walk…I realised the key wasn’t able able to lock the down. I was thinking… I am soo screwed if someone comes in and steals all my stuff :(. Granted, I honestly don’t have much… but it’s still stuff I use!! And need!!

Using my quick thinking skills I set about seeking answers from the genius Dr Google…and the Dr didn’t fail me. Apparently I need something called WD40 , which is basically a lubricant spray…unfortunately I would have to leave my door unlocked until i came back with some WD40.

I walked to the nearby convenience store, grabbed some snacks, and awkwardly asked someone putting stock on shelves. “Do you have WD40?” …and he said “No, sorry”. Damn. i asked myself “Do I still buy the snacks?!?”… I mean they were mostly on sale, why not. Anyways, lame. It means I will have to drive out to the bigger supermarket to grab some.

So one facemask change later (man does it become super moist from some light walking!) and a car trip to the supermarket!! I get my WD40.and $30 more worth of fruits, snacks, and veggies. Sigh. Why can’t I go to the shop and just what I need?! Why Am I so enticed by all the sales and the things I probably don’t need but want?! Anyways. That will be keep me okay for a few days.

Back home now. Luckily it looks like nothing had been stolen..:0. Rice cooker. Check laptop check. Big ass bin. Check. Anyway, Here was the deciding moment whether it works or not. The directions were, spray a bit into the key holes and then wait a few minutes. So i waited. Then i went to putting the key into the lock and tried to lock the door .. no luck dammit.

I open Dr google again. Searching, “Do I need to spray lubricant on Key too?”. Indeed I do… apparently after spraying it, I am supposed to put the key in and out of the lock so that the lubricants coats inside the lock (where my initial spray obviously hadn’t managed to enter into). Alright I twisted the key in and out. Please work I prayed to no one. I really didn’t want to call the Real estate agent for something like this… on a weekend..

And Hallelujah. It worked. And that, folks was the highlight and adulting milestone passed today.

TLDR: Always have some WD40 around.

P.S. minor set back today was, I washed all of the four towels I own and they are still wet, so I am going to have to shower using wet towels. BUY MORE TOWELS has been added to my ever growing TO DO LIST.

Things you don’t know until you move out

It’s almost been two weeks since I moved from my hometown, Adelaide, and made myself across the country to Melbourne. I’ve decided to make a list of things I didn’t/still don’t know since I have moved out…

  1. How to get rid of stains on your chopping board. Throw it away! JOKES, it doesn’t even belong to me. I have lots of orange stains from those stupid carrots I cut.. I looked on the wizarding website, Google about how to get rid of them..Apparently, a normal sponge (which a common man likes me owns) can’t get into those knives made cuts in the board, hence it gets stained… Apparently, bleach, baking soda, or hydrogen peroxide will help get rid of the stains. All which I don’t own…and maybe I should get.
  2. Ice builds up in the freezer for no known reason. When this happens at home, I don’t really notice. But when you are living on your own, you question everything! This fridge came with the apartment I am renting, so it is quite old and NOT frost free like most new fridges sadly… I looked up Google and it doesn’t seem like there is an easy fix…it could mean that the fridge seals may not be working as well as they are supposed to hence the ice building up inside…I’ve just been picking the little ice off when it gets long enough..reminds me of a little winter wonderland…xD…
  3. How to clean a toilet. Properly. In my limited experience of cleaning toilets back in Adelaide…they were reduced to spraying and wiping the surfaces of the toilet back at church…and at home putting some bleach in the toilet bowl..flushing and using the brush to clean the outside lol. ew…and then letting it dry. Yups. Needless to say, not very clean. Luckily, there are lots of youtube videos showing the right and proper (?) way for a better clean toilet.
  4. GROCERIES. Sigh. I ‘ve mentioned it before…but it’s important to sort of figure out what you need and reduce the number of times you need to go to the groceries…is it urgent? if not, wait until the next grocery shop time! I guess ideally you should make a list of things that you might need every week, so you don’t forget.
  5. Different types of linen and bedding. Prior to moving out, I only knew of pillowcases, quilt covers…and the thing that goes on your mattress. Didn’t know the name of the thing that goes on your mattress…but the one at home always had elastic around it. I found out since then, that is called a fitted sheet…and the one that DOESN’T have an elastic is called a Flat Sheet. LIFE CHANGING! I was never able to find online what I wanted to buy because I didn’t know what they were called… I’ve also learnt the importance of mattress protectors…and did you know you were supposed to flip your mattress every month or so to even out the wear?!!? I will be honest with you, I have not done that once in my 29 years of life. I tried flipping the mattress that came with this apartment…saw the other side had this huge ass brown stain…maybe it was blood?!?! Murder?!?! OMG ?!?! I don’t know..and thought. NAH. I am good. I will just leave it on this side… It would be nice to buy my own new mattress.. hmmm…$$ though…
  6. Never knew what fabric softener was until I moved out. Never used it… apparently, it makes your clothes softer and easier to iron after a wash :O. So far, I haven’t ironed anything that I’ve washed since I got here..but we’ll find out after I start work tomorrow!
  7. Less is better than more. While cooking..always only add a little bit of seasoning, TEST TASTE IT. Then add a little more as needed… Being too confidence and adding wayyy too much at once (like I do) makes it overseasoned and you can’t really fix that…
  8. Never realised how dusty the floor surface gets. To be honest, back at home, I rarely checked the vacuum cleaner to see how much dusty I have picked up after a vacuum…But since I am living on my own with a small stick vacuum…I have to empty the small canister quite often…and BOY am I surprised at how much dust there is after each vacuum!! I suppose dust gets in from your shoes…from moving stuff around..and opening the windows. hanging clothes to air…DUST IS EVERYWHERE. I am dust produced. LOL.so very important to get a vacuum when you live on your own…so you can discover how disgusting of a place you live in!
  9. You don’t need a can opener. We always had one at home…but honestly, I can’t remember the last time I used one. I don’t know why I ran out to buy one in Melbourne… I don’t even have a need to use it!
  10. Recycling and being eco friendly can be fun. I have never been so crazy about recycling things until now…If it can save money and be useful…why not..! I can’t say I am pleased with all of my creations, but hey, some are coming in handy…Like my placemat, my stationery and pen containers, recycle bill, bin, mouse pad..

As I write this at 9:40am local time…I have already finished one load of washing and put a second one in…soon I will put the third lot in..! I am trying to get all the laundry out of the way as I probably won’t have time during the week to do it.. 😦

Wish me the best of luck tomorrow for my first day at work! I will be getting a Photo ID badge..I presume…so I gotta make sure I look good for my photo xD. After going into work in the morning for a bit, I believe the plan is those that live nearby to work (i.e. me) will go home and use their computers from home to continue the orientation/training modules. It’s my first time working from home officially! I don’t think being on call counts?

I am both excited and nervous about starting all over again…in a new workplace..with new rules..new procedures…it’s time to dump out what I have been taught before and learn new ways of doing things…new software…staff…management… and I don’t even know how to do my timesheet. LOL. -.-”

Will hopefully have energy to update tomorrow on the first day of work!

*edit i think i forgot to post this on Sunday*?)*

(P.S. took this photo and the cover photo on my walk yesterday…soo pretty!)

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Things that I have found most useful since moving out

I can’t believe it has been one week already (almost typed one year) since I packed up all my stuff into my tiny little Toyota Yaris Hatchback and drove 12 hours over to another state in Australia. I have had to adapt and make do with what I have as best as I can. I am super grateful I have a credit card, as it allows me to make some large purchases without worrying about how I am going to pay for everything straight away.

Living alone is peaceful, but I have to admit it is a little lonely…I can spend days and hours without speaking to someone in real life. I have decided to compile a small list of things that I found most helpful when moving out.

  1. Get connected to WIFI. It helps give you peace of mind that when you video calls your family that you aren’t blowing all the credit on your mobile phone.
  2. Get a shower mat…it’s sooo cold going out of the shower at night!
  3. Get a pedal stool bin or automatically opening bin. You don’t know how better life is with a bin that closes and opens basically without you having to touch the lid. A swing-top bin is just NOT the same! It gets dirty easily and it won’t stop the odours from coming out of your bin! It’s just so convenient to have a pedal to open and close the bin, especially when cleaning out the sink or while cooking.
  4. Get some good sharp knives, they make your wrist and life so much easier! I just purchased my first knife today. Yup. It took only 29 years on earth to get this far…I had no idea that the cash register person had to double-check that I was over 18 before being able to purchase a knife! LOL. I got a Santoku knife, which is a type of knife really good for cutting things thinly and not having to rock back and forth. Who knew there was so many different types of knives out there with all sort of purposes?!
  5. Laundry baskets. Never appreciated them so much till now. Great place to store dirty smelly clothes.
  6. Kettles bring life. Makes coffee, tea, and instant soup…what else can I say?
  7. Hand held vacuums are the bomb. Easy storage..quick and easy. Makes vacuuming sort of fun and less of a chore.
  8. Paper towels are not just for wiping hands…they are for cleaning grease…lining draws..temporary placements… holding hot stuff. They are the best.
  9. Try to recycle everything that you can. Whether old bottles…cardboard boxes…containers..lids…rubber bands…they could come in handy someday.
  10. Be enviromentally friendly and also saving on the electricity bill at the same time! Try to heat up your house in other ways besides turning on the heater..i.e. exercising, cooking, or just wear more clothes so that you don’t feel so cold in your apartment. You could even make something warm to drink like soya milk or just drink hot water. Done.

 

Anyways, my brain hurts. I took a few montage style videos of my apartment block and the surrounding suburb today…I never knew HD camera setting on iphone is sooo nice! It makes me look like a semi-pro, even though I am noob. LOL once I figure how to to transfer to my laptop I might post it!

Finally Officially Moved in!

I am typing this on my laptop with my super slow internet hotspotted from my phone…Other than the room being extremely cold, I am okay with it so far…I’ll see how my first night here goes.

For dinner tonight, I had some leftover Charsiu from my aunty, I microwaved some of that instant brown rice, air fried some frozen veggies (bad idea..the corn started exploding lol), and some french fries (also courtesy of my aunt). Everything except the rice and veggies was chucked into the airfryer. I added a touch of ketchup and mixed everything together and BAM that’s kind like fried rice with out frying it (unless the airfryer counts?). That my friends was the first meal I have cooked (?) in Melbourne on my own.

I also had my first shower which was freezing cold and I super regretted only bringing two towels with me…and they aren’t big towels either! Fingers crossed they will be dry for the next time I need to use them … I need more towels..lol.. I realise I barely have anything…but I am trying to improvise and make do with make-shift items. I have made a few temporary bings out of cardboard boxes…I have used a dish towel to be both a placemat and a temporary dish dryer. As I don’t have anything to line my drawers with, I have used paper towel to hold my cutlery and knives so they don’t move every time I open the drawer.

My aunt and uncle gave me an old table they had sitting outside so I have brought that back and set it up..they also gave me an old tv..but, unfortunately, it doesn’t work…LOL…Or I just don’t know how to set it up…:(

I had some trouble figuring out how to use the microwave and I thought it was broken…LOl but anyways I did end up eventually figuring it out…the sink also was missing something to stop the water from being drained, but I looked around and found something that fit to stop it…also sadly that hand held-vacuum that was here…I just realised it doesn’t run on batteries and needs a charger…WHICH THE PREVIOUS TENANT didn’t leave behind so basically it’s junk and I already have a draw for broken shit. -.- why don’t they get rid of the broken stuff?!? LAME.

Today I also bottled my kettle for the first time..good to know it works. I’ve also been using the airconditioner…jsut cos its soo cold…I am scared of my electricity bill though :(. Asides from not having enough clothes hangers to hang my clothes…I am pretty much unpacked!

Hopefully tomorrow I will be able to explore a bit of the neighbourhood and get those supplies that I have been writing down in my phone…I need so many more cleaning supplies 😦 But where am I going to store it? I don’t have a laundry room sadly…

Lasik failure :(

I was so worried about post surgery complications, I didn’t even consider that the procedure would be a failure…

Prior to the surgery, I was given the choice to take some sleeping tablets to help “relax me”.. and of course I took it.. I was nervous as hell.. but little did I know what would happen next.

I don’t know how often this happens, but I was all gowned up with the hairnet, shoe covers, and ready to get lasik. I had to go through numerous stinging eyedrops, face disinfected, text over my eyes…and then they propped openmy eyes with something so I couldn’t blink.. that was a bit painful. I had to stare at a green light above me that sort of suctioned onto my eye. It was uncomfortable, there was drilling sounds, I was scared shitless. I think I knew something was wrong because the machine kept coming off and back on to my eye…what felt like an eternity later (but was probably a minute later), the doctor aborted the surgery. He had made two incisions in the flaps of my eye to try lift them, but apparently couldn’t because the shape of me eyes were weird. But mate, aren’t you supposed to check that pre-surgery? At that time I was too drowsy to say anything and really remember much.. I was taken to a recovery area with a ned.. and given an icepack for my now inflammed rye.. they were talking about there being bubbles in my eyes. WTF.

The doctor pulled me back into his room and tried to explain what happened, but he used all this medical jargon (about eyes) which I didn’t understand and was too sleepy to ask about. Why do they do that? After drugging you up telling you all this important stuff? He took out the after lasik pack which had been shown to me by a optometrist assistant prior to going into the surgery. He chucked away the antibiotic eyedrops and said “You won’t need this”. But what if I do? You have made two cuts in my eye! I can see the blood lines there and it freaks me out.

I can’t remember the last time I felt so disappointed, dissatisfied , disgusted, depressed, and yet damn angry. I have been knocked out the rest of the day. All that damn anxiety and dread leading up to the surgery day…

They also made me pay upfront BEFORE i had the surgery. What scammers. In the end they apparently “refunded” it to me on my credit card.. but honestly I can’t see it there yet…I won’t let them get away with that one. 😤😤😤

Some of my friends have told me to sue them for medical negligence. Whilst it sounds like s annoying and long-winded expensive process… I wouldn’t want anyone else to go through what I did and who knows how long my eyes will take to recover? They didn’t even tell me if I can wear contacts again.. do I have to wear sunglasses everywhere? Am I not allowed to wash my hair with shampoo? Which is what their information sheets say, but they didn’t write one up for botched surgeries.

A mixture of guilt and sadness also lies within my mind. Why did I want so bad to not have glasses? I guess they might be the safest option now…

-Sad

Priorities in Life

I think I have said it before, but there is a time and place for everything.

There is a time to save, a time to spend, a time to invest, a time to just work your ass off.

Everyone harps on about work-life balance, but what and who really determines what value you put on each area? Is there a perfect number? I think it is more a subjective thing and it will change through the seasons of your life.

I believe our priorities change as we grow…In high school, all I ever wanted to do was graduate and be done with school. Then in Uni, I just wanted so badly to pass my exams and to finish my course. I started working and then all I could think about is how much I missed my friends at uni and all the free time I used to have.

People my age are getting married, having kids, working and planning their life.

I suppose it comes down to our values to what we think is important and that occupies our time.

Random Rants: Generous Giving

 

Even as a child, I was always a giver. It was ingrained into me from a young age from my mother, “Why get fat by eating it all by yourself, when you can share it around and not be fat?”. With that mentality, I would share whatever snacks or food I had with others, I felt extremely uncomfortable to be the only one eating. If no one else was eating, I didn’t want to eat. It made me feel like a little selfish pig and gave me this really guilty feeling. I am not saying that is a healthy thing to have! Now, I am almost the opposite, I can’t stand the sound of people chewing or eating really loudly, it’s so off-putting and distracting. But I do still like to bring food to share and to give to others…

 

Not trying to say I am a saint or anything, but when I was younger I was sympathetic the beggars I saw on the street, despite not having money, I would try to give them something useful like food or a pocket hand warmer…  When I finally had a job in university, on my 22nd birthday, I remember signing up to sponsor a child in Africa who had the same birthday as me. Despite sponsoring her for many years and receiving the periodic update letters from her, I never responded to a single one. I was like an anonymous sponsee that never seemed to have time to write a letter to someone I didn’t know.

 

One day, my brother told me, instead of just throwing money to random organisations and where the money goes into paying for the staff working in the organisation in a place far away. What about instead of focussing on the people across the world, what about the people around you? This led me into a phase where I was trying to find the right place to volunteer and tried all these different places. I felt while the work I did there was alright for the moment, I felt there was so much more potentially that I could do.  There was so much I wanted to do, but so little time. I loved animals, I loved kids, I cared about the disadvantaged, people with disabilities, the medically sick…I wanted to go on medical mission trips across the world and help people in development countries, myself. That was my dream, I do still hope to do that someday. But reality hits, this all needs money. It doesn’t come for free…to get there I need to study hard to get into the degree, I need to get experience, and become qualified. I guess you can call it perhaps my calling in life for the desire to help others and to give.

It’s not always just about giving money, but thinking what can you actually DO and just to be kind to those around you, even if they are hard to love. Be wise with where you invest your money and time and don’t just throw it around blindly, also don’t just keep all the money for yourself!

2020 Values

Another year has passed, another decade is here. Strange to think that I can still remember when it was the year 2000, and we were in a new Millenium…I remember these gummy lollies that started selling pretty well back then, I think it was the Millenium bugs or something..so tasty.

I sometimes wonder how the mind chooses what to remember and what not to. I would say it would remember the happiest moments and also the saddest moments of our lives…then anything in between could be a coincidence or something out of the ordinary that made us remember it.

If I were to reflect again on 2019, it would be a year where others have already said, a year of ups but also downs, love but also heartbreak, regret and the fear of not trying.  I honestly look back at myself and think I was a different person than to who I am now and I think this will always be the case as I continue to grow, continue to make the same mistakes in the past, one step forward, how many steps backwards…as long as I am moving somewhere.

2020. A year in which I put high hopes for. It is the year that I leave my 20s…how scary. A year in which I hope is full of travel, goals being met, and relationships strengthened. Hopefully. 2019 drained me…in a whole different way. I think it’s a combination of working too much, committing so much, and studying too much. Too much of anything is bad, isn’t it? All work and no play makes for a sad joy. I always seem a bit out of balance in all things..either I do nothing or I try to do all over it. Either I love someone or I hate them. A black and white world, that is a scary thing.

I faced many trials while working at my casual job, from workplace injuries to bullying, the anxiety of not having worked…because my manager hated me. To becoming a nervous wreck at my other job from dealing with clients that are abusive. Why did I try so hard? But, I am thankful for my new job, where it seems alright. The only major anxiety now is that 1. I can’t progress from where I am at the moment. 2. I don’t know how long my next contract will be. But, I like the immediate management..and the pay is good. So I should, not I am grateful.

2019 was the year my gym closed down. I didn’t gym for two months while I contemplated where I should go. I felt like a headless chook not knowing where to go. It was a big thing for me because it made me lose my routine…exercise is so important to keeping you feel sane after a long day at work. I had my favourite Zumba class where I can dance away my worries…when it closed…I didn’t know what to do..so I did nothing… I am grateful now for my new gym..no it’s not the same…1. It’s a mixed gym, not an all-girls gym that I am used to. 2. The Zumba classes there aren’t that great. 3. It costs a lot more than my previous membership, but the benefits are that parking is easier as it located near my house and not in the city. The distance between home and the gym makes it easier to bring me to go to the gym. Exercise and staying fit will always be an important part of my life, and I can tell when I haven’t exercised my mental health going downhill. SO make sure you guys exercise okay!

2019 I worked on building my self-confidence. I still am working on this and will continue in 2020. I learnt instead of focusing so much on makeup to cover my flaws, to instead trying to take proper care of my skin instead. To be preventative rather than treatment orientated. I am not sure if it’s a side effect of the pills I take, the lesser use of makeup, or the skincare products I am using…my skin is far from perfect and I still get the odd pimple here and there, but I am comfortable going to work or out with no makeup on. I have also been trying to lessen the use of my hair straightener (I sold the old one and bought a new one last year) and try to leave my hair as natural as possible. When it’s messy, I tie it up in a way that looks nice and no one would guess how messy it is! I realise, that by not using the straightener as much my hair has never been as healthy…I use daily some leave-in conditioner as well… With the exercise thing that I mentioned above, I want to be more comfortable with my body shape. I have always felt shy about my body shape, thinking I am too fat and wearing just loose clothing…safe clothing I say. But I would say I am broadening my “look” and trying to “my style” that makes me look good (in my eyes).

Something which I am going to focus on 2020, is “Saying NO” and taking a risk. I feel my health is deteriorating because I place a lot of importance in working a lot…and for the last five months, getting one day off every two weeks is my norm. It’s exhausting. But, I fear the consequences of what will happen if I stop one of my two jobs. Money is so alluring. It makes me temporarily “Happy” when I get paid. But…working so hard and not having the ability to enjoy it or friends to enjoy it with me…makes me feel empty.

Relationships. I had a lot of failed relationships this year. Whether short, long, or fleeing. I made a lot of “new” relationships, but whether or not I really made any super close friends…I don’t know what I was trying to achieve, but I think I was trying to fill that emptiness inside of me.  This year, I want to be wiser. Learn to love my own company. Let’s hope 2020 will be a good year to strengthen relationships with those I do want to…and break free from some that are not healthy.

Studies. 2020 will be the year I finally finish my graduate certificate in disability studies… phew…Took me two years to get there…but I got there. I also am planning to take the Gamsat in March this year. Again… I think its 5th or 6th time? All that money… is an investment I hope, it’s only wasted if I don’t keep trying…right? I remind myself, by studying Gamsat materials, it is a good exercise for my brain and to help me think outside the box more. Yesterday, some friends and I went to do an escape room activity, and it’s so exciting to be able to crack codes and figure out riddles. Let’s do our best! I remind myself here, that it is about the quantity of time I spend studying in books and text, but the quality and the way that I can learn and prepare for the exam. This time, I will think outside the box for different ways to prepare for the exam. Maybe reading books, maybe talking to people, maybe doing a new hobby…who knows…But I will make the journey a more enjoyable one than before.

Cleaning, almost forgot about this. I had a major clean up in 2019 and I hope that I can continue ‘cleaning up’ the rest of the house in 2020. I did the Marie Kondo style clean up in my room/..I got rid of a mountain full of coat hangers…clothes, and things I never use. Who knows how much rubbish we can collect over the years? It’s liberating to know where things are (most of the time), and having things so neat and easy to use. I hope I continue the Marie Kondo way in 2020 and improve upon it and continue to be disciplined daily to put things away.

Family. So important, I am so lucky to still have both my parents and my siblings here in Adelaide. I also have an awesome aunt and uncle who live so close by and the really feel like my substitute grandparents who have already passed. I have to say, I am so guilty of not spending as much time as I should with them…Also, I can’t forget, 2019 was the year my nephew, Jaxon, was born! This bundle of cuteness lighted up so many of my dark, sad, and lonely days. Here’s to hoping I can spend more time with him and enjoy his first few years of life.

Travel. I didn’t travel anywhere overseas in 2018 or 2019. But now, that I finally have the funds and the annual leave to travel. I am happy to say I have booked my first overseas holiday in three years for next month! Yes, it’s just to NZ, but that’s still counted as overseas for me! I am so excited, it’s always been a place I needed to visit at least once, just as Canada was…I am excited to see beautiful scenery and amazing sights, it will also be a good chance to become closer to my friend whom I haven’t spent a lot of time with in the last few years…I hope I can travel to somewhere new each year in the upcoming years! Travel is like medicine for the soul.

I think these are all the values I have worked on in 2019 and hope to continue building upon in 2020. If I think of anything, I guess I will edit or post again.

 

Thanks for reading my random ramble!

 

Happy 2020 to you!

 

EDIT: Just remembered as I posted, I forgot to say that 2019 was also a great year in which I gained new subscribers to my blog! i am amazed that there are so many people from so many different countries randomly coming here and reading my blog. Thank you to you all! I hope I will continue writing my random thoughts and feelings towards life, adulting, and etc in 2020.

Nostalgic

Today I went to eat a pie. I can’t remember when was the last time I bought a pie from a cafe..? First and last time this year? Maybe. Waves of nostalgia rippled through me…memories came back from when I first finished high school and started working in my first ever part-time job as a waitress in a cafe. I started my love of coffee and my hate for this brand of cakes from then. Duties included heating up pies, pasties, sausage rolls, quiches…  we sold cakes, sandwiches, iced coffees, milkshakes…It was a fast-paced…there were lots of oldies that frequented the cafe on the days I work…the owners were family friends…and most of the co-workers were nice. I spent three years there…

Eating a pie brought back memories of my kind boss, so I sent her a message asking about her kids and so forth.

Isn’t it strange how small things like this can bring back memories of the past? I feel so old right now! It’s strange how memories from 10 years ago feel like a lifetime ago.

We almost are in 2020…What things do you want to squeeze in before 2019 is over?

2020

2020 is a big year. I can feel it already. The year I leave my 20s and enter the scary 30s. !!

It’s a year I want to knock off some things off my bucket list.

One of them being going to New Zealand. Always had planned to go…but because it seemed so close to home, it doesn’t feel like I am leaving the country. I am happy to say I have booked my flights to New Zealand and will be going on the 19th to 24th of March! Super excited…but also feeling a bit stressed…I haven’t found accommodation yet! I think when I finally get a place to stay I will feel more relieved… It’s hard to plan transport, tours, and etc without knowing where you will stay :(. I guess you can call me a homeless person while I am in NZ.

I have also managed to get VIP tickets to meet on of my favourite Jrock bands, ONE OK ROCK. SUPER excited. I have always wanted to see them live…When I was in Japan for exchange back in 2014, I wanted to see them in Japan….however they were touring in the US at that time..so I missed that opportunity. BUT they are coming to my hometown!!!!! So excited. I would have flown interstate to see them…but now no need…so might aswell splurge on VIP tickets which include a meet and greet <3, early entry, a special lanyard, and a wrist band. But most importantly, is that I get to meet them…and hopefully get a photo if I am lucky! None of my friends that are going got the VIP tickets…so hopefully I can make a friend there or find someone kind enough to help me take a photo.  I guess this would be a new addition to my bucket list.

Assuming all goes well in the jobs department, i.e. getting an extension of my current work contract or getting a new job within SA Health, I hope I can save up enough for a house/unit deposit. I am aiming for about 60-80k, which will be about the minimum 20% deposit I need for a house. Gotta keep working hard!

I have applied for the JET program..so this may affect my income levels aswell. But, no fear..doesn’t mean I can’t still be working overseas and saving for my house deposit. I haven’t heard anything back from them yet, so who knows if I will even pass the written part of the application? But at least I tried, right?

To be honest, I am not sure what else is on my latest bucket list…I think the same things that always matter will be there or not…stay fit and healthy… be present with family and enjoy time with my nephew …and be an awesome friend….travel more…finish my study…and get lots more experience in my career and keep working hard for long term goals…Oh yeah keep writing more in this blog..and other stuff which I have much neglected…

Do you have any goals or aims for 2020?