Deleting someone

Imagine, if we treated someone in real life the way we treated them online. If you didn’t like someone, you just ignore when they speak yo you. If you didn’t like someone and you blocked them from all you social media accounts, basically you just built some sort of fortress or wall around your house hold to prevent them coming close to you. If only the real world was so easy to avoid the people you want to avoid. It’s so much harder, but at the same time.. it hurts so much when someone you were close to, blocks you from everything. If that pain could be measured, it would be off the rockets.

We once were friends, what happened along the way that it had to come to this?

Ripping off the bandaids

We all dread ripping off a tight bandaid.. it was something used to stop all the bleeding, to help heal and temporarily helps with the pain and having to see a wound. When the bandaid is left on too long, it almost becomes one with our skin. However, when its time to rip it off, it’s anxiety inducing…fear of pain, fear the wound hasn’t healed, fear of what lies beneath… maybe an infection?

Once its ripped off, the pain is sharp, it’s short, but it’s there. Feel the pain, embrace it, and then hope you won’t need it again.

We clutch on to what helps us keep going… doing what we can to survive, to thrive, and to feel alive.

First year Anniversary in Melbourne

I can’t believe one year in Melbourne has already passed soo quickly in a blink of an eye 😅😅… I spent half of the time in a lockdown, but honestly it hasn’t been too bad. So grateful for the good times I have had during my stay here, the people I have met, and the food I have eaten.

Cheers 🥂 to another year to go. 😌😌😌Where will I be in one years time?

Slow down

A patient of mine told me to, SLOW DOWN. My job gets repetitive after doing the classic antibiotic and pain killers talk for the 100th time during this rotation.

I haven’t realised that I have gone 100 miles per hour, until a person from a non-English speaking country told me to “SLOW DOWN”. And I stopped, I really do go TOO FAST. Maybe due to the workload, partly because I am an inpatient person. I always want to be fast, effective, and try to do everything. But, I realised, what is the point in doing all this? To achieve everything so soon… to work yourself into a sweat trying to bend your head over for someone who really doesn’t care?

My goal from now on, is to slow down, take a deep breath and ask myself, “Why am I rushing”? What for? Am I late? Then I should change my habits and start being early. Am I not going to get things done? Then maybe it’s time to ask for help or see what else can be streamlined, prioritised to be done later.

Life flies by, and then you realised you haven’t even stopped to smell the flower, enjoy the food, make some friendships. What happened to me that all I became was someone so focused on goals, achievements, and I slowly became someone without a soul, perhaps coming off rude, and a loner.

Bucket list for 2021

I have started reading a webtoon all about bucket lists…but I realised I never seem to keep track or remember what I put down…

So my list for the remainder of 2021 is to:

-Take classes to learn a new instrument! Recently I have taken an interest in the Japanese harp-like instrument, the koto…I have enquired about classes.

-Play a new sport! The only sports I play now is Badminton…and I guess when you are super comfortable with a sport, you might not want to try other sports.. well for me anyways. After asking my friends, I found out a colleague who plays table tennis and have contacts/places to play….

Work on my personality, in particular-to treat everyone like a friend. Not a close friend, but like a friend. A recent random encounter with a rude person, made me reflect on what kind of person I am and what others may perceive I am. But, like someone once said, you never know who you are being rude too.

Travel somewhere I’ve never been to before. This one, I kinda have done on my own to Phillip Island and hopefully I will make my way up to the snow this year??

Assertiveness. I am always saying yes, to the point I get angry and grumpy about it. I overthink too much about what others may think of me. I am going to practice saying no, and I’ll start with small steps and saying now to people wanting to steal my weekend shifts 😒😒😒…I need the money too!!!

Be a better friend to my existing friends. Being there for them, spending time to catch up with them, and overall just strengthening existing friendships. Both in Adelaide and Melbourne.

A decision on a house….!! By the end of this year …hoping to either.

1. Have a mortgage and living in a house/apartment in Melbourne / have saved up 100k by end of 2021 for a deposit

2. Investment property in Adelaide

3. Moved out to a bigger place that allows pets/own furniture

I think this is all that comes into mind at 11pm on a Weeknight. Have you made a bucketlist for yourself?

Embrace Loneliness

I believe you have to embrace being alone. It’s so true how you can be around people, yet feel so alone and isolated.

And when you are alone, you can feel like no one in the world cares about you, if you suddenly disappeared without a trace. If something happened to you, no one would notice, because you are all alone.

Yet, the sounds of people talking too loudly about things you don’t care about, can make you wish for peace and quiet.

So in the moment, appreciate you are alone. You don’t have to make small talk, you don’t have to ask how their day was. Just relax knowing you can eat when you want, sleep when you want, go out and do something you want to on your own. No need to consult with anyone else or what they think. Life is freedom to do whatever you want.

Yet sometimes, society makes you feel bad for being alone. Life and society wasn’t designed for people who are alone. It’s like the loners are shunned in the world.

All the Reminders of the Memories

Now that you are gone, all I have left is fragments of moments in times that are embedded into my memory.

There are so many triggers to the reminiscing that takes place.. It can be a smell, a song, an image, a place.. everything reminds me of you

It’s like the world doesn’t want me to forget you, but I NEED to forget you. How can I move on when I am constantly living in the past?

I hope these feelings of sadness will not last.

Did the bed always feel so cold? Was food always so tasteless? Was life always this mundane?

You lighted up my bleak world with colour, flashing lights, and bells… but now it is quiet once again.

I can only move on when I make fresh memories, try new places, meet more people.

Does a place exist where nothing reminds me of you?

If it’s too good to be true, it probably is fake

In the moment, you feel like everything is but a dream.. it feels too good to be true

You don’t want to wake up from your dream

Entranced by the surreality of the the life you live in

Chasing the end of the rainbows, seeking the treasures that you find

Heads in the clouds, hearts flying with the birds in the sky

When everything ends, you know you proved yourself right

It was really too good to be true. 💭

Winter Wonderings

Winter started off so wonderful, a new flame to provide warmth and shelter

Everything seemed bring and new

It was a first for everything and every moment was magical

But with every delicate flower that blossomed within that new budding love

…There was a risk for it to be crushed

It cannot withstand the howling wind, rain, and storms that it brought

With that the glimmer of warmth of winter was gone .. and once again…

The nights feel cold once again, and once again you realise you are truly, truly, all alone

Returning Home to Adelaide

Coming back to Adelaide for the first time since I left was weird… at times it felt like nothing had changed… but underneath the surface, when you looked a little closer, things has definitely changed.

Since I made the move to Melbourne in August, my friend had a baby, 2 of my friends separated from their partners, my sister finally moved into their new home, my dad was diagnosed with diabetes….my brother bought an ipad for $13!! Houses have been built, buildings have been knocked down, many shops have been forced to close, the covid-19 situation leaves its sting on each business. There are QR codes at each business so that people can check in.

My home hasn’t changed … it’s still as messy and full of hoarded stuff.. everytime I see it, I feel sad.. I feel like I want to clean it up, but it’s not really up to me to tell my parents they need to start throwing away…. for example, I tried washing my clothes this morning and the Washing Machine started shaking, vibrating, and stopped working completely… I had to HANDWASH every item and I know I did a shit job. Lol. Haven’t handwashed anything in forever. I dont even have a bucket to do that in Melbourne.. and of course we don’t have a dryer so some of my clothes are still wet 😅😅😅….

My pet turtle is hugeeee now!! Maybeeeee coz I haven’t seen her for so long!! But she looks hugeee! I am so sure my dad is feeeding her wayyy too much.

My little nephew is as cute as ever!! He has been growing taller and since he has started walkingc he has been losing his baby fat! No longer the chubby baby I once knew! He can saw random words on demand..i.e. the colour BLUE, the name EMMA (the yellow wiggle), and the numbers 8 and 9.

It’s weird feeling like a stranger in your own home, I feel like a guest, but then I also feel like I am not. Hard to explain.

Was this whirlwind last minute trip worth it? Definitely… I just hope there won’t be any last minute breakouts which mean I have to immediately self-isolate or quarantine when I head back to Melbourne… fingers and toes are crossed.

Now, let’s all enjoy that weird time between Christmas and New years.

Cheers to a better year in 2021 🥂

Short Story Series – You got Scammed. Chapter 4

Hmmm. Well, what was the worst thing that could happen? It was just her phone number she was giving, not her bank account details or anything right? Should be alright? Right?

She typed back, “Fine here’s my number.. . The food you cook better look amazing”. She pressed send and put her phone away.

Lilly finally finished work at around 7 pm and was opening the door of her apartment when her phone started going vibrating and lighting up with notifications. What in the world??? It was an unknown number that popped up.

“Hi! This is Hiroshi here!”.. “Thanks for sending me your number.;). .. then next he sent a was a photo of a bowl of ramen that looked as it came from a top Japanese restaurant. “This is what I just cooked for my breakfast today”. Then there was several again blurry photos that he took of himself with a mask hiding his half of his face. The last message said,“Do you like what you see?”. I can cook for you and give you a massage on your feet, because I know you will be tired from work ;(.”. Also, let me know when you are on your period and i’ll make sure to look after you!”.

Lilly didn’t know how to reply…overwhelmingly he seemed too good to be true, but at the same time she wanted to believe that maybe there was a guy that could understand women, could cook, and was as good looking as the man in her dreams…there was one way she could find out from the safety of her phone.

She replied, “Hey Hiroshi! Thanks for sending me the photos! Wow! did you really make that? Looks like it came straight out of a Japanese restaurant!”. By the way, why are you sending me blurry photos of you with a mask on? Do you have something to hide? Jkjk. But seriously, want to video chat tonight if you are free?”.

Self-fulfilling prophecies

Have you ever been a negative nelly and you believed something bad was going to happen, and when it did you announced. “I told you so!”

How much did our attitude to that problem, situation contribute to what happened?

If you always feel like your partner is going to chest on you, so you are suspicious of every female friend they hang out with…and you accuse him of flirting at every opportunity. Maybe your behaviour contributed to his decision to cheat. He was called a cheat, so might as well do it right?

I am not sure if I am making any sense at all.. I woke up around 5 and couldn’t fall back asleep… I was too cold. Most of the time, I am too hot when I sleep. Life is so hard.

P.S. todays cover photo is of some Frozen Taiyaki I found in my local Asian grocery store :0 $3 for 5 mini ones. A bargain 🤣🤣. I put two in the air fryer for about 5 minutes and it’s super crispy and DELICIOUS. Unhealthy probably but delicious. I am craving one now.. but its like 7am. Lol.

Anyways, in conclusion. We have to acknowledge that we have past preconceptions and assumptions about people and their behaviour. Because men and women are not all the same. Stereotyping people and situations doesn’t help. It should make you more alert, but sometimes the ending can be different. And hence I end thid somewhat sleep deprived chat here.

2 days to go…

Been soooo busy these days.. doing lots of things.. but also feeling like I am not doing anything productive…

Been going out wayyyyy too much. I am not a very sociable person, so sometimes its a bit awkward…but I don’t regret it. It makes me feel sad that I am leaving behind all these wonderful people whom some I haven’t seen for months and months! It’s only because I am moving away that I am seeing them..

Packing… it has started and what started as one suitcase has turned into two suitcases, 2 crates, eight bags of clothes, and one more to come.. dont forget the badminton stuff… gym mat… laptop.. chargers.. last minute toiletries…hair dryer… contacts lens… pillow quilt.. soft toys.. snacks and drinks for the trip..I feel like I want to bring everything.. but my car is tiny.. ;(

So much to do.. but so little time 😦

How to be comfortable #forever alone

There are going to be times where you will be alone, whether driving to work, going on work vacations or if you don’t know anyone in a social situation…or even during Covid lockdowns. I think it is always useful to have something to do in case you have time to kill and don’t want to waste it.

1. Have a piece of technology with you at all times…most likely at least your phone…so you can use it to surf the internet, use social media, or write ideas for future blog posts…

2. Have a book to read…Whether a light novel, autobiography or whatever. It is perfectly acceptable to sit somewhere to read, you would less uncomfortable with a book than without. Can even read manga or ebooks from your phone like Webtoons! Or listen to books being read out loud on Audiobooks etc.

3. Have some good music to listen to. Emo music is great.

4. Get a pet. Dog, cat, fish, or turtle etc. Even plushie or bolster is fine. xD. Anything you can cuddle really….

5. Learn how to play an instrument..but don’t spend too much on your first instrument xD you can learn from Youtube videos.

6. Just learn to love yourself and to love the friends and family around you. You can do this with the help of Apps, self-health books, psychological services, or just spending time on yourself.

7. Maybe get a plant? But only if you can keep it alive, nothing is more depressing than a dead plant in the house :(.

8. Watch online streamers or even start streaming yourself! Maybe a good way to connect with other people or make new friends.

9. Get into the stock or share market!! Why not use all that spare time you have being single and grow your investment portfolio and become a bit more well off than you are now. Also look into your Super Fund and see if they are really growing your supperannuation for you or is it time to choose a different option for yourself.

10. Work out and get yourself the best body you can have! Go to the gym as much as you can, get fit, and get healthy..or play a sport, like badminton!! I guess this is good for making friends and socialising as such, if your area let’s you go back to indoor spoorts that is.

I am guessing the reality of these things I listed is because when you DO eventually get into a relationship, you most likely will have less time to yourself and to do what you want. Why not make the most of this single prime time and make it your time..

-#Foreveralone