What happened to me?

What has happened to me? I feel like I am falling back into old habits… into past fears, into avoidance, into the black deep hole. I thought I was strong enough to overcome all this, I thought I would never go down that path again.

Where did it go wrong? How can I fix this? What did I do before? I can’t remember anymore. Is this because of the situation that’s been thrown at me or is it because I was already suffering inside but because I had put it off for so long that I failed to see it? How did I become like this?

My hopes and dreams feel meaningless. Everything is meaningless. What’s the point in trying if you are going to fail anyways. Why am I so negative :(.

Is it because I moved here? Should I move back? I am so confused, worried, and exhausted. Is it because I spent so much time alone? This endless lockdown and constant worries of getting the virus. Constant fears of having to quarantine… I am so very tired and unmotivated 😞

All the Reminders of the Memories

Now that you are gone, all I have left is fragments of moments in times that are embedded into my memory.

There are so many triggers to the reminiscing that takes place.. It can be a smell, a song, an image, a place.. everything reminds me of you

It’s like the world doesn’t want me to forget you, but I NEED to forget you. How can I move on when I am constantly living in the past?

I hope these feelings of sadness will not last.

Did the bed always feel so cold? Was food always so tasteless? Was life always this mundane?

You lighted up my bleak world with colour, flashing lights, and bells… but now it is quiet once again.

I can only move on when I make fresh memories, try new places, meet more people.

Does a place exist where nothing reminds me of you?

Writers Block

Not sure why, but these days I have been unable to finish writing the posts that I started. I have like two different half-written posts in my drafts.

Hopefully, the motivation and energy will come back soon and I can finish them

So much to organise before my move to Melbourne.

😦