Returning Home to Adelaide

Coming back to Adelaide for the first time since I left was weird… at times it felt like nothing had changed… but underneath the surface, when you looked a little closer, things has definitely changed.

Since I made the move to Melbourne in August, my friend had a baby, 2 of my friends separated from their partners, my sister finally moved into their new home, my dad was diagnosed with diabetes….my brother bought an ipad for $13!! Houses have been built, buildings have been knocked down, many shops have been forced to close, the covid-19 situation leaves its sting on each business. There are QR codes at each business so that people can check in.

My home hasn’t changed … it’s still as messy and full of hoarded stuff.. everytime I see it, I feel sad.. I feel like I want to clean it up, but it’s not really up to me to tell my parents they need to start throwing away…. for example, I tried washing my clothes this morning and the Washing Machine started shaking, vibrating, and stopped working completely… I had to HANDWASH every item and I know I did a shit job. Lol. Haven’t handwashed anything in forever. I dont even have a bucket to do that in Melbourne.. and of course we don’t have a dryer so some of my clothes are still wet 😅😅😅….

My pet turtle is hugeeee now!! Maybeeeee coz I haven’t seen her for so long!! But she looks hugeee! I am so sure my dad is feeeding her wayyy too much.

My little nephew is as cute as ever!! He has been growing taller and since he has started walkingc he has been losing his baby fat! No longer the chubby baby I once knew! He can saw random words on demand..i.e. the colour BLUE, the name EMMA (the yellow wiggle), and the numbers 8 and 9.

It’s weird feeling like a stranger in your own home, I feel like a guest, but then I also feel like I am not. Hard to explain.

Was this whirlwind last minute trip worth it? Definitely… I just hope there won’t be any last minute breakouts which mean I have to immediately self-isolate or quarantine when I head back to Melbourne… fingers and toes are crossed.

Now, let’s all enjoy that weird time between Christmas and New years.

Cheers to a better year in 2021 🥂

Day -Zero

I just spent a whole entire day literally in my car.. my car is a mess 😦 I normally wouldn’t eat in my car.. but with all the restrictions in place, I really had no choice :(. It’s so dirty now…and carwashes and stuff are all closed as per the stage 4 lockdown :(.

I am exhausted.. but just wanted to write a quick post to let you guys know I’ve reached Melbourne after driving solo across from Adelaide. It was scary.. but it was also exciting and exhilarating experience as well. I wonder if I would enjoy it more with company…probably? Depending on who it is.

I saw a few cool things along my journey.. including SILO art and a giant Koala! I have added these photos to the post.. it made the trip more worthwhile.

This was my first roadtrip on my own…and I gotta say.. it’s quite sad seeing all the dead wildlife that are strewn across the roads :(. I counted at least 12 kangaroos and 1 possum that was dead. For some reason, some dead kangaroos had a red X marked on them :S. Something did jump out In front of me, not sure if it was a possum or a black cat.. but luckily I did not hit it.

Another thing that I noticed there was a lot of police presence on the the side of the road towards Adelaide. When I unknowingly reached the border between Adelaide and Melbourne, the other side of the road had a checkpoint set up to make sure everyone entering Adelaide had a permit. Good to know the borders are keeping the Adelaide people safe.

What people are surprised at is I didn’t get stopped at all by anyone at the borders. I didn’t need to worry about it at all! It was literally cross no questions asked.

I have some house inspections to do tomorrow and some paperwork to do for my new job. Hopefully all goes well and I don’t get in trouble for going out >.<

Silo art

2 days to go…

Been soooo busy these days.. doing lots of things.. but also feeling like I am not doing anything productive…

Been going out wayyyyy too much. I am not a very sociable person, so sometimes its a bit awkward…but I don’t regret it. It makes me feel sad that I am leaving behind all these wonderful people whom some I haven’t seen for months and months! It’s only because I am moving away that I am seeing them..

Packing… it has started and what started as one suitcase has turned into two suitcases, 2 crates, eight bags of clothes, and one more to come.. dont forget the badminton stuff… gym mat… laptop.. chargers.. last minute toiletries…hair dryer… contacts lens… pillow quilt.. soft toys.. snacks and drinks for the trip..I feel like I want to bring everything.. but my car is tiny.. ;(

So much to do.. but so little time 😦

Things to think about when renting a place

Looking for accommodation is such a headache. But honestly, I think the more headache now, the less headache later…Finding the (near) perfect place will make a life that is more comfortable and you aren’t stuck in a lease with terrible house mates.

I am not a big fan of share houses, but I have lived in one before (in Japan), which wasn’t too bad! But, this is Australia…Melbourne…I feel like I am not ready for sharing my life with others who love alcohol or partying…

I have come up with my own list of things that I want in a rental property:

-Own ensuite bathroom and shower…I like the ability to taking a shower when I want..and I don’t want to keep moving all my cosmetics and hair washing stuff every time.. LOL and I am scared of germs.

-No-Smoking!! Or drugs! Or alcoholics! I just can’t stand the smell of smoke, drugs, or alcohol.

-Not very sociable people please…I don’t want to be kept up by party animals. I need my beauty sleep.

-I don’t mind pets…I actually would love to live with a dog or cat…as long as they are toilet trained…don’t eat my stuff, and friendly …xD

-Clean people…people who clean up after themselves…I HATE cleaning up other people’s messes and sharing a place with someone dirty…eeek

-If in a share house, I def want my own lock on my door…because I don’t want to worry about people going into my room when I am not around.

-Private parking on-site (preferably) a bit worried about street parking…because apparently there is higher crime rate in Melbourne.

-Heating and cooling.. I am super sensitive to cold and hold temperatures..LOL

-Safe neighbourhood and low crime rate..I am willing to pay more to feel safe!!

-Shops nearby for easy access to groceries.

-Nice restaurants nearby for takeaway for those lazy days.

-Quiet street and not too many cars or near a railway/airport…etc.

-Furnished…please..I don’t really want to fork out all that money to buy furniture when I am renting and also not sure how long I will stay in Melbourne

-My budget is max $250 a week..LOL…I feel like I am going to be broke renting and living in Melbourne T_T

-Having public transport nearby would be handy if I don’t want to drive to the city etc.

-Nice friendly neighbours…

These are personally the things I want to look for in a share house…I have such high expectations..I think I am better to rent my own place. LOL.

The journey to becoming a pilot -podcast!

Hey guys, I recorded the first of I hope many .. podcast interviews with people studying or doing different professions! I hope you enjoy this first podcast and sorry for all the background noise.

Tolerance

I have found that there are so many things that require building up a tolerance to… once you get to a roadblock in which you stop that activity building up your tolerance.. it comes impossible to do what you could do before with high tolerance…

I thought I had overcome my fear of blood… when I worked at the clinical research facility, initially I was super queasy and almost fainted at the video of someone having blood taken from his cannula…in order to work there… I had to change myself to someone I was not…then I slowly exposed myself to videos of people having blood taken … then I watched from afar .. seated and not with an empty stomach… I made sure I was well hydrated and not too tired. I exposed myself more and more until I felt more comfortable.

The first person who I was training under to take blood from, though I thought my big fear of blood would hinder me from being able to take blood…When push came to a shove…I managed to do it. And not pass out. Densensitation. I think that’s how you spelt it(?). Repeated exposure to something makes you tougher and more able to withstand it… same with tolerances to spiciness… you start small and build up.. but you lose it when you stop doing that thing for a while.

That’s what happened to me today. My dad suddenly ran into the house and said, “I bumped my head!” And started putting his head under running water. In my training as a nursing assistant, I got him some clean make up pads and told him to put pressure on the wound to stop the bleeding. I made him sit down, incase he fainted from the blood loss and asked him if he wanted water. When he had pressed for a few minutes I applied a clean waterproof bandaid on his wound and told him to try keep it clean so that it doesn’t get infected.

Anyways, that is besides the point… after I did that.. I started feeling sick in my stomach…maybe it’s because I am hungry.. most likely because I have stopped taking bloods for over five months now.. I’am not immune to the fear of blood, or should I say my tolerance of blood has gone back to what it is before.

I am now lying in my bed now… trying to fight My queasiness and become calm again.

The doubtful thoughts entered my head again, what future doctor can be afraid of blood?

Almost the end of 2019…

I think it’s time for a reflection.

Big things, small things, decisions… risks, investments..friendships, relationships, money, time, study, work, career….goals and dreams.

If only we were able to do it all and achieve it all… Sometimes you feel that one life-time is not enough. You feel like there is much to chase after, yet you also fail to appreciate what you have achieved already and what you have.

Sometimes I feel regret at what I sacrifice in order to get closer to what I want to achieve. I question myself, is it worth it? To be so driven towards something that gives you temporary joy when you achieve. I am somewhat afraid that when I finally reach the goals and final destination to where I want to go, I fear it won’t make me as happy as I had hoped.

This fear… will it stop me from trying? I think I will regret most not trying hard enough. But even though i am striving towards my goal…I am also trying to pursue my career goals… and then there’s my bucket list of things I wanna do before I am 30.

I think I am going through what I call a “one third of life crisis”. Not sure what I want, but everyone around me seems to me talking of marriage, getting married, having kids, buying houses… and then there’s me.. not sure what I want to do. I am sure I am not the only one who feels that way though… life is meant to be more simple than we make it. We complicate it by over thinking, by worrying about what hasn’t happened yet… or worrying that something will never happen.

FOMO is so real. I try to avoid it, aside from Linked In and a fake FB account.. I don’t go on social media. But even in the brief moments I have gone on these apps…I’ve managed to make myself feel bad.. I compared myself to this person because they got into medicine this year… oh and this one got a “Senior Pharmacist” position, even though I graduated first!! Or this one got into the hospital residency program…so much to compare myself to…you get my gist. I know I am supposed to feel grateful for where I am, so many would kill to be in my position..two well-paying jobs… good work place… mostly good colleagues…

But sometimes, your brain just shuts down and just wants to run away from it all and just have a break, before your break.

Nobody knows

Nobody knows what goes on inside your head

In turn, you don’t know what goes inside theirs.

We go through life guessing, assuming, and dictating what we think others are thinking. Little do we know how wrong or maybe right we are.

How can we know someone, better than we know ourselves? We could know someone, but maybe they changed or perhaps you were only seeing an act that they put on?

How do you really really know someone? I guess you can’t. You can just hope that you do and trust they are who they say they are.

Random rants: On Replay

Do you ever have times .. usually at the middle of the night.. when you are trying to sleep because you have work or a flight early tmoro morning… and you cannot sleep.. because you keep ruminating over something again and again… so much so that the story becomes twisted and strays from the original. Your emotions, feelings, and thoughts taint your memory of what really happened…

The story becomes what you want it to be instead. A fragment of the truth, but what is the truth? Each person will tell it in a slightly different way. Just look at the bible, in the New Testament there are several books written about the same event but by different people.

Alas, this late night post to try to get off my mind what has been weighing on my mind for the last few weeks. I think, I need closure, I have to settle things, for once and hopefully for all.

Scared to be Lonely

When we are lonely, we wonder when we will ever find someone to share our life with…

When we finally get into a relationship, we are worried how long will it last for, what obstacles will we face.. what is our future? Are they the ‘one’ for me?

Is there even the ‘one’ for me? What if there are many others better than this ‘one’? Should I stay or should I go?

When we are in a relationship we should really let go of, we fear the loneliness again…

When we let go of that relationship, we fear if we make the right choice, but we are afraid to show our feelings…because you don’t want to be vulnerable…

When we try running back to the relationship, we may find out that they have already moved on and we are hurt again…even more hurt and lonely than before

When we are at this point, we ask ourselves, did the relationship make us anymore less lonely or more happy? Who said we had to be in a relationship to be happy?

When we realise this, we realise we can be happy now…and that being a alone doesn’t mean you are lonely. We have great friends, family, and most of all-pets to take away our loneliness

Comparisons

Comparisons. Unfortunately, we all do it. Whether or not its intentional or it just happens. It’s hard to avoid, but it can be toxic as.

We compare ourselves in an attempt for us to supposedly feel better.

At least I am not as evil as her!

At least I didn’t make the same mistake as them

At least I am better than them.

We also do it to make ourselves worse…

Why wasn’t I chosen for the new position? I thought I was as good as they were.

If only I was taller, smarter, prettier, richer, popular… as them

How come they get that and I don’t…I wish I was more like them.

Not great examples..but I hope you get my point. In a round about way, and as most motivational self-help hippy guidebooks would probably say…

Just compare yourself to who you were before.

But I mean it doesn’t always work…What if you were fatter now than before? What if you were pretty and then something happened and you aren’t considered pretty anymore?

 

I am not even sure what this post was even supposed to be about. Some sort of ramble about comparing yourself to others being bad. I think we should try avoid it as much as we can. Just sort of see it as, oh okay…I didn’t get the promotion…maybe I am meant to do something else…or perhaps it’s a sign I should look for a new job…if they seem to be overlooking me… I am determined to finish this post on a slightly positive note…

If one door closes, then another is probably about to open…we just have to stop focusing on the closed door…and realise it may have have to be closed to open the way for new opportunities.

Three days to D-Day ….. ;o

Let things not go to plan

How many people have imagined that they would be something, married someone, or gave birth to x number of kids by this time?

We only beat ourselves up when we haven’t followed to the tee our plans and visions for our lives.

I am super guilty of trying to plan and control all the variables of my life. I have used countless number of diaries, online calendars/apps, vision boards and basically notes things to do/achieve stuck just all over my room.

We all make our own timeline for ourselves, but so often than not… we don’t end up achieving said goals and we end up feeling upset at ourselves. We check facebook, Instagram, Snapchat and notice that everyone else is buying their “dream house”, getting hitched, having kids and just living a life that seems way more ahead and special than our own. We convince ourselves that we aren’t as good as them…

But I know how it feels to be the one envied.. I have friends overseas who only had my Facebook photos to see how I am and they think how “Happy” I looked in those photos I was tagged in… and how “Perfect” my life seemed. But little did they know, .. how that time I was actually anxious, stressed and burnt out. We paint the picture we want to show the world of how “good” our life seems… but it actually does more harm than good. People think we are fine, when we really aren’t.

In order to be more true to myself and to actually see how people are, instead of assuming…I stopped my use of those social networking websites that promote showing off the good side your life. Obviously, there are great benefits of these social networking sites and they are not “evil” or “bad” to use, but when we start comparing our lives to others on a daily basis and get upset, isn’t it time to give it a break and just start living your own life? That’s my own choice anyways…

My key take home message is..

Just live your own life in your own timeline and don’t worry about what anybody else is doing.

Leave the world in a better place than you found it

I read this sentence a farewell letter by a leaving University President- he said “I am glad I am leaving the University in a better state that I found it in”.

I have been meditating on these words and thinking how this could apply to all of us…in every situation… a goal that we could all strive for.

Can we challenge ourselves to leave the world that we live in, in a better state than we found it?

I certainly am up to this challenge…for example, in my work places…if I see problems, hazards, bullying,  and things that I could see can be improved, I do my best to try improve/do something about it.

I wasn’t always like this though, I used to think that things get better because it was other people’s responsibility to make it better.

I taught myself from a young age that I wasn’t a leader, I was just a mere follower. I never put my hand up to be an Student Representative or on any student boards, because I didn’t care enough about others. I expected things to come handed to me on a silver platter and wanted other people to do the hard work, the rallying, the change and take action.

I’ve slowly realised, even if you see yourself as a mere follower,  you are still a leader in your own way. Whether it is your influence on family, friends or colleagues around you, you still have influence. You don’t need to be the president of the United States of America or head of the student council to be someone that people want to follow.
Even when you train up a new employee or help someone, you are showing love, leadership and leading by example.  You can change the world in all different ways, whether its by recycling, finding ways to use solar power, saving water or cleaning up the environment…we can all do our bit, small and large. ..

I think I have gone slightly off tangent… BUT I hope you will join me in this journey of life, to not make it a selfish one, but one where we can leave this world in a slightly better place than we found it. 

50 Shades of Grey… thinking

Sometimes we tell ourselves things have to be a certain way or we won’t be and can’t be happy. People with OCD will understand what I mean…

This is an extremely unhealthy and unproductive way to think.

We tell ourselves things like,  “If only I get that job or promotion, then I will be happy” , “If only that girl/guy liked me then I could be happy“…If only …[insert desire thing here]…then I would be happy…:(

How long is your “happy” feeling going to last anyway?

We are basically just setting ourselves up for failure…with the thinking that we wont ever be “happy” until something we desire happens…Does that mean we are just going to be “unhappy” until we get that thing?

Why do people desire this temporary feeling of happiness? It is such a fleeting, fickle moment in time that simmers down and disappears in a matter of hours, days or maybe if we are lucky weeks.

As I think they say in physics, that if something goes up, then it must also come down.

After we get desired happiness, we are at a limbo…are we happy now? Are we content? Probably not…you probably already found something else to crave for/desire…

Having black and white thinking about our dreams, goals and ambitions is not a good thing..instead we should thinking of them as shades of grays.

Yes, it is good to have these dreams, goals and ambitions, but we shouldn’t let these things determine whether we are happy people. How about we aim for that goal, but if we don’t reach it we can still be content that we are not where we used to be?

Just because that job that you got didn’t turn out to be what you thought it would be, the relationship that you were so sure would end in marriage; ended breaking up, even if you took an entrance exam three times and failed every time…. it doesn’t mean that you failed… it doesn’t mean you cannot be happy now. 

Hey, be content. You have not reached your destination yet, but why not enjoy the journey? Who knows, you may even find a different path that is even greater than the one you had pictured for yourself.  Things don’t have to be black and white, they can be grey. Be kind to yourself,  give yourself permission to be happy now…enjoy the journey, because this journey is life long.

Happiness doesn’t fall upon you. It’s something that you actively have to choose to be, strive for, and work for. It is being aware that everything isn’t great now, but that you can be still content with where you are and know that you are going somewhere among the storm we call life. 

Try live life with a bit of grey in it.

Dating Apps In Real Life

How crazy/convenient would it be if dating apps were utilised in the everyday world?

Imagine you pass by someone attractive, you have no idea whether they think you are attractive as well… You want to know them better, but you aren’t sure if they are interested as well… You want to say hi, but you are afraid that they will think you are a creep!

How do you even know they are single and looking to mingle?

Well, a dating app -(sorta) help with that!

Imagine walking by someone attractive and being able to press a smiley button or swipe them right?

Imagine you guys sent each other smiles- next you are able to start a conversation without feeling it is creepy….!

How much easier would it be, or harder if the interactions we used online were to apply online…would we understand each other’s behaviours and emotions better?

If we could dislike something someone said…so that they don’t have to guess our opinion on a matter?

Would the world be a more straightforward place with people where people’s thoughts would come to life into real actions?

I don’t know, what are your thoughts?