I think there’s a myth that health care professionals have it all together. But actually, we are just humans. We have our own struggles, we have our own doubts, we are not superior…. we are just the same. Just as you are our patient we are someone else’s patient.
Sometimes I wonder about the thin line that makes one a patient. One day I could be the health professional, the next day I am the one being treated. Is there a clear like when you start needing treatment and giving less care?
Do you give all of yourself away? Consumed by our jobs to care, that we literally have zero cares for ourself?
I was so worried about post surgery complications, I didn’t even consider that the procedure would be a failure…
Prior to the surgery, I was given the choice to take some sleeping tablets to help “relax me”.. and of course I took it.. I was nervous as hell.. but little did I know what would happen next.
I don’t know how often this happens, but I was all gowned up with the hairnet, shoe covers, and ready to get lasik. I had to go through numerous stinging eyedrops, face disinfected, text over my eyes…and then they propped openmy eyes with something so I couldn’t blink.. that was a bit painful. I had to stare at a green light above me that sort of suctioned onto my eye. It was uncomfortable, there was drilling sounds, I was scared shitless. I think I knew something was wrong because the machine kept coming off and back on to my eye…what felt like an eternity later (but was probably a minute later), the doctor aborted the surgery. He had made two incisions in the flaps of my eye to try lift them, but apparently couldn’t because the shape of me eyes were weird. But mate, aren’t you supposed to check that pre-surgery? At that time I was too drowsy to say anything and really remember much.. I was taken to a recovery area with a ned.. and given an icepack for my now inflammed rye.. they were talking about there being bubbles in my eyes. WTF.
The doctor pulled me back into his room and tried to explain what happened, but he used all this medical jargon (about eyes) which I didn’t understand and was too sleepy to ask about. Why do they do that? After drugging you up telling you all this important stuff? He took out the after lasik pack which had been shown to me by a optometrist assistant prior to going into the surgery. He chucked away the antibiotic eyedrops and said “You won’t need this”. But what if I do? You have made two cuts in my eye! I can see the blood lines there and it freaks me out.
I can’t remember the last time I felt so disappointed, dissatisfied , disgusted, depressed, and yet damn angry. I have been knocked out the rest of the day. All that damn anxiety and dread leading up to the surgery day…
They also made me pay upfront BEFORE i had the surgery. What scammers. In the end they apparently “refunded” it to me on my credit card.. but honestly I can’t see it there yet…I won’t let them get away with that one. 😤😤😤
Some of my friends have told me to sue them for medical negligence. Whilst it sounds like s annoying and long-winded expensive process… I wouldn’t want anyone else to go through what I did and who knows how long my eyes will take to recover? They didn’t even tell me if I can wear contacts again.. do I have to wear sunglasses everywhere? Am I not allowed to wash my hair with shampoo? Which is what their information sheets say, but they didn’t write one up for botched surgeries.
A mixture of guilt and sadness also lies within my mind. Why did I want so bad to not have glasses? I guess they might be the safest option now…
I have found that there are so many things that require building up a tolerance to… once you get to a roadblock in which you stop that activity building up your tolerance.. it comes impossible to do what you could do before with high tolerance…
I thought I had overcome my fear of blood… when I worked at the clinical research facility, initially I was super queasy and almost fainted at the video of someone having blood taken from his cannula…in order to work there… I had to change myself to someone I was not…then I slowly exposed myself to videos of people having blood taken … then I watched from afar .. seated and not with an empty stomach… I made sure I was well hydrated and not too tired. I exposed myself more and more until I felt more comfortable.
The first person who I was training under to take blood from, though I thought my big fear of blood would hinder me from being able to take blood…When push came to a shove…I managed to do it. And not pass out. Densensitation. I think that’s how you spelt it(?). Repeated exposure to something makes you tougher and more able to withstand it… same with tolerances to spiciness… you start small and build up.. but you lose it when you stop doing that thing for a while.
That’s what happened to me today. My dad suddenly ran into the house and said, “I bumped my head!” And started putting his head under running water. In my training as a nursing assistant, I got him some clean make up pads and told him to put pressure on the wound to stop the bleeding. I made him sit down, incase he fainted from the blood loss and asked him if he wanted water. When he had pressed for a few minutes I applied a clean waterproof bandaid on his wound and told him to try keep it clean so that it doesn’t get infected.
Anyways, that is besides the point… after I did that.. I started feeling sick in my stomach…maybe it’s because I am hungry.. most likely because I have stopped taking bloods for over five months now.. I’am not immune to the fear of blood, or should I say my tolerance of blood has gone back to what it is before.
I am now lying in my bed now… trying to fight My queasiness and become calm again.
The doubtful thoughts entered my head again, what future doctor can be afraid of blood?
At the gym I go to, they were still open 24/7 over the Christmas/New Period but they stopped running the live classes…
This was a real struggle for me … as I force myself o go to the gym for those classes… so I really had no incentive to go…so I went like once a week.. and that’s mainly coz I am cheap and I hated seeing my membership fees being deducted from my bank account and realising they are getting free money…
Anyways, what I am trying to say is… I normally do not do weights and cardio work out by myself… I am someone highly motivated by having people around me working hard…hence love those classes…!
So I went to the gym twice over the holiday period.. On the first visit..I went on the treadmill… I was like .. hmmm this sure looks like a good way to get my 10,000 steps on my fitbit..!! So I started off slow 4.5km/hour speed.. up to 8.0km/h (not fast I know)… did that for about a minute or so (seriously out of breath…unfit 😦 ) and them took a bit of a break by slowing down to 4.5 km/h just to get recover my breath… coz tired..!! I did this for 20minutes… and was super tired.. I managed to do 2km distance in that 20minutes! Not bad..? For me 😂
On the second visit.. I was feeling really lethargic of late ( prob due to iron deficiency).. and I decided I wouldn’t do those speed intervals because the sprinting really takes the wind out of me… but I also hate walking really slow on the treadmill😭 I am a pretty fast walker…probably due to the fact I work in a lot of faced-paced environments where I cannot walk slow :(.. so I set it at a constant speed of 6.5km/hour.. so mid way between what I did in my first visit…
And it was great .. I didn’t have to constantly look at the little time and have to keep changing the speeds on the right up and down.. and I didn’t feel as exhausted and worn out at the end of 10 minutes.. And I did the same…! At the end .. I got the same result. 1km/10 minutes essentially!
But this way.. was better..easier and didn’t tire me out…
it was interesting how I feel like that can relate to me and how I have been living my life… I go through periods of extreme stress .. leading to anxiety, depression and mental breakdowns…to a point where I can’t take it amy more.. then I am forced to rest… my body shuts down in sickness .. and thats when I recover.. start to remember my health and my sanity again…
The reason why I’ve been working so hard for the last six months with no break (literally working 7 days a week for I am not sure how many weeks it is now)… is because I felt I was so behind in life… in comparison to my friends… those my age are getting married, have moved overseas to work… buying houses.. doing all this exciting stuff and what I feel is “adult” stuff.. and there was me… who blew my savings recklessly on an expensive holiday overseas… and on some scam medicine entrance exam course….I felt I needed to catchup by working myself to almost death -? Because I am so tired all the time, worn out… burnt out… sick so often and can’t even relax…get irritable… can’t eat properly.. don’t have time or energy to see friends…
I am asking myself..? Why do I meed to do all this sprinting to try catch up to everyone else? I am just going o get exhausted and need a really good rest-where I might have to stop work altogether for s break… because if I am constant with myself.. mot too much.. not too little.., I can reach that end goal without over exerting myself.. and still enjoy a good work out that is life…
Thanks for reading my weird analogies o life.. i literally wrote this at 4am because I woke up with blood running down my face from my nose… oops
I believe most people don’t like going to work…getting up early when its cold outside? No thanks! But, for those with mental illnesses, it can be torture and takes all their strength and energy to get out of bed. A typical day for me in the past in a retail pharmacy job would be something like this…before I decided to finally get help…
The thought of making small talk with people you might not really like or know is tortuous. Thinking of who will be in the lunchroom with you during lunch time is daunting too. What if your boss asks to speak to you?
The struggle to leave the bed
Maybe you should just stay home today?? But, we can’t do that! That means explaining to your boss that you don’t feel week and that’s lying and what if they fire you? You can’t tell them you have a mental illness, they won’t care, they won’t understand, they will judge you and label you as crazy, they will think you are faking a sickie. No one is going to hire you. You worked so hard to find this job. You thought that you could join a place that is ‘against discrimination’, but we all know that the stigma still exists. It is safer to be quiet, to be silent and to fight the battle alone …for as long as you can.
You count the seconds that you can get home
But today, it’s different, the depression comes back…it’s always been there…but you have been fighting it. You are barely able to muster enough strength to go to work. You’ve done it before, you can do it again. Counting down the hours, minutes and seconds till you are back in the comfort of your bed. Where you are safe, where no one can harm you, bully you and make you feel like you are nothing. You don’t know if you are overreacting or if it’s the depression.
Lying that you are Fine
On the off chance, someone might ask you how you are. “I am fine thanks. Just tired” That’s the best you can come with. If they ask “Why are you tired?” …”Oh, couldn’t sleep”…Due to my racing thoughts of suicide and anxiety. But you can’t say that, can you? They are being ‘nice’, but hey I am not going to unload to some stranger…Work really isn’t the place for that. I think. Please don’t look at me. I don’t want people to notice my sadness. I don’t want to be noticed, I just want to pretend everything is okay. I don’t think you really care.
You are not productive at work
You are surprised you haven’t broken down on the floor crying. You hold back the tears. You feel guilty…There are sicker people who come to get medicine for all sorts of terrible diseases, yet they are still smiling. Yet you, faking that smile, feel like you are dying inside. So many people are on anti-depressants, but I don’t want to get help…what is work finds out? I work full-time…there’s no time to go see a doctor or a psychologist. These things are bloody expensive as well! No one can help me. It’s just a phase…I will get better on my own. I can’t wait for the weekend so I can sleep through it.
I can’t deal with small issues
When something small doesn’t go to plan, I just can’t problem solve anymore. I feel like there’s no alternative, there is no way. I am going to get fired for not being able to solve this. I am afraid to ask someone for help, they are going to judge me and look at me like I am stupid. It’s all my fault…I don’t know how to fix this! Why am I so useless and dumb?
My memory becomes like mush
My brain is constantly fighting with itself, flight or fight. My heart is racing and I am sweating. So nervous… I forget things easily, wait how many boxes of Sertraline do I need to order again? Was it 2 or 4? What was the password again? Oh, I left my keys in the car again. Oh, I also left my phone at home…Why I am so forgetful? Why am I stupid…repeat above. Why do I feel like I am going to cry over this small thing?
I feel ugly and I hate my reflection
I can barely wake up in time to get to work, let alone care about how shi* I look. My hair is a mess, it’s too long, but I can’t bring myself to get a haircut. It’s too much effort. Who cares anyway? The makeup doesn’t even hide the eye bags due to the constant lack of sleep. I feel like I’ve grown older. I stare at the mirror… Who is that soulless person that stares back at me? I don’t even know her? Why does she look so sad? Why is she so ugly?
No one is going to like her.
I feel apathetic
The normal me, before I became severely depressed, was happy, outgoing and chatty. But when I started at this toxic workplace, I lost it all. I became someone who I didn’t know. I didn’t care about the patients that walked through the door, I couldn’t handle the rudeness with a smile anymore. I just froze and fought back tears. My resilience was gone. The terror of the increasing number of mistakes made the anxiety worse. It made me even slower and made people doubt my abilities even more. I get taunted by the bully, “You are too slow! Why are you so useless?” You don’t need to tell me, I already know.
The depression makes you stay where you are because it feels even scarier to change
Familiar is not always good. When you stay in a toxic situation, it’s like being in a room full of Carbon Monoxide, it will slowly kill you. The depression lies to you, the bullies lie to you, you can move. You are more than their taunts, you are more than what you think you are. But you don’t know this. You only find out when you leave the toxic place and realise, that a good workplace might exist.
Well, that’s all the blabber from me today.
I am sure there are benefits from working, income, kill time, learn things and make friends…That can be another post.
I took part in an experiment which measured the use of social media in a week, my randomised action was that I had to delete the Instagram app on my phone and not use it for a week. Though I was tempted a few times, I quickly asked my self, is it necessary to show the world where you are? What you are eating? Who you are with?
After some deliberation, I think not. So why do people like to post so many selfies of their face on Instagram?
I have to admit, I didn’t realise that I was so lonely, until I deleted a lot of my apps, Facebook, Whatsapp, Youtube, Instagram and realised this is the way we ‘communicate’ with some many people. It is what connects us? Yet, also tears us apart. Is there going to be anyone who wants to meet up with me to catch up instead of sending a message? Truly, I am not sure if the world is closer than before or even further away.
So many people are isolated and lonely…and they can sit in front of a computer or phone screen scrolling through the ‘happy’ snaps that their ‘friends’ are posting of their ‘family’, their ‘holiday’ or their latest ‘home’ that they bought. While I am not saying these things are bad, but do you know what you are doing? Are you trying to rub it into everyone else’s faces that you have it better than them? Are you even genuinely happy or do you just want attention?
As I said, I am full guilty of this…I am insecure, I want attention, I want to fool my self that my life is happier, more interesting and better than it is. I don’t want people to see me down, to see me sad or lonely, I feel like people would criticise me…belittle me.
Recently, I have realised that well-meaning ‘friends’ have offended me greatly. I read a quote today,
It is easier to forgive an enemy than forgive a friend.
It is true though…because we actually care what our friends say and when they make us feel like shit without knowing it, you ask yourself are they even your real friend? They don’t know the struggles you are doing through and are insensitive bitches. This is why I boycotted pretty much all social media. I feel like I am dead, like hardly anyone talks to me now, except family and a few selected friends overseas through Line and Wechat. When did our world become so involved in facebook? Instagram? Snap Chat? When we leave it, it’s like we are dead and forgotten in the world. When we meet someone new, we don’t ask for phone numbers or emails anymore, no we ask for Facebook accounts. SO what if I don’t have one? Are we not going to keep in touch?
It feels weird sending someone a text and them not replying and you not knowing if they have ‘seen it’…but what can we do?
Man, I am getting so hyped up typing this.
So…. back on topic…how do you isolate yourself from social media? Just delete your apps, log out, delete and deactivate your accounts. Hopefully, those that you are actually close to, will call your phone or send you a text.
Addiction to social media is draining, stupid, harmful and time-consuming. It can definitely lead to FOMO and low self-esteem. Live life how you want to live it and stop looking at what everyone else is doing. what happened to human interaction? When did we become part robots with phones attached to our hands?
I am going to off with a quote by Thomas Edison himself…The guy who invented the ‘lightbulb moment! and the light bulb too’ …
“Of inspiration one percent; of perspiration, ninety-nine.” -Thomas Edison
So anyway, the point of this quote is that sometimes I don’t feel like writing because I don’t feel inspired to write…but the thing is… If everyone waited for inspiration before they did something great, we would all be waiting around a lot longer for that season 2 of The Good Doctor (shameless plug for my fave show) or the next series of our favourite Netflix Tv Shows (I don’t have Netflix so I am not sure whats on there..). But yes, the main point I am trying to make is that I will try consistently write in this blog, whether or not I am inspired because I have a lot I want to write about but I sometimes don’t feel it is not good enough, interesting enough or it may be written by someone else better. But anyway, everyone has their unique opinion and view and I am interested in hearing your views too.
Also, shout out to ‘The Mighty’ Autism Facebook page and on the main site here for featuring my post on Autism!! I’ve never had anyone except for my sister edit my work and I am forever grateful that they made my text more readable… Hopefully, thanks to the additional exposure to a greater audience, the awareness of Autism will continue to rise!
Anyways, enough babbling from me and now onto the topic of ‘How you can help someone with a mental illness’..The dos and the don’t dos’..does this sentence even make sense? Well, you get my drift right?
1. Please do take it seriously when we disclose to your our mental illness…
It takes a lot of courage and boldness to share about our internal struggles with the outside world. A lot of hurt, addictions and the stigma that surrounds it can prevent us from sharing. We get affected by how you react, how you might think and the way you may behave towards us after we share with you. No, it’s not just going to go away, it is there for life. Sure, we can manage it with drugs, therapy, and lifestyle changes, but it is a part of us and it has shaped us to be who we are today. So, please don’t belittle our condition, it’s not like we chose to be born with it..or for it to be part of us.
2. Don’t compare my struggles to your own life-every story and person is different.
This is more so for the people who don’t have the mental condition you have and they try to dismiss your anxieties as something that will pass…They even might say… “I had it worse than you in my own days!” Often this is said by a well-meaning older person to cheer the sad younger person up… but it does NOT help. Your circumstances and mine are different, we are two different people and just because you can’t see my illness, doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. From my own personal experience, being brought up in an Asian Christian family meant that Mental Illness is the taboo topic that no one talks about and it made me believe I was flawed and that I had to keep my struggles to myself. I have nothing against Christianity, but I do believe they need to acknowledge that Mental Illness is real as high blood pressure is and may need treatment! Back when I was going through a really hard time due at an old workplace, I finally saw a GP about my insomnia and he diagnosed me with anxiety and depression. He said I should see a psychologist and that I should start medication. I didn’t really want to start medications, so I said I would think about it. I talked to my leader at that church about it and they advised me not to take medications, but to pray to God to heal me instead. So, I continued my suffering…until it got so bad and the suicidal thoughts were real…I talked to a pastor of the church about my struggles and she was like…start the medication…You are in such a bad place-even faith can’t help you right now. Anyways, point being, mental illness is a real condition and while it cannot be cured, you can ‘manage’ it.
3. Do keep in touch regularly with your friend/family member that is struggling in their mental illness and don’t take it personally if they are not as ‘happy and fun to be around’ or ‘outgoing’ as they used to be
Having personally experienced multiple depressive episodes, I know the struggles and difficulties of even getting up in the morning from bed! A social gathering with many people I don’t know very well? That’s like me climbing Mt. Everest mate! That’s a lot of effort for someone with social anxiety and depression. While we don’t want to be alone, we don’t have the energy to interact with people and to pretend to be happy and nice to people when we are dying inside. I have had to cancel on numerous people due to being sick because I have been too anxious and had panic attacks… Most people don’t even know I have them, because I am usually reluctant to go out if I feel one coming on. I once went out with someone, who took my panic attack symptoms to be a joke. Literally. They just laughed at me and did not take me seriously…That…really hurt…and made me want to avoid all social contact for a while ( and avoid them)…until I started to trust and build a closer friendship with people that aren’t like them. There are people who will understand you and there are people who don’t and you don’t have to be friends with them. Eff them. Sorry for the angry rant and bad language… What was I talking about again? Oh yes, please continue to reach out to them! Maybe you can’t physically meet up with them, but you can message them with encouragement, love and let them know that anytime they need/want to talk that you are there for them..<3
4. Do Help them with resources to help themselves and encourage them to seek help
If someone tells you they are struggling, don’t think that you are now responsible for their well-being and to prevent them from doing harm to themselves. Yes, you care about them, but well all aren’t a trained professional therapist (that’s great if you are! keep doing a good job) and psychiatrists. So, while we can offer peer support, we can help them with real therapy and medications. Let them know about different helplines, drop in places and understanding GPs that can help point them in the right direction. If they are worried about going to their first therapy alone, maybe offer to accompany them for the first few times, until they feel comfortable going alone. Help them build a support network for themselves and this helps you as well so that you don’t have to bear the full weight and responsibility for their well-being. Recommending good articles, websites, books, music, and movies about mental health also help increase their knowledge about the disease too.
5. Don’t stereotype people by their mental illness
I’ve touched on this in a way on my post about Myths about Autism. Mental illness manifests differently in everyone and by judging you aren’t helping the situation. Even if we have a common certain mental illness, each person’s experience of it is different. After learning that I might have autism, I have since then had the opportunity to meet many others that also have autism…and I can say without a doubt, that they come in all shapes and sizes. Extroverts, introverts, non-verbals and just your everyday quiet dude and they are mostly all interesting people. There is no point in trying to generalise, but there are common traits. One other thing I thought I may add here, is that I have found sometimes doctors don’t take a certain physical symptom I have seriously because they think it is due to ‘my mental illness’. This can include things like my asthma and recurrent migraines (oh it’s just because of your panic attacks, anxiety, and insomnia!) ..but the thing is I literally can’t breathe MADAM and I also have asthma… Also, I have ended up in the hospital due to my ‘migraines’… Hope you get my point.
Anyways, I am sure there are many more dos and don’t do in interacting with people with mental illnesses. I am curious as to what people have said to you because of your mental illness – Please comment below.
Sorry, it is a somewhat angry post…I not only want to be angry, but I also to change the situation by writing this in the hopes that you can better support those with mental illness.
This is one of the most used statements I have heard recently, what does it actually even mean to be yourself? What if you don’t even know who you truly are? That’s a scary thought and I think it is one that many ask themselves privately.
I grew up being a little odd and my mother often called me stubborn. Other girls made fun of my hair and people at church talked about me and my obsession with black clothes and fingernails. But, back when I was younger, I didn’t really care what others thought, I just wanted to be left alone and do things that I wanted to.
It is funny how, as I grew up, I became less of myself and more like those around me. I really look up to my sister and sometimes my mum…I always thought, why can’t I be more like them? They have lot’s of friends, they are always going out to parties and social gatherings, they know how to do makeup and style their hair etc…I don’t know how to do anything and I hate going out with people… So eventually, I tried to change my style, I tried being outgoing, I tried paying more attention to the way I looked and talked…
I kind of lost my self along the way, but then again did I even know who I was? When I liked black…okay obsessed with the colour black, was I trying to copy my favourite gothic Jrock band members and back then emo was cool..But who was I really? I didn’t have any knowledge of who I am. The reality is, that the concept of ‘ourselves’ is always changing and it should change as we grow wiser with age).
I am sure your parents have taught you not to do this and not to do that so that you fit in. At the same time, some parents (not mine), would also want their child to stand out from the crowd! In terms of grades, music and other achievements, they want their child to be the best and also fit in with their peers. It sounds like a recipe for conflicting values…Growing up sounds hard, can I stay a kid forever?
The purpose of this post is to help you realise (and myself) who you really are by identifying some morals and values that you stand by…
1. Take some to learn more about yourself
It sounds weird, but sometimes you might not know yourself as well as you think you do! Sometimes those closest around us are able to see us for who we are, better than we can. We may have distorted representations of ourselves, like an inflated ego or have low-esteem and see ourselves as we really aren’t. It definitely helps to have people around you to remind you of who you are and what you stand for. Maybe start with listing out the morals and values that you stand for and believe in, you can find these out by examining what you do in a week or day and get to know yourself.
2. Don’t compare yourself to other people
I believe the only time you should compare yourself to someone else, is when you are inspired to be more like them. You also shouldn’t compare yourself to others to feel good about yourself, what good does it make? Do you remember that quote by someone that said, “The only time you should look down on others is when you are helping them up?”…be that person who uplifts and encourages instead of pushing them down. Life is already hard enough, why make other people’s lives harder?
3. Don’t try to be friends with everyone
I know this sounds like it goes against the bible and such, but just because you aren’t friends, it doesn’t mean you hate them. You just don’t need to be friends with everyone! They can be acquaintances or people you know, no one said you had to be best friends. There are bound to be people in this world that just hate you or you just have this vibe that they are not good people…and it’s okay NOT to try to be friends them. I don’t know about you, but I’ve been trying not to be fake just to get along with people. I don’t think the effort is worth trying to be friends with everyone, coz no matter what I do, as Taylor Swift said…haters gonna hate. Let’s get Swifty!!!!!
4. Learn to say No Does this instruction sound familiar? I wrote a whole blog about this here and I will just reinforce a few points. If you feel like you are being forced to do something you don’t agree with, because everyone is- then you are not being true to your own morals and beliefs. You aren’t being true to yourself! Ask yourself, do these people really respect your autonomy to make a decision? You should remember you have a free-will and are able to say NO to things you don’t want to do, within reason of course…unfortunately we still have to pay tax and our bills *Tear*.
5. Don’t let being worried about what people will think to stop you from doing the things you are passionate about!
That was a long sentence…! Well, what I mean is, if you really want to learn hip-hop dancing classes, but everyone else if not interested and thinks it’s stupid and would rather do something else instead. DO you A. back out because you don’t want to be alone and do the other thing that they wanted instead. or B. Don’t give a sheet and just go to those hip-hop classes anyways!#SoloYOLO. I like that quote 😀 I used to feel like I needed people to do new things and go to places with me, now I just prefer it. I am still quite awkward when going to new places myself, no doubt…but I have been doing that and I have found it quite rewarding because I force myself to make new friends that I may not have it I had stuck to my own friends. So, don’t let fear stop you from doing those things you really want to! Take a step of faith and be all you can be! (Much easier said than done I know)…
That’s all from me, I hope you guys can work on knowing yourself more and being truer to yourself. No one likes fake people and no one should have to put on an act all the time, it is tiring and eventually, hat mask may slip. So why not be yourself today?
Well, recently I have been thinking more and reflecting on what it means to be an “adult”. As Wong Fu’s video on adulting put it as it is about having control over your life and not letting life control you basically. Life is like a game, you need to have control over your player (i.e. you).
I thought that makes sense! But I hadn’t really thought about it much deeper than that…What does it mean to actually have control over your life? I mean, isn’t there a bigger person up there who does all that for us anyway?
I have had a bit of brainstorm and have been reflecting on a few habits that I have picked up lately in my quest to become a proper adult.
1. Control over the use of my time
Putting this first because lately, I have started realising how much time I ‘waste’ on staring at my phone and laptop. More so phone… I think I have an addiction to my phone 😦 While there is no drug or cure for this condition yet, so I have had to take matters into my own hands and decide to set limits on how much I am allowed to use my phone, especially when I am in my bed…
Rules that I have set for myself include, timing how long I spend each night or day using my phone in my bed and recording it on a piece of paper. I have also deleted certain apps and accounts for some social media sites in an attempt to curve my addiction, this includes saying goodbye to my original facebook account and my YouTube mobile app… Not to mention they also kill my data ..R.I.P
2. Set limits to what time you want to be out of bed and in bed each night…and stick to it as much as you can!
For me, as I am pretty lenient on myself. I usually am up around 7 or 8 am, but I stay in bed for half-an-hour and a half longer…using my phone ..yup so bad. So I have decided to stick a limit of 9am being the latest I can lie in my bed! The latest I want to be in bed is by 1 am… !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hopefully, I can make my sleeping time earlier…It helps setting alarms to not only wake you up but also to remind you to sleep.
3. Record your spending
I have touched on spending and saving more in another post about “How to Save Money when you don’t have any” and one of the things I had mentioned was that I like to keep a log of everything that I spent money on. So petrol for the car, groceries, gym membership fees, phone bills and everything else. The cool thing about the app (I use Pocket Expense-which is free), is that is has a budget you can set on certain things. However, I do often go over my budgets, but its all a learning process!
4. Record what you eat
I only recently downloaded an app that lets you record down your meals, it is pretty cool! I haven’t been logging everything as of yet, but I think it is a good idea to have an idea of what you are eating every day and see what sort of nutrition you are lacking or bad food that you can cut out or reduce to enable you to have a healthier life.
5. Keep a health diary or a diary at least…
I love diaries and I love blogs! These things enable us to look back in time and remember what things caused what. You can use it to record how many times a month you had a headache, record when your period is (or get an app like I do) and just other stuff…you know emotional stuff too. When you see things for what it really is, it helps you know yourself and the way your body and mind work better.
6. Have a plan and goal for each day
Do you ever feel like you achieved nothing in a day? Well, head over to the other blog post about how to stop procrastination at it’s worst. Having a clear goal or sense of what you want to achieve in a day, leaves you feeling satisfied and will help you towards your bigger goal in the long run, it also helps you be more disciplined and feel more in control.
7. Make time for the things yourself, the things you love and the people you love
When you are trying to achieve presidency or trying to reach Mars, it can be easy to forget those that are around you or those still on Earth. Don’t forget to schedule in quality time with your loved ones and for doing the things you love. It is not the best feeling in the world to get to Mars and realise that you have no one to share that incredible news with. Don’t forget to #LOVE YOURSELF
8. Make time to look after your body to do EXERCISE
Exercise is super important and you shouldn’t neglect its valuableness as a natural anti-depressant and mood lifter! It is important for your physical and mental health that you do exercise regularly. Apple watches, Fitbits, and other fitness apps are making it easier to do and plan workouts! They also make it more fun by making it more interactive and competitive (who did the most steps this week?)
9. Know who your true friends and fake friends are
Who is there when you are not at your best or at your peak? Who calls you for help and then when you need them, they don’t pick up? Take time to develop and cultivate close connections with those that you treasure. A good friend is really hard to find and is more precious than a pearl…I think I requoted a bible verse here =s?
10. Allow yourself to be random and uncontrolled…once in a blue moon!
It is okay to have one day where you sleep into like 5pm or a cheat day every now and then. Life isn’t meant to be all serious and adult. When we embrace our inner child, it is a beautiful thing…But as an adult, we can’t be like that all the time…At some stage, we have to put back on our adult mask and trudge on with our healthy food and those squats.
I am sure there are many other ways we can have more control over our lives….so if you have any suggestions, leave your comments below!
Other than that, take care and I will see you next time!
So, for those who know me, I’ve recently been applying for jobs…I really want to work now-to travel overseas *drools* #Traveltheworldgoals!!!!!But yes, I can’t go without having money…So this week I was fortunate enough to have not ONE but TWO interviews…and I am no expert at interviews, but I have been to a fair few and all some of the different types.So I’ve decided to put together some tips of mine to help search for a job and how to ace an interview! (Or at least get hired). They are in no particular order.
Get a haircut…and some new smart casual clothes. I mean it has been said that it’s not the clothes that make a person, but the clothes DO HELP. You need to dress appropriately for job interviews, you want to look good and if you look good, you will feel more confident. Black and white is usually a nice formal colour. Make sure your shoes are clean and match your clothes too!
2. Places that you can search for a job! I went to an information session which talked about how 80% of people got their job through non-conventional ways…i.e. Through people they know or in the “hidden” job market. Not all companies choose to advertise through websites like “Seek.COM” or “Career ONE”- though to be fair, a fair few of my jobs were found through there. Thinking about how I got some of my jobs, was through resume dropping at pharmacies or emailing companies who weren’t advertising and expressing my interest in working there with them. I also found a list of pharmacies (when searching for a part-time internship) and just called all of them and asked if they were hiring. It costs a lot of money to post job ads and I think most smaller companies cannot afford to do that or have the time to interview a large number of people.
3. I cannot stress how important it is to have experience– this not only includes working in a paid job but also in non-paid work. This can be work experience, internships or volunteer work. You got to put yourself out there, I mean most people don’t want to hire someone who has never worked a day in their life for a professional role right? Even if that job may not at first be completely related to what you studied you can gain useful skills such as communication, empathy, teamwork or just learning to work independently. It also shows that you care about your career and also you give back to the community-BONUS POINTS.
4. Okay, so you managed to find a job that you are interested in and you apply with your updated and polished resume- you have also checked that all your referees know that you are job hunting (just out of ourtesty)! You have been asked to attend an interview! Unless the person hiring you has told you do not need to bring your resume, bring one…just in case. Always try to get there at least 15 minutes early! It’s better to have time to sit there, then have anxiety at being late. It shows that you are punctual, organised and an ADULT.
5. Have a nice professional black/brown bag, or borrow one for the interview. Don’t have like bells or anime key rings around it. You want to look professional and like a proper adult!
6. SHAKE the hand of the person who comes to get you for the interview. If you have been introduced to other people in the panel-shake all their hands and greet them one by one. This is super awkward for me, as I normally don’t shake people’s hands…but it means that you acknowledge their presence?
7. If they offer you a glass of water, take it! Because by sipping the water, it calms you down and gives you additional time to think about a question before they expect an answer.
8. Don’t try to be overconfident, while no one wants to hire someone that is a blubbering mess but an overconfident person just radiates out cockiness. BUT also don’t talk yourself down due to your insecurities … You want to have a balance of both, but most of all, I think it is good to be yourself (your professional self) since if they work with you, they will eventually see it anyway.
9. Really do prepare beforehand for interviews, it helps prepare for unexpected questions and just shows that you did your research. Know the related past experiences you had and think of attributes or qualities that would make YOU an ideal person for the job.
10. If you have a friend PRACTICE interview questions with them, or you can practice even by yourself…For me, I like to type out possible questions they might ask and write down exactly what I would say…I don’t remember the text word for word, but it helps jog my memory when asked something similar.
11. SLEEP EARLY the night before the interview!!! Eat breakfast, meditate, watch funny videos…just try to relax...No one likes interviews! It IS stressful, make sure you reward yourself with a treat for going something so stressful and making it out alive and hopefully not making a fool of yourself…BUT even if you did, learn from your mistakes!
12. Learning from past interview failures by reflection and some rumination can help you develop better strategies and tips and tricks for the next interview you have! Where you promise yourself not to blabber on about your dog for five minutes when asked about where you see yourself in five years. Wait, what was the question again? Really remember to focus on answering their unasked questions, it is sneaky-but this is how you can learn to expect it and SHINE!
13. Finally, don’t lose hope, if you didn’t get a job, it is OKAY. It might not have been right for you anyway and there is always something better on the horizon that is yet to come! If everyone got the job they interviewed for, then no one would ever face rejection…but some jobs have 100s or 1000s of people who apply for them and they may be only interview 10 out of those people. Just be grateful and thankful that you made it to an interview! It means that they liked what they saw on paper and wanted to know more about you as a person! GOOD JOB and STAY POSITIVE!
Thanks for reading and hope this helps!
A question for you:
How did you get your current/last job?
I hope for all those job seekers out there that you will be able to find that ideal job for you <3!
Remember, to remember why you want to work and keep that as your focus and end goal!
Good luck and see you next post!
As winter hits Australia, the weather has turned gloomy and dreary and the incidence of depression and sadness seems to be abounding everywhere.
But, it doesn’t have to be that way! There are a few ways that you might be able to keep that fire burning through this cold season and still get a bit of a laugh and cheer back into your system! These are not fool-proof ways to lift your mood, but it has worked for me and a few others! So, let me tell you how you can lift your mood in 10 quick ways.
Put some colour around you! There was a Ted talk I watched that showed by painting workplaces and classrooms with colour, lifted the mood of the children and workers and also increased productivity (for the workers) and decreased vandals (at the school!). Why do we throw confetti of multiple colours rather than one confetti? Because it makes us happy! Rainbows and colourful things tend to brighten up the room and atmosphere, whilst grey, black and white often dampen it.
Cuddle something cute! Whether that’s a dog, cat, hamster or a baby! Their smile and cuteness will lift your spirit! Their playful innocence will sure turn every frown upside down! ( *only if you like kids and animals*)
Listen to your favourite music! Have an upbeat and funky or inspiring music to get you lifted out of that depressed mood! No emo or sad breakup songs here, please!
Watch some funny YouTubers! The great thing about YouTube is that it is free and there is some great content out there! Some recommended comedy acts/people that I personally follow are good include Lilly Singh ( she is the best! ), Domics, NigaHiga and The Wonderful world of Wengie! That laugh is priceless and healthy for your soul.. 🙂
If you have access to Netflix or some other way to watch shows, watch a comedy show! Netflix I know has Ricky and Morty (SO FUNNY!!), Simpsons, I dunno what other shows… hmm Big Bang Theory!! No sad or crazy crime shows though please! No 13 reasons why!
Go for a jog or some other exercise! It has been proven that inactivity can spur on depressed mood and by exercising increases your endorphins and acts like a natural anti-depressant for your mood! Give it a go! It’s free anyways!
Spend time with people you love and cherish and form real connections with them…You will be so surprised, that the burden of those hidden feelings of sadness, struggles, and mental health illness that you don’t want anyone to know about, is lessened when you are open to sharing. You will be surprised at just about how many people have been in the same boat as you and that they also want someone to confide in. The above-mentioned YouTubers, Lilly, Ryan and Wengie, all had struggled in their teens and in childhood through bullying or depression. But, they overcame and you can overcome too.
Do something good for someone else. This may seem counterproductive, but when you stop focusing on yourself and start focusing on someone else’s needs, you realise, oh maybe I am not the only one with problems. By helping others, you essentially are helping yourself too. The appreciation for YOU .. I can’t explain, is a feeling that you cannot buy. But, it is freely given, when you go out of the way to help someone that you do not need to. By volunteering, or helping an elderly neighbour pull in the bin, you are like that friendly neighbourhood superhero.
Go to the mirror and just laugh at yourself for a good minute or two then do a silly dance up and down, and do it like no one’s watching. Then think of a happy memory and just bask in those happy memories and remember you have been happy and that you WILL be happy again. If you can’t remember a happy moment, go Youtube a funny cat video or read the cartoon section of the newspaper!!!!!! Remember this is just an off day or a small phase in your life that you WILL get over.. Positivity!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! + + +
Hang out with positive people and try to avoid those who known to be quite negative and cynical about life. If you can’t meet them up, give them a call or a text. If you don’t have many friends like that, just hang out watching positive Youtube stars and idols and write down the attributes that you want to have eventually, you will get there too.
I hope that you can sincerely find some moments of happiness in your life, things may be looking bleak now, but the future will be brighter. I promise!
If you feel this depression has persistently lasted more than a day or two, please consider seeking professional medical advice and help. Remember, it is okay not to be okay and the strong have often become that way through overcoming their weaknesses.