Catch 22 – Research Projects

When you start investigating and looking into doing research, unfortunately you will affect the circumstances that you are in.

Research has not been my strong point or forte unfortunately… I just get overwhelmed, bored, and tired of doing research. Unfortunately, as part of my residency position, I will have to complete a research project. Coming up with a project hasn’t been that difficult, but implementation and designing. Holy shit. So hard..🥲🥲🥲it’s almost been a year, yet I still haven’t been able to even start my project yet. Getting ethics has been a major road block… there are so many hurdles to jump through even before I can even go through to ethics… As a resident, my project has to go through the Education committee before going to the Research Committee, and then finally after they all disseminate my Research Expression of Interest.. then can finally go to the Ethics Committee 🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲 just too hard if you ask me.

It sucks now.. the waiting game before starting the Research.. but I suppose in a years time… maybe I will be pretty happy with where I have ended up? Perhaps I would have finished/close to finishing my research project..

WHO KNOWS

Am I going to make a difference in the world? Maybe not?

I love my project… yet I also hate it with passion. How I long to be a normal employee without all the additional responsibilities, research, and expectations… Yet, I know this is a stepping stone for something greater. Something better. Who knows

Do you just become sick or do you make yourself sick?

Do we just suddenly fall sick for no reason or are we the ones treating our bodies so bad that it forces us to take much needed rest?

I think I know the answer… I think I sip my ice old glass of soy milk because my coffee is too hot and I already have several mouth ulcers in my mouth.

My blood tests all came back “normal”, nothing out of the ordinary, no infection, not low in vitamin D, iron, or vitamin b12. My blood pressure standing and sitting were “fine”, but I still feel dizzy when walking around. I still feel tired and so fatigued that my mind becomes blank and I barely can make the drive to work without falling asleep. Burn out is real and your body will let you know it has had ENOUGH. You need rest it says…

If you are constantly worrying about work or thinking things will crumble if you aren’t there, then I feel you are overestimating the abilities of other people. If you are always doing everything, then how will people ever learn how to do something? So the cycle continues, because that’s how you learnt in the first place right? When you were thrown into the deep end, it’s either you sink to the bottom or you force yourself to learn to swim.

But you swim too hard, too fast, and you tire out. You forget that you aren’t in some olympic 100m swim race, you are in a marathon called ‘Life’. It’s time to pace yourself, know your limits and know how to love yourself, (that’s a post for another time).

Feeling Dry

Contrary to the title of this post, Melbourne has been rainy and wintery all week. However, I am dry and dehydrated..I have mouth ulcers in my mouth, my skin is dry and bleeding, and overall I feel unwell. But, I can’t explain why I am unwell. I feel guilty that I feel sick and so so tired.

I am feeling my zest in life is slowly fading. I feel dizzy when I play badminton…I am scared that I will injure myself once again. What are hobbies again? Everything just is hard to concentrate when I feel like I need to continue working

I am aware that I am thinking about work was too much…even on my lunch breaks and at home, I am checking my email constantly. My team leader calls me before and after work…It’s just ongoing and infiltrating my life and it is mostly my fault. I always take on too much and too often, I never learn my lesson but I love the exhilaration of being on so many committees and so many projects. But spare time is no longer mine. Maybe it’s time to take a step back and let others help.

When did I become so bad for asking for help? When did I become so independent? It must be pride, arrogance, and distrust…

Things need to change, I can’t go on like this in fear that I will crash and burn.

2021 House Hunting!

Happy New Year everyone! I can’t believe I haven’t posted ALL YEAR. How lazy of me.. XD

I just completely forgot that I haven’t blogged for awhile, I keep thinking I did…but like a lot of things in my life…I started out strong, then fizzled out, and now restarting. It’s the end result that matters right?

To say this week has been hectic is an understatement and I have slipped. back into some unhealthy habits :(.

My sleep has been so SHIT lately…I put it due to the hot weather (it is summer here), the late night HOON driving that continues to 1-2 am…I don’t even call the cops anymore as it has made ZERO difference. I just am hanging on to the hope that I will be able to move places soon. I was hanging on from moving, because I still hadn’t recieved my drivers license in the mail. LONG STORY SHORT, they never posted it…and I was waiting for over a month for it…it is only when I sent THEM an enquiry to why it was taking so long that I found out that apaprently they fcked. up my photo and didn’t even bother telling me. Apparently I have to go in there to take a photo and they are unable to give me a license without retaking my photo, EVEN THOUGH they were the ones who took my photo. Vic ROADS SUCKS. VIC POLICE SUCKS. and VIC REAL ESTATE Agents SUCK. I sound like an angry person, but I guess I am comparing this to my home town in Adelaide where I haven’t had to deal with these issues. LE SIGH.

Enough WHINGING! Anyways, in other news! It’s decided. I am planning to move in the next few months! Instead of renting this time, I am on the look out for HOUSE TO BUY. When probably can’t afford a proper house yet, but a TOWNHOUSE!! I don’t know why, but I am in love with town houses..! It just feels so quaint, cute, and comfortable to have a 2-storey house that maximises space and utilises space well. I don’t have anything against single storey units, but it’s just something about town houses that make me want to buy one…hahah the one I have my eyes set on has an asking price of $490000 to $520000…which sadly is out of my original budget…BUT hopefully fingers crossed I will be able to sort out finances prior to the auction at the end of the month. I have been talking to banks directly and bypassing the mortgage broker. It just takes TOO LONG with my mortgage broker…I am just going to do more research on my own and from what I can see, it doesn’t make much difference in terms of cost.

I feel like most things can be done on your own, but most people are probably too lazy to make the effort to do it on their own…

I am so excited to get a place!! But first have to jump the hurdle of getting a PRE-APPROVAL first…I don’t have a 20% deposit saved up yet sadly… coz I put some money into shares…and lost some money…

But the longer I rent, the more I am paying for someone else’s mortgage…

I inspected 5 properties today (I am exhausted!) but narrowed it down to 2 properties and one in particular I am hoping to buy. Both have their perks and down falls.

  1. Single story unit.

    Good: More land and garden space. Great for a dog as fenced…seems like they have a dog! As there was a dog kernel. The living room and outside space is really nice! The garage is oversized and can fit more tha one car easily! The house is in a pretty decent suburb and it is hidden at the back of a group of 6 units ((Good and bad thing). Apparently it is near a farm area, so there may be many big trucks driving stock in and out…Also not sure about hayfever?!?! It is also close to work and is safer than the other property..probably higher resell value and rental value.

    Bad: There is only one toielt an it was broken…The doors keep slamming when the windows are open. Saw some cobwebs in the window…The garage was really messy. This has a higher asking price of 50,0000 to 550000. Strata fees are around $800 a year. It can also be a bit hard to find the entrance to this house as it is at the back of a series of units…

2. Two storey town house:

Good: Newer than the single story unit and was quite well kept upon inspection. It looks great for a first house as the garden looks easy to maintain. There are just properties around the area. The BIR in both rooms look more modern and for the MAIN bedroom it has a really neat mini desk inside the WIR. It has a nice bathroom and I especially love the sink in the bathroom. The garden is really nice with a bench for entertaining outside..there was also a BBQ and a Water tank… (I am not sure if these stay if they get sold)? Two sheds and a built in clothes hanger. There are aircons in both rooms and also in the loung room. Strata was abou $300 per quarter ? or was it per year.??!?!

Bad: It is in a ‘bad suburb’ that is known for the lower SES in the past. There is not many schools nearby…There are a lot of migrants in the neighbour hood and people say that there is many burglaries in the past and that it is not safe to go out walking at night on your own. There is less space upstairs…For the same price i could possibly get a three bedroom unit in the same neighbour hood.. I need to check if there are security camers for this place…as I want to feel safe!!!!!!!!

My aunty and uncle who own a few properties already have advised me to drive down to that neighbour hood during night and during the day to see what sort of neighbours and people who live there and to check sound levels…which I will do at some stage.

Other than that, it’s back to the banks to ask if I can loan more money…

Wish me luck.

I will keep you posted!

Adulting is so tiring…after all those inspections, video chatted with aunty and uncle, then 1 hour meeting with a BANK representative… I took a 2 hour nap and ate the rest of the green ice cream for dinner. Covid cases have started up again and there was as local outbreak at the shopping centre I normally go to…so I have been trying not to do groceries there and only go to the one near my work instead…HOWEVER it means I can’t just get groceries that easily anymore :(.


Fingers crossed we will not have to do a lockdown again :(. Masks are mandatory indoors again..but TBH that never changed for me anyways as I work in a hospital.

Take care and stay safe peeps.

Being the perfect law abiding citizen

I’ve been think lately about why I am so afraid to break the rules. I’ve always been so afraid of being found out…of being guilty…and being called “A Bad Girl”- (No kink intended here…).

In Cantonese, the word for obedient was “Gwai”. (sounds like that)…and I loved being called a “Gwai Low” or “Obedient daughter”. I’ve always been afraid of getting hit by my parents for being naughty. I grew up with migrant Asian parents in which the norm was to hit their children when they were naughty…Is this why I am so afraid of breaking the law? Breaking the rules? And hence why I was so obedient to all the lock down restrictions? Or is it because I know the consequences of not following the rules? I saw a facebook Meme about how that people with lower intelligence tend to not follow the lockdown restrictions because they do not understand what ‘Social Distancing is’.

Maybe, it is because I am a health professional working in a hospital in which the use of PPE, gloves, and googles are the norm? I crave for freedom as much as the next person, but not at the expense of spreading this disease.

I think I am too hard on myself sometimes…It is okay not to be perfect. No one is perfect 100% of the time. It’s not ideal to make mistakes or break the law unintentionally…but it will happen… and just pray that the police didn’t catch you :o.

Treating yourself Kindly

I find that I am the harshest critic upon myself… when faced with uncertainty, I often doubt myself.. my qualifications and my ability to get the job done.

Amongst other things, I am quick to compare myself to others and hence, usually feel bad for myself. 😔😔 But what for? Everyone is different, unique, and has their own journey. There isn’t any point comparing your journey to someone else’s. That’s what I SHOULD think.. but anyway, other people will do it, even if you don’t.

But you just gotta drown that thought out and don’t pay attention. Just do your best! That’s all you can do. 😊

Week five of our stage 4 lockdown… we are due for review on September 13th.! Fingers and toes crossed we will have some restrictions lifted ✌️✌️🤞🤞🤞

Spilling Water on your laptop

So I bought some white rice the other day… brown rice is great, but it takes about two hours to cook in the rice cooker… well anyways, as you can see I am putting it to good use. As the responsible and clumsy me managed to spill my water bottle over the laptop.

I googled how to dry the laptop.. and apparently I have to wait a few days to dry it… before I can use it. 😭…

Other than that, I went to the Asian grocery for the first time… it felt like an outing… ! The supermarket is sooo huge… and I couldn’t find anything.. but still managed to buy quite a lot of frozen foods! Hopefully it will be healthier than the chinese pork sausages I have been using in my fried rice.

The Chinese pork sausage is so nice with the fried rice!! But so fatty .. cry.. other than that I am going to try do the 2 Week Ab Chloe Ting challenge xD.. hopefully can get a flatter stomach 🤣🤣🤣

Will report in 2 weeks on how I go…

How to fix the lock on your door

Had a really anxiety inducing event today…I going up and down the building and because my door doesn’t shut properly… (it keeps blowing open). I have to lock it each time I leave.. I think I somehow wore out my key so much that when I was about to go for my walk…I realised the key wasn’t able able to lock the down. I was thinking… I am soo screwed if someone comes in and steals all my stuff :(. Granted, I honestly don’t have much… but it’s still stuff I use!! And need!!

Using my quick thinking skills I set about seeking answers from the genius Dr Google…and the Dr didn’t fail me. Apparently I need something called WD40 , which is basically a lubricant spray…unfortunately I would have to leave my door unlocked until i came back with some WD40.

I walked to the nearby convenience store, grabbed some snacks, and awkwardly asked someone putting stock on shelves. “Do you have WD40?” …and he said “No, sorry”. Damn. i asked myself “Do I still buy the snacks?!?”… I mean they were mostly on sale, why not. Anyways, lame. It means I will have to drive out to the bigger supermarket to grab some.

So one facemask change later (man does it become super moist from some light walking!) and a car trip to the supermarket!! I get my WD40.and $30 more worth of fruits, snacks, and veggies. Sigh. Why can’t I go to the shop and just what I need?! Why Am I so enticed by all the sales and the things I probably don’t need but want?! Anyways. That will be keep me okay for a few days.

Back home now. Luckily it looks like nothing had been stolen..:0. Rice cooker. Check laptop check. Big ass bin. Check. Anyway, Here was the deciding moment whether it works or not. The directions were, spray a bit into the key holes and then wait a few minutes. So i waited. Then i went to putting the key into the lock and tried to lock the door .. no luck dammit.

I open Dr google again. Searching, “Do I need to spray lubricant on Key too?”. Indeed I do… apparently after spraying it, I am supposed to put the key in and out of the lock so that the lubricants coats inside the lock (where my initial spray obviously hadn’t managed to enter into). Alright I twisted the key in and out. Please work I prayed to no one. I really didn’t want to call the Real estate agent for something like this… on a weekend..

And Hallelujah. It worked. And that, folks was the highlight and adulting milestone passed today.

TLDR: Always have some WD40 around.

P.S. minor set back today was, I washed all of the four towels I own and they are still wet, so I am going to have to shower using wet towels. BUY MORE TOWELS has been added to my ever growing TO DO LIST.

The Toilet Paper hunt continues

During my walks around the neighbourhood, I think I may have mentioned previously how there are people putting teddy bears or other soft toys in their front gardens for kids to find. I just realised that the supermarkets and shops are also doing the same for adults! Except, ours is the hunt for toilet paper! I kid you not, a facebook group set up for Health Care workers to adopt one another has turned into my latest source of information for where the sacred Toilet Paper is! So and so will post “St Peters Coles- Quilton 20 pack for $10”. Then a few hours later someone will comment “SOLD OUT-None left :(“. I am guilty of checking it just for that reason…It’s become a habit that everytime I enter a supermarket or shop that might sell toilet paper, I am always checking. Is something wrong with me?!?! I’ve had several dreams about finding toilet paper in a supermarket and being super happy.

The last time I saw toilet paper in the shop was three weeks ago when I woke up early to get to Coles at 6:45am for the early opening for health care workers. I kid you not, that felt like a dream come true! Almost as fond memory as when I met Taka from ONE OK ROCK.

Anyway, my hunt for this rare toilet paper continues!

Happy Hunting Folks~

JL

mona lisa protection protect virus

Random Rants: Reporting your colleagues

Today was a tough day. So many challenges, upsets, and unexpected upsets…

In the past, I think I have wrote about how in my line of work I face people that have issues with drug and alcohol withdrawal. They are rude, aggressive, and partly I know the reason why they act that way. However, when today I was faced with a rude and difficult staff member, I was flabbergasted. There are times when I want to throw in the towel, give up, and swear at everyone and storm out, but do I do it? No. Because I want to keep my job and in the Chinese way we describe it “Save our face” (or dignity). As I said in my post about being a ‘Professional‘…

But wow. There was a staff member who lost it. Literally lost it. I don’t work directly with her, but I first talked to her on the phone, let’s call her “X”. She called up asking about whether some “trial leave” medications were ready. I said, well has anyone dropped off the script to pharmacy? She was shocked that a doctor actually had to write a script …I wasn’t rude to her at all, but I was explaining what is the normal procedure for a trial leave. The doctor SHOULD write the script based on how many days the patient will go on leave, they indicate when the leave will take place, and if there is no clinical pharmacist in that ward, then we ask for the medication charts so I reconcile the script to the chart. In this case it was also a Webster pack, so it was crucial to have those drug charts. She asked when it would done, as we hadn’t even got the script I said around an hour…and normally we need 24 hours notice normally for Webster packs and they wanted one on the spot. RUDE. Then she said she was going to put an incident report in…I was like…Are you going to put one in for us? Because this is not our fault that you guys didn’t organise this trial leave at an earlier date… and she said, she was going to write a report reporting everyone involved apparently. Whatever floats your boat mate.

In this case, the doctor wrote the script as a discharge script. He wrote one months worth of all the medications out and did not specify whether it was for leave or for discharge. I tried calling the number he listed on the script, and got no answer. I called the ward to clarify how many days the patient was going on leave and whether or not it was actually a discharge, because occasionally we do one week’s Webster pack (Which is a 7 dose pack that we make up so the patient can punch out their meds easily) and give the rest of the medications on discharge.  This will change how much the patient has to pay and if they have to pay. If it is leave medication, they don’t get charged anything for any of the medications or the packs. If it is discharge meds, the patient will have to pay the full cost of all the medications plus a $6.60 Webster packing fee. If the doctor just wants the patient to only have one week Webster pack, we don’t charge anything for the medications in the pack and just charge $6.60 for the Webster packing fee. As you can seem ,this is important to know as it will affect how much medication is dispensed and who is paying the cost. The person I called on the phone didn’t seem to understand this and I could hear that person “X”, swearing at us in the background, saying “Why can’t they just do their EFFINGJOB”. I was like. … WOW…so I politely asked the person on the phone, “Who is that in the background?”. She said, “Oh I don’t know their name, they are just passing by”. Obviously lies as she put me on hold while the rant in the background continued. I just want to do my job, you shouting and insulting us in the background. Does not help. Not one bit.

Anyways, I told my boss about what I heard on the phone…and she said she would send an email to someone high up and tell them that’s not how you can treat pharmacy staff. Thank you to those in higher positions than mine. I am just a small potatoe that gets bossed around.

About a half an hour later when the managers spoke to one another. The staff member X, whose name I did not know came and asked if there was a “Josie” around. I said, “We don’t have a Josie, but my name is Joy”. Hastily, she said, “I came to apologise for my behaviour earlier, I was stressed out from work.” I said that’s fine, but “what is your name?”  Because I have no idea who she is, she then says “My name is Donna, but don’t worry I have already been reported”, then she stormed out. That was the best apology ever. NOT. Obviously someone told her that she had to come apologise.

I normally wouldn’t stoop that low to do an incident report on a staff member, but my boss did. The politics at work are insane. We work in a mental health facility, but I feel like half the staff should also be patients there. The world is a crazy messy place.

I have dealt with some difficult situations before, but this was really new to me…how can you treat other health professionals in this way?  That’s beyond me.

Well I just had to rant this one out…because I keep lamenting and thinking about it…but I really need to get on with that assignment due next week .. T_T…Wish me luck..and someone remind me why I decided to work two jobs and study part-time too?!?

Tolerance

I have found that there are so many things that require building up a tolerance to… once you get to a roadblock in which you stop that activity building up your tolerance.. it comes impossible to do what you could do before with high tolerance…

I thought I had overcome my fear of blood… when I worked at the clinical research facility, initially I was super queasy and almost fainted at the video of someone having blood taken from his cannula…in order to work there… I had to change myself to someone I was not…then I slowly exposed myself to videos of people having blood taken … then I watched from afar .. seated and not with an empty stomach… I made sure I was well hydrated and not too tired. I exposed myself more and more until I felt more comfortable.

The first person who I was training under to take blood from, though I thought my big fear of blood would hinder me from being able to take blood…When push came to a shove…I managed to do it. And not pass out. Densensitation. I think that’s how you spelt it(?). Repeated exposure to something makes you tougher and more able to withstand it… same with tolerances to spiciness… you start small and build up.. but you lose it when you stop doing that thing for a while.

That’s what happened to me today. My dad suddenly ran into the house and said, “I bumped my head!” And started putting his head under running water. In my training as a nursing assistant, I got him some clean make up pads and told him to put pressure on the wound to stop the bleeding. I made him sit down, incase he fainted from the blood loss and asked him if he wanted water. When he had pressed for a few minutes I applied a clean waterproof bandaid on his wound and told him to try keep it clean so that it doesn’t get infected.

Anyways, that is besides the point… after I did that.. I started feeling sick in my stomach…maybe it’s because I am hungry.. most likely because I have stopped taking bloods for over five months now.. I’am not immune to the fear of blood, or should I say my tolerance of blood has gone back to what it is before.

I am now lying in my bed now… trying to fight My queasiness and become calm again.

The doubtful thoughts entered my head again, what future doctor can be afraid of blood?

Almost the end of 2019…

I think it’s time for a reflection.

Big things, small things, decisions… risks, investments..friendships, relationships, money, time, study, work, career….goals and dreams.

If only we were able to do it all and achieve it all… Sometimes you feel that one life-time is not enough. You feel like there is much to chase after, yet you also fail to appreciate what you have achieved already and what you have.

Sometimes I feel regret at what I sacrifice in order to get closer to what I want to achieve. I question myself, is it worth it? To be so driven towards something that gives you temporary joy when you achieve. I am somewhat afraid that when I finally reach the goals and final destination to where I want to go, I fear it won’t make me as happy as I had hoped.

This fear… will it stop me from trying? I think I will regret most not trying hard enough. But even though i am striving towards my goal…I am also trying to pursue my career goals… and then there’s my bucket list of things I wanna do before I am 30.

I think I am going through what I call a “one third of life crisis”. Not sure what I want, but everyone around me seems to me talking of marriage, getting married, having kids, buying houses… and then there’s me.. not sure what I want to do. I am sure I am not the only one who feels that way though… life is meant to be more simple than we make it. We complicate it by over thinking, by worrying about what hasn’t happened yet… or worrying that something will never happen.

FOMO is so real. I try to avoid it, aside from Linked In and a fake FB account.. I don’t go on social media. But even in the brief moments I have gone on these apps…I’ve managed to make myself feel bad.. I compared myself to this person because they got into medicine this year… oh and this one got a “Senior Pharmacist” position, even though I graduated first!! Or this one got into the hospital residency program…so much to compare myself to…you get my gist. I know I am supposed to feel grateful for where I am, so many would kill to be in my position..two well-paying jobs… good work place… mostly good colleagues…

But sometimes, your brain just shuts down and just wants to run away from it all and just have a break, before your break.

Nobody knows

Nobody knows what goes on inside your head

In turn, you don’t know what goes inside theirs.

We go through life guessing, assuming, and dictating what we think others are thinking. Little do we know how wrong or maybe right we are.

How can we know someone, better than we know ourselves? We could know someone, but maybe they changed or perhaps you were only seeing an act that they put on?

How do you really really know someone? I guess you can’t. You can just hope that you do and trust they are who they say they are.

Scared to be Lonely

When we are lonely, we wonder when we will ever find someone to share our life with…

When we finally get into a relationship, we are worried how long will it last for, what obstacles will we face.. what is our future? Are they the ‘one’ for me?

Is there even the ‘one’ for me? What if there are many others better than this ‘one’? Should I stay or should I go?

When we are in a relationship we should really let go of, we fear the loneliness again…

When we let go of that relationship, we fear if we make the right choice, but we are afraid to show our feelings…because you don’t want to be vulnerable…

When we try running back to the relationship, we may find out that they have already moved on and we are hurt again…even more hurt and lonely than before

When we are at this point, we ask ourselves, did the relationship make us anymore less lonely or more happy? Who said we had to be in a relationship to be happy?

When we realise this, we realise we can be happy now…and that being a alone doesn’t mean you are lonely. We have great friends, family, and most of all-pets to take away our loneliness

Are you dwelling or planning?

I spend a lot of time worrying and then making myself anxious about the things that are yet to come…Anyone here know that feeling when something worries you…and it starts off small..but as you have more time…you start to ponder..you add to it..and what started off as maybe a small problem has snowballed into a massive one. Then you can’t sleep…can’t eat…can’t enjoy life anymore without thinking of that massive problem…

So basically you’ve just created a MONSTER.. a Frankenstein if you must and now he’s out to destroy your life. 😦

I am also a person who likes to plan things in advance. I like lot’s of notice…who, exact time, where, when and roughly how much. Spontaneous things don’t work out well for me. I don’t like the uncertainty and the things that I can’t prepare for…

I thought it was fine to keep thinking and planning my future….I thought by thinking about it more it would get better or suddenly a solution would pop out of no where and answer all my unanswered questions. It was only today that someone asked me, “Are you planning or dwelling?”. Planning can be useful; for example if you need to plan your strategy for getting a new job. Planning helps you to use your time more efficiently int he job search…which websites you will look at, what expos can you go to, who do you know who can help you make an connection…

But, dwelling is different…Is it not good to keep thinking thoughts like… “What if I don’t get a job?”…”What if no one wants to hire me?”…”What if my resume is rubbish and I get no interviews?” …I hope you get my point. So in this case, dwelling is of no use of all and it probably hinders your progress in finding a job…because you waste so much time thinking over and over what could happen, what if you did things different, what if you could just turn back time…

There’s no use. We can’t turn back time…We can’t control what happens in the future. If it was meant to be, it will be.

What’s important is that we live in the present … We remember that while it’s okay to plan…we also acknowledge that things don’t always go to plan and that’s okay…Maybe it was meant to happen that way for a reason. ..

 

❤ ❤ <# Click here Support me to write a book !!  ❤ ❤ ❤