Living the simple life

I think as we grow older…we get simpler..when we were young our dreams are so specific, unrealistic and most likely to cause more harm than good…

Being an immature kid, I would dream to be something that I was passionate about. I loved comics, writing fan fiction and drawing.. I was obviously going to be a manga-artist when I grew up! That was my ideal dream..doing something that I actually liked and enjoyed..that is the life… at least that’s what I thought would be the ideal life back then.

But as I went through school…I learnt that things for artists weren’t so great..it would be hard…you would be stressed..you would be pressed upon both sides…the article about the suicide of the hard working anime creators in Japan who overworked themselves to death…I just wanted to take what seemed to be the easy way in life…do what will give you a job and not what you love. With that mindset I dropped out of graphic design half a year in..not sure what step I should do next..I went to my second love, languages…in particular..Japanese language.

Then the doubts and my family around me told me, it will be hard to be a Japanese teacher if you aren’t even Japanese! You won’t be enough, you will never be enough.. //Cue Loren Allred- “Never Enough song” Here// ..with my doubts and the negativity weighing upon my shoulders..I decided to play it safe – to do a course I didn’t really want to do …but in the hopes it would get me a good job and a stable income …I did it..and I stuck with it…because at that time my Grandma (now passed on RIP), just told me…just do anything…it might not be what you want to be in the end..but just finish something! just complete at least one degree…under your belt…and I THINK then you can do anything.. Something like that.. well that’s how I interpreted it.

 

My grandma sadly passed away while I was doing my pharmacy degree..the day before a test ..actually.. Sometimes I am not sure if I want to thank her or resent her for me sticking with Pharmacy. I hated working in pharmacy…studying it was okay…and interesting..but in the real world..I hated it.. I loathed it. It made me depressed. It made me question my life choices and I was scared that I was trapped into something for life.

I forgot, that one decision that you made doesn’t shape and path the way for the rest of your life. Maybe it was that way in the past, but right now, in this age..we are given choices. We are given options…yes it may be hard, yes it won’t happen when you want it to and in the way you want it to. But I really do believe that if you choose to change your path, no matter how small or big from the one that you currently hate…you will head closer and closer to where you want to go. //insert a acute triangle here//

If you choose to stay on the same path…all you will do is keep complaining, keep dreading each day and keep wondering if it could be something else…is there more to life? //cue that song that goes “There’s gotta be more to life…dundundundun…more to life” // . Where was I again? You just got to take that first step, then the second and just keep going…I can’t promise you that it will be easy, But I can promise you that it will scary, exciting and it will lead you to where you want to go. If it wasn’t the right path, remember you can change again. No one said it was A to B. but it could be A to Z to W to X to F to J to O to Y to B. See what I did there? No one’s path is the same…so you don’t need to compare the path you are taking to the one those around you are.

You are you.

This is more so a message for myself than for anyone else. I am still trying to get to B, I am not where I want to be ..but thank God I am not where I used to be..

Peace and … J o y to the You ….<3.

 

Learning to let people down

Letting people down can be extremely hard for those with low self-confidence…this is my story

Continuing in the same mindset as my last post…I want to reiterate the fact that kindness is not a weakness…it is something that makes the world go round …but it comes to a point that..,you have to decide..that you have had enough. And it is time to stop people walking all over you. Whether you speak up in words, actions or in plans…just step up. 

 

Essentially we have to let people down. Because if we always say yes. Then of course they will continue to walk all over you, why? because you are basically grovelling at their feet.

 

I hate it when people say the words, “But XXX always does it this”. Well, la-di-da that;s them and I am me. I do things my way.

At the work place I do some locus work for, the clients are so used to getting a chewing gum after each dose that they receive… this chewing gum is not provided by the clinic but is something the normal pharmacist provides out of her own pocket. She is awesome right? But when she goes on leave for 3 weeks, does that mean I have to also follow her actions and buy gum for her? She was spoiling them….she would have had to go through at least 3 packets of gums/DAY for all their clients and their kids…

I know the pharmacist there always said yes to everything the nurses and doctors asked of her..even when she had shut down the computer and locked everything away…but is that what I have to do?

Well, to be honest I did…I did it for how many weeks, months ? at the other locations..I would stat well over 2 hours past the time I got paid to..

Then I remember a friend saying, when they do over time..without getting paid…it is like slavery.. modern day slavery…or volunteer work. I don’t understand how people, who know that you finish at 12…you stopped getting paid at 12…expect you to stick around…just so that they have less work to do…they don’t even ask if you are leaving…they present to you new clients at 12:15 and expect you to dose them..? Really?

Will you pay me out of your own pocket?

I am not trying to sound ungrateful or not be a team player. I just don’t understand how someone can make me feel so bad for actually leaving on time (even 10 minutes after finish time)…for the first time in forever?

Why did you make me feel so guilty and act like that? I am sorry if you didn’t tell me to prepare a late dose…am I supposed to wait around until things happen and then I get to leave? After12, it is your responsibility  to dose…you know the times…just coz the previous pharmacist was too nice and lenient..doesn’t mean I have to be ..

 

Anyways, awkwardly I left. Glad that I am not planning to go back soon. I drive 1.5 hours a day to get there for a lousy three hour shift. It is so freaking hot these days too. I am grateful that I get to meet up a good friend from uni there for lunch every now and then…I am also able to visit the Elizabeth crew there as well…the shopping is great. But if you asked me to cover there again, no thank you. In terms of my own mental health, drowsiness from the drive and waste of petrol..and work place issues..no thank you. I am good.

I am finally deciding for myself that I can no longer do seven days a week on end. I am just so tired…headaches ..migraines…why try chase more money?

To be honest, the more money I seem to earn./..the more I spend and hence this viscous cycle…I am going to earn less next month, but save more…I will have to budget better, eat at home more , meal prep and think about what I spend my money on more carefully. Because I really can’t afford to collapse or crash my car out of tiredness and lethargy.

I know I push myself too far..and too much…I hate letting people down..it just eats away my soul…and bothers me so much I have to blog about it!

but, I have to start somewhere and today I let down that nurse and that doctor, and yes they may hate me. but, I hope they also learn to respect that my time is valuable as well and that I am not just someone to be trampled and walked on.

Just gotta learn that we will let people down…

Have a Jolly Joy-some day~

p e a c e

The evolution of the online dating<3

I would not call myself a trendsetter, or even someone that possesses the latest piece of technology..it was just by chance that when I needed a new laptop and was planning to get a MAC-the new MacBook Air came out..so I was like why not? *shrugs sheepishly*

ANYWAYS, online dating websites and apps have been around for ages…meeting people online (think Tinder, Ok CUPID, East meets East, bumble..) has always been a thing, but it still has such a stigma attached to it…because half-remembered quote from “Ralph Wrecks the Internet” – When something new comes along, the best thing for people to do is to fear it”.. something like that!

So..if we go back 18 years to when I was 10 years old (age reveal) and I made my first hotmail address which was something like sugar*****10@hotmail.com ..we used to all use something called MSN messenger! This is where online chats and adding random people on the internet became the new trend..suddenly …you could be whoever you wanted to be..!    You could change your name to Blonde_Hunk_with_Blue_Eyes or Sexy_Asian Chick_that_looks_like_Mulan_and find some random picture on the internet and pretend it was you…then you can proceed to what we now call “Cat fish” random strangers on the internet and pretend you are the love of their life, when you are NOT. True story, I have to confess my sister and I might have been chatting up a “young girl” and pretending to be a sexy blue-eyed blonde haired Australian lifeguard…but anyways…

This is before the world started caring so much about verified identity and privacy…when people said the internet was bad! Because young girls were being baited by old men behind the screens posing as handsome men, when in reality, for me it was the other way round.

I still remember playing Neopets obsessively for a period of time during my primary school days… and I also made friends on those guild websites..one guy called Ryan helped me build a website for my Naruto Guild…Another girl obsessed with Naruto, called Tiffany told me about her home town Canada, and at that young age I decided I would go to Canada to visit. It made the world suddenly seem smaller. I looked up the sky one day and thought to myself, somewhere on the other side of the world, perhaps in Canada, someone else is staring at the same sky.

In summary, the online digital world is changing…and why shouldn’t the way we meet people change as well? We can meet people not online in our proximity but interesting people all over the world with many fascinating stories…why limit yourself to those around you? What is to say that it safer to date and meet someone at a bar, where you know nothing about them in comparison to a guy you have been talking to for weeks online (and you’ve stalked their fb and insta to make sure they are who they say they are)..?

Why is there stigma surrounding online dating?

I realised myself, I have been really afraid to tell people I joined dating apps and I only told a few people. They didn’t judge..but I can see it in their eyes..When they asked, where did you guys meet?

Online is where we meet people with similar interests, buy stuff off them or find study groups…we’ve all done it before…there are actual people behind those screens…its not robots and they aren’t all serial killers.

 

But in saying that, it is always a good idea to let people know you are meeting someone online, have your phone on you (GPS on) and meet in a public place in day time…and make sure you have your own transport home and scapegoat excuses if you need to leave early… But yes, only meet after making sure that person is legit!! Stalk their fb…ask around and play detective. The more information the better…people that are real will act real, they won’t be ‘perfect’ you know? You will know…

 

I knew one happily married couple who met online like over 10 years ago..I’ve always assumed that that was a abnormality…I never asked what website..but I had my reservations..but hey..it worked..

 

But..I’ve always been somewhat traditional…I prefer writing traditional Chinese to simplified, I like writing and sending letters and cards than emails and I love receiving hand-written and made things…But at the same time, I am always open to trying new things that can make your life more interesting, better, and more efficient.

SO probably a ,year ago I decided to revisit my hobby when I was 10. I made an account on a dating website, but since I felt so ashamed-and didn’t want to get found out… and just wanted to try it for fun ( I wanted to see which other people I knew also used it!! haha) …I put a fake name..but being a but stupid I put a real photo (filters and stuff) on there..DOH..someone I kinda knew saw it and told a friend of mine…and I was found out…felt so guilty LOL..Coz fake name..I think I MAY or may not have also put some interests, languages and changed my ethnicity that was not true *Cough cough*..guilty as charged….but I am still the one behind the screen right? I am still real…but maybe not being as honest as I should…aint a good start to any relationship…

I talked to a few people..but the only one I almost met -some doctor from Melb- flaked at the last second…saying he was sick. I think it may have been due to the fact I invited two other people to join us for dinner (for our first meeting)….LOL yes I am super noob…I don’t do online dating remember ? Anyways,,, after that I was like screw this and deactivated the account.

Meeting people in real life is easier….or is it? Maybe it is for people that go out heaps…That enjoy partying, clubbing or whatever..but what about those introverts?

Those who hate loud music and don’t drink (or do drugs)! Also, they don’t really like meeting new people because it takes a lot of effort to make small talk.. and plus shy too. Yeah…fine… okay, people like me…to me…online dating feels safer,  I feel like I have more control…I get to find out a bit about these people online and ALSO you know that they are looking (most of the time) for a relationship too…and if they just want hookups-it’s usually written conveniently on their bio too..so you can swipe left for them -unless that’s what you want.

Suddenly you have an option to find the type of person you are looking for,  depending on what app.website you new using..it could be due to physical attributes (like height, ethnicity or body type..) or due to common interests… It’s interesting…because don’t you hate meeting someone new...and finding out that you have absolutely nothing in common and you don’t know what to talk about?

That’s me…I just…talk about the weather..yes lame..

ANYWAYS…to be honest, in my past relationships…at the start..it was always friendship and getting to know each other more online -through facebook messenger/watsapp/text a lot more than meeting up…

There is always a risk that you will get ghosted (ignored) by potential new connections..and it does hurt ..ALOT.. but if they ghosted you, it doesn’t reflect anything on you- it’s them with the problem…it is polite to let someone know if you aren’t interested instead of leading them on.

There is a risk of being cat-fished…I mean …people age right? Some people I know put photos of them 10 years earlier…when they were skinny and handsome…WHEREAS when they finally send a recent photo they are about three times wider around the middle, acquired glasses and lost some hair…YES u know what I mean..

In my opinion now..some tips on online dating (not that I am a pro)

If you are really serious about online dating, dare to be yourself. There is no point in trying to be someone else…because if you are there to meet your soul mate, don’t you want them to accept you for who you are and not what they think you are?

it is tiring pretending to be someone else that you aren’t. trust me… I learnt this the hard way.

They will eventually find out anyways!!

 

No point putting up a fake picture and then disappointing them when you meet up, if you don’t like being deceived , don’t do the same!

GO Dutch – don’t let one person pay for everything..esp on the first date ..because the person paying might feel like you are just there for a free meal…and the one receiving may feel obligated to be kind to them because they paid….I personally don’t like people I don’t know well paying for me…I’ve always been told by my mother..unless they are your boyfriend-never let them pay for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!SO yeah, go half and if it doesn’t work out, don’t need to feel bad for the =meal they paid for!

Not sure about you, but funny people are more approachable than people who seem too mean or serious.

I legit saw a bio where the guy was saying how he was still there because he still hadn’t found love…but he paid for 3 month subscription…it sounded like he had bad experience with online dating… he was like- no flakey people-no people who just want to be friends and aren’t looking for a relationship (wth-rood?) AND he also said that he wont pay for the first meal and that they will go dutch. I think he said at least THREE times that he only wants people who want serious relationships…

I think this dude is just too serious…man…you be scaring off and putting off any girl…I dunno…I felt like he was judging everyone else for being gold digging hoes or something…

Anyways,

In conclusion, while there are both pros and cons to the world of online dating- I do believe it is very useful for helping people meet other people that they normally wouldn’t in their normal circle of friends.
It is still very important to think about safety, privacy , and mannerisms when meeting people online for the first time, but with careful planning, research and getting to know the other person, I believe it can be a very rewarding experience. I think and hope in 10 years now, meeting people online will be the norm and not be stigmatised.

These are my own opinions and thoughts and I know everyone may have different views…

 

Joy and Peace to you and if you have any thoughts and opinions on online dating, please let me know below 🙂

 

Have a good day!

How to deal with rude people

If you work in retail or in any work place where you need to deal with “people”… a “good day” can easily become a “bad day” with just one misbehaving or rude person you encounter

I am not sure about you, but I was having a pretty OKAYish day trying to deal with being at work…then this “atrocity” of a person…comes in and personally acts very rude to me.

 

As he was a new client to my work place and only staying a short time, I didn’t bother telling anyone about it.

But, I just felt…so tempted not to do my job..it is people like him that really make me hate my job and just quit sometimes. There can be 39 clients that don’t make trouble..but it takes JUST ONE rude one..who tells you to “Hurry up”. and does not listen to what you have instructed them to do when you made it so clear to them and…then has the indecency answers their phone in front of you and tells the person on the phone that there is “An annoying lady who won’t let him leave”. while staring at you. Then when you say something back, they tell you “Stop eavesdropping”. Mate. You Obviously did that in front of my to try piss me off. We are in a dosing room, no one else there. Can I honestly NOT hear your comment?

FFS., Just thinking about it makes me soo angry.

There were so many things I wanted to say or do…why is it that in this sort of jobs, we have to take this abuse? Is it worth the money you get paid for?

I sometimes ask myself this…is this what you dignity, mental health and motivation to work is worth?

Getting harassed by someone who is ungrateful and rude, whom your job is to help them..it is SO hard..

I was really really not happy. I talked to the manager that normally works there on the phone..and she said, You can refuse to help them. You can refuse to dose someone. I’ve never had the guts to refuse to dose someone on the basis that they have been rude to me…it is far more scary for me to refuse them and make them angry. I honestly fear for my life sometimes..I get so paranoid every time I go in and out of work. Looking left and right before running to my car and locking the doors.

It’s hard though. I don’t want to provoke someone even further or cause trouble for other staff. But, where does my rights and limitations go up to? How much do I have to put up with?

These are the things that health professionals go through daily. We want to help YOU, but you (not you, but you know that rude person) want to make our lives harder.

It makes me into someone not as happy and that anger passes on through me to get angry even more easily when some clients, come OUT of hours…past the dosing time and the time that I am supposed to get paid for…and expect you to dose them.

I am in the midst of trying to grow more resilient and more assertive. At the same time, I don’t want to come off as rude or standoffish. I don’t know why, one part of me wants to be their best-friend…but the other knows that they can stab me in the back anytime.

I am not sure what works…being so lenient and nice to them, so that they walk all over you. Or being unapproachable, not being able to have a good transparent relationship with them?

I am not there for long…but it makes work a real ..struggle town..knowing who you have to deal with and not having/knowing who to ask for help..

Anyways, the point of this post was to give some ways that you can help alleviate the anger that rises when faced with rude clients/patients.

 

  1. Just remember, they will be gone soon and you don’t have to spend the rest of the day with them-hopefully.
  2. Remember they are just one of many clients you have and like a bag of chocolates, you never know which one you will get. (Misquoted from Forest Gump)
  3. Just try to smile and be the bigger person and tell them politely what they are doing that makes you feel upset.
  4. IF they try to get back at you even more, use some empty threats (or real)…like for example, you don’t have to serve them if you feel you are in danger…i.e. Can call security guard (if you have one) or the police (which I have done before).
  5. Just remember, they purposely desire a reaction of you, they want to see how far they can push you. This is where you have to learn to stick up for yourself. If you let them bully you once, they will do it again! This is a reflection and is a representation of their personality/behaviour and is not indicative of the type of person that you are. They are throwing their insecurities/bad stuff on you…but that doesn’t make you bad.
  6. Make it clear what the rules are from the start. Tell them so that they have no excuse next time, make a sign to put right in front of them or make it a rule to reiterate it each time.
  7. It is important to document what you said and what happened. I think there are incident reports that you can write online..I didn’t do one today, but I might write it up tomorrow. Documentation is your friend. Because…you never know when you might need to recount something that happened.
  8. Put on your best FAKE smile and still try to say thank you when you leave…got this online…KILL THEM WITH KINDNESS (like that song). While I failed with this today…there is always next time. I am sure I will get numerous opportunities to grow in these skills.
  9. Reflect on what you can do better next time…what can be improved? Should we have a sign to say that they must wait a certain time? To make it crystal clear? The old clients know the rules, the new ones are more cocky and despite you tell them, they will try bend or break the rules.
  10. Make sure you tell someone about it…I guess the only way that change can happen is to let those working around you to be aware of it too. It helps when they know that their bad behaviour was not swept underneath the counter but that you reported it. When bullies get found out, they lose their power.

 

I am not sure 100% of these things will work, but it did help me to realise, that there are some things you can do in the midst of a difficult challenging scenario. Of course, safety is very important especially in these sort of scenarios. Provoking people is very dangerous..Just gotta do your best and put on a fake smile and bitch about it later on your blog.

Stay Strong